Grrr, Seriously?!!!

[cm8]

I would not be in attendance. Since you have already stated that you have every intention of seeing them again in July, that shower would be furthest from my mind. They are doing what is BEST for their family and I'm doing what is best for mines. I can live with missing a shower, I can't live with missing being showered by love and kisses from my DH or immediate family

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Just curious how much gender plays a role in this.

What if the poster said My sister expects me to attend her daughter's baby shower? Would responses be different?

Because really the relationships are the same for her husband -His sister's son is having a shower.

 

[mjohnson96]

I would take the time out to go especially since other family members are there and it would be nice for them to see him before he leave again.

I moved away to Kansas but my family is in Florida while my DH's family is in Kansas. DH never complains, at least not too loudly, about taking vacation time to go and visit my family at least once a year. This year we are going to WDW for 7 days and then spending 3 with my parents, sister, brothers, and all the kids.

I think both my parents and his parents would not think very highly of either of us if we decided it was just not in the plans to visit the other's family if we were able to and so close but just didn't want to.

 

[lllGurulll]

I would take the time out to go especially since other family members are there and it would be nice for them to see him before he leave again.

I moved away to Kansas but my family is in Florida while my DH's family is in Kansas. DH never complains, at least not too loudly, about taking vacation time to go and visit my family at least once a year. This year we are going to WDW for 7 days and then spending 3 with my parents, sister, brothers, and all the kids.

I think both my parents and his parents would not think very highly of either of us if we decided it was just not in the plans to visit the other's family if we were able to and so close but just didn't want to.

It is different in the OPs situation though, in that she doesn't live that far away and they see them a few times per year with a visit scheduled for July. There is no reason to interrupt her vacation because of this.

 

[karmutt]

Just curious how much gender plays a role in this.

What if the poster said My sister expects me to attend her daughter's baby shower? Would responses be different?

Because really the relationships are the same for her husband -His sister's son is having a shower.

I'm pretty sure she said early in the thread that her sister was scheduled to have a baby while they're away. Not a shower, but actually give birth. But her sister understood about the "first family vacation ever/together time because of husband's deployment" situation.

I think the OP made the right call. Hope they have a lot of fun take away good memories.

 

[bwilcox]

I would not go, and I don't think you owe them an elaborate explanation, either. Just tell them you are sorry, but you won't be able to attend because you already have plans. Then send a shower gift in the mail and card in the mail restating your apologies for not being able to attend.
Yes, family is important, but the most important family in your life should be your husband and kids, and since this is your family's one vacation, THAT should be the priority.

 

[housetomouse]

The fact that they've planned the shower based on when you'll be in town, basically telling you that you **WILL** attend is SOOO rude. The fact that you're on vacation plays a small role in this, IMHO.

I completely agree.

 

[JeanfromBNA]

According to the OP, this is the first real vacation that this military family has taken in 17 years. All other "downtime" has been devoted to family visits that have usually not been reciprocated.

The OP has never stated that she received an invitation to the shower in May for a baby due in September, written or otherwise, and was just told through her husband that it was being planned around her family's visit to Orlando, which, the extended family assumed, would accommodate them. Why? Because the OP has been doing that for 17 years.

Technically, an invitation has not been issued, so there is no need to decline. However, I realize that is not how family dynamics work. OP and her family should go on vacation, buy a nice gift for the baby, and post it with a sweet card after you return. If the family insists that they come to the shower, the phrase she wants is, "I'm sorry, but that won't be possible." Lather, rinse, repeat. No explanations, excuses, or fabrications.

Thank your husband and your family for our service to our country. Now, fall out! It's time for vacation!

 

[JeanfromBNA]

Because lying is such an honorable way to deal with our problems in life. What the heck? Suck it up and be straightforward if you are going to blow them off. Or rather, make your poor husband do it. If he feels ok, about blowing off the grand niece or nephew then have at it.

Quote: We are going May 15th through the 19th. It's pretty short, but my husband isn't really a theme park kindof guy

So, your husband who isn't a theme park guy wants to spend the day in the theme park rathe than spend a couple of hours with his sister?

Did you actually post a fake quote to support your unsubstantiated attacks on the OP? Or are you just confused?

 

[smidgy]

I vote for not going. your family is already sacrificing PLENTY!!! by your hubby's deployment. (God bless him). send a nice gift and apologize that previous plans kept you from attending.

 

[smidgy]

Giving u 2 hours would be that intrusive? Gmab.

no way it would be only 2 hours. leaving a park. back to the resort, driving to the home, ok 2 hours right there!!

now you have to stay a bit. pretend to eat something. wathc YOUR gift be opened. another hour.. at least!

now. reverse. drive back. get the bus to the park (oh, unless you just ASSUME they are driving to the park.. we don't, esp,. at night) it will probably we way to late to bother going to a park at that point.

sorry, going to a baby showere will take up the whole second half of the day.... at least.

OP, you do whatever is best for YOUR family.. you deserve it. and THANK YOU to your hubby for serving! we all owe him a debt of gratitude. OF COURSE you want alone time with your family before his deployment.

