Grrr, Seriously?!!!

[OnlyDisney]

Ugh. I would have to politely decline the invitation. Can you tell them you have non-refundable plans that day such as the luau or something similar?

Since it is your DH's family then it is ultimately up to him to communicate with them that you won't be going. If he thinks you should go though, good luck with that!

I would send your baby gifts in advance so they get the point that way as well that you will not be at the shower.

I know "family is family" but they should have consulted you before planning the baby shower around your visit.

I agree. Let you family know that you've already made plans that you can't cancel.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Because lying is such an honorable way to deal with our problems in life. What the heck? Suck it up and be straightforward if you are going to blow them off. Or rather, make your poor husband do it. If he feels ok, about blowing off the grand niece or nephew then have at it.

 

[bytheblood]

OKay - I already responded once. I am going to drop it.

 

[bumbershoot]

she said that her DIL's baby shower is going to be next weekend. She says that they wanted to have it while we were in Orlando!

With ONE week's notice they are springing this? When they know you'll be there in July, which is a WAY more normal time for a shower for a baby due in September?

I personally don't think this was planned for you... I think they had some other reason, and they are just saying this. I mean, it makes no sense.

That said, I'd probably show up. I do have family in Orlando, and if my cousin had another baby and had a shower during our vacation, I'd probably go...I certainly wouldn't go otherwise! (WA state to FL for a shower? nope)

But...with such a weird relationship between your nephew and his significant other (ex-wife he's still seeing?), honestly, with my background with friends and estranged girlfriends, I'd be wondering if it was actually the nephew's baby and I'd start backing away from the situation again.

Is it because we are the ones that moved away?

As one who moved away...YES.

I hate showers. Gift grabs...

FWIW, a "shower" is all about "showering the family with love and gifts". So it's not an insult to call a shower a "gift grab". The whole point of the occasion is to shower them with gifts (and love).

Once I realized that I was much less hostile to showers and it made my life a wee bit better. (before then, ugh, hated 'em)

...but it is our 1st vacation, and we've been married nearly 17 years.

This goes on the list of "things that needed to be included in the very FIRST post of the thread"!

 

[DaisyMaisie]

I haven't read the replies yet so this might have been covered. You had the perfect out, which would have been not telling them about the trip in the first place. Now that they changed things around for you, I do not see how you do not go. Keep in mind if you don't it will probably be a family issue for the rest of your life. Since it looks like you will be in Disney for more than just a couple of days I cannot see how it is worth it!

Also, your husband is the one who will be gone for a year and it sounds like he wants to see his family?

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Because lying is such an honorable way to deal with our problems in life. What the heck? Suck it up and be straightforward if you are going to blow them off. Or rather, make your poor husband do it. If he feels ok, about blowing off the grand niece or nephew then have at it.

I won't begin to act like I know what the OP's complete in-law "situation" is, but in my case, yes, lying can sometimes be the best thing when dealing with manipulative, selfish, horrible in-laws that have no boundries. I've had to deal with a horrible, insane MIL for 17 years and YES, it's better to make up an excuse, or lie, sometimes to get out of dealing with and/or having to see her. I don't usually advocate lying in other situations, unless it's to save someone from their feelings being hurt, but I have no qualms at all at about lying or avoiding my MIL when she has over-stepped her boundries. It's sad, but true, and I don't feel bad about it at all.

 

[cesariofamily]

Politely decline. There is no reason to give up vacation for a shower. A wedding a funeral yes but not for this. You needn't have everyone's approval. If they fuss just repeat I'm sorry to miss it but it is the right thing for me at this time. Try to spend some special time once the baby is born that is more fun anyway.

 

[GinnyEmma]

We are going May 15th through the 19th. It's pretty short, but my husband isn't really a theme park kindof guy

So, your husband who isn't a theme park guy wants to spend the day in the theme park rathe than spend a couple of hours with his sister?

 

[DaisyMaisie]

I would add this. If the specific time of the shower is a problem, then why not invite the sister and her kids to meet you for a meal.

Just seems to me if you are vacationing in the town where immediate family lives (and she is your husband's immediate family) than you either try to make plans to see them in some fashion or you do not tell them you are in town.

 

[let'sgo]

Since they scheduled the shower for when you would be in the area, they definitely want to see you. I would thank them very much for doing that, let them know that you really want to attend, but in the middle of the trip and the middle of the week is inconvenient for you.

Then tell them that you will be stopping in on your way home and that is a better day for you and to change the shower to that day.

If they do, problem solved. If they don't--well, that's their problem then, not yours.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

"Would you honestly take several hours out of your vacation to go to a baby shower for 'a sort of neice who divorced our nephew 2 years ago and is still hasn't remarried him yet'?"

Isn't she having his sister's grandchild? I just can't imagine my Aunt being in town and not wanting to be at my baby shower... It would be different if she had informed them this was a family only vacation and they did this to start trouble.

Is this his sister's first grandbaby? I think that makes a difference.

