Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[mom2rtk]

How is everyone doing? I am assuming all is well.

I have a question, I am sorry I don't remember who experienced a loss of pet.

My son's cat died this weekend. I have been putting it off I know I need to tell him. How do tell someone over the phone? With the weather I can't run down there this weekend to tell him in person. I am having such a hard time with this. He had this cat since he was 2 yrs old.

Hugs to you and your DS.

I agree with not waiting too long. My family held information back from me when I was away at school in an effort to not distract me. All that did was alienate me by making me feel like less of a member of the family.

It won't be easy, but as clh2 said, trust in the adult you raised.

 

[minniebeth]

I'm sorry too, Hersey
I know how hard the loss of a pet, really 'family member' can be for everyone.
Hugs to you and your DS as well~

 

[LisaR]

How is everyone doing? I am assuming all is well.

I have a question, I am sorry I don't remember who experienced a loss of pet.

My son's cat died this weekend. I have been putting it off I know I need to tell him. How do tell someone over the phone? With the weather I can't run down there this weekend to tell him in person. I am having such a hard time with this. He had this cat since he was 2 yrs old.

I'm so sorry!

 

[Katy Belle]

How is everyone doing? I am assuming all is well.

I have a question, I am sorry I don't remember who experienced a loss of pet.

My son's cat died this weekend. I have been putting it off I know I need to tell him. How do tell someone over the phone? With the weather I can't run down there this weekend to tell him in person. I am having such a hard time with this. He had this cat since he was 2 yrs old.

So sorry! I think you just call. He will want to know.

 

[clh2]

So, yesterday, on Valentines Day, my husband texted the following to our DD on behalf of our dog:

Roses are pink
Violets are blue
I got a bath so I don't stink
If you were here I'd snuggle with you.

He sends that with a pic of our dog, and she was "photoshopped" pink for the occasion.

Have a great day everyone!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hi Everyone, sorry I haven't posted in a while. I guess we are all adjusting... not easy, but I guess it is the new normal...

HERSEY, sorry about the cat, hugs to all of you.


NOW FOR MY NEWS!!!!!

So Valentine's Day...

Any guesses what I got???


PIZZA.....


Delivery....... ( WE NEVER get delivery)......



GUESS WHO DELIVERED IT????????









DS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH , I was soooo happy, and I was COMPLETELY surprised! DH took 1/2 a day off of work, drove up to get him and got back, called to say that he accidently ordered it delivery and should be coming soon, so I should get a tip ready and get the pizza's. Get the door, and there is DS holding the pizza's! I could cry right now... I was so very happy! We only had him for 24 hours, but it truly was magical and I was just feeling so very happy and so much love.

DH had a class on Saturday morning, so I got to spend all morning with just DS. We had decided to surprise DH with a great steak lunch, and it became quite an adventure as our grill is frozen solid. As we drove around getting all of the supplies, including a tailgate grill DS gets to take back with him, we had heart to heart talks, we laughed, and I just had a great time hanging out with him. just the 2 of us. (the night before we watched a bunch of Olympics, big bang theory, and played with a computer game he has gotten me hooked on). AND DD was thrilled because her Big brother was able to watch her perform (she is on the dance team) at the basketball game Fri. night.

It was hard to take him back, it always is, but I will forever be grateful for those 24 hours. Probably one of the best 24 hours I've had with DS.

DH hit it out of the ballpark for this Valentine's Day!!!!!

 

[mom2rtk]

Princess Vija......... that is AWESOME! A Valentine's Day you will never forget! How wonderful to have a such a great surprise! Big points to your DH for knowing the perfect gift, and for pulling it off so well!

I also got DS home for Valentine's Day. No surprise here, and I have to make the 7 hour round trip to take him back tomorrow, but still great to see him again.

He seems to really be settling in with the new roommate, which puts my mind at ease. He actually seems to be a little better than the first roomie, since this one will play a few video games.

