Experiences with Skipping a Grade?

[Colleen27]

Another path we are investigating is changing schools entirely - whether public or private.

That's something that made a big difference for my DD. She didn't skip a grade, but she went from a public school with not much interaction between grades to a very small private school with multi-grade classrooms and the ability to work at a higher level according to ability. The school isn't specifically academic-focused (it is a Catholic school) but because the public schools are short on enrichment/gifted programming and there aren't many other options in our area it attracts parents looking for a more challenging environment and she's found more like-minded classmates to connect with there than she did at her old school.

 

[westjones]

I wouldn't do it now that I am the mom of twin 19 year olds. I might have considered it back at that time if my DDs were like your DD. But not if I knew then what I know now, and that is a lot of this maturing stuff happens at different rates. But you would be taking away one year of her 'childhood' and I would not do it (now that I have gone through all of that).

If she is really mature and does well in school, when she gets to high school she can start taking AP classes and working on earning college credit in high school, but can still enjoy each year of school.

It will all go by fast, it may not seem like it now, but it will. AND for my girls at least there are a lot of changes in personalities from middle to high school to college. One of my DD was extremely mature in 6th grade. She was my 'mini me'. But by high school something happened and she developed a 'teen brain'. Now after 1 semester of college I see that "mini me" coming back. But a lot can happen from year to year in their personalities. And childhood goes by fast enough.

But like I said, back at the time, if my DD were in your DD situation I may have done it.

I do know of 3 kids who graduated high school early (their Junior year) because they were just not enjoying it. But I also knew some who were capable of doing that but they didn't want to miss out on their school experiences.

(now in my situation, I am wishing I had my other DD go back a year, and had she not been a twin I would have done that....but her situation is different, she relates better to those younger than her and is not very mature for her age right now....but of course I do not know what would have happened had I done that....we all need to have one of those "It's A Wonderful Life" dreams to see what would happen if we did things differently).

 

[bethy]

Do you really think a year will make that much difference for her regarding the social factors? My DD11 is at the opposite end relative to her peers - youngest in her grade, very academically talented, and an "old soul" in the way she relates to people - and being around kids a year or two older than her isn't any different from being in her own age group. Her interests aren't "kid interests" at 11 or 13 or 15 so one grade's difference doesn't matter much; she is very focused on college and career plans, into environmental issues and post-apocalyptic fiction, and very artsy. She gets along better with adults and forms close friendships with other kids who are like her (quirky, bookish, 'beat of their own drum' types) but when it comes to a general group of same-aged (11yo) kids vs a group of 12 or 13yos? In some ways she has an even harder time relating to the older group because she's not interested in fashion/trends, boys, or tween girl drama and there's more pressure to conform as they get older.

Thanks for your valuable input. No, I know that my DD will still have social challenges but i hold out hope that maybe - just maybe - her chances of making a friend are slightly higher with a brand new group of kids combined with a slightly older average age of those kids. i figure it couldn't hurt.

Where exactly has your DD found quirky friends? That is one of our challenges. in some ways my DD falls through the cracks because she is not quirky enough either. She is fashionable, good at sports, has always been boy crazy, loves popular music and pop culture and spends hours per week on primping and beauty treatments. She would totally be into the BFF thing if she had one. So she's an odd duck, so to speak. Not really fitting in with the typical crowd but also not a rebel or nerdy type.

I am liking the input several posters have offered about private school and how certain ones could increase her chances of a better social fit. The ones around here are like $20k per year and it's honestly hard to imagine the kind of sacrifice our entire family would have to make to pay for that for the next 7 years. I do have other children plus a DH with chronic health issues to consider.

 

[westjones]

Thanks for your valuable input. No, I know that my DD will still have social challenges but i hold out hope that maybe - just maybe - her chances of making a friend are slightly higher with a brand new group of kids combined with a slightly older average age of those kids. i figure it couldn't hurt.

Where exactly has your DD found quirky friends? That is one of our challenges. in some ways my DD falls through the cracks because she is not quirky enough either. She is fashionable, good at sports, has always been boy crazy, loves popular music and pop culture and spends hours per week on primping and beauty treatments. She would totally be into the BFF thing if she had one. So she's an odd duck, so to speak. Not really fitting in with the typical crowd but also not a rebel or nerdy type.

I am liking the input several posters have offered about private school and how certain ones could increase her chances of a better social fit. The ones around here are like $20k per year and it's honestly hard to imagine the kind of sacrifice our entire family would have to make to pay for that for the next 7 years. I do have other children plus a DH with chronic health issues to consider.

Do you have any charter schools where you live? My DD went to a charter school and it was sort of like going to a private school without the tuition.

