Grrr, Seriously?!!!

[CathieArms]

We leave tomorrow! That's the good news. Last night however, my DH says that he talked to his sister (lives in Orlando) and she said that her DIL's baby shower is going to be next weekend. She says that they wanted to have it while we were in Orlando!
We have been planning this trip since January, and it is our 1st real family vacation EVER! DH and I have been married nearly 17 years, he is active duty Navy, and ALL of our traveling in the past has been to visit family, either his or mine. So, this trip is all about us. The main reason we feel that we need this trip now is because DH transfers out of the country for a year at the end of the summer. So, we need some US time. Now, he thinks since we'll be within a half hour of his family, we should go to the baby shower, especially since they planned it so that we could go. Um, am I selfish for saying no? First, I've only met our nephew's wife once. Obviously we aren't close, so if we went it would really be more to please his sister. His family is really close, and I love them, but I still think it's unfair of them to do this and just expect us to go without even talking to us (me)!
I really just needed to vent, and I have so much to do today to get ready to leave tomorrow, I really don't need this stress! I posted under "strategies" because I really need a strategy to help me graciously decline! I was so looking forward to letting the real world disappear for a while. Oh, and we live less than 3 hours from Orlando, and have for 4 years now. His family has been here twice! Grr
I've already altered plans for this trip, I've had to cancel my Fultan's ADR because my son's soccer team made it to the finaly playoff game, and it is at 9am tomorrow. Since he is his team's MVP, they need him to play, so we will wait to leave around noon. If you read this far, thanks for listening! I just need someone to say it's ok not to go!

I think an e-mail is your best bet.

"Dear ____, I'm so sorry! I wish you had given us more warning as we'd love to be there! Unfortunately, we have the days of our trip planned out meticulously, and we simply don't have the time on our schedule to break away for a few hours on _____. The kids have been looking forward to the activities we planned especially for that day, and they would be devastated to cancel at this late date, as it's not possible to reschedule with such short notice.

Please give ______ my best and let them know that we're thinking of them and sending our love and support."

 

[Nina1]

Okay, I'll be the bad one. I will tell you it's okay not to go. You had previous plans. Send a nice gift and a note. Make your apologies. Then go on about your life. I understand the sentiment that family is family, however, YOUR family (the people you live with every day) wants/needs this time together. And so I think you should have it.
If he's looking at a deployment soon, I think you guys should do whatever you need to do to make it okay for yourselves. I openly admit that I wouldn't be giving up DH/kids time to go to a baby shower for family members that I have only met once or twice. Especially since the DH/kids time will be in such short supply very soon.
I have told people this on numerous occasions: There is such a thing as HEALTHY selfishness. I think this counts as one of those times.
Have a good trip!

This is great advice. Your immediate family comes first. It is absolutely your right to spend this time together before your husband deploys in any way you choose. Send a gift and then go about your vacation together. I hope you have a wonderful time. And, may God bless and keep your husband safe and many thanks for his service and all the sacrifices you all make.

 

[EvangelineG]

Another vote for politely declining. You are absolutely allowed to make time for just your own immediate family, and to guard that time as fiercely as necessary! Send them a gift, or stop by on your way out of town if you can. Enjoy the time with your DH and kids before he deploys, and don't waste one second feeling guilty about it!

 

[disney_bob]

If it was my brother or sister and I lived far away I'd make a point to see them regardless of a shower.

My brother or sisters kids wife and at the very last minute during an expensive vacation? Politely say sorry but we can't make it.

 

[smitch425]

Giving u 2 hours would be that intrusive? Gmab.

Would you honestly take several hours out of your vacation to go to a baby shower for "a sort of neice who divorced our nephew 2 years ago and is still hasn't remarried him yet"?

The shower itself might only be 2 hours, but when you factor in travel time from park to hotel, showers if your gross from being at the park, travel time to and from the shower and then back to the park, it could be upwards of 4 or 5 hours of her day. I'm sorry, but for a "sort of neice" there is NO way I would be going to that baby shower.

 

[angryduck71]

Would you honestly take several hours out of your vacation to go to a baby shower for "a sort of neice who divorced our nephew 2 years ago and is still hasn't remarried him yet"?

The shower itself might only be 2 hours, but when you factor in travel time from park to hotel, showers if your gross from being at the park, travel time to and from the shower and then back to the park, it could be upwards of 4 or 5 hours of her day. I'm sorry, but for a "sort of neice" there is NO way I would be going to that baby shower.

