Grrr, Seriously?!!!

[christypooh402]

We leave tomorrow! That's the good news. Last night however, my DH says that he talked to his sister (lives in Orlando) and she said that her DIL's baby shower is going to be next weekend. She says that they wanted to have it while we were in Orlando!
We have been planning this trip since January, and it is our 1st real family vacation EVER! DH and I have been married nearly 17 years, he is active duty Navy, and ALL of our traveling in the past has been to visit family, either his or mine. So, this trip is all about us. The main reason we feel that we need this trip now is because DH transfers out of the country for a year at the end of the summer. So, we need some US time. Now, he thinks since we'll be within a half hour of his family, we should go to the baby shower, especially since they planned it so that we could go. Um, am I selfish for saying no? First, I've only met our nephew's wife once. Obviously we aren't close, so if we went it would really be more to please his sister. His family is really close, and I love them, but I still think it's unfair of them to do this and just expect us to go without even talking to us (me)!
I really just needed to vent, and I have so much to do today to get ready to leave tomorrow, I really don't need this stress! I posted under "strategies" because I really need a strategy to help me graciously decline! I was so looking forward to letting the real world disappear for a while. Oh, and we live less than 3 hours from Orlando, and have for 4 years now. His family has been here twice! Grr
I've already altered plans for this trip, I've had to cancel my Fultan's ADR because my son's soccer team made it to the finaly playoff game, and it is at 9am tomorrow. Since he is his team's MVP, they need him to play, so we will wait to leave around noon. If you read this far, thanks for listening! I just need someone to say it's ok not to go!

 

[lustergirl]

Sorry I cant tell you that it is not okay to go- family is family in my book. They are not taking up all of your vacation time, just a few hours out of one day hopefully.

 

[lovebug33]

Wow! That's a toughy. For me, I'd want to say no. How long are you staying? It is hard to say you can't go when you are so close, but it is also your vacation. I wish I had better advice than I feel your pain!

 

[stargazertechie]

I honestly wouldn't go. It's YOUR family vacation, and I wouldn't trade that togetherness time for anyone.

You're not obligated to go to a shower, just like anyone else.

 

[whitfive]

You could show up at the shower with the whole family ready and dressed to head to the park, make an appearance, give a gift and say sorry that you can't stay long, you have an appointment to see a mouse!
Good luck and enjoy your "family" vacation!
Safe Travels!

Michelle

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Ugh. I would have to politely decline the invitation. Can you tell them you have non-refundable plans that day such as the luau or something similar?

Since it is your DH's family then it is ultimately up to him to communicate with them that you won't be going. If he thinks you should go though, good luck with that!

I would send your baby gifts in advance so they get the point that way as well that you will not be at the shower.

I know "family is family" but they should have consulted you before planning the baby shower around your visit.

 

[ChrisAlli]

Were you not planning on visiting his sister anyway? I would think 2 or 3 hours out of your day wouldn't be too bad. Go to a park in the morning, the shower for part of the afternoon and then back to park at night.

Not sure of timing, but you know what I mean. I'm sure the family will love seeing you.

It may not be the plan you had, but it doesn't seem too bad.

 

[FigNewton]

They only live three hours away and want you to take time out of your *expensive* vacation to come to a baby shower? Ugh.

It's a bad situation to be in I guess. If it were my wife's family I'd leave it up to her. If it were my family I'd say sorry, this is an expensive vacation and it really doesn't make sense to us. Have it some other time and I'll drive in for it. But thats just me.

 

[whitfive]

Ugh. I would have to politely decline the invitation. Can you tell them you have non-refundable plans that day such as the luau or something similar?

Since it is your DH's family then it is ultimately up to him to communicate with them that you won't be going. If he thinks you should go though, good luck with that!

I would send your baby gifts in advance so they get the point that way as well that you will not be at the shower.

I know "family is family" but they should have consulted you before planning the baby shower around your visit.

OH.....that is great advice! I agree!

