Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[RachaelA]

I'm also wondering what's going to happen in 20+ years when some of these board members children grow up and have family units of their own.
Honestly all these posts where anyone outside of their spouses or children are not considered family. Family and friends wanting to spend time with them are either not respecting boundaries or intrusive.
I think there are going to be some pretty lonely people in the future if their children grow up to be just how they were raised!

I love my daughter, but I hope she knows that 20-30 years from now that Mom and Dad are going to Disney BY THEMSELVES!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I know I'll want to vacation on occasion in the future with my child and grandchildren. Right now we do them all, vacation alone, vacation with one set of grandparents and siblings, then also with the other grandparents and siblings. It may not always be the same vacation, and we may go on a few less rides with the larger groups, but seeing my son enjoying time with his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins is priceless.

Some of my favorite and earliest memories are being away with extended family. Most all of my friends also do this, the only people I know that are completely against this are here on the dis.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Again, some people are very difficult to travel with. Why would you teach your children to value vacation time with people that you are not compatible to vacation with? To value time where you are not happy?

I want to raise my children to understand that a vacation is a time to relax and have fun. To take a break from daily life. Sometimes having extended family on vacation is very stressful.

I think it's possible to find a vacation that suits everyone. It may not be a week in Disney, but a week at the beach, or a few days in a city, or a couple of days at an all inclusive nearby resort. There's something for everyone. Yes, I want to relax and have fun, but I won't completely exclude the parents that raised us, or the siblings we grew up with or their kids. Of course we were raised that way as well, spending holidays and vacations with family was a given.

 

[LBIJim]

And not expect to be welcome at anyone's house ever again for Christmas or birthdays or anniversaries or baby showers......

Hey, that would be the best Christmas present some people could ever give, NOT inviting me to their house ever again.

Jim

 

[Social Worker Sue]

I think it's possible to find a vacation that suits everyone. It may not be a week in Disney, but a week at the beach, or a few days in a city, or a couple of days at an all inclusive nearby resort. There's something for everyone. Yes, I want to relax and have fun, but I won't completely exclude the parents that raised us, or the siblings we grew up with or their kids. Of course we were raised that way as well, spending holidays and vacations with family was a given.

I love to spend holidays with family.

But to plan a vacation that "suits everybody" in my family? My parents. My siblings. Their children? No. No way.

Our family gets one good vacation a year. Sometimes day dreaming about this vacation gets me through some pretty tough times

I am not about to plan it around what my SIL enjoys or what my nieces or nephews would find fun. They have younger children. Why should I take away from my teens so we can plan vacations with toddlers?

I am going to plan a vacation around what my partner and I enjoy. I am going to plan my vacation with MY children in mind. I am going to dedicate one week a year to my immediate family.

I don't want to raise my children like you were raised. I don't want them to feel they have to accommodate a gaggle of family members for their one hard earned vacation a year. It is NOT selfish to reward yourself with what YOU want to do on vacation.

 

[RachaelA]

I love to spend holidays with family.

But to plan a vacation that "suits everybody" in my family? My parents. My siblings. Their children? No. No way.

Our family gets one good vacation a year. Sometimes day dreaming about this vacation gets me through some pretty tough times

I am not about to plan it around what my SIL enjoys or what my nieces or nephews would find fun. They have younger children. Why should I take away from my teens so we can plan vacations with toddlers?

I am going to plan a vacation around what my partner and I enjoy. I am going to plan my vacation with MY children in mind. I am going to dedicate one week a year to my immediate family.

I don't want to raise my children like you were raised. I don't want them to feel they have to accommodate a gaggle of family members for their one hard earned vacation a year. It is NOT selfish to reward yourself with what YOU want to do on vacation.

I agree with all of this and I'm glad I don't have to type it all!

 

[RachaelA]

I think it's possible to find a vacation that suits everyone. It may not be a week in Disney, but a week at the beach, or a few days in a city, or a couple of days at an all inclusive nearby resort. There's something for everyone. Yes, I want to relax and have fun, but I won't completely exclude the parents that raised us, or the siblings we grew up with or their kids. Of course we were raised that way as well, spending holidays and vacations with family was a given.