Also you could look around at other schools in your area that are public school. There are like 8 or 9 public high schools in our county and often kids go to one other than their assigned school (but parents have to provide transportation). The different schools here have different personalities. You have to ask around to figure out which one is best for your child.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Is there something about being on the autism spectrum that would change yours and others' recommedations? Like I said my DD has been tested to death and sees a Neuropsychologist who has been in practice for 25 years. We have a very comprehensive picture of where DD stands cognitively.

Regardless of *why* DD is the unique individual that she is, I am trying to figure out the best place for her to go to school next year based on her current behavior, environment and social needs.

Bethy, before I think about this, and try to answer... I have to ask... Why has she seen a neuropsychologist and been tested to death? Just because she seems so intelligent/gifted? And, is this a child/pediatric neuropsychologist?

PS: My son's situation would not be similar enough to your child's to begin to make a lot of direct connections. He does have some 'crossover' into Asperger's type things, but in his case, he has some real learning disabilities which are known to have this kind of crossover. So, no he wouldn't excel at academics. In fact, he struggles.

But, of course, there are many on the Spectrum who are also little genious!

I would just say, in general, that if there are some social difficulties/deficits involved, (and, reading more of your posts, I do still think that this could be possible) moving forward one grade might not do anything to help that. I am not sure that 6th/7th graders would be any more interested in mortgage amortizations or chit-chatting about adult subjects, than 5th graders.

And, with my son now being Middle School age... I can tell you that I am right there with those who have mentioned this middle school age... that this is the WORST socially, as all of the kids are trying to navigate 'growing up'. That part of the equation is not likely to make moving her ahead now, at her age, any easier or more beneficial.

Remember, you probably won't be moving her into an environment of other little adults...
Not just by skipping a grade.

Again, Just my thoughts!

 

[bethy]

Alas, our state has not allowed charter schools so far. The neighboring district has magnet schools but an interdistrict transfer is unlikely but not impossible.

But yes, i am busy researching all the other public schools and would totally provide transportation if it would help my DD. One MS - probably the one most unlike our assigned MS - will be under construction for the next two years but I've decided i don't care. if it were a fit for DD it would be worth it.

 

[abdmom]

Thanks for your valuable input. No, I know that my DD will still have social challenges but i hold out hope that maybe - just maybe - her chances of making a friend are slightly higher with a brand new group of kids combined with a slightly older average age of those kids. i figure it couldn't hurt.

Where exactly has your DD found quirky friends? That is one of our challenges. in some ways my DD falls through the cracks because she is not quirky enough either. She is fashionable, good at sports, has always been boy crazy, loves popular music and pop culture and spends hours per week on primping and beauty treatments. She would totally be into the BFF thing if she had one. So she's an odd duck, so to speak. Not really fitting in with the typical crowd but also not a rebel or nerdy type.

How about dance and/or acting for your dd? Starting in grade 7, I got my dd involved in musical theatre which includes acting, dance and singing. She has also been doing some TV work since grade 6. Both have done wonders for her self-esteem and ability to make and keep friends. She's now in grade 9 and has more friends that I ever had in my life.

 

[Wishing on a star]

But yes, i am busy researching all the other public schools and would totally provide transportation if it would help my DD. .... I've decided i don't care. if it were a fit for DD it would be worth it.

Just know that there are a lot of parents who know just how you feel!!!!!

 

[bethy]

How about dance and/or acting for your dd? Starting in grade 7, I got my dd involved in musical theatre which includes acting, dance and singing. She has also been doing some TV work since grade 6. Both have done wonders for her self-esteem and ability to make and keep friends. She's now in grade 9 and has more friends that I ever had in my life.

This thread is making me feel highly motivated to encourage her to try other extracurriculars besides sports. So thank you everyone. One challenge I have found with DD is that she can have the best time with peers in a structured setting. But where she is challenged is taking relationships beyond those settings. That us much scarier for her. And doesn't come as easily.

That said up till now structured social situations have mostly filled her social needs till now. But as she gets older I can tell that they will no longer be enough. For some kids they would be but not for DD.

Thank you all for giving my kid - who is but one of hundreds here at the Dis, so much of your time and consideration. It's possible you have helped change a life.

Wishing on a a star, we originally took DD to a pediatric neuropsychologist because she was miserable in school. We wanted to understand her better.

 

[Cinderella94]

I've only read the first post of this thread.

I'm a kid who did skip a grade. I'm 18 and a sophomore in college. I'll turn 19 three weeks before I start my junior year, next August.

