Experiences with Skipping a Grade?

[Friend of a Mouse]

I skipped 10-12 grades, going to college after ninth grade. (no GED, no diploma, I am technically a drop out)

Would I do it again? Yes. In a heartbeat. However, i went to a program with abunch of other girls my age. There were 60 of us on the campus of about 800. While I did have friends that were traditional college students (trads), my closest friends were the other girls in the program. We all understood what it was like to not quite fit in and to be "older" than your peers

I did eventually transfer to another college that did not have a similar program, but by that time I was the traditonal college age. If I had not had the opportunity to be with other girls my same age and situation, I do not know if it would have gone as well. I got along with the trads and had some friends, but this was a campus where they were used to underage girls. Kids can be cruel, and kids don;t necessary mature that much. You will always have immature kids in high school and middle school. Adding a new social group who may not understand on top of the academic burden she will have will be hard. Perhaps a better thing would be to have her find some groupst hat are similar. If she is in middle school there will be clubs for various interests. She could also look into outside organizations to find a peer group. I just worry taht this plan may backfire given the reasoning for it.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

I'm 21 years old and in college, so I thought I'd chime in and tell you that while it may help her make friends now, it's going to become a big social dilemna when all of her friends are getting their drivers' licenses a year ahead of her, becoming legal adults before her, seeing R-rated movies before her... but especially when they're turning 21 before her. This is probably something that you don't think is a big problem right now, but when she's in college and her friends are going downtown or hanging out, she's going to be left at home. When they're teenagers and want to go see the newest movie... oh, wait, you're not old enough. And you know - they might persuade her to get a fake ID, drink underage, and she could get an MIP. Yeah, she's young and a little nerdy and studious right now. You can't envision her ever doing anything so risky, yet alone drinking. But I'll let you know I was a nerdy, teacher's pet, All-A, Salutatorian, little miss perfect... and now that I'm an adult, I like to drink with my friends every once in a while.

When I was in 4th grade, my parents and the teachers were toying with the idea of bumping me up to 5th - not for social reasons, but I wasn't at a very good elementary school (we had just moved from SC to FL), and I was way ahead of all my peers academically (socially wasn't that great, either, as all of the kids in my class were Spanish-speaking and I only knew a few words). But they didn't, and I'm very glad, now.

I'd suggest getting her involved in after school programs - the smaller in size the better. In a smaller group, she'll probably be more likely to open up to her peers and get to know them better. Also, you can help her out a little - if you meet other parents, quite often the parents you get along with have the children your daughter will get along with. You could throw a party with the coolest moms and have them bring their daughters, and it would be a good way to get them to meet eachother in a smaller, less intimidating setting.

Good luck to your daughter. As a girl who switched schools four times in elementary school, I understand how difficult it can be to make friends in the classroom.

 

[Friend of a Mouse]

I saw some of your posts say it would be more like a correction as she was orgininally supposed to be in that grade. I would go ahead and do it in that case. I like the idea of mid year so she can get her feet under her, have some of that curriculum, etc. That might be the best course. It will help her that she is already that age and described as being physically mature as well.

 

[Help Please!]

Have her learn an instrument. Get her lessons. Put her in a community orchestra/ band. Especially if she learns a string instrument, there are SO MANY kids who start at a very young age...she will definitely be challenged to keep up, no matter where you live. The most important part of playing an instrument is the individual practice time, which will suit her personality, as well as the lessons, where she will interact 1 on 1 with an adult. Additionally, band/orchestra rehearsals require students to work together/ play together but not necessarily socialize...it may be a very unique way for her to feel "part of a group", accomplished, and accepted...so many children who play music at a high level are very focused and incredibly bright.

This comes from a "gifted" 29-year-old who found band in 6th grade and never looked back...

 

[bethy]

Have her learn an instrument. Get her lessons. Put her in a community orchestra/ band. Especially if she learns a string instrument, there are SO MANY kids who start at a very young age...she will definitely be challenged to keep up, no matter where you live. The most important part of playing an instrument is the individual practice time, which will suit her personality, as well as the lessons, where she will interact 1 on 1 with an adult. Additionally, band/orchestra rehearsals require students to work together/ play together but not necessarily socialize...it may be a very unique way for her to feel "part of a group", accomplished, and accepted...so many children who play music at a high level are very focused and incredibly bright.

