Grrr, Seriously?!!!

[Indio]

If we lived far away, then we'd absolutely go! But, we live close, and we were just there in April, and in January. So, no, we weren't planning on seeing them this trip. That's why we went twice this year already. I was so looking forward to this just being about us since he is going to be gone for more than a year! I know family is family, but I really wish they had talked to us without assuming we would just go.

Send you gift today before you leave and go on vacation. Like you said - you just saw them and if he's going to deploy soon, you need this time to yourselves. It's a baby shower - they can be skipped.

 

[6bowmans]

I guess my family is closer, but I would have already planned to stop by for a short visit whether or not there was a shower. I'm also military, so I completely understand the US time. Believe me, it is probably a bigger deal to your husband than he is letting on.

 

[WDSearcher]

It is a baby shower, so the kid isn't even here to know yet. Since the OP just saw the family last month and plans to see them again in July, I don't think missing a party is going to make or break future relationships. Bottom line is that they should have given the OP much more advance notice so that she could PLAN to see them, but they sprung it on her last minute. She shouldn't be expected to drop her plans and go running to them. They screwed up and now they are left with the result of their poor planning.

First off ... the OP said, "Last night however, my DH says that he talked to his sister (lives in Orlando) and she said that her DIL's baby shower is going to be next weekend. She says that they wanted to have it while we were in Orlando!" DH called his sister, so it's safe to say they at least like each other. DH apparently did not automatically say, "Oh man ... I'm sorry, but we won't be able to be there", so it didn't instantly strike him as "OMG! Taking away my family time!" And who knows? Maybe DH had been told a long time ago -- like when he first told his sis they were going to Orlando maybe? -- and he FORGOT to tell his wife until his sister reminded him last night? It might actually not be the sisters fault!

The sister knew her brother and his family were going to WDW far enough in advance to schedule a shower for the weekend they'd be there. Could be that she'd mentioned it to her dear brother a month ago and he (being a man and not pre-disposed to going all gaga over showers) forgot to mention it.

Secondly ... OP keeps saying that it has nothing to do with losing park time or Disney time, it has to do with losing "family time". Well ... these people are her family too (extended though they may be), so if she has actually SAID this to her DH, he may be confused thinking, "I thought my sister was family too", hence him not immediately saying, "Yes -- you're right! Immediate family only!"

"She shouldn't be expected to drop her plans and go running to them." Where in this whole thing does it say that the Sis expects anyone to "drop her plans and go running to them"? They were invited to a shower, for goodness sake, not demanded to provide an audience. It's entirely possible that the Sis wasn't thrilled about it either, but when her brother (the OP's DH) called and said, "we're going to be in Florida," she changed the shower because she felt she was expected to include her brother and his wife.

"They screwed up and now they are left with the result of their poor planning." How have they "screwed up"? They changed a date so that they could include more family. Sounds like they might actually like the OP and want her to be included.

 

[GinnyEmma]

First off ... the OP said, "Last night however, my DH says that he talked to his sister (lives in Orlando) and she said that her DIL's baby shower is going to be next weekend. She says that they wanted to have it while we were in Orlando!" DH called his sister, so it's safe to say they at least like each other. DH apparently did not automatically say, "Oh man ... I'm sorry, but we won't be able to be there", so it didn't instantly strike him as "OMG! Taking away my family time!" And who knows? Maybe DH had been told a long time ago -- like when he first told his sis they were going to Orlando maybe? -- and he FORGOT to tell his wife until his sister reminded him last night? It might actually not be the sisters fault!

The sister knew her brother and his family were going to WDW far enough in advance to schedule a shower for the weekend they'd be there. Could be that she'd mentioned it to her dear brother a month ago and he (being a man and not pre-disposed to going all gaga over showers) forgot to mention it.

Secondly ... OP keeps saying that it has nothing to do with losing park time or Disney time, it has to do with losing "family time". Well ... these people are her family too (extended though they may be), so if she has actually SAID this to her DH, he may be confused thinking, "I thought my sister was family too", hence him not immediately saying, "Yes -- you're right! Immediate family only!"

"She shouldn't be expected to drop her plans and go running to them." Where in this whole thing does it say that the Sis expects anyone to "drop her plans and go running to them"? They were invited to a shower, for goodness sake, not demanded to provide an audience. It's entirely possible that the Sis wasn't thrilled about it either, but when her brother (the OP's DH) called and said, "we're going to be in Florida," she changed the shower because she felt she was expected to include her brother and his wife.

"They screwed up and now they are left with the result of their poor planning." How have they "screwed up"? They changed a date so that they could include more family. Sounds like they might actually like the OP and want her to be included.

Bravo!

