Has anyone ever made you feel like a bad parent?Response pg 2

[CindysGusGus]

Im feeling down and low today. I have 7 yo twins and I work full time M-F and DH works swing shift 12 hr shifts. I tried unsuccessfully to go to part time in my job a year ago but they said they "NEEDED" me full time, so I had no other choice.
My son does very well in school and gets straight A's. My DD works twice as hard and maintains a B avg, with mixture of A, B, and C's. Her elementary school considers this remedial. Because of the VA SOL's(which by the way arent for another 2 years) they requested but not reqiured her to go to summer school. It is slated for the end of July for 2 weeks 9-12.
Here is where my problem lies. I have tried for almost a month to set up some arrangement for sitters to get her to and from and also get my son all the way across town to the sitter. This requires me to be in 3 places at one time. I have been slowly losing sitter help, due to illness, work etc. Basically there are 4 days out of 10 that I cant find coverage. I would take off but my Supervisor is on vacation. My DH cant because his partner is on vacation. I just called the school and spoke to the principal and explained. She basically was like, well she needs to be here and if you want to bring her in at 8 she can sit in my office until it starts and come back until you get off. Great idea...lets leave a child sitting from 12-6 in the principals office. But still doesnt help when I also have to get to my DS. I felt like she was treating me like a bad parent because I work. She didnt really say this but she gave a strong vibe. They already have my daughter feeling like she is stupid because she has to do all this extra work. I am just in tears over this and completely stressed.
Thanks Ya'all in advance for letting me vent and sorry to Pop Daddy for such a long rambling post.

 

[Hillbeans]

All the time....my DS 3.5 is still potty training and I get notes all the time how I need to "Bring Diapers, not pull-ups" to school. I swear he's the oldest one not trained. It makes me feel like a very bad parent (although I know it's probably nothing I did). We take two steps forward (underwear) and then back (diapers). It's so frustrating and I feel like everyone knows he's still a baby in diapers. I don't want to push too much or else i'm afraid i'll give him a complex and he won't ever want to go.

Just try and hang in there...you're a wonderful parent i'm sure and it's very normal to have days like this.

 

[CajunDixie]

Do you have to pay for the materials they'll be using for the summer school? Possibly could you purchase the materials and work with her on your own throughout the whole summer or hire a tutor to spend 2 hours a week with her throughout the summer? I think it would be better for her to either be tutored the whole summer or at least closer to when school starts so everything is still fresh in her mind.

Our school wanted younger DS to be in advanced Math next year (6th grade) and I refused. They assumed I'd agree to it and sent home a packet of material that he was to start at the beginning of August and take to school on the first day. Then once school started he'd have to not only complete the regular math assignments but also do an advanced math sheets and tests. It would be like 2 math classes in one. Sorry but just because he works hard to get the A's in math doesnt mean I want the poor kid miserable next year when he would have had tons of homework.

You're her parent and know what is best for her. Maybe let the school know you'll do what you can to get her help this summer but their schedule doesnt work for you. If they refuse to let you use the paper materials that would have been used in the summer school then they are the ones that do not want to help her.

 

[CindysGusGus]

Originally posted by CajunDixie
Do you have to pay for the materials they'll be using for the summer school?

]

I actually called the school for that reason. I asked if she could be sent the materials and I would work with her at home. Its these darn SOL's that are driving everyone insane. Since when is a B/C avg remedial. She basically wants her at the school being taught...again a strong vibe that she doesnt want her being helped by her family at home. It was a "strong suggestion" that I do everything that I can to get her there.

 

[4nana]

I feel so bad for parents who must work, burning the candle at both ends trying to make arrangements for their family, with no relatives to pitch in.

I would not take her comment personally. I think it is a great gesture they will let your daughter stay in the office before and after. Our schools would never allow that. Does your school offer any before or after care during summer class?