This comes from a "gifted" 29-year-old who found band in 6th grade and never looked back...

I am definitely noting the repeated encouragement to keep trying extra curriculars. I needed the reminder not to give up. DD plays on a select soccer team and having a team bond and making good friends was one of my main hopes for her but it didn't work out. She enjoys the social interaction - it's certainly better than nothing. But she hasn't connected with anyone there enough to really make a good friend. But we will keep trying.

Littlemissmagic, question for you. How does the "late" issue work with kids who have summer birthdays? Those who are some of the youngest kids in the class but who are still the right age for the class. For example is it rough not to be able to drive at all during one's sophomore year (but she will be able to drive her entire junior year)? Or not go bar hopping till one's senior year of college? I guess, to me, not having friends at this tender age is worse than the above - especially since she won't be *that* far behind her peers. Not as far behind as a kid who is truly skipping a grade and a full year younger.

i am not worried about her partying in college - in fact honestly i hope she does get to and has a blast and I will pray at the same time that she stays safe. Honestly, i need her to have a decent enough childhood and school experience so that she even makes it to college in the first place!

momto3kids, THANK YOU. Thank you for taking the time to share a positive result. it is nice to hear that sometimes it does work out well. And your situation was very similar to mine. Except you have a boy. Which is a fairly big difference. Still, it is nice to hear a success story.

I am definitely also listening to the folks who recommend against it. Especially those who have taken the time to really understand our personal circumstances. My latest step was to contact her teachers from the past 2 years and get their opinions. Also, I spent several hours researching local private schools.

In the end, we are the only ones who can make the decision and of course it is indeed a very personal one.

 

[momto3kids]

I'm glad the success story helps a little as I know first hand how hard it is. I also wanted to share that I have a daughter who is in 8th grade and I know that its different but at the same time we want the same things for them - to feel a part of something, to have a few close friends to complain to and laugh to and cry with and if she doesn't have that now, then moving her may help make that happen. For all the comments about how she still won't share the same interests I don't know that I agree - there are kids in each grade that are a little more grown up, that take life seriously and perform at a higher level. Moving her up a grade will mean that the high end of her new grade may have a few girls she connects with.

And extra curriculars are great but they aren't the answer in and of themselves - what I see in everything from Girl Scouts to Boy Scouts and soccer to field hockey is that those activities deepen the bond between girls who are already friendly from school but they rarely create new ones. I don't know why that seems to be the case but that's been my expererience and it could be part of the problem your daughter has had connecting with the girls on her soccer team.

The reality is that all of the answers you are given are good ones for "neurotypical" children but they don't neccesarily help when your kid isn't. Mine are not and they are all what you call old souls - it's not that they prefer adults but that they don't understand the silliness of most of their peers. My daughter doesn't relate to the hoopla over justin bieber and one direction, doesn't want to wear makeup and isn't interested in boys(thank goodness for DH and I) and has more serious friends who worry about school and their grades but still want to be silly sometimes and go to the movies and talk about life. I'm greatful that my dd has found that (although it's only a few girls) and if I'd needed to skip her to help her I would have because like her brother she could have handled the work but I would have never taken her away from her friends because she doesn't make them easily.

Anyway, this got really long but hopefully it helps somewhat and in the end trust yourself - you know her best and it sounds like everyone thinks it will work and be the best for her but I know that jumping off that ledge is scary.

momto3kids, THANK YOU. Thank you for taking the time to share a positive result. it is nice to hear that sometimes it does work out well. And your situation was very similar to mine. Except you have a boy. Which is a fairly big difference. Still, it is nice to hear a success story.

I am definitely also listening to the folks who recommend against it. Especially those who have taken the time to really understand our personal circumstances. My latest step was to contact her teachers from the past 2 years and get their opinions. Also, I spent several hours researching local private schools.