 

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

First off ... the OP said, "Last night however, my DH says that he talked to his sister (lives in Orlando) and she said that her DIL's baby shower is going to be next weekend. She says that they wanted to have it while we were in Orlando!" DH called his sister, so it's safe to say they at least like each other. DH apparently did not automatically say, "Oh man ... I'm sorry, but we won't be able to be there", so it didn't instantly strike him as "OMG! Taking away my family time!" And who knows? Maybe DH had been told a long time ago -- like when he first told his sis they were going to Orlando maybe? -- and he FORGOT to tell his wife until his sister reminded him last night? It might actually not be the sisters fault!

The sister knew her brother and his family were going to WDW far enough in advance to schedule a shower for the weekend they'd be there. Could be that she'd mentioned it to her dear brother a month ago and he (being a man and not pre-disposed to going all gaga over showers) forgot to mention it.

Secondly ... OP keeps saying that it has nothing to do with losing park time or Disney time, it has to do with losing "family time". Well ... these people are her family too (extended though they may be), so if she has actually SAID this to her DH, he may be confused thinking, "I thought my sister was family too", hence him not immediately saying, "Yes -- you're right! Immediate family only!"

"She shouldn't be expected to drop her plans and go running to them." Where in this whole thing does it say that the Sis expects anyone to "drop her plans and go running to them"? They were invited to a shower, for goodness sake, not demanded to provide an audience. It's entirely possible that the Sis wasn't thrilled about it either, but when her brother (the OP's DH) called and said, "we're going to be in Florida," she changed the shower because she felt she was expected to include her brother and his wife.

"They screwed up and now they are left with the result of their poor planning." How have they "screwed up"? They changed a date so that they could include more family. Sounds like they might actually like the OP and want her to be included.

Is it just me, or has anyone else ever been invited to a baby shower on the phone? Wouldn't you expect an invitation in the mail and the option to respond and /or decline? "Mentioning" it to DH isn't etiquette in my book...especially if you are supposedly changing the date to accommodate the visit. If my SIL did this she would be lucky if my DH remembered to mention it to me!!!!

 

[GinnyEmma]

[QUOTE="Cinder" Ella's Mom;41099178]Is it just me, or has anyone else ever been invited to a baby shower on the phone? Wouldn't you expect an invitation in the mail and the option to respond and /or decline? "Mentioning" it to DH isn't etiquette in my book...especially if you are supposedly changing the date to accommodate the visit. If my SIL did this she would be lucky if my DH remembered to mention it to me!!!![/QUOTE]

If they changed it at the last moment the op wouldn't have received it in time.

 

[jmm476]

I have been to a number of showers lately (bridal and baby) and I didn't get quality time with family members at a single one. And if the family wanted to see your hubby, was he going to be invited to the shower? Aren't they usually "female only" kinds of parties?

I wouldn't go. Just my 2 cents.

 

[jdb in AZ]

I'm the opposite. I see a situation like this and think whether I would like my kids to continue to treasure one another into adulthood. Do I want my kids to be thrilled to know their sibs kids and grands. Without the example, then people shouldn't be surprised when their kids aren't.

I tried the good example thing for years and it exploded in my face when my mother didn't bother to come to my daughter's wedding. Since then, I do things at my convenience.

 

[smitch425]

First off ... the OP said, "Last night however, my DH says that he talked to his sister (lives in Orlando) and she said that her DIL's baby shower is going to be next weekend. She says that they wanted to have it while we were in Orlando!" DH called his sister, so it's safe to say they at least like each other. DH apparently did not automatically say, "Oh man ... I'm sorry, but we won't be able to be there", so it didn't instantly strike him as "OMG! Taking away my family time!" And who knows? Maybe DH had been told a long time ago -- like when he first told his sis they were going to Orlando maybe? -- and he FORGOT to tell his wife until his sister reminded him last night? It might actually not be the sisters fault!

The sister knew her brother and his family were going to WDW far enough in advance to schedule a shower for the weekend they'd be there. Could be that she'd mentioned it to her dear brother a month ago and he (being a man and not pre-disposed to going all gaga over showers) forgot to mention it.
Secondly ... OP keeps saying that it has nothing to do with losing park time or Disney time, it has to do with losing "family time". Well ... these people are her family too (extended though they may be), so if she has actually SAID this to her DH, he may be confused thinking, "I thought my sister was family too", hence him not immediately saying, "Yes -- you're right! Immediate family only!"

"She shouldn't be expected to drop her plans and go running to them." Where in this whole thing does it say that the Sis expects anyone to "drop her plans and go running to them"? They were invited to a shower, for goodness sake, not demanded to provide an audience. It's entirely possible that the Sis wasn't thrilled about it either, but when her brother (the OP's DH) called and said, "we're going to be in Florida," she changed the shower because she felt she was expected to include her brother and his wife.

"They screwed up and now they are left with the result of their poor planning." How have they "screwed up"? They changed a date so that they could include more family. Sounds like they might actually like the OP and want her to be included.

Where did you read that they "changed a date"??? Also, all of your "it's possible"s and "it could be"s are kind of a stretch. When someone is invited to a party, they get a MAILED invitation weeks beforehand. Simple as that.

