Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[maxiesmom]

WDW is a big place. I'd say let them come. You could meet up for a dinner or two, but other than that there is nothing that says you have to be tour guide or hold their hand through the vacation.

Exactly.

 

[Janepod]

Don't try to tell them anything...
Really....
There is no way for that to work out well for you.
There is no 'telling' or 'mitigating' anything with people like this.

Hey, OP, Do they know where you are staying????

NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever, again, slip up and mention anything to anyone in that family!!!!!!! Knowledge is power.

Here is what I would do...
Tell them it looks like you will have to change your plans...
Change your location...
Stay somewhere different...

WDW is a HUGE place!!!!!

And DO NOT say one word to anyone else about it...

Always remember... Knowledge is power... never, ever give that power to those who would abuse it!!!

BTDT.... learned this lesson with my MIL early on... When she spilled the beans and therefore 'invited' some of their family to crash an annual reunion that we attend every year, which just happened to be fairly close.

I think this is a childish way to handle the situation. Assuming you, OP, actually want to have a healthy relationship with your inlaws.

Just have your husband tell her the truth.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Did I say I did? I don't want to spend ANY time with any family on vacation. To me, family vacations are no fun.

I am looking for a way to tell them nicely we do not want to do anything with them...

How about this? Call the SIL and tell her you've talked with your husband and after some thought this family get together won't work for you, but thanks for thinking of you.

 

[HM]

I'm confused. You started off the post talking about some friends of your SIL coming with them on a get-together and then never mentioned those friends again. Then inserted the MIL into the mix. What happened to the first situation?

 

[Christine]

To the OP: I am going to take your word for it that the in-laws are horrible people that you don't want to spend time with. In that case, I do understand your response to having them join you at WDW.

Having got that out, I would like to say that I've never understood this viewpoint of wanting to always have vacations be "alone" or "just the XXXX number of us" or something to that effect. I see it often on the DIS. Maybe this stems from being an only child and not having a large amount of people around me, etc. but some of my fondest vacation memories as a child AND as an adult are those trips that I've taken with a large group of people. Be it to the beach or to WDW. And these have been the BEST memories for my kids--even if my in-laws managed to irriate the crap out of me or if my dad annoyed me for three days or if my cousin had a bratty kid with us. Overall, those trips have the best memories.

On one hand, I sort of think it's great that your SIL wants to meet your new baby and be a part of his/her life. I also think that if you gotta vacation with the family, WDW is the place to do it. You have many, many excuses to get away on your own.

I'm also trying to see what's so special about a 1st birthday that it needs to be "just the three of us?" I realize there's just different strokes for different folks. Or maybe you are ALWAYS around family and you need to get away?

 

[kirstenb1]

Everyone has their own budget, but $4000.00 for your trip would leave me a lot of wiggle room to save money.

Also, I notice you live in Georgia. I'd take the trip you planned. But I'd add a second budget trip for 3-4 days to include this extended family. If you're in Ga, you could easily drive down, stay in less expensive accomodations, and maybe only have 1-2 park days.

 

[smkiya]

On a related note, I just want to warn you about something that happened to us when friends decided to invite themselves on our vacation.

We had our trip planned and booked, including all our ADR's. Friends decided they wanted to vacation at the same time, with us, really. We only had 3 of our 5 children on this vacation, (2 oldest had work/college conflicts) so we booked POR. Our friends have a family of 6, so they wanted to stay at a value with 2 rooms and wanted us to switch resorts. No way, my boys love POR. So then the friends decided to stay at POR. She kept telling me she needed our reservation # so they could link the rooms together so we would be located near each other. (I knew this to be true from past vacations with other family and friends.) I never gave her my reservation number. I had requested a room near the food court, (back before that was a paid option) because I needed to have surgery on both feet, and was trying to have our room conveniently located. I knew it would be difficult to honor a request for the popular buildings if 3 rooms were involved. I repeatedly explained this to my friend.

We arrived a day before them, and when checking in, we were assigned building 26. I knew it was only a request to be in building 14 or 18 but I was still disappointed. When I politely asked if they had anything available in either of those buildings, imagine my surprise when the CM said she didn't have 3 rooms together in either of the buildings. Three rooms? I only needed one room!