In the end, we are the only ones who can make the decision and of course it is indeed a very personal one.

 

[bethy]

I'm glad the success story helps a little as I know first hand how hard it is. I also wanted to share that I have a daughter who is in 8th grade and I know that its different but at the same time we want the same things for them - to feel a part of something, to have a few close friends to complain to and laugh to and cry with and if she doesn't have that now, then moving her may help make that happen. For all the comments about how she still won't share the same interests I don't know that I agree - there are kids in each grade that are a little more grown up, that take life seriously and perform at a higher level. Moving her up a grade will mean that the high end of her new grade may have a few girls she connects with.

And extra curriculars are great but they aren't the answer in and of themselves - what I see in everything from Girl Scouts to Boy Scouts and soccer to field hockey is that those activities deepen the bond between girls who are already friendly from school but they rarely create new ones. I don't know why that seems to be the case but that's been my expererience and it could be part of the problem your daughter has had connecting with the girls on her soccer team.

The reality is that all of the answers you are given are good ones for "neurotypical" children but they don't neccesarily help when your kid isn't. Mine are not and they are all what you call old souls - it's not that they prefer adults but that they don't understand the silliness of most of their peers. My daughter doesn't relate to the hoopla over justin bieber and one direction, doesn't want to wear makeup and isn't interested in boys(thank goodness for DH and I) and has more serious friends who worry about school and their grades but still want to be silly sometimes and go to the movies and talk about life. I'm greatful that my dd has found that (although it's only a few girls) and if I'd needed to skip her to help her I would have because like her brother she could have handled the work but I would have never taken her away from her friends because she doesn't make them easily.

Anyway, this got really long but hopefully it helps somewhat and in the end trust yourself - you know her best and it sounds like everyone thinks it will work and be the best for her but I know that jumping off that ledge is scary.

Yes, every single word helps because your kids sound the most similar to my DD. One thing I've learned from this conversation is that every child is an individual. And besides that my DD is even more unique than that in her make up. The teachers and school counselor agree that there are very very few kids out there like her.

Right now I am in the process of having her apply to some private schools just so we have that option later on if we need it. Our hope is to tackle this through the public school system but it's good to have a back up plan.

I find your comments about extra curriculars intriguing. I hope what you say is not always the case but it's a new perspective I hadn't considered before. Bonding is such a tricky dynamic.

Just tonight - as we celebrated our first night of Winter Break I could sense the loneliness in her demeanor. Every night is "family night" at our house. She hates school but it's the only time she gets to see peers besides soccer. All I know is that *something* has to change. That we need to try something different.

 

[Buckalew11]

I remember having a conversation with DD when she was in 7th grade. Me: "Well, what do the kids at school want to talk about?" DD: "High School Musical and boys." Me: "And you'd like to take about...?" DD: "College and medical stuff."

*sigh* I really had no idea what to say...I was a girl more like her peers. DD read a lot and would read a medical terminology book before bed each night. She also played basketball (was MVP and the were 1st place in 8th grade) and took tennis lessons. She had lots of interests but loved medical stuff. At almost19, she still does.

She's in college now and life is better. She lives on campus and has found friends that were no where to be found in her small private school. She still finds many of the kids immature and still isn't makeup, partying, etc. but she seems to really be having a good time.

It does get better but I think it happens for some kids after HS. Her guidance counselor told me that she probably would not ever truly enjoy HS the way some kids do--it was a necessary evil to get where she wanted to go--college. 5 years later, I think she was right and while that still sounds sad to me, some kids just do not enjoy most of that part of life.

 

[kellyg403]

I will agree with others that some outside social activities would possibly help a great deal.

My odd was very much like your dd. Very responsible, very rule oriented. Understood adult nuasinces at an early age. But she was actually held back in pre k and started k later due to a late nov birthday. She was fine academically and socially but her motor skills would not mature enough. She never was the type to play outside and learn those skills, she could read k/1st grade books in prek at 5. And books were her thing.

Does your local library have a book club of some nature? Possibly she can meet others who share who love of books and nuture that? Possibly an insturment as there are probably many who are more mature like herself.

