Family inviting themselves on your vacation...

[mrsklamc]

I agree with you! There is another post very similar to this over on the family board. And it makes me sad that so many people see anyone outside of their immediate family of spouse or child as an intruder.

Some people have family members who thrive on making others miserable. A Disney trip is a lot of $$$ to spend only to have someone there intentionally annoying you all the time.

 

[disykat]

I can't believe all the people who continue to insist you should be happy to go on vacation with people you've already said you don't want to spend your vacation with. It always makes me wonder when I'm reading "have these people invited themselves on other people's vacations and that's why they need to defend the right to do so?"


As someone else said, they've already proven that they don't respect your boundaries in terms of this vacation, that's not going to suddenly change once you're there. They could have gone to WDW anytime they wanted, and they're already bringing friends - I'm not sure why they've hooked onto your trip.

I'm guessing, since you've already said your DH is a pushover, it's going to be up to you.

I'd say something like "We've been planning this getaway vacation for our family for a while now and somehow I think the excitement of the possibility of seeing each other changed the flow of our conversation. As much as DH and I would love to see you, we need to keep our original vacation plans for a little family getaway intact. I hope you enjoy your trip with your friends and maybe we can plan to see each other at another time soon!"

Explain it ONCE, then take a simple statement and keep repeating it. "We'd like to take the vacation we already had planned."

 

[hereyago]

I don't believe family or friends have a carte blanc on being rude to invite themselves. They also dont have a pass to.try to use.guilt.or other manipulation. Sorry, but life is too.short.

 

[clutter]

Everyone has their own budget, but $4000.00 for your trip would leave me a lot of wiggle room to save money.

Also, I notice you live in Georgia. I'd take the trip you planned. But I'd add a second budget trip for 3-4 days to include this extended family. If you're in Ga, you could easily drive down, stay in less expensive accomodations, and maybe only have 1-2 park days.

I'm thinking the same thing. $4k for a trip that you might be driving seems like you're staying deluxe or for a LONG time. Can you split that into two trips? Do a 3 day one with the in-laws AFTER your baby's first trip? (And yes, I'm on the bandwagon that doesn't get the specialness of it. It was my dd's later trips that I enjoyed the most at Disney.)

 

[RachaelA]

I'd change the week I was going. And I'm be perfectly honest and say "thanks for thinking of me, but we want to vacation by ourselves" and not talk about it again and leave it at that. Stop telling your SIL anything. She obviously doesn't care about your feelings at all since she keeps doing what SHE wants even though she knows its not what you want.

Did I miss where the OP said how her husband feels about all of this other than the fact that he's a pushover?

 

[StuffedwFluff]

One way to go about this is to not push them away and make hurt feelings, but to kill them with kindness. (I'm in the exact situation!)
I have taken it upon myself to plan everything for everyone. I'm in charge of every detail. Some might be put off by this, but it's a blessing in disguise. I planned out their days according to what they'd like to do. Let them think that you're a saint, but really you have ulterior motives.
When you're at Magic Kingdom enjoying a dole whip and dumbo, they're at Epcot enjoying the flower and garden festival or on a fishing excursion. You could be eating at beaches and cream while they enjoy lunch at the wilderness lodge.
By planning their vacation for them you get to choice when and where they'll be at all times. Mwahahaha!!

 

[weeluvdisney]

Unfortunately everyone's family dynamics are not the same. Some people don't have wonderful family members or in laws and some people do. Everyone is not going to want to travel with their family. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to go on vacation alone, especially for a first birthday celebration. For example I would not want to go on any vacation's with my mother in law because she lives with us. I see her way too much as it is. With her MIL living 5 minutes away and the OP not caring for her MIL's personality, why would she want to go on vacation with her.

OP I would either tell SIL the truth that you will be going on this PRE-PLANNED special trip alone whether they go or not OR manipulate your dates so that you are there a few days before they get there or you are there a few days after they leave for your alone time. Good luck!

 

[Uncle Remus]

One way to go about this is to not push them away and make hurt feelings, but to kill them with kindness. (I'm in the exact situation!)
I have taken it upon myself to plan everything for everyone. I'm in charge of every detail. Some might be put off by this, but it's a blessing in disguise. I planned out their days according to what they'd like to do. Let them think that you're a saint, but really you have ulterior motives.
When you're at Magic Kingdom enjoying a dole whip and dumbo, they're at Epcot enjoying the flower and garden festival or on a fishing excursion. You could be eating at beaches and cream while they enjoy lunch at the wilderness lodge.
By planning their vacation for them you get to choice when and where they'll be at all times. Mwahahaha!!

Thanks for the laugh, good one!!