Calc III is proving to be a real thorn in his side this semester though. He says the professor is ancient and terrible at explaining things. He has his first big exam in that class later this week, so we'll see how it goes.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Princess Vija......... that is AWESOME! A Valentine's Day you will never forget! How wonderful to have a such a great surprise! Big points to your DH for knowing the perfect gift, and for pulling it off so well!

I also got DS home for Valentine's Day. No surprise here, and I have to make the 7 hour round trip to take him back tomorrow, but still great to see him again.

He seems to really be settling in with the new roommate, which puts my mind at ease. He actually seems to be a little better than the first roomie, since this one will play a few video games.

Calc III is proving to be a real thorn in his side this semester though. He says the professor is ancient and terrible at explaining things. He has his first big exam in that class later this week, so we'll see how it goes.

I hope you are having a great visit! I hope you got to pick him up too. Those car rides are such a great opportunity to connect.

and that is GREAT news about the roommate. Always scary to change things up, but better than the last one. isn't it funny how video games unite the kids?

Calc III does not sound like any fun to begin with, worse with a bad professor. Hopefully he can find some resources to help him, do they have math resource centers? and not that you really want to spend the extra money, but perhaps hiring someone to help might help him out. I'll keep my fingers crossed for good test grades.

 

[LisaR]

Hi Everyone, sorry I haven't posted in a while. I guess we are all adjusting... not easy, but I guess it is the new normal...

HERSEY, sorry about the cat, hugs to all of you.


NOW FOR MY NEWS!!!!!

So Valentine's Day...

Any guesses what I got???


PIZZA.....


Delivery....... ( WE NEVER get delivery)......



GUESS WHO DELIVERED IT????????









DS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH , I was soooo happy, and I was COMPLETELY surprised! DH took 1/2 a day off of work, drove up to get him and got back, called to say that he accidently ordered it delivery and should be coming soon, so I should get a tip ready and get the pizza's. Get the door, and there is DS holding the pizza's! I could cry right now... I was so very happy! We only had him for 24 hours, but it truly was magical and I was just feeling so very happy and so much love.

DH had a class on Saturday morning, so I got to spend all morning with just DS. We had decided to surprise DH with a great steak lunch, and it became quite an adventure as our grill is frozen solid. As we drove around getting all of the supplies, including a tailgate grill DS gets to take back with him, we had heart to heart talks, we laughed, and I just had a great time hanging out with him. just the 2 of us. (the night before we watched a bunch of Olympics, big bang theory, and played with a computer game he has gotten me hooked on). AND DD was thrilled because her Big brother was able to watch her perform (she is on the dance team) at the basketball game Fri. night.

It was hard to take him back, it always is, but I will forever be grateful for those 24 hours. Probably one of the best 24 hours I've had with DS.

DH hit it out of the ballpark for this Valentine's Day!!!!!

Best present ever!!

Princess Vija......... that is AWESOME! A Valentine's Day you will never forget! How wonderful to have a such a great surprise! Big points to your DH for knowing the perfect gift, and for pulling it off so well!

I also got DS home for Valentine's Day. No surprise here, and I have to make the 7 hour round trip to take him back tomorrow, but still great to see him again.

He seems to really be settling in with the new roommate, which puts my mind at ease. He actually seems to be a little better than the first roomie, since this one will play a few video games.

Calc III is proving to be a real thorn in his side this semester though. He says the professor is ancient and terrible at explaining things. He has his first big exam in that class later this week, so we'll see how it goes.

So glad he is getting along with the new roomie!

Hope the calculus test goes well. DD just got the test results back from her hardest class. She got an 82! The mean was 68. She is already studying for the next test which is weeks away. It's going to be tough to pull an A out of that class.

I doubt DD will come home this entire semester. She works for a few hours in the morning on most Saturdays and she has two mandatory meetings for other things on Sundays. DH and I will have to go see her on Saturday afternoons here and there.