I wish I weren't younger than everyone. I love my friends now and I've always fit in very well with the kids that were older then me, but from a social standpoint, it wasn't fun when I was 15 and everyone else had their driver's license already, and it won't be fun during my senior year of college either when my friends are doing the weekend bar crawl and I'll still be 20.

I know those are immature and stupid reasons for not being happy with having an extra year, but that's just my opinion. Should the opportunity ever come up in the future, I won't have my kids skip, no matter how academically advanced they are.

Maybe I'll feel differently when I'm older and am (hopefully) done with law school at 24. But we'll see.

 

[angwill]

You are really describing someone with characteristics that could be placed on the autism spectrum, BTW. Obsessions, placing herself into situations that she is not involved in and being much more connected to adults than peers - three biggies for HFA.

I hate to say it but I thought the same thing. Hey they feel that today Einstein would be considered Autistic. Mark Zuckerberg is as well.

 

[OhhBother]

I skipped seventh and 12th grades. Best decision for me both times. I started college at 16 and loved it. Today, I'm 40 and VP at a national company.

I always feel like I have a "head start," if that makes any sense.

 

[elaine amj]

I'm not gifted but learn pretty quickly. I did Montessori for Kindergarten. In Grade 1, I was bored out of my mind. After some discussion, a third of the way through the school year, I was bumped to 2nd grade. unfortunately, for whatever reason, I wasn;t given any catch up work. I was very, very lost. Language was fine as I had been reading far above my grade level for some time but things like science and math were very hard. My grades plummeted and from then on, I didn't consider myself a "smart" student. I maintained average grades for the rest of grade school and high school. It wasn't until college that I discovered I was an A student and then I did well again.

Socially I had no problems though and rarely thought much about being younger than my peers. I was a little awkward in grade school and didn't really have any real close friends until high school. There I eventually made many treasured friends.

As for adjusting with being the younger in high school/college - I switched to the public school system and they wouldn't accept me because I was too young and forced me to repeat Grade 6. It was annoying, but didn't end up being too big a deal. The work was boring, but I was mostly preoccupied with adjusting to a different school system. It did bring me back to the same age as my peers though.

 

[kaligal]

They wanted my brother to skip a few grades because he was smart. Mom refused. She believed that it was important for him to be with kids his age and that socially, it would be wrong to move him up like that. He did go to different classes for Math, though.

When they asked us about moving DS up a grade, I refused...because my mommy said so, lol. I didn't get the genius genes and tend to rely on professionals for advice, lol.

DS and DBro turned out fine. Fwiw.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I am a middle school teacher. I have a couple thoughts for you. Will she actually move into a different building for Middle School? Is it 6 - 8? 5 - 8? If she is already in the building then moving might now be too bad. BUT if she would be making the move from a smaller elementary school where she is in one class with one teacher all day to 7th grade where they have maybe 5 - 8 teachers then I would be concerned. At our school a good deal of 1st quarter 6th grade is learning how to move around to different classes, different teachers and get yourself and your stuff all to the right place. It is REALLY important for the kids to have that time. By 7th grade we don't allow extra trips to your locker and expect them to be able to get through the day without getting lost or forgetting stuff. (not that they always DO that but we do expect them to be able to! ) Anyway I think 6th grade could be a hard grade to miss because of this. Even considering moving her at semester to 6th now would help her have some time to "learn" these important skills. Best wishes for a successful decision. I am sure it is a difficult one.

 

[bethy]

I am a middle school teacher. I have a couple thoughts for you. Will she actually move into a different building for Middle School? Is it 6 - 8? 5 - 8? If she is already in the building then moving might now be too bad. BUT if she would be making the move from a smaller elementary school where she is in one class with one teacher all day to 7th grade where they have maybe 5 - 8 teachers then I would be concerned. At our school a good deal of 1st quarter 6th grade is learning how to move around to different classes, different teachers and get yourself and your stuff all to the right place. It is REALLY important for the kids to have that time. By 7th grade we don't allow extra trips to your locker and expect them to be able to get through the day without getting lost or forgetting stuff. (not that they always DO that but we do expect them to be able to! ) Anyway I think 6th grade could be a hard grade to miss because of this. Even considering moving her at semester to 6th now would help her have some time to "learn" these important skills. Best wishes for a successful decision. I am sure it is a difficult one.

Thank you so much for this unique input! Yes it would be a new building. Middle School here is Grade 6-8. The elementary school counselor said that IF we were to do this she would actually recommend a mid-year move ASAP. And this is one of the reasons. Another reason is so as to get some of the 6th grade content in. Truthfully, she's spent this year so far basically waiting around. Both academically and socially. One of the things she's never liked about elementary school has been being stuck in the same room most of the day. So once she gets the hang of things I think that just moving classes and teachers will be a huge improvement in her day.