 

[disneykidatheart]

Many people now have said WDW is a big place, you don't all have to do the same things and so on. There is one thing that may happen though.

SIL and friends (who don't know the OP) may pair off and stick the OP with MIL. I wouldn't be thrilled with that.

 

[shortbun]

Sorry, shortbun...
I see what you are trying to say...
But.. From somebody who is been there, done that...
I have to vehemently disagree.

If a spouse is 'unable' to communicate and deal with their own family, in order to protect their husband's/wive's personal boundaries. then I see that as a problem.

Not to mention, how is that going to come between a husband and a wife, if for example, wife is having to do battle with husbands mother.

Hi! Well, my husband and I work as a team. We are a partnership. In any great partnership, the partners play to their strengths. I am madly in love with my spouse after 30 years. We have no problems dividing the work where it makes sense rather than forcing some unnatural concept on our lives. If it works for you, fine, but don't expect the world to run on your methods. Every couple must find their own balance. My husband cooks, cleans and does laundry. I handle his mother. She sees a lot more of him than she would if he were in charge. Everyone is happy.

 

[kimmar067]

Okay...so here is my dilemma..


My SIL called with the thought of us getting together sometime this year so they could meet our new baby. Included in this trip would be their 2 yo and their friends with a baby the same age as ours (I have never met the other couple) and my in-laws.

My MIL is a (insert the you know what word here LOL).I do not enjoy being around her, but I do it for my husband and my son. But, I do NOT want to vacation with her.....SIL knows how MIL is (MIL treats her the same) but still thinks I should be okay with it. I'm not and told her so. She ignored me and made me feel like a bad person for not wanting to go on a trip with my in laws who always like to start trouble and are the most judgmental people ever. Sorry, but I want my vacation to be relaxing.

Before SIL called,DH and I already decided we were going to WDW to celebrate our little one's 1st birthday next Feb. That will cost us around $4k for that trip.....with one income at the moment and lack of extra vacation time for DH after the disney trip, that doesn't leave much wiggle room for a second vacation in one year.

SIL wants to do a cruise or a disney cruise...personally I don't want to cruise with a 1 year old or younger (she possibly wants to do it when he is 6-9 months....) I am not a cruise fan in general. When I told her we already had vacation plans she asked where. SIL is not usually an intruding person so I thought nothing about telling her we are going to disney. She then invites their family, my in laws, and the other family to come with us without even asking my opinion

She doesn't understand that I want my son's first trip to disney to just be the three of us. I love my BIL and SIL but come on.... please don't invite yourselves on my trip. My first trip to wdw with my son is a once in a lifetime experience and I don't want to have to deal with anybody else and their kids while I am there. Know what I mean?


How do I politely handle this situation? My DH does not handle his family well (he is kind of a pushover....I am saying that in the nicest way. I love my DH dearly) so it is me who has to deal with this. Plus I think it is between my SIL and myself anyways.

....just because you'll all potentially be in the same location at the same time does not mean you will 'be joined at the hip'...don't let them know your dining plans, what park you will be visiting when, etc. If you happen to 'bump' into each other, well then, so be it....but nowhere is it written in stone that you must spend all your time together. WDW is a big enough place that you should feel 'crowded'....

 

[mrsklamc]

Hi! Well, my husband and I work as a team. We are a partnership. In any great partnership, the partners play to their strengths. I am madly in love with my spouse after 30 years. We have no problems dividing the work where it makes sense rather than forcing some unnatural concept on our lives.

I don't think it's an 'unnatural concept.' I'm glad it works out great for you; but here on the DIS and in real life, it would solve a lot of problems if people did not expect their spouse to deal with their family.

 

[kimmar067]

One way to go about this is to not push them away and make hurt feelings, but to kill them with kindness. (I'm in the exact situation!)
I have taken it upon myself to plan everything for everyone. I'm in charge of every detail. Some might be put off by this, but it's a blessing in disguise. I planned out their days according to what they'd like to do. Let them think that you're a saint, but really you have ulterior motives.
When you're at Magic Kingdom enjoying a dole whip and dumbo, they're at Epcot enjoying the flower and garden festival or on a fishing excursion. You could be eating at beaches and cream while they enjoy lunch at the wilderness lodge.
By planning their vacation for them you get to choice when and where they'll be at all times. Mwahahaha!!

....oooooh, I like your style.....

 

[disykat]

SIL and friends (who don't know the OP) may pair off and stick the OP with MIL. I wouldn't be thrilled with that.

AHA! A possible reason why SIL and her friends decided to hook onto OP's trip and invite MIL along. That way, she gets "credit" for vacationing with MIL, but doesn't actually have to!