 

[princesscharming]

Just to chime in again. I can see why extended family would get a little bent out of shape "at first" if they thought they were doing the OP a favor and got declined.

However, I think if they end up understanding how the timing of this takes away from family time, and park time (to leave WDW to go to the shower costs OP's family money= gas, loss of time at parks) they might be more understanding.

On top of that, if OP then offers a consolation such as stopping by at a later timne, or inviting them to visit WDW for a dinner, not to mention a gift, she is showing a genuine interest, rather than simply blowing them off. Just how I see it.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

"SOOOO, this is how you get out of this mess. But it is going to cost you! Go now to Target or where ever she is registered and make the most obnoxious gift basket with plastic wrap and HUGE bow that you can. SO every one will say, "WHO sent that?" And, obviously, everyone will say so and so is heartbroken that they can't be here, but they had a prepaid dinner reservations or whatever..."

YES! This!

 

[Klarah]

Im going to be as frank as I can stand to be and say Don't Go!
This is the kinda things that send people into counseling. LoL
Seriously though, there is nothing wrong with setting up boundaries when you Need them. Call, or send a letter explaining your motives for declining and send a gift. This trip was planned for you to have your family vacation, tell them you would love to plan a trip to see them, hey maybe you can come when that new baby arrives, you love babies lol! Whatever you do I believe a wife has a right to defend and put her little family first. With extended family you should behave in a way you wouldn't mind repeatedly behaving meaning if you do it once, be read to do it a 100o times. Well, ask your self just how many backbends do you like doing? Maybe I come from a different mind set, my parents are both 1 of 5 and I am 1 of 4 plus step family which adds multiple . Which is why I think I married an only child ) who's parents were both only children, crazy huh), only to find out his family sometimes demands more then all of mine combined? Hopefully your husband will agree with ya, cause the only thing hard for me would be if my husband was asking to see his family, But it doesn't sound like your husband was "asking to see his family Before this happened, sounds to me like he is only asking that ya'll meet their request. Which in that case, sometimes social things like this really fall on the wife's shoulders, after all you said you're the one that does the planning. So stick up for yourself, your marriage and your family. If you have to make expensive un-refundable meal plan for that time. You dont have to say when you booked it. Well, maybe my advice is not for you but either way I hope you make peace with your situation. Sometimes for my own extended family I remind myself how short life is, morbid but it works

 

[smitch425]

What person in their right mind plans a shower for someone specific to be there without checking to see if that person is going to come??? That's just dumb. Also, if you just saw them last month and you are going to see them again in two months there is no reason they should complain that you aren't there. They should have notified you weeks ago and to call two nights before you are to leave is just ridiculous! How is that even giving you enough time to go out and get a gift??? Skip the shower, enjoy your vacation, and let the chips fall where they may. Don't worry about critcism from people you don't know, but take comfort in the fact that a lot of us here would do and feel the same way as you do.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I'm the opposite. I see a situation like this and think whether I would like my kids to continue to treasure one another into adulthood. Do I want my kids to be thrilled to know their sibs kids and grands. Without the example, then people shouldn't be surprised when their kids aren't.

 

[lmmantini]

"What person in their right mind plans a shower for someone specific to be there without checking to see if that person is going to come??? That's just dumb. Also, if you just saw them last month and you are going to see them again in two months there is no reason they should complain that you aren't there. They should have notified you weeks ago and to call two nights before you are to leave is just ridiculous! How is that even giving you enough time to go out and get a gift??? Skip the shower, enjoy your vacation, and let the chips fall where they may. Don't worry about critcism from people you don't know, but take comfort in the fact that a lot of us here would do and feel the same way as you do."

EXACTLY this!!!! It is YOUR vacation. I wouldn't be going. For those that say "family is family" I say every family is different. You and your family should do what you want to do.

 

[smitch425]

I'm the opposite. I see a situation like this and think whether I would like my kids to continue to treasure one another into adulthood. Do I want my kids to be thrilled to know their sibs kids and grands. Without the example, then people shouldn't be surprised when their kids aren't.

It is a baby shower, so the kid isn't even here to know yet. Since the OP just saw the family last month and plans to see them again in July, I don't think missing a party is going to make or break future relationships. Bottom line is that they should have given the OP much more advance notice so that she could PLAN to see them, but they sprung it on her last minute. She shouldn't be expected to drop her plans and go running to them. They screwed up and now they are left with the result of their poor planning.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

"If you do it once, be read to do it a 100o times." I think that is already the problem. According to OP they always see family on their trips. so if they did not explain up front that this time is different, the family probably quite innocently assumed they would be spending time together this time and OP would be thrilled to be included in the shower.

Now that they have moved the shower, unless OP has a specific conflict at the time it seems easier to either go or make some other inclusive gesture toward the family while they are there.

 

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

As someone who has been told what to do and where to go by family for years, I say DO NOT go to the shower. It will be easier for you if you ploitely explain that you have an ADR that is not refundable or the like, but you don't have to. They are giving you little notice and little choice. You can always invite them to join you in the parks one day if they are that close.Do not feel guilty about this!