He won't propose!

[lovemygoofy]

The thing is, we're very traditional in that he is going to talk to my parents before proposing and he is going to do an actual proposal, down on one knee, ring, everything, which is why it's so frustrating!

Are you sure that is what he really wants or is that what you want him to do? Are you already living together? I read you have bought furniture and graduated from college I think.

You need to talk to your boyfriend/fiancée. No one on the disboard is going to be able to give you the answers you need.

 

[mjkacmom]

We started dating at 22, were married at 28. We were officially engaged 6 months before we got married (he waited until he got the ring to propose), but we booked the church and reception almost a year before our wedding. And moved in together. Just book everything!~

 

[emilily88]

So YOU wanted to know if the church was booked, so YOU set the date? It wasn't a sit down and talk about getting married and hey is this date available thing?

You're not engaged. You're caught up in the planning.

I called the church, told him the three dates, he asked if I was okay with one of them, I said yes. It wasn't a big thing, but we did both agree on it.

Have you asked him if you are engaged? Do you NEED the proposal and the ring? Can he afford a ring right now? He could be trying to save towards the ring now. If you picked a date at the church, why not book the date?

Are you sure he doesn't think you are engaged? You are talking churches, dates, and dresses whether he calls you a fiancée. That's pretty engaged to a lot of people.

He can definitely afford the ring, I'm just not sure if he's purchased it yet. We agreed a long time ago to get married in the church that he has been attending for his entire life, that's just always been an understood thing between us.

I'd tell him you're not comfortable going further with the plans until you are officially engaged, which to me (and you, it seems) is a ring on your finger. I have a small business that has me working in the wedding field a fair bit, and a lot of vendors roll their eyes when people they see as "engaged to be engaged" com in. Not saying it's right or fair, just my observation.

This bothers me too. Engaged-to-be-engaged isn't a real thing IMO, and that's exactly why I haven't done any planning!

I'm not one of those ultimatum kind of girls, and like I said in my first post, this thread is a lot just of me venting

 

[GotLabradors]

The wedding is not all that important. It's the marriage that comes afterward that is important. You are too focused on the wedding when if fact y'all don't seem to have very good communication skills which you will need to have a successful long term marriage.

On another note, most boys aren't ready to be married until they're closer to 30 than 20. I would stop planning and quit pressuring him before you drive away as you become a bridezilla.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

If you don't book that church now it is going to be gone. June is the #1 wedding month and most brides reserve the venue more than a year in advance.

 

[mrsklamc]

If you don't book that church now it is going to be gone. June is the #1 wedding month and most brides reserve the venue more than a year in advance.

As well as photographers, caterers, florists, cake makers....

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Um, if you agreed on a date to get married, you are engaged.

Yep.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

As well as photographers, caterers, florists, cake makers....

Agreed. June 2014 brides booked up to 2 years ago.

It sounds to me like you are engaged and just worrying about the ring. Which, honestly, is the least important part. The MOST important part is communication, which seems to be an issue for you two. You need to talk to your boyfriend/fiance and ask him what the deal is.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I called the church, told him the three dates, he asked if I was okay with one of them, I said yes. It wasn't a big thing, but we did both agree on it.


He can definitely afford the ring, I'm just not sure if he's purchased it yet. We agreed a long time ago to get married in the church that he has been attending for his entire life, that's just always been an understood thing between us.



This bothers me too. Engaged-to-be-engaged isn't a real thing IMO, and that's exactly why I haven't done any planning!

I'm not one of those ultimatum kind of girls, and like I said in my first post, this thread is a lot just of me venting

I'm going to ask you a question in the nicest possible way. Do you think he wants to get married right now? Is he just "yes dear" you so you will quit talking about it?

You want to spend the rest of your life with this man, you better learn to communicate. Sit down and talk to him not at him and not just your demands. Ask him what he is envisioning or wanting.

Is it possible that you have a check list, graduated college (check), found a job(check), got the guy(check), need a wedding(unchecked). He may not be there yet but you have to be able to go to him and discuss all this. No one here can help you other than listen while you dream about next June.

 

[sbtrfly74]

What happened to me was me and my DH were together for 2 years talked about getting married as soon as my divorce was over (took 3 years of bouncing around in courts... messy).

Then my Ex-DH passed away before my divorce was finalized but ok I though we were still on the path of getting married.... 3 years later I still wasnt engaged.