 

[EMom]

AHA! A possible reason why SIL and her friends decided to hook onto OP's trip and invite MIL along. That way, she gets "credit" for vacationing with MIL, but doesn't actually have to!

SIL is an Evil Genius.

 

[mrsklamc]

If SIL is the type to insert herself into OPs vacation, she is likely to also be the type who thinks they have to be 'joined at the hip.' Regardless, it's going to cause OP stress and angst for them to intrude on the 3 person family vacation that was previously planned. That is not what their family had planned, and she is in no way obligated to this new plan that's been proposed, other than it probably would have been best if she could have nipped it in the bud right off the bat. "Oh, no, that is a 3 person trip only, we've had it planned that way for awhile and it's not something we are changing. What else works for you?"

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

OP - I feel sorry for the position you are being put into.

A few years ago I was planning a girls trip only with my 5th and 3rd grade daughters. I was super excited about it and kept it a surprise from my girls (they didn't find out until 3 hours before the airplane left) So about 5 months before the trip we are at a family function and my husband is talking to his Mom and she asks about our vacation plans for the year and he tells her. She leaves him and beelines across the room to me.

Her - "I just heard that in May you are going..."

Me - "No" (OMG, I thought did I say that out loud?) We stare at each other, and then I politely say "I'm sorry, please go on"

Her - "I heard you are doing a girl's trip to Disney. Wouldn't it be great if I came and brought my other grand daughter as a graduation gift, etc. etc. etc. We can share a room, we can..."

Me - "No, I'm sorry but this is going to be a special trip for me and my girls"

I didn't get into the details -- how would we fit 5 in a room, a graduation gift would have to be later than our May trip (I mean who takes a week off of school a month before graduation, etc) I was horrified that I spoke so quickly and from the gut (not the type of person I usually am, I tend to be more of a pleaser lets-make-this-work-for-everyone person)

But you know, it was the BEST thing I did. I was brutally honest and then I didn't need to hear reasons how it could work, etc. And the whole trip in Disney I thought how different the trip would be with others and was so glad it was my special time with my girls.

Please be honest and take care of it. You and your husband deserve time together. The first year of a baby's life, while wonderful, can be rather tiring and I think it's great you are going to have a great vacation with your husband and child.

 

[figmentswife]

I only read your first post and none of the responses yet.....

Been there, done that!!!! We planned our trip, in-laws decided that when I told them we were going that meant I asked them to go also!!!! WHAT??? I never asked them to go.

Anyways, they asked me to book their trip, I have them my TAs number, then I called her FAST and explained that she was not to tell them where we were staying and please book them at another resort, I even suggested WL because they usually camp so they may enjoy. All along hoping that they wouldn't book because it cost so much more then they are used to paying.

They booked, they went..... First day at MK they called asked where we were so we met up with them in front of the castle they wanted to go to space mountain but we were headed to splashelse.....that was the last of them for the trip. They didn't even try to see their granddaughter ON her birthday IN Disney!!!!!

So I say go ahead and plan your trip, book your stuff but don't tell them where you are staying, just tell them you will decide closer in, name a few resorts you are thinking of but don't give it away that you KNOW where yet, if they ask, tell them your daily plans then go about it. It is easy to ignore your cell at Disney. Or have a meal with them, then do your own thing. You do not have to be with them during your stay.

 

[marlynnp]

One way to go about this is to not push them away and make hurt feelings, but to kill them with kindness. (I'm in the exact situation!)
I have taken it upon myself to plan everything for everyone. I'm in charge of every detail. Some might be put off by this, but it's a blessing in disguise. I planned out their days according to what they'd like to do. Let them think that you're a saint, but really you have ulterior motives.
When you're at Magic Kingdom enjoying a dole whip and dumbo, they're at Epcot enjoying the flower and garden festival or on a fishing excursion. You could be eating at beaches and cream while they enjoy lunch at the wilderness lodge.
By planning their vacation for them you get to choice when and where they'll be at all times. Mwahahaha!!

You are wonderfully evil!

 

[manning]

No need to 'include' them all on your WDW trip. They know when you're going...if they want to book a trip then, let them. You can always plan on getting together off and on when you're all there. Maybe one big dinner someplace, with a birthday cake. Then, have a private birthday celebration with just the three of you another night. You can tell them that while you're thrilled they'll be there at the same time, you already have some plans that have been made and can't be changed. No need to elaborate!! And no need to spend every waking minute with them either.

We have DVC and the last couple years have gone with another couple in a 2 bedroom. We go our separate ways and occasionally meet up. You definitely don't want to be joined at the hips.

I have a relative who had the same problem. They still went to WDW and solved the problem. They changed their dates, went earlier and didn't tell anyone. Told everyone last minute change at work beyond his control. It was prresented as change your dates or else.