Honestly, I would try these things first. Only because middle school is such a social time for the kids to learn how to interact and cope with things. In 6th grade my dd was not interested in fashion or boys, so we did send her to a charter school that focused on academics. They wore uniforms so the fashion part of it didn't matter much since they all looked the same. The focus on academics and rewarding those who excelled help immensly with having others appreciate her postives as a leader or 'old soul' as you say, In 7th grade she was Student Council President, belonged to several clubs that volunteered at the animal shelter or the soup kitchen. These are areas where her maturity really came into play but forced her to interact with others and learn to handle social things. I didn't advocate her changing who she was but learning how to incorporate how to handle socially. Sometimes my dd, though not a fault, could come across to other students less mature as a 'know it all'. She was very selective who she chose as acquaintances as was seen as standoffish. She had to learn how to temper that. She didn't have as much difficult once she went to the charter school, there were so many like her and it was easier for her to fit in.

I hope you are able to figure this out. It is very challenging, but in our case we had to work with dd at home as well on certain social faux pauxs. She was mature enough to understand what we trying to help her with. She is 28 not with a teaching degree. She never skipped grades, she is very social today as she found her niche finally. She is has many friends, and though she is a mother of 3 she often spends time with friends going to movies and dinners. She also still participates in alumni band activities from high school.

Good Luck!

Kelly

 

[ahutton]

I too have an old soul DD who is highly intelligent and struggled socially in grade school. We did not entertain skipping, as I had a beyond miserable experience going from 1st to. 4th. Orchestra has changed DDs life in middle school. She has friends who are similar and their common interest has helped her blossom. If you decide to not skip, I still would encourage music. DD didn't have lessons going in but clearly 18 months in has a gift, and a strong social network!

 

[susykt4]

I have little to offer other than having been one of the youngest in my class. I have a late October birthday and started kindergarten at age 4. It was annoying that I was the last to drive, last to turn 18 and last to turn 21. However, it wasn't THAT big of a deal. And this year I got to be the last of my same-aged friends to turn 40! That sort of made up for any inconvenience from my youth I definitely wouldn't let the issues of driving or legally drinking slightly later influence your decision AT ALL.

 

[jrmasm]

I'm glad the success story helps a little as I know first hand how hard it is. I also wanted to share that I have a daughter who is in 8th grade and I know that its different but at the same time we want the same things for them - to feel a part of something, to have a few close friends to complain to and laugh to and cry with and if she doesn't have that now, then moving her may help make that happen. For all the comments about how she still won't share the same interests I don't know that I agree - there are kids in each grade that are a little more grown up, that take life seriously and perform at a higher level. Moving her up a grade will mean that the high end of her new grade may have a few girls she connects with.

And extra curriculars are great but they aren't the answer in and of themselves - what I see in everything from Girl Scouts to Boy Scouts and soccer to field hockey is that those activities deepen the bond between girls who are already friendly from school but they rarely create new ones. I don't know why that seems to be the case but that's been my expererience and it could be part of the problem your daughter has had connecting with the girls on her soccer team.

The reality is that all of the answers you are given are good ones for "neurotypical" children but they don't neccesarily help when your kid isn't. Mine are not and they are all what you call old souls - it's not that they prefer adults but that they don't understand the silliness of most of their peers. My daughter doesn't relate to the hoopla over justin bieber and one direction, doesn't want to wear makeup and isn't interested in boys(thank goodness for DH and I) and has more serious friends who worry about school and their grades but still want to be silly sometimes and go to the movies and talk about life. I'm greatful that my dd has found that (although it's only a few girls) and if I'd needed to skip her to help her I would have because like her brother she could have handled the work but I would have never taken her away from her friends because she doesn't make them easily.

Anyway, this got really long but hopefully it helps somewhat and in the end trust yourself - you know her best and it sounds like everyone thinks it will work and be the best for her but I know that jumping off that ledge is scary.

To the bolded, I have had the complete opposite experience with my daughter. She has made so many friends from other schools, other school districts and other states during her time playing sports.