Having Children during a troubled marriage

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On Dr. Phil's show yesterday, there was a few couples that were having serious marriage troubles- just a few months after getting married. One couple was thinking about divorce but thought instead that the wife should get pregnant. She was convinced that this would bring her and the husband back together.

The idea that children help cure a troubled marriage is quite common in our society.

What do you think of couples who decide to have a baby to try to improve their troubled marriage?
 
My best friend did this. I think she's stupid and selfish.

However, I also sit on the phone for hours and hours listening to her cry and yell and complain. She's my best friend. I don't support her desicion, but I'll do what I can to help her through it.
 
If a marriage id under stress, the last thing you want to do is bring further stress into it by adding a child to the mix.
 
Kids will stress even the best marriage - especially an infant.
 

our neighbors did this. He use to beat her and she would leave him only to take him back. She filed for divorce only to decide to have another child to keep the marriage together. He still beats her, but now she has 3 children instead of two.
 
powellrj said:
our neighbors did this. He use to beat her and she would leave him only to take him back. She filed for divorce only to decide to have another child to keep the marriage together. He still beats her, but now she has 3 children instead of two.

I'm so afraid my best friend will end up like this - she's kicked him out repeatedly and that last all of a few hours.

Although....they can only afford this one-bedroom apartment they live in, so I sincerely hope they wouldn't have more than this one....there is no room. :guilty:
 
Children can cause enough stress in a good marriage, even worse in a marriage that is shakey at best. In stressful marriages, how are the couples going to decide how to split the child-rearing without being able to sit down and discuss it. If they can't discuss their marriage problems, child-rearing isn't going to work. One will always think that the other is not doing enough, therefore, more arguements!!!!! :confused3
 
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My friend did this. She's divorced now. Obviously didn't help the situation any.
 
I saw that couple on Dr. Phil and thought "why????" I mean, first of all, she lied to him about how many partners she had. Worse? She went on to say she felt guilty having s^x w/him before marriage and then said she didn't like s^x ... yet she was out banging all these other guys and that was ok? She sure liked it then, what changed? I wanted to slap her. I felt bad for her husband -- if I were him, I would have cut bait.

Why do people think that a baby is going to "save" their marriage? Having a baby to "save" a marriage is like putting a bandaid on a severed arm. Just doesn't work.

Unfortunately, I have a relative who used this approach to try to keep her husband home more often. Now, husband was not off gambling or having an affair or drinking or doing drugs -- husband was gone on Sat. and Sun. afternoons skiing with their DD and other family members. Wife was asked to join in on ski outings often and had no interest. Had no interest to even enjoy the great amenities that the resort offered. So, she thought if they had another baby, he'd give up the skiing to stay home w/her, their DD and baby. After baby came along, he still went skiing. Now, keep in mind that ski season here is very short -- maybe four months out of the year -- so that's what -- thirty two days of skiing? And, it's not like her husband was gone all day. He'd ski for about four hours and be home in time for lunch.

As usual, the problems were deeper rooted than his going skiing on weekends and new baby did not repair the damage that was going 5 yrs. in the making. I know this couple well and can tell you that the wife just did not like the family and wanted her husband all to herself. Sad.
 
I think you should have to take classes and get liscensed before you procreate :flower:
 
Agree with all the other posters, and with Dr. Phil too. I agree with a LOT of what Dr. Phil says. He tells it like it is.
 

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