The nice CM kindly explained, over and over, that they couldn't accommodate my request due to the size of our travel party and needing 3 rooms. She acted as if I just didn't "get it." Now, far more upset about the breach of trust involving my reservation than our room location, I kept insisting we were a party of 5 and only needed 1 room. It was silly, really... I think I know how many rooms and people I paid for.

Ugh... somehow my "friend" had talked them into linking our reservations together, even though they say they are required to have the reservation # to do so.

I totally blame my friend, yet Disney also had some responsibility here. I ended up having them move our room. When our friends arrived the next day, she was really mad our rooms were not near each other. She argued they were supposed to be linked together, making it seem Disney screwed up, so they offered her a FREE UPGRADE.

In the end, I knew I had to let go of any hard feelings, so all involved could enjoy the vacation.

Sorry that was long, I just wanted you to be aware that others may be able to gain access to your reservation info. I know my friend didn't mean any harm, (it's not like she was trying to get my credit card #) she just wanted control and to get her own way. (She also wanted us to change park days and ADR's to accommodate them.)

Others will say... It's a big place and you can't control if they vacation at the same time, etc., but if you don't want your MIL camped out next to you for the week... be careful.

You handled that VERY well! I try not to hold grudges, but that would not sit well with me AT ALL. I think I would have been a ticking time bomb the whole trip!

I took a trip to Vegas with my girlfriend back in my early 20's, and although we had some funny stories, we fought a lot of the time. We didn't often see eye to eye on what we wanted to do or where we wanted to go. She was more "dominant" so I usually went along with it. We ended up with free airline tickets because we volunteered to be bumped from our flight. The thought of going anywhere else on vacation with her was unbearable, so I used it for a solo trip to San Diego. She was mad, but I had an awesome time (without her)!

I hope you can do what YOU feel is best OP. Even if all goes fairly well on a trip with them, it's just as bad having to fret the entire time about when the ball is going to drop. Tense vacations are not vacations in my opinion.

 

[daisymomof4]

Oh, my former MIL was a huge pita. We took a trip to DL together once and I thought they were going to deny her admission in to the park, that's how difficult she is I totally feel for you not wanting your MIL to tag along.

I don't like that your SIL is dismissive about how you feel about your MIL. She doesn't have to agree, but she could be more respectful, even if it messes up *her* plans for vacation. I'd say something like, "I think it's great that you can put aside how you feel about MIL and deal with her. If I lived in Boston I might be able to do the same, but she's on my doorstep and I just can't do that. I respect how you feel, I'd love it if you could respect how I feel. I'm not going to spend my vacation with her." It's not an unreasonable thing for you to say. You want to spend time just with your DH and child as a family. No need to apologize for that

Is there any sort of tension between you and your SIL about visiting where you live? Could she not come there first for a few days, then go on her trip with her friends? My guess is your SIL might be torn between family obligations and taking a vacation with her friends, because like you she's only got so much $ and so much time for vacation. If you lay it out there and ask her about it, you two might talk and find a solution that works.

GL!

 

[luvmy3]

To the OP: I am going to take your word for it that the in-laws are horrible people that you don't want to spend time with. In that case, I do understand your response to having them join you at WDW.

Having got that out, I would like to say that I've never understood this viewpoint of wanting to always have vacations be "alone" or "just the XXXX number of us" or something to that effect. I see it often on the DIS. Maybe this stems from being an only child and not having a large amount of people around me, etc. but some of my fondest vacation memories as a child AND as an adult are those trips that I've taken with a large group of people. Be it to the beach or to WDW. And these have been the BEST memories for my kids--even if my in-laws managed to irriate the crap out of me or if my dad annoyed me for three days or if my cousin had a bratty kid with us. Overall, those trips have the best memories.

On one hand, I sort of think it's great that your SIL wants to meet your new baby and be a part of his/her life. I also think that if you gotta vacation with the family, WDW is the place to do it. You have many, many excuses to get away on your own.

I'm also trying to see what's so special about a 1st birthday that it needs to be "just the three of us?" I realize there's just different strokes for different folks. Or maybe you are ALWAYS around family and you need to get away?

I am an only child and I grew up taking vacations with my entire family and they were great. Having said that I don't like vacationing with other people, family or friends. I don't mind a weekend get together somewhere but when it comes to a week long family vacation at somewhere like WDW I do want it to be just us because those vacations I consider "our" family time. Meeting up for a day in the park is great, but staying in the same resort, doing the same parks with eachother, same ADRs etc etc, just not how I would want to spend my and my family's vacation. To each his own though, some people would love that kind of thing.
FTR, I have great ILs (and my own family and friends), I just don't want to vacation with a group of people.