Is there any way you could get more reliable summer daycare that can help with transportation or pool with another Mom to lessen the stress? Hang in there, summer is just beginning!

Good luck,
Sandie

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by CindysGusGus
Here is where my problem lies. I have tried for almost a month to set up some arrangement for sitters to get her to and from and also get my son all the way across town to the sitter. This requires me to be in 3 places at one time. I have been slowly losing sitter help, due to illness, work etc.

------------------------

I wish I lived near you - I would do it myself..

You're not a "bad" parent - you're doing the best you can and I would ignore anyone who insinuates otherwise..

I hope you can work it out somehow.. And tell your DD she is NOT "stupid"! Lots of kids need a little extra help..

Hugs,
C.Ann

 

[Mskanga]

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time, I know that scheduling school issues around work is not easy at all , I have been there before and I know how frustrating it is.
I have worked weekends for years while my kids were younger while my husband worked during the week , but once my youngest went to school full time , I started to work in the school. Not definetely my career but it allows me to have the same schedule that they have , be home when they are home in the summer or holidays and be home when they are sick , those benefits are the best part for me, the pay stinks but being home with them is by far the best benefit for me.
I know this is not an option for everyone, it's what works for me. Sure I would love to be out there working in a higher paying job and I would if I needed it to support the family , but right now this is what I have to do.
But I know how frustrating it is when all the doors seem to be closing infront of you and you are left with no options.
But they also say, when one door closes, another one opens, keep the faith and your chin up my friend.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

I know how all of you feel. I think everyone at some point of time has felt like a bad parent because of what someone else has said to them.

 

[Christine]

You are not a bad parent, you just have to work. And, let me tell you, the school system could give two hoots about working parents. I was looking over the stuff that the county offers during the summer for kids--all kinds of neat classes like archeology, typing, *fun* math, etc. They call them camps. Guess what the hours are? 9a.m. - 12 p.m. Now tell me, what working parent can do that? My daycare providers already care for many other children, so driving MY kids around is not an option. I just say that it is one of the sacrifices I have to make because I work and my kids miss out.

As for the SOL schedule, well to me, that's the school's problem. Your DD's grades are fine as far as I'm concerned. If they are suggesting this for *enrichment* and want her there so THEY look better than it is their problem. There is no way I could do what you are having to do and I'd just have to tell the school "tough luck." I work 40-60 minutes from my home, am in a carpool, and have no available parking even if I wanted to drive myself, so there is no way I could even do what you are doing without taking vacation. Don't feel like a bad parent--you're not.

And yes, I'm sitting at home for the next two days with my DD because I have no daycare for her!

 

[sharbear]

I don't know about your school but mine seems to be stuck in the 50's still. When no one worked and can come to all of these events scheduled during the school day. It is really fustrating and is punitive to those who work, esp. those who don't work close to the school.

Our school have a summer care program. Just like after school (latchkey) but all summer. My kids loved it, it was great for the kids who wanted to go to camps, "summer enrichment".

It sounds like your school doesn't offer anything like this, would another school in the area offer some sort of summer aftercare. I know that my school district does not offer summer school but you can go to a surrounding school.

If nothing can be found, this is not manditory, remember that. Do not let the principal bully you. Make her give you the material and work with her this summer. Or look for private tutoring that works into your schedule, I am sure some compromise can be found.

You are not a bad parent, far from it. A bad parent wouldn't care about the summer enrichment.

 

[C.Ann]

I hate to be cynical, but I'm wondering if the school district receives some sort of state or federal funding ($$) for this "enrichment program" based on the number of students who physically are in attendance and that's why they're reluctant to give you the materials to work with her at home..

I'm bold - I'd come right out and ask them...