Plenty of people get one vacation a year and don't want to spend it with extended family. Just because you like to and were raised that way doesn't mean people are wrong if they don't want to. It's a vacation and I'm going to teach my kids to enjoy their vacation not spend it being miserable trying to please every extended family member.

 

[luvmy3]

And not expect to be welcome at anyone's house ever again for Christmas or birthdays or anniversaries or baby showers......

I suppose if your family is filled with spiteful people looking for "revenge" for not being invited along on your family vacation maybe.......
In that case, NOT spending vacations or holidays with them would be a relief.

I love to spend holidays with family.

But to plan a vacation that "suits everybody" in my family? My parents. My siblings. Their children? No. No way.

Our family gets one good vacation a year. Sometimes day dreaming about this vacation gets me through some pretty tough times

I am not about to plan it around what my SIL enjoys or what my nieces or nephews would find fun. They have younger children. Why should I take away from my teens so we can plan vacations with toddlers?

I am going to plan a vacation around what my partner and I enjoy. I am going to plan my vacation with MY children in mind. I am going to dedicate one week a year to my immediate family.

I don't want to raise my children like you were raised. I don't want them to feel they have to accommodate a gaggle of family members for their one hard earned vacation a year. It is NOT selfish to reward yourself with what YOU want to do on vacation.

 

[denisem]

I think it's possible to find a vacation that suits everyone. It may not be a week in Disney, but a week at the beach, or a few days in a city, or a couple of days at an all inclusive nearby resort. There's something for everyone. Yes, I want to relax and have fun, but I won't completely exclude the parents that raised us, or the siblings we grew up with or their kids. Of course we were raised that way as well, spending holidays and vacations with family was a given.

I need to introduce you to my older brother. He is totally bored unless the vacation revolves around car shows, car races, junkyards, or some kind of engines. Cruise, beach? Bored. Casino, Las Vegas? Bored. Disney World? Beyond bored. Visiting with family for more than an hour or two? Almost tolerable. And he doesn't hesitate to let everyone know - he makes Grumpy Cat look like an extrovert. Even when including his preferred activities for several hours, he spends the rest of the time like a lump on a log. So our extended family is glad when he stays home and my SIL accompanies us alone.

I also cruised once with a co-worker & our husbands and "thought" I made it clear it would be fun to have dinner & do some activities together while occasionally following our own interests. Nope, she pouted whenever we didn't follow all her plans.

I salute those with "normal" families/friends that can vacation successfully together and "give and take" among their preferences (or go their own ways) but until you've experienced vacationing with a Debbie Downer or control freak, I don't think you realize how one person can bring down a group of people...

 

[kimmar067]

I love my daughter, but I hope she knows that 20-30 years from now that Mom and Dad are going to Disney BY THEMSELVES!

....heck, we're doing that in six days!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, I agree Figment.

Indeed, we DID try that approach...

After a couple of very bad attempts to travel with my inlaws...
After having MIL invite DH's relatives to actually CRASH a competely unrelated annual reunion that we were attending... etc... etc...

Some of us have learned the hard way.

You know. SOMETIMES IT JUST ISN'T THE POSTER WHO FEELS THAT THEY NEED TO PROTECT SOME PERSONAL BOUNDARIES...

SOMETIMES IT REALLY IS THOSE WHO FEEL THAT THEY ARE JUST SO ENTITLED TO INVITE THEMSELVES... WITH NO CONSIDERATION.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Plenty of people get one vacation a year and don't want to spend it with extended family. Just because you like to and were raised that way doesn't mean people are wrong if they don't want to. It's a vacation and I'm going to teach my kids to enjoy their vacation not spend it being miserable trying to please every extended family member.

We're not miserable at all. We can all enjoy a variety of vacation settings, and each others company. We're also go with the flow folks, and don't need each day to go exactly as we would personally choose to do.

It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.