 

[hereyago]

The moment someone ignores my request or.tries.to.guilt me into anything,those things alome would make me either be blunt or.change.the.info.to my.advantage.you can be blunt and firm it doesn't have to.berude.

 

[maxiesmom]

Having got that out, I would like to say that I've never understood this viewpoint of wanting to always have vacations be "alone" or "just the XXXX number of us" or something to that effect. I see it often on the DIS. Maybe this stems from being an only child and not having a large amount of people around me, etc. but some of my fondest vacation memories as a child AND as an adult are those trips that I've taken with a large group of people. Be it to the beach or to WDW. And these have been the BEST memories for my kids--even if my in-laws managed to irriate the crap out of me or if my dad annoyed me for three days or if my cousin had a bratty kid with us. Overall, those trips have the best memories.

On one hand, I sort of think it's great that your SIL wants to meet your new baby and be a part of his/her life. I also think that if you gotta vacation with the family, WDW is the place to do it. You have many, many excuses to get away on your own.

I agree with you! There is another post very similar to this over on the family board. And it makes me sad that so many people see anyone outside of their immediate family of spouse or child as an intruder. I'm very glad my own family is not like that, or I would miss out on a huge number of my Disney trips!

You never know how long any of us will be here. Love and honor all of your family as best you can. I think you should all go, and then just meet up in the park for bits of time here and there. The best of both worlds for everyone.

 

[Social Worker Sue]

OP-

Just go and have a good time

Get up early, go to the parks, make ADRs. You can't control who visits WDW, but you CAN control your reaction.

Don't wait for anybody to get ready in the mornings. Don't sit around the parks waiting for others to arrive. I hate doing that on vacation. Make it very clear you are on a tight schedule and you hope you guys can meet up, but you will not be sitting around waiting for others to meet up with you. Communication prior to the vacation is important.

Tell your DH's family that you guys will be on a whacky schedule, due to the fact that you have a one year old.

I can't imagine going with strangers (your SIL's friends) that also have young children It is difficult to stick to your own child's schedule while on vacation. Now throw in other children from other families

 

[luvmy3]

I agree with you! There is another post very similar to this over on the family board. And it makes me sad that so many people see anyone outside of their immediate family of spouse or child as an intruder. I'm very glad my own family is not like that, or I would miss out on a huge number of my Disney trips!
You never know how long any of us will be here. Love and honor all of your family as best you can. I think you should all go, and then just meet up in the park for bits of time here and there. The best of both worlds for everyone.

Just curious what makes you incapable of planning a Disney trip on your own

 

[Social Worker Sue]

I agree with you! There is another post very similar to this over on the family board. And it makes me sad that so many people see anyone outside of their immediate family of spouse or child as an intruder. I'm very glad my own family is not like that, or I would miss out on a huge number of my Disney trips!

I guess if the OP's sister really wants to spend some time with the new baby, it would make sense not to invite her friends? I just don't get that part.

To be honest, it seems like a stressful situation to me.

I enjoy traveling with certain family members. Infact, I get so disappointed when certain people can't make it when we vaction. But there are other family members (that I LOVE very much) who are just awful to vacation with.

 

[EMom]

On a related note, I just want to warn you about something that happened to us when friends decided to invite themselves on our vacation.

We had our trip planned and booked, including all our ADR's. Friends decided they wanted to vacation at the same time, with us, really. We only had 3 of our 5 children on this vacation, (2 oldest had work/college conflicts) so we booked POR. Our friends have a family of 6, so they wanted to stay at a value with 2 rooms and wanted us to switch resorts. No way, my boys love POR. So then the friends decided to stay at POR. She kept telling me she needed our reservation # so they could link the rooms together so we would be located near each other. (I knew this to be true from past vacations with other family and friends.) I never gave her my reservation number. I had requested a room near the food court, (back before that was a paid option) because I needed to have surgery on both feet, and was trying to have our room conveniently located. I knew it would be difficult to honor a request for the popular buildings if 3 rooms were involved. I repeatedly explained this to my friend.

We arrived a day before them, and when checking in, we were assigned building 26. I knew it was only a request to be in building 14 or 18 but I was still disappointed. When I politely asked if they had anything available in either of those buildings, imagine my surprise when the CM said she didn't have 3 rooms together in either of the buildings. Three rooms? I only needed one room!