 

[AlixaLock]

I haven't read all the replies, but I had to say that I would politely decline, send a gift and then not think about it at all. I know several people have said "family is family" but not every family is the same. I have friends that I would cancel an entire vacation to be with for a special event, but very few "family" members who would receive the same courtesy, so I totally get why you would reschedule for the soccer game and not necessarily for the shower.

I would however, give a lot of consideration to what DH wanted, and I'm sure you will do that. Either way, have a lovely time. And whatever you decide, don't look back, enjoy your time with your family!

 

[Tiffany507s]

Giving u 2 hours would be that intrusive? Gmab.

Soooo rude. I normally don't say anything, but I've seen you in two threads be intentionally rude to the OPs b/c of their family situations. How about just being nice, or not commenting?

 

[jcemom]

Would you honestly take several hours out of your vacation to go to a baby shower for "a sort of neice who divorced our nephew 2 years ago and is still hasn't remarried him yet"?

The shower itself might only be 2 hours, but when you factor in travel time from park to hotel, showers if your gross from being at the park, travel time to and from the shower and then back to the park, it could be upwards of 4 or 5 hours of her day. I'm sorry, but for a "sort of neice" there is NO way I would be going to that baby shower.

 

[WDSearcher]

Would you honestly take several hours out of your vacation to go to a baby shower for "a sort of neice who divorced our nephew 2 years ago and is still hasn't remarried him yet"?

The shower itself might only be 2 hours, but when you factor in travel time from park to hotel, showers if your gross from being at the park, travel time to and from the shower and then back to the park, it could be upwards of 4 or 5 hours of her day. I'm sorry, but for a "sort of neice" there is NO way I would be going to that baby shower.

Two things would decide it for me.

1. What other family is going to be there and have I seen any of them lately?
2. Did the people who invited me to the shower (not the honoree, but the people who actually did the inviting) come to any such similar event for me?

If there were other family there that I hadn't seen in a while and may not see for a while, then I'd go. If the person who arranged this shower had been at mine, I would go. Otherwise, I'd strike a compromise and be sure to visit them on the way back and drop off the gift then (perhaps some Disney Baby stuff??), making certain that I'd planned enough time there to make up for missing the shower. (Meaning that you actually plan a couple of hours as opposed to a quick drive-by gift drop-off.)

The OP was pretty clear in her post that she was looking for people to agree with her. She needed someone to tell her it was okay not to go. Which, to me, means that she already feels badly about choosing not to. What GinnyEmma said upthread is true -- you get a few agreements from a bunch of total strangers (who, I might add, are already pre-disposed to choose Disney over pretty much anything), and suddenly it's okay? OP needs to figure out why she had to ask the question in the first place. If it's so clear-cut that this "sort of neice" who did whatever isn't worth a trip over for the shower in the first place, why is it even a question?

 

[GinnyEmma]

Soooo rude. I normally don't say anything, but I've seen you in two threads be intentionally rude to the OPs b/c of their family situations. How about just being nice, or not commenting?

and defended one yesterday. Whats your point? I agree with some not others. Imagine that!

 

[lsenquiz]

I hate to get in the middle of what has become a heated debate - but I will. I just wonder if the people who feel so strong that you should rearrange your schedule for an unexpected family visit have any family in the orlando area? If not, then IMA they have no opinion. My guess is this issue has never come up while they are on their Disney vacations(or probably any of their vacations) so who are they to judge? Vacations are very important. Sounds like you guys get tons of family time outside of this vacation so I suggest you just let them know that you will not be able to get together this trip. I also suggest you log off this forum finish your packing and start looking forward to a great time with your immediate family. Have fun

 

[Nissi]

and defended one yesterday. Whats your point? I agree with some not others. Imagine that!

It's the way you say it. It's fine to disagree! But there is a way to say it. GMAB was really the rude part. I have to agree with Tiffany. I'm gonna go mind my own business now.

 

[HeidiGW]

Wow. That's pretty mean. My immediate family is more important than others. I'd totally make sure my son got to his soccer game, too, before some silly baby shower. I don't even remember half the people who were at mine. (Oh, and don't let some stranger bully you into going to this baby shower either!)

Yeah, gotta agree with AngryDuck on this one, that was HARSH!

I would go to the shower, 'cuz I am a sucker for familial pressure.