 

[3Minnies1Mickey]

Politely decline because you already have plans. I just went through this with my SIL. My in laws scheduled the baby shower at a time they knew I had other plans. They could have done it an hour earlier or later and I could've made it work but NO. They assumed I'd pass on my daughters ball game and attend the shower but i didn't. Honestly, if they scheduled it without talking to me about times first I'd have felt bad about skipping the shower but they knowingly did it at the exact time of the game.

 

[jdb in AZ]

We have a rule in our family:

If you move away, those that stayed home are not obligated to come visit you. That doesn't mean we won't, it's just WE'RE not responsble for visits the person/family that moves away is.

While that sounds a little harsh, it helps set expectations. The move awayer's can't complain "You never come out to visit" because they were warned in advance. When you move away the responsiblity of seeing the family you left falls on your shoulders.

Anyway, it works for us.

So if someone in your family moves they become ostracized? My DD moved across the country because that's where her DH is employed by the fed (in national intelligence -- those jobs aren't available in all parts of the country.) He's also in the army reserves and will be in Iraq this fall. They're hoping and praying their first baby arrives before daddy gets deployed. My DH and I will be there when the baby hatches, then spend Christmas with her so she won't have to travel and/or be alone with the baby at Christmas. Regardless of where they live they're family.

Sorry for hijacking the thread.

 

[mjohnson96]

It is different in the OPs situation though, in that she doesn't live that far away and they see them a few times per year with a visit scheduled for July. There is no reason to interrupt her vacation because of this.

Your right I missed the July part Since they will be back in July then you can do all the gushy baby stuff then.

 

[Em&Bec'sMom]

I read your post, and then reread it to make sure I understood, and what really caught my eye was the fact that they just told you last night that the shower was next weekend. Nobody plans a full-on baby shower in one week. That's not enough notice to give the nephew's wife's co-worker, her friend from college, or her neighbor - so why should it have been enough notice to give you? Did they plan this a while ago and tell everyone else and just assume since you were going to be in town that they didn't have to give you advance notice?

I think this is a simple case of "I'm sorry, but we have plans for that day. I wish you had told us sooner and we may have been able to make arrangements to be there." It's true, isn't it? If you are on the DISboards, you're a planner (the degree tends to vary ) and so you most likely have made plans for what you are doing that day and the rest of your trip so that you can see and do what you wanted. Had you been given more notice, you could have put those hours for a shower into your mindset and arranged your schedule accordingly. I briefly skimmed some of your other posts on the thread and it's not like you've never made time to see this portion of the family. You'll be back to see them again and that time they'll be a baby to coo over. Seriously, when you visit after the baby is born, offer to babysit so the new parents can get a night out and they'll appreciate that a whole lot more than 1 more person oooh-ing over a onesie at a shower!

 

[lroger01]

So if someone in your family moves they become ostracized? My DD moved across the country because that's where her DH is employed by the fed (in national intelligence -- those jobs aren't available in all parts of the country.) He's also in the army reserves and will be in Iraq this fall. They're hoping and praying their first baby arrives before daddy gets deployed. My DH and I will be there when the baby hatches, then spend Christmas with her so she won't have to travel and/or be alone with the baby at Christmas. Regardless of where they live they're family.

Sorry for hijacking the thread.

Sorry! I reread what I wrote and it does sound really harsh. The truth is it isn't that strict. I do go visit my navy daughter who is currently stationed in Jacksonville FL. The rule is just a way to set expectations for everyone in the family and help prevent hard feelings if finances or other things prevent those at home from going to visit those that CHOSE to move away from the nest.

Now back to your regularly scheduled baby-shower-while-at-DW thread

 

[MickeyNicki]

Sorry I cant tell you that it is not okay to go- family is family in my book. They are not taking up all of your vacation time, just a few hours out of one day hopefully.

I second this.

 

[DueyDooDah]

As a retired navy guy of 20 years, I'm surprised this would even be a question. As little time as I had to spend with my wife during my active duty years, I would definately send a gift and polite "No thank you". And, you are not being selfish, you are someone in love.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Quote:
"Originally Posted by DaisyMaisie View Post
Just curious how much gender plays a role in this.

What if the poster said My sister expects me to attend her daughter's baby shower? Would responses be different?

Because really the relationships are the same for her husband -His sister's son is having a shower."

"I'm pretty sure she said early in the thread that her sister was scheduled to have a baby while they're away. Not a shower, but actually give birth. But her sister understood about the "first family vacation ever/together time because of husband's deployment" situation."

But her sister lives in GA and she would have to leave her family to go visit. (Not to mention how hard it is to schedule being present for a birth, and the fact that that isn't always the best time to visit anyway). It is not like she is taking a 9 day vacation in her sister's town and ignoring the birth.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

I am not saying she has to go to the shower, just that I don't understand the characterization of these people as nervy "distant" relatives.

In the past they always visited family when they were in town. They told family they were going to be in town and did not warn them this time was different. And if I am correct she said she is going to be in town for 9 days. So it sounds like their close relatives had good intentions when they moved the shower.

Again that doesn't mean they have to go, but it does mean they should make some gesture and make sure things are clear upfront if they ever plan another family vacation.