 

[mom2rtk]

I hope you are having a great visit! I hope you got to pick him up too. Those car rides are such a great opportunity to connect.

and that is GREAT news about the roommate. Always scary to change things up, but better than the last one. isn't it funny how video games unite the kids?

Calc III does not sound like any fun to begin with, worse with a bad professor. Hopefully he can find some resources to help him, do they have math resource centers? and not that you really want to spend the extra money, but perhaps hiring someone to help might help him out. I'll keep my fingers crossed for good test grades.

Thanks Princess Vija.

I drew the short straw again. My husband got to pick him up. My daughter was out of school so he even had company on the drive down. I get to take him back by myself. So not fun, but if that's what it takes, I'll do it. It does temper a short visit like this for me though knowing I have that ahead of me still. But he'll be home 2 weekends in March, first for the long St. Pat's weekend then back for a week and home for spring break. So not too bad.

My DS is aware of the resources available to him. I don't want to harp on any of it, but I'm not sure I can resist bringing it up one last time on the drive back. He also mentioned wanting to check out the online tutorials again that he likes. But he had a big Chemistry II test on Friday before coming home and spent most of last week getting ready for that. He's not one to let things slide, so I have to just trust that he'll get what he needs.

My DS does love his video games. I figured he would bond with some other students over the games, especially at an engineering school where 80% of the students are male. So imagine how surprised we were when he got his first roommate and asked if he played games and the answer was NO! Thankfully, I do think the plan right now is for them to room together again next year.

 

[mom2rtk]

Best present ever!!



So glad he is getting along with the new roomie!

Hope the calculus test goes well. DD just got the test results back from her hardest class. She got an 82! The mean was 68. She is already studying for the next test which is weeks away. It's going to be tough to pull an A out of that class.

I doubt DD will come home this entire semester. She works for a few hours in the morning on most Saturdays and she has two mandatory meetings for other things on Sundays. DH and I will have to go see her on Saturday afternoons here and there.

Congrats to your daughter on the 82! Sounds like a really tough class.

Bummer about it being so hard for her to get home. That would make for a really long semester. To her parents anyway. I'd be making the occasional Saturday drive too.

 

[clh2]

Princess Vija -what a wonderful weekend for you!

And to all those struggling with calc III: sometimes it is the instructor. My DD dropped Calc III the first time she took it! there was just something she just wasn't getting. I think she ended up with a B her second time she took it. It was much easier for with the 2nd professor she had.

 

[mom2rtk]

And to all those struggling with calc III: sometimes it is the instructor. My DD dropped Calc III the first time she took it! there was just something she just wasn't getting. I think she ended up with a B her second time she took it. It was much easier for with the 2nd professor she had.

I think it's definitely the teacher. That has been my son's chief complaint. He lectures with very few examples. And that just baffles me for a math class.

 

[HERSEY]

Hi Everyone, sorry I haven't posted in a while. I guess we are all adjusting... not easy, but I guess it is the new normal...

HERSEY, sorry about the cat, hugs to all of you.


NOW FOR MY NEWS!!!!!

So Valentine's Day...

Any guesses what I got???


PIZZA.....


Delivery....... ( WE NEVER get delivery)......



GUESS WHO DELIVERED IT????????









DS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH , I was soooo happy, and I was COMPLETELY surprised! DH took 1/2 a day off of work, drove up to get him and got back, called to say that he accidently ordered it delivery and should be coming soon, so I should get a tip ready and get the pizza's. Get the door, and there is DS holding the pizza's! I could cry right now... I was so very happy! We only had him for 24 hours, but it truly was magical and I was just feeling so very happy and so much love.

DH had a class on Saturday morning, so I got to spend all morning with just DS. We had decided to surprise DH with a great steak lunch, and it became quite an adventure as our grill is frozen solid. As we drove around getting all of the supplies, including a tailgate grill DS gets to take back with him, we had heart to heart talks, we laughed, and I just had a great time hanging out with him. just the 2 of us. (the night before we watched a bunch of Olympics, big bang theory, and played with a computer game he has gotten me hooked on). AND DD was thrilled because her Big brother was able to watch her perform (she is on the dance team) at the basketball game Fri. night.