 

[angryduck71]

You know what's REALLY funny... the original poster said some time ago that she's off to pack. I don't think she's been on the board since... and here we all are still arguing... I hope she's off having a wondeful time having fun with her family whatever she chooses and that her hubby stays safe after he deploys. Hopefully some of you who were negative when this woman just asked for support can at least give good thoughts to this family!

 

[Klarah]

[QUOTE="Cinder" Ella's Mom;41099178]Is it just me, or has anyone else ever been invited to a baby shower on the phone? Wouldn't you expect an invitation in the mail and the option to respond and /or decline? "Mentioning" it to DH isn't etiquette in my book...especially if you are supposedly changing the date to accommodate the visit. If my SIL did this she would be lucky if my DH remembered to mention it to me!!!![/QUOTE]

So true,

 

[christypooh402]

So, your husband who isn't a theme park guy wants to spend the day in the theme park rathe than spend a couple of hours with his sister?

I didn't post that. We are going 14th through 23rd. And, he is looking forward to it as well.

 

[angryduck71]

OOps! She's back! YOU GO HAVE FUN!!!!

 

[YodaGirl]

Are you driving down? I'd probably just drop the present off after checking out and on my way home.

They knew that you were coming down, but didn't bother to tell you about the shower until now. Family or not, that is presumptuous and rude. That being said, if your DH absolutely wants to go, then I'd go. Knowing my DH, he'd say skip it, too.

Will they see your DH before he leaves at the end of the summer???

Also, it seems odd to me to change plans for a soccer game, yet you can't spare an afternoon for family? I know you may not be close to the new parents, but I assume other family members would be there??

The OP has mentioned that they've already been down twice this year.

As for the soccer game, I have to disagree. I can see being willing to leave later so that their son can play in an important game, yet not being willing to take time out to go to a shower for extended family that was suddenly dropped in their lap in the midst of their vacation.

 

[disneychic2]

Not sure how I would handle this. Can't imagine my family doing this without talking to me first. However, I think honesty is always the best policy. Buy a gift, write a note explaining how precious your time with DH is while he is in the states. Thank them for thinking of you when they planned the shower, but let them know that, regretfully, you won't be able to be there. When you explain to them, as you did to us, about it being 17 years in the making for a family trip, I'm sure they will understand. They sound like nice people and so do you. Just go with your heart (and hubby's) and don't stress about it. Good luck!

 

[WDSearcher]

[QUOTE="Cinder" Ella's Mom;41099178]Is it just me, or has anyone else ever been invited to a baby shower on the phone? Wouldn't you expect an invitation in the mail and the option to respond and /or decline? "Mentioning" it to DH isn't etiquette in my book...especially if you are supposedly changing the date to accommodate the visit. If my SIL did this she would be lucky if my DH remembered to mention it to me!!!![/QUOTE]
I've been invited via Twitter ... does that count?

 

[angryduck71]

I've been invited via Twitter ... does that count?

That reminds me of when Carrie on the Sex and the City episode was broken up with by a sticky note.

 

[WDSearcher]

Where did you read that they "changed a date"??? Also, all of your "it's possible"s and "it could be"s are kind of a stretch. When someone is invited to a party, they get a MAILED invitation weeks beforehand. Simple as that.

I'm playing devil's advocate, in case you couldn't tell. Just pointing out that there could well be a whole other side to this and that it's not necessarily the SIL's fault. And I don't think any of it is a stretch.

And while you may always, without fail, every single time receive or send MAILED invitiations for parties, there are many many people in this world for whom that absolute is not true. Not everyone lives and dies by strict invitation etiquette.

 

[The 6 J's]

I'm happy to say what I would do in this situation - no idea if this works for you or not. This is an easy one for me. I wouldn't subject anyone to how my children (and I) would behave if I were at a BABY SHOWER instead of Walt-Freaking-Disney-World! My sullen attitude alone would surely wreck the event. i'd send a nice gift with my regrets and move on with my vacation. Sorry, I just don't rank baby showers that high on the list of important family life events to attend. An actual baby? Yes. Show me the baby and I'll drop what I'm doing in a heartbeat. Love me some babies. A formal ceremony to give presents? Nah.

 

[christypooh402]

Everything is packed except 2 of the kids' clothes. I took a break. I did read through the comments and I appreciate all the support. DH and I had a chance to talk just before the kids got home from school. We have BOTH decided not to go, but we will stop by on our way home with a gift and well wishes.
My DH is very close to his sisters, he has 6 of them and he is 1 of only 2 boys. The decision to go or not actually didn't really have anything to do with the person the shower is actually for, I just didn't want to hurt his sister's feelings. He is going to call her tonight and give her our plans. Hopefully, with over a week's notice, we will get to see the mother to be.
Again, thank you all for your support. I didn't start this thread thinking that it would end up in such a big argument, but I guess there are so many opinions out there that it was inevitable. I hope everyone has a great week, I know I will!