Friend recently engaged but not planning wedding yet?

[bouldertcr]

I am curious to hear your thoughts of receiving an engagement ring but then not planning for wedding. I have a friend (female age 28) who became engaged in May. Her fiance is 31 and they both have been together for 3 years. At first when he asked her to marry him, she balked because she was so shocked that he proposed (she thought they were fine just being live in boyfriend/girlfriend; she also said they never talked about marriage). She later agreed and accepted his ring. Flash forward 3 months later and they still haven't talked about planning the wedding. After talking to her, it appears that she and he have no intention of even starting to plan. She said however if they do have a wedding they would like to have it on day they first met which by the way happens to fall on a Saturday in June of next year. Mentioning that to her, she then said that it is not enough time to plan a wedding. Ok, call me old school but I thought an engagement ring meant that there is an intent to become married? I just find it odd that there is no planning taking place let alone not even a discussion with fiance about the planning after 3 months of becoming engaged. My initial gut thought is that she's not sure about being married to him but she professes that she is madly in love with him and wants to be with him.

How long were you engaged? Did you start planning soon after being asked? My DH and I were married 18 months after but started planning soon after the announcement.

 

[scootch]

We got engaged at Christmas, but didn't plan a wedding..... then in July started thinking about when might be a goodtime(when we could get off work for a honeymoon, ect....) and then decided, oh lets do it before my husband restarted the school year... so we planned a wedding in three weeks and it went absolutely beautifully(about 150 guests). So no, not everyone gets engaged and starts planning. We werent' living together or anything either... and yes we did plan to marry. We just weren't into all the details that many people spend a lifetime planning.

 

[hiwaygal]

We were engaged on Christmas in 2003 after living together for almost a year...but we were in no hurry to plan a wedding or get married.

It just wasn't a priority for us. It was probably February/March of 2005 before we decided when and where to get married. We 'planned' our Disney wedding (what is now known as the Escape wedding) in just under 5 months.

For some people the 'piece of paper' isn't important. What is important is their commitment to one another and the love they share.

Yeah, there are traditionalists who consider the engagement to be a plan to get married but I don't think there's a set time frame for that.

It's also possible that your friend isn't into the whole bridal thing. I wasn't really either. I didn't want the big poofy dress or the fancy wedding. I wanted something simple. Your friend may just be trying to figure out what she wants and how they can afford it.

 

[puente0629]

It all depends on what the ring means to the couple, some people immediately get to planning their wedding and others just wait until they are both ready to financially and emotionally commit. I do not think that they are second guessing each other (even though I'm sure some do) but maybe just want to wait a little longer. At least she had a ring, many spend years in a relationship and never get to see a ring at the end.

Hope this helps...

 

[girli565]

I'm of the school that you don't have to get married or start planning right away just because you get a ring. I mean, I initially waited because I had plans to go to law school this fall, then my plans changed and we decided to move up the date by 8 months. But had we gone with the initial plan we would not have started planning until next summer, more than a year after our engagement. It's the commitment, not the piece of paper.

 

[Boardwalk_bride]

We started planning our wedding before we were even engaged...although by that point we had already lived together for 2 years.

 

[D&R love Disney]

We didn't start planning our wedding until a year or so after getting engaged.

 

[torsie24]

I don't think it's strange at all.

We personally set a date as soon as we were engaged (but 2 years ahead), but we have friends who were engaged with no intentions of getting married on the horizons, and other friends who have gotten engaged and then married within a year.

It's a very personal thing, and as long as the couple are happy then that's all that matters IMO.

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

There could be several reasons why she is not planning right now. Maybe they need to save up money or maybe they have no time. The ring on your finger doesn't trigger a planning mode in some people nor does it mean you have to get married at all. My cousin just recently got engaged. They have been together for 6 years. They are not getting married for another 2 years or so. She isn't planning anything right now because they are saving up money.

I have seen people who have been engaged for their whole lives and never got married. Sometimes marriage isn't a priority for some people.

 

[Spritie]

I don't think its particularly weird. It depends on what it means to you to get engaged. My partner and I have discussed getting engaged in the near future, but we have no plans to get married in the next four years. To us, an engagement is another step up in commitment and a sign of that to our families and friends but it doesn't mean we're going to get married right away.

It different for everyone

 

[pghloveswdw512]

For me, the marriage is more important than the ring. I have never wanted one, and I didn't get one. We had been talking about marriage (we've been living together for over a year), and the DFi suggested we consider doing it elopement-style at Disney. We talked about it further, and one day we both just agreed to get married. There was no proposal really, and after that discussion we just started planning it.

None of our parents or our aunt and uncles have romantic proposal stories with engagement rings, and they all have very strong marriages. I guess I just never felt that was an important piece. Maybe your friend, especially because she didn't expect it, needs a little more time to get used to everything.

 

[soulmates]

I've heard of folks being engaged for a few years! We had talked about a ceremony, but as soon as we were officially engaged, I've been in PLAN mode!! We are about 13 months and a few weeks out. Everyone is different.

 

[gemmybear83]

Yes I agree everyone is different and has different priorties.

We discussed our wedding (namely a WDW wedding) before we were engaged, and a few weeks after set a date (more because we wanted to give people plenty of notice as most of our guests are from the U.K).

But as much as I am looking forward to our wedding and party back hime following the wedding it is just one day out of your lives. We have lived together for nearly four years, and are in the middle of house renovation project. To us getting our home completed is more important and something we are saving to get finished, meaning we will have a smaller wedding that will be nearly two years from when we got engaged but for us this was more important.