It was hard to take him back, it always is, but I will forever be grateful for those 24 hours. Probably one of the best 24 hours I've had with DS.

DH hit it out of the ballpark for this Valentine's Day!!!!!

WOW! What a great surprise


Thanks all for the advise on our cat. I tried contacting him all week but I finally got through today. He is taking the news ok she was older. He said he just knew she died, he also knew when my dad died when he was small.

He was napping and when he woke he talked about his grandpa's and Pa (my great grandfather who died when I was 6) going fishing and DS said grandpa told him he wouldn't be around to take him fishing anymore, but would watch him from Heaven.

Can you believe Spring Break is coming up fast the Easter then our chicks will be home for the summer. I am not sure I can wait. I am looking forward to seeing him but I am going to have to cook regular meals

 

[minniebeth]

What a wonderful Valentine surprise, Princess Vija! So glad you got to spend some special time with your DS! What a sweetie your DH is for arranging it!

Mom2rtk, I'm glad you got to spend time with your DS for the weekend as well! I wish your trip taking him back is a good one and safe too!
Best wishes for Calc. 3! Just typing it hurts my brain, lol.

LisaR, I'm sure you are missing your DD. It's good that you can take a trip to see her occasionally~ I'm sure it's hard, but it sounds like she has a productive schedule!

HERSEY, I'm glad your DS took the news of your cat ok~ I often hear of kids having that sense about death and loved ones, and find it fascinating.

DS hardly came home at all last semester and is coming home more often this semester because he wants to take the opportunity when he can. Does it ever make a difference in our grocery bill and me cooking on those weekends! The boy can eat! I'm not complaining though

Like HERSEY said, I think this semester will fly by. Three more weeks until spring break for him, better stock the pantry~

Hope everyone's weeks are going well and everyone is staying safe and warm if you are dealing with this crazy harsh winter like we are

 

[LisaR]

Help! Are you guys still out there? If so, I need help. I don't know what to do.

DD and her roommate from hell aren't getting along. She has been a problem from day one. The list of things she has done are too numerous to mention. Most involved drugs, drinking, and sex with anything that walks (or probably doesn't walk, she doesn't seem picky).

The last few weeks have been horrible. The girl has been beyond drunk, drugged out. Her boyfriend is pretty much living there. DD overheard him on the phone say that he has 90 Adderall that he will be selling. There are just a whole slew of problems.

DD has been to the RA. He planned on talking to her today about the boyfriend telling her he can't live there. There isn't any proof he is actually selling drugs so nothing can be done at this point.

DD hasn't helped the situation today. She got pissed and called the girl a fat *****. Unacceptable! It does not help the situation and I told DD that she can't do that. She is allowing this girl to get to her and she needs to stop. After talking with DD, she agreed that she needs to just walk away and learn to ignore this girl. In 10 weeks it will be over.

Now for my problem. I just opened up my FB and I have a private message from this girl! My FB is private (or so I thought). I have no clue how she found me. I am beyond shocked that this girl would drag me into this. She went on and on about how great she is and how she does nothing wrong and DD and her friends are horrible. I'm livid.

What the heck do I do with this message? I could blast her back. I suppose I could find a way to forward it to the RA. Should I tell DD? Should I ignore it completely? I don't know what to do. At this point, I am not going to do anything because I am just so mad and I don't want to overreact. Why would a 19 y/o contact her roommates mom???? Are you kidding me? I need to calm down. Sorry for rambling.

 

[mom2rtk]

Oh Lisa, what a mess!

First, take a deep breath and don't do anything. Your daughter has done an amazing job at getting this far with a roommate who showed her true colors early in the game this year.