And, again, you could be (in my case you 'are') very wrong.

I have learned what NOT to do as an inlaw/grandparent by my personal experience.

I would be so very happy to know that my son and his wife and any child(ren) have wonderful close relationships, and might enjoy spending some special time, just them.

If they wish to invite me for some things... GREAT!!!!

But, make no mistake...

I am NOT entitled....

It is not my place to invite myself, or even have any expectations.

In my experience, whenever I hear the old whine.. 'but it's family...'
I hear entitlement....

 

[chloelovesdisney]

And, again, you could be (in my case you 'are') very wrong.

I would expect that from you actually. You weren't included in my reference.

 

[Art 1]

We're not miserable at all. We can all enjoy a variety of vacation settings, and each others company. We're also go with the flow folks, and don't need each day to go exactly as we would personally choose to do.

It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.

Going to be interesting someday around here in 20 years or so when so many dis ladies become the dreaded MIL. My guess is we will hear about how bad ALL DIL's are.

But OP. I would be trying to get the Grandparents to stay home and babysit. I wouldn't and did not take infants on vacations unless we took along a babysitter.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Does she know where you are staying? Hopefully you did not tell her that!!!

The best you can do is to call her and explain your side of the story once again. If she insists on coming on "your vacation" then you can tell her that you are going to cancel the vacation because of the lack of respect and privacy that she has for you.

It is not the most polite way to handle it but if you DO NOT want them on YOUR vacation you are going to have to put your foot down.

Now there will be repercussions of course, but since she lives in Boston, I would not worry about it.

Maybe you can just cancel and tell her the date didn't work out for you guys after all (leave out the part that it's her fault). Then reschedule a different date and not tell her a WORD about it.

Problem solved.

Sometimes, you just can't get through to people. But "unforeseen events" just have a way of making things work out.

ETA- Lesson learned, don't say a word about any future plans that you don't want to include someone in. I know it's hard when you are excited. But you see what can happen. Stinks, but that's the way it is sometimes.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I love to spend holidays with family.

But to plan a vacation that "suits everybody" in my family? My parents. My siblings. Their children? No. No way.

Our family gets one good vacation a year. Sometimes day dreaming about this vacation gets me through some pretty tough times

I am not about to plan it around what my SIL enjoys or what my nieces or nephews would find fun. They have younger children. Why should I take away from my teens so we can plan vacations with toddlers?

I am going to plan a vacation around what my partner and I enjoy. I am going to plan my vacation with MY children in mind. I am going to dedicate one week a year to my immediate family.

I don't want to raise my children like you were raised. I don't want them to feel they have to accommodate a gaggle of family members for their one hard earned vacation a year. It is NOT selfish to reward yourself with what YOU want to do on vacation.

If I could only take one vacation a year that may be the case, but I would still try to do a couple of weekend trips.

Different strokes for different folks. We went to Disney last month with a large group, and I enjoyed planning special things for my nieces almost as much as I enjoyed planning for my toddler son.

Most everyone I know goes away on occasion with their parents or in-laws, siblings and their kids, and this is how they also grew up. Must be a tri-state area thing, much like blow out weddings.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Going to be interesting someday around here in 20 years or so when so many dis ladies become the dreaded MIL. My guess is we will hear about how bad ALL DIL's are.

But OP. I would be trying to get the Grandparents to stay home and babysit. I wouldn't and did not take infants on vacations unless we took along a babysitter.

I'm not going to touch the leave your baby behind on vacation. That's happening on another board already.

 

[maxiesmom]

It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.

Exactly! And they are accused of intruding because they want to spend time with their extended family.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Op, just be honest and tell her that you don't want her on your vacation. If she continues to say they are planning on going to Disney the dates you are ... Just make your reservations for your family only, don't stay at the same hotel as them, do your own thing and maybe meet up with them for dinner only (one time).


This is what I did to my MIL ... My DH and I got married and my MIL tried to go on our honeymoon with us. Well, I changed the dates on her and never told her. She ended up going two weeks before us and we never shared our honeymoon with her.