The nice CM kindly explained, over and over, that they couldn't accommodate my request due to the size of our travel party and needing 3 rooms. She acted as if I just didn't "get it." Now, far more upset about the breach of trust involving my reservation than our room location, I kept insisting we were a party of 5 and only needed 1 room. It was silly, really... I think I know how many rooms and people I paid for.

Ugh... somehow my "friend" had talked them into linking our reservations together, even though they say they are required to have the reservation # to do so.
I totally blame my friend, yet Disney also had some responsibility here. I ended up having them move our room. When our friends arrived the next day, she was really mad our rooms were not near each other. She argued they were supposed to be linked together, making it seem Disney screwed up, so they offered her a FREE UPGRADE.

In the end, I knew I had to let go of any hard feelings, so all involved could enjoy the vacation.

Sorry that was long, I just wanted you to be aware that others may be able to gain access to your reservation info. I know my friend didn't mean any harm, (it's not like she was trying to get my credit card #) she just wanted control and to get her own way. (She also wanted us to change park days and ADR's to accommodate them.)

Others will say... It's a big place and you can't control if they vacation at the same time, etc., but if you don't want your MIL camped out next to you for the week... be careful.

This same thing happened to us. Someone invited themselves along on our vacation, got the rooms changed to be together, and threw monkey wrench after monkey wrench into our vacation plans. If someone has already invited themselves along on YOUR vacation, they will likely not respect you wanting to spend your days separately.

It slowed down what we could do, where we could go.....everything. Never again. That's why I say to fudge on your travel dates. So if they decide to disregard your wishes to vacation alone and book anyway, you will not be stuck with them.

I wouldn't spend $400, let alone $4000 on a trip that wasn't going to be enjoyable due to others crashing it. Run away! Run away!

 

[Social Worker Sue]

Another thing:

Sometimes people just want to be alone with their spouse and children. Sometimes life just gets crazy and you need to regroup with a very small amount of people.

Maybe the OP's husband is working long hours right now? Maybe they are just two ships passing in the night? Maybe they just want to be alone? There is nothing wrong with that.

Extra people on vacation (esp. strangers) sometimes brings stress. Maybe they just want one week alone as a little family?

 

[JohnstonMandy]

My ILs are trying to invite themselves on our WDW vacation in 2015. My husband and I live five miles away from ILs so we see them a lot!! Having vacations just for us is really important so we can focus on our kids. My ILs are nice people but very pushy and would want to do EVERYTHING with us - not my cup of tea. I just want to relax and do what we want to do.

 

[shortbun]

One of the top ten rules of marriage should be "you deal with your family, he deals with his family." Always. Non optional for pushovers. He's the husband and needs to man up.

I totally disagree with this! The person with the best skills would be the best person to deal with this type of problem. You are BOTH members of each family. Tell your SIL, 'sorry, NO! We're taking this trip alone."

I LOVE my in-laws and have travelled with them several times. Each time, I end up feeling crazy because of them. Don't do it, especially since you already don't like them much. Tell your SIL to take her guilt trip alone.

 

[Rylee]

Another thing:

Sometimes people just want to be alone with their spouse and children. Sometimes life just gets crazy and you need to regroup with a very small amount of people.

Maybe they just want one week alone as a little family?

Having vacations just for us is really important so we can focus on our kids. )

Totally agree.

We are a very active, very busy family. DH works full-time, plus is in a band with gigs on weekends. Kids have school, sports, (practice and games) lessons, rehearsals, part-time jobs, etc. Oldest and youngest are 20 years apart and never even lived in the same house together. (She was off to college before he was even born.) Sometimes we just want our vacation to be our own immediate family. We enjoy being together and it's a great way to re-connect.

We have also enjoyed many vacations, (WDW, beach, camping, etc.) with extended family and/or friends. Those were great, too.

The important part... It should be OUR CHOICE, if, when, and where, we decide to travel with others.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry, shortbun...
I see what you are trying to say...
But.. From somebody who is been there, done that...
I have to vehemently disagree.

If a spouse is 'unable' to communicate and deal with their own family, in order to protect their husband's/wive's personal boundaries. then I see that as a problem.

Not to mention, how is that going to come between a husband and a wife, if for example, wife is having to do battle with husbands mother.