I wouldn't engage with the girl myself. She probably just wants to make a fool of your daughter by involving Mom. Did the RA actually meet with the BF today? Even though the info about selling drugs is just hearsay, I'd consider having her go on the record with the concern at this point. Maybe she could ask the RA what the policy is on situations like this?

 

[Beachbumpirates]

Help! Are you guys still out there? If so, I need help. I don't know what to do.

DD and her roommate from hell aren't getting along. She has been a problem from day one. The list of things she has done are too numerous to mention. Most involved drugs, drinking, and sex with anything that walks (or probably doesn't walk, she doesn't seem picky).

The last few weeks have been horrible. The girl has been beyond drunk, drugged out. Her boyfriend is pretty much living there. DD overheard him on the phone say that he has 90 Adderall that he will be selling. There are just a whole slew of problems.

DD has been to the RA. He planned on talking to her today about the boyfriend telling her he can't live there. There isn't any proof he is actually selling drugs so nothing can be done at this point.

DD hasn't helped the situation today. She got pissed and called the girl a fat *****. Unacceptable! It does not help the situation and I told DD that she can't do that. She is allowing this girl to get to her and she needs to stop. After talking with DD, she agreed that she needs to just walk away and learn to ignore this girl. In 10 weeks it will be over.

Now for my problem. I just opened up my FB and I have a private message from this girl! My FB is private (or so I thought). I have no clue how she found me. I am beyond shocked that this girl would drag me into this. She went on and on about how great she is and how she does nothing wrong and DD and her friends are horrible. I'm livid.

What the heck do I do with this message? I could blast her back. I suppose I could find a way to forward it to the RA. Should I tell DD? Should I ignore it completely? I don't know what to do. At this point, I am not going to do anything because I am just so mad and I don't want to overreact. Why would a 19 y/o contact her roommates mom???? Are you kidding me? I need to calm down. Sorry for rambling.

Lisa - I so know where you are right now. This sounds so similar to our first semester. I have been reluctant to post anything here or anywhere for fear of roommate. First of all - deep breathes and yes 10 weeks thankfully. I wouldn't do anything just yet(esp don't put anything in writing to her) but do hang on to the FB message from her. I can tell you it will work out and our DDs become stronger from these experiences (though they do s*ck). Wish I had better advise than that but to sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning. Good luck to both you and your DD. We are in the freshman home stretch!

 

[Beachbumpirates]

One last bit of advice from someone who has been there - our situation was escalated to the hall director. Sometimes that is not even enough and a dean/higher needs to be brought in. If you do not feel your DD is getting satisfaction w/the RA don't hesitate to take it a step higher. Also check your schools handbook - sometimes there are roommate regulations/info there. Once we realized we needed to escalate it things changed immediately.

 

[LisaR]

Oh Lisa, what a mess!

First, take a deep breath and don't do anything. Your daughter has done an amazing job at getting this far with a roommate who showed her true colors early in the game this year.

I wouldn't engage with the girl myself. She probably just wants to make a fool of your daughter by involving Mom. Did the RA actually meet with the BF today? Even though the info about selling drugs is just hearsay, I'd consider having her go on the record with the concern at this point. Maybe she could ask the RA what the policy is on situations like this?

Thanks! DH agrees about not engaging the girl. He said at most respond with, "You need to take this up with the RA." Period.

When I talked to DD earlier, the RA had not talked to the roommate because she wasn't around. Not sure if he has talked to her since.

When DD talked to the RA, he said there needs to be more with regards to the drugs. He said if they see people coming and going out of the room, he can definitely do something, but just hearing him say that he has drugs to sell isn't enough. I do wonder if DD can go over the RA's head? I wonder how she reports this so it is on record?

The thing that really bugs me is that I got DD to calm down earlier today and made her see that she just needs to ignore this girl and stop engaging and so she ends up FB'ing ME! I think I need to take my own advice and not engage.