 

[Jerseyguy's Wife]

Okay, I'll be the bad one. I will tell you it's okay not to go. You had previous plans. Send a nice gift and a note. Make your apologies. Then go on about your life. I understand the sentiment that family is family, however, YOUR family (the people you live with every day) wants/needs this time together. And so I think you should have it.
If he's looking at a deployment soon, I think you guys should do whatever you need to do to make it okay for yourselves. I openly admit that I wouldn't be giving up DH/kids time to go to a baby shower for family members that I have only met once or twice. Especially since the DH/kids time will be in such short supply very soon.
I have told people this on numerous occasions: There is such a thing as HEALTHY selfishness. I think this counts as one of those times.
Have a good trip!

 

[christypooh402]

If we lived far away, then we'd absolutely go! But, we live close, and we were just there in April, and in January. So, no, we weren't planning on seeing them this trip. That's why we went twice this year already. I was so looking forward to this just being about us since he is going to be gone for more than a year! I know family is family, but I really wish they had talked to us without assuming we would just go.

 

[Reddy]

will you have a car to go to the shower?? (maybe car trouble - ok that's lying so that shouldn't be done but it is a thought)

you should had been told about the shower ahead of time - a week before when they knew you were going to be there isn't nice of them

maybe when you are leaving Disney you could head over there & see them - say ya went to the park for the morning then time slipped by & it was too late to make the shower when you did notice the time but look what I found for the baby while I was downtown - Mickey baby gift

 

[GinnyEmma]

I wouldn't miss a chance to celebrate family and a new baby for a few hours in a themepark.

 

[ChrisAlli]

Will they see your DH before he leaves at the end of the summer???

Also, it seems odd to me to change plans for a soccer game, yet you can't spare an afternoon for family? I know you may not be close to the new parents, but I assume other family members would be there??

 

[dmccarty]

I would decline.

If you want me to visit on my vacation you better let me know before the last minute. Especially an expensive vacation like Disney.

Most likely they are trying to be helpful and do not understand going on vacation to Disney. They just hop in the car and go to WDW when they want.

I would decline and say we have already made our plans for our vacation.

Later,
Dan

 

[christypooh402]

Okay, I'll be the bad one. I will tell you it's okay not to go. You had previous plans. Send a nice gift and a note. Make your apologies. Then go on about your life. I understand the sentiment that family is family, however, YOUR family (the people you live with every day) wants/needs this time together. And so I think you should have it.
If he's looking at a deployment soon, I think you guys should do whatever you need to do to make it okay for yourselves. I openly admit that I wouldn't be giving up DH/kids time to go to a baby shower for family members that I have only met once or twice. Especially since the DH/kids time will be in such short supply very soon.
I have told people this on numerous occasions: There is such a thing as HEALTHY selfishness. I think this counts as one of those times.
Have a good trip!

Thank you!
DH is not saying we have to go, he just doesn't think it's as big a deal as I do, but I know he'll be fine either way. I just don't want to decide for him either. We'll talk about it when he gets home since we haven't really had a chance to yet.

 

[pigletto]

Given your circumstances I would send a gift and very politely decline. A hard lesson for me is that you sometimes have to make choices for your family that will make others mad.. but if they are best for you then it's important to stick to them. This isn't going to ruin her shower, she'll live.
I spent a lot of my life trying to please everyone all of the time and it doesn't work. They'll get over it.

 

[GinnyEmma]

lol, so you got some stranger to agree and it is ok now? strange need.

 

[christypooh402]

I wouldn't miss a chance to celebrate family and a new baby for a few hours in a themepark.

I understand that, but I want to celebrate being with my immediate family now. We won't be together for more than a year after July. Her baby isn't even due until September! My sister however, is having her baby May 23rd, which is the day we get back from vacation. She is my SISTER, not a sort of neice who divorced our nephew 2 years ago and is still hasn't remarried him yet. My sister had to have her's scheduled and just found out 2 weeks ago when. So, I won't be there when she delivers and she has told me to be with my DH and kids, and I could come when we get back. She lives in ATL. So, if I'm not changing vacation plans for my own sister, I have a really hard time doing it for anyone else. It's not because I don't want to give up park time, I don't want to give up "us" time. No matter how little.

 

[angryduck71]

"Oh, I just found out you arranged this so we could be there. I really wish you would've talked to us first -- we've pre-paid on some very expensive vacation plans and we really want to spend this quality time together before deployment. But, we'd be happy to stop by on our way out of town for a good visit!" (I'm TOTALLY with you on this -- I have a HUGE HUGE family and not one of them would have done this to me. They would've called first!)