But I do think you are missing the biggest point...they THINK they are doing YOU a FAVOR, because it is obviously your heart's fondest desire to attend. They think they are making it EASY for you to see the the whole extended family, who will surely also be in attendance. (And maybe your husband wants to see his great aunt that he has seen since the last funeral, who knows.

Don't say, to them, "this is about us..." true, justified, but it sounds selfish...they are family; they aren't going to understand.

SOOOO, this is how you get out of this mess. But it is going to cost you! Go now to Target or where ever she is registered and make the most obnoxious gift basket with plastic wrap and HUGE bow that you can. SO every one will say, "WHO sent that?" And, obviously, everyone will say so and so is heartbroken that they can't be here, but they had a prepaid dinner reservations or whatever...

You will need to drop it off enroute--QUICK STOP--apologize profusely...use verbage some of the ops said...thank them for trying to accommodate your busy schedule. In fact, you are currently very late for an important date and you must hurry to check in or you will get a crappy room. Promise to stop on the way back and do it.

Otherwise, there will be hurt feelings. I know nevermind yours!

Good luck!!!

 

[realhousewife]

I would NOT go if I had the choice. I agree it is rude to spring this on you at the last minute. If your hubby will agree not to go, then have HIM explain that the trip is a chance for you and your children to spend time together and that it is too expensive to spend a day away from the parks. A shower will be no fun for your kids anyway. I know mine would mope around and be resentful.

A compromise would be to stop in and visit the family on your way back home once your trip is completed. That way you can drop a small gift and make an appearance on your own time.

 

[bytheblood]

This is a tough one. If it were me, I would sit down with my husband and talk about it. If it were my husband's sister, given the tension in the family, I would tell him he is welcome to go and I would head to a park. However, if you are a happy family and there is peace and harmony between you all, I would sit down and discuss the pros and cons and make a decision as husband and wife on how to rearrange your day or politely decline.

My guess: she thought she was doing something nice by planning it while you are there so that she can see you (and maybe get a little gift, too). If you cannot go that day, maybe you can make it a point to drop by for just a little while and take a gift, give them hugs and maybe even have a meal with them.

 

[jdb in AZ]

If your nephew and his pregnant ex-wife were getting married while you were in Orlando, that would be one thing, but for a former niece to expect you to attend a lousy baby shower, on short notice, during your first and only vacation before your DH is deployed for a year -- that's entirely different.

Some families are closer than others. I get that. I also get the part about moving away and the rellies expecting us to always go visit them instead of visiting us. After years and years of bending over backwards, we have learned to visit the rellies at our own convenience, which is exactly what they've always done.

 

[sydneysmom]

If it were me, and we hadn't been on a vacation ever, no, I wouldn't go. Especially if you aren't very close w/ them. I would send a nice gift and a note explaining that you're sorry that you won't be able to go.

Honestly, my time with my family is very important to me. We save for 2 years to go on the "trip of a lifetime" to Disney. I wouldn't want to have to leave for probably 4-6 hours to go to a shower. I wouldn't. And anyone who understands the importance of family would understand that.
It's nice that they want to include you while you're there, but you can't take that as "you're now obligated" to go. It's now YOUR choice. Just because they're altering their shower, does not mean you now have to alter your plans.

I think a nice gift and a note would suffice. Otherwise, you're going to stew about it all week when you should be enjoying your vacation and your family.

 

[LPZ_Stitch!]

If it was an *immediate* family member that I was close with, I'd *consider* it. For some distant relative I barely know, not a chance.

Here's something to consider: without asking your opinion or consent, these relatives want to take time that you have specifically set aside, and paid a lot of money for, to be about YOU (your DH and kids) and make it about THEM. IMO, that's really rude.

Send a card, a nice gift, stop by on your way home ... whatever. But, I wouldn't take time off from a planned-and-paid-for vacation for distant relative's baby shower....

Also, a big THANKS to your DH for defending our freedom!!

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Ugh. I would have to politely decline the invitation. Can you tell them you have non-refundable plans that day such as the luau or something similar?

Since it is your DH's family then it is ultimately up to him to communicate with them that you won't be going. If he thinks you should go though, good luck with that!

I would send your baby gifts in advance so they get the point that way as well that you will not be at the shower.

I know "family is family" but they should have consulted you before planning the baby shower around your visit.

This is perfect! I would call the SIL and say how very, very sorry you are but you have a non-refundable tour scheduled at the exact time of the shower and tell here how much you appreciate being included and that you can't wait to come and see them when the baby comes