 

[CindysGusGus]

Thanks all for the words of encouragement. I have been stressed for weeks over things that have to do with this school and sitters. My mom has sat for my kids since they were born. She took a temp job working for her elderly neighbors to care for them and its turned full time. My dad still works 15 hour days and tries to take as much time off as he can. My MIL was recently committed to the psych ward..she has been hearing voices and my In Laws are no help. Even though my DH is youngest of 9 there are no aunts and uncles we can count on. My summer sitter doesnt have a license and I really wouldnt even ask for anything above the help she has already provided. Sometimes I would like to stand on the side of a mountain and just scream!!!

 

[Barb D]

Originally posted by CindysGusGus
...they requested but not reqiured her to go to summer school.

Just say NO to Summer School! It will not fit in to your summer schedule, and you can do a better, more focused job with "catching her up" at home. This is not being a bad mom; this is using your resources wisely.

Is she having "trouble" with a specific subject, or is it more general than that? If the school won't give you materials, I can suggest some sources for you to get them on your own.

 

[jrydberg]

Just a bit of general advice... I don't care what anyone else says about my parenting. I know whether I've been a good parent or not. I know when I've done something I shouldn't have. I know when I'm doing the right thing.

I guess my point is, don't stress over what other people will think of you. You are in the best position to know what's best for your daughter.

 

[tonyswife]

I agree with Barb D. You can help her at home. I'm sure that your local homeschooling organization can halp you get some materials to assist you with that. They probably know exactly what the school uses actually.

 

[Microcell]

Originally posted by Hillbeans
All the time....my DS 3.5 is still potty training and I get notes all the time how I need to "Bring Diapers, not pull-ups" to school. I swear he's the oldest one not trained. It makes me feel like a very bad parent (although I know it's probably nothing I did). We take two steps forward (underwear) and then back (diapers). It's so frustrating and I feel like everyone knows he's still a baby in diapers. I don't want to push too much or else i'm afraid i'll give him a complex and he won't ever want to go.

Just try and hang in there...you're a wonderful parent i'm sure and it's very normal to have days like this.

I stay at home and DD was that age when potty trained. She just didn't care! I finally had to threaten her with no preschool (they said she had to be potty trained to go) and that brought her around.

And now back to your regular thread- you do what you can and that is the best you can do. I decided to stay at home because it was best for my situation. You are doing what you feel is best. Don't let anyone make you second guess. They don't know your particular circumstances.

 

[LauraR]

Don't feel bad! You're doing your best, and that's alot. Keep trying to schedule something, but try not to stress over it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. It won't be the end of the world. Still try and get some of the materials now. Tell the principal you think it would be more effective to have your daughter do a little work everyday, rather than 3 hours a day for two weeks. See what she says to that. And try not to let the principal get to you---I think some of them take a special class in how to be patronizing!

 

[Bojangles]

I think it sounded very kind of the principal to offer to watch your child so that she could go to summer school.

Also, just because your child is making B's and C's on her work doesn't necessarily mean she's at grade level. She could still be in need of remediation. If the school feels that strongly that she needs to be at summer school, then she probably does. Good luck with your babysitting issues.

 

[Mskanga]

I had my inlaws living real close to me when my oldest was a baby, they never helped. But I babysat all of my four nieces in the summer when my SIL had to work, not anymore!
My family is all overseas , so it was only dh and I to take care of our kids, and we did what worked for us.
Since we moved to the Poconos , I have a friend who lives right up the road from me and we are each others back up , she also works at the school as a sub teacher , so if one is not around, the other one is.
Bottom line for me is I get more help from a stranger than I ever did from relatives.

 

[Trish Bessette]

First and most important, you are NOT a bad parent! What about asking the principal for a list of parents names whose kids are attending this summer school. Call them and try to arrange some kind of car pool. One parent can do one or two days depending on how many parents there are.

I have two daughters, 7 & 10 and the questions have already been asked: What summer camps are your kids attending? I answer "None" due to the fact that I work and there is no way I can bring them and pick them up. Then I see the look they give....

I don't let it bother me, my girls are happy, healthy and full of life. That's all I ask for!!!

Good luck! Your doing a great job!