I point blank asked him after about 2 more years in if thats still what he wanted and he said yes.

I was watching Oprah and this guy was on that wrote the book "He's just not that into you" I rushed out and bought it. Ended up marking at least 3 chapters as I was reading that pertained to me. I never said anything to DH about the book and didnt intend on doing so but he found it one day and asked "Whats with that book"

I just laughed and still said nothing.

I had a ring two days later

Sometimes guys think they're ready when maybe they're really not. Something freaked my DH out but he eventually snapped out of it lol (even if I helped a little)

 

[shortbun]

Typically, men don't like confrontation. I think you need to have an honest and direct conversation with him. If he's not ready, you need to know. Does he know you have the church booked?

 

[HM]

I think the concensus here is that you two are not really on the same page right now, OP. The suggestions to actually sit down and talk about your expectations and hear what his are, is really important. It may be that you are both ready and he's just looking for the right moment to propose. On the other hand, he may not be ready at all or thinks things are moving too fast, or it could be somewhere in between. The only way to find out is to talk with him.

 

[emilily88]

In regards to everyone's posts about communication...

I completely agree that communication is key in a relationship, and we have great communication - it's just that most men are so secretive when it comes to proposing! We've been completely open with each other on everything, especially the timeline. He's told me many times that he wants to get married in June, I just think he doesn't realize all the planning that has to happen before the wedding can happen! He keeps telling me the proposal will happen, I just have to be patient (which I am not good at but am slowly learning ) but it's getting so close to the wire that I'm getting nervous!

 

[emilily88]

Typically, men don't like confrontation. I think you need to have an honest and direct conversation with him. If he's not ready, you need to know. Does he know you have the church booked?

Church is not booked. I just called to ask about dates - and yes, I know that there's a good chance that date won't be available when we do go to book it, I'm just remaining optimistic for now and crossing that bridge when we get to it!

 

[ilovemk76]

I'm really confused. It sounds like you are engaged and have a date planned already. What is it that you want?

I thought the same thing when I read the OP.

 

[emilily88]

I'm going to ask you a question in the nicest possible way. Do you think he wants to get married right now? Is he just "yes dear" you so you will quit talking about it?

You want to spend the rest of your life with this man, you better learn to communicate. Sit down and talk to him not at him and not just your demands. Ask him what he is envisioning or wanting.

Is it possible that you have a check list, graduated college (check), found a job(check), got the guy(check), need a wedding(unchecked). He may not be there yet but you have to be able to go to him and discuss all this. No one here can help you other than listen while you dream about next June.

Yes, I do honestly believe he wants to get married.

I'm not interested in checking things off lists - most of my friends got married really young (before we turned 20) and they all have kids, so I gave up on trying to keep up a long time ago

 

[HM]

OP, I planned my wedding in two months. Don't worry, it can be done. You might not get the exact things you were hoping for, but you can get a wedding planned in a short period of time. And it's the vows that will really matter, not the trappings of the wedding.

 

[sksjasams]

Ok, so you have talked about it. He is telling you to be patient, which means give it more time.

Just let this June go. Maybe you can talk about June 2015 after he has made it official.

Once you can make peace in your head about letting June 2014 go, you will not be so stressed out about the tight deadline.

 

[emilily88]

OP, I planned my wedding in two months. Don't worry, it can be done. You might not get the exact things you were hoping for, but you can get a wedding planned in a short period of time. And it's the vows that will really matter, not the trappings of the wedding.

That's what I'm hoping for! I'm not one of those women that's going to go off if the bridesmaids dresses aren't in the exact shade I want or if I don't get my dream reception venue, I just want to know that we have enough time to still get the church, photographer, caterer, etc. booked before we get laughed out of town for trying to book so close to the date

 

[emilily88]

Ok, so you have talked about it. He is telling you to be patient, which means give it more time.

Just let this June go. Maybe you can talk about June 2015 after he has made it official.

Once you can make peace in your head about letting June 2014 go, you will not be so stressed out about the tight deadline.

Yep, that's what I'm thinking if it doesn't happen in the next couple of weeks. I'm an oldest child and a Leo, so planning is in my nature, and being in limbo with this is just killing my controlling nature but I would rather have my man than have a perfect wedding, so if it doesn't happen this year, I will deal with it