She gets really really high marks at school for organization and self discipline. That is one of her strengths. She is not one who expects a grace period for much of anything. She doesn't make excuses. If she forgets something at home she expects to pay the natural academic consequences for turning something in late. She follows the rules as quickly as she can learn them. She does love a good process though so i would be sad for her to miss all the neat things they do for incoming sixth graders to help them transition.

But if skipping a grade - or really - putting her back into the grade she should have been in the first place - is really the right thing to do then i see transitions like this as a short term challenge that might be worth it in the long run. There will undoubtedly be some short term pain.

For those following this - remember - she should have been in the older class in the first place. So she won't really be younger than ALL of her classmates. She won't do things all that late. She would be 16 her entire junior year of high school. She would be an 18 year old college freshman. She would be 21 her entire senior year of college.

i really don't think age is remotely a factor in this case as it might be for a kid even 6 months younger than her.

 

[Schmeck]

Remember, you probably won't be moving her into an environment of other little adults...
Not just by skipping a grade.

The OP is not going to find an 'adult' enough peer group for her daughter unless she has her skip 5-6 grades! I work in a high school. The behaviors and interests the OP's daughter has doesn't interest kids in middle school, nor as freshmen in high school. The social situation is not going to change by changing grades. The social situation is only going to change if the OP's daughter gets some social cues from her parents and other involved adults so that she can learn the appropriate ways to show interest in other people's interests.

The OP's daughter may be drawn to adults because they are amused by this little 'old soul' and give her attention, listen to her interests, and give her the feedback she desires. If she doesn't have the skills to reciprocate, as an adult she will not be considered so cute and an 'old soul'.

If she is diagnosed with HFA, the parents should ask for an IEP meeting to see if she qualifies for social group therapy at school.

 

[Sparkly]

I was a lot like the OP's DD. I was always wise beyond my years and liked talking to the adults more then my peer group. I never really felt like a teenager until I was 15 and have only really been interested in fashion and such for a few years!

I started primary school in a January as is normal for a March birthday and went through school normally.

I fortunately had a great best friend throughout secondary school plus was friendly with a few others. I was part of a chess club which helped.

 

[Longsx3]

schmeck I believe you are exactly right, it is likely the OP's daughter will not relate to her peers any better if she is double promoted. We found this to be true my daughters freshman yr in HS when she was in a mostly senior honors Marine science class, in fact she probably stood out more. My D doesn't understand kids who are not in class to learn and want to goof off.

Her 3rd grade teacher once told us it would be College before she could find kids she could relate to, we are hopeful that come next year she finds that group of peers.

 

[momto3kids]

I've been reading all of the ports and had to chime in. We just made the decision to grade skip our DS from 4th to 6th grade (he was in 4th last year and started this September in 6th grade) and it was the hardest decsion I've ever had to make. Like you, it was less of a grade skip and more a mid course correction since we had also chosen to delay entry to Kindergarten due to a September birthday with the added complication that he was 3 months premature and hadn't been due until december.

They did the IQ tests, talked to him, talked to us, talked to his previous years teachers and everyone agreed it needed to be done except for my husband and I who were on the fence until the last possible moment. He also had very few friends in 4th grade although he had a number of kids he was friendly with but there were no invites to parties or to hang out and it bothered him since his older sister and younger brother had much more active social lives.He didn't hate school but he certainly didn't enjoy it and also hated being trapped in one room all day and felt stifled.

He knew a lot of the older kids from soccer and scouts and in the end we decided to let him go and hold our breath. Fast forward to this year and he's a totally different kid - as I sit here and type he has a friend over and they are playing mine craft upstairs while eating me out of house and home , there is a small group of boys he eats lunch with everyday and for the first time when we had a birthday party for him he was the center of attention. His grades are still good ( all 90's) and when I asked him if he was glad I skipped him he said yes but not because of the school part (even though he definitely likes them better also) but because he finally found a few other boys that have similar interests.

Does this mean that any of these boys share his interest in chemistry and want to discuss electron orbitals? Of course not but they are a litle more mature, a little more serious and it has made the world of difference for DS. with that said, I wouldn't do it for my younger DS who is just as bright but has friends his own age and is a May baby who is already on the younger side but there was nothing to lose with DS (now 11) and we're thrilled we did it.

Hope this helps and please feel free to pm me if you'd like with any specific questions - it is so hard to be in this spot since very few people understand and you're so afraid to do more damage than good but you know her best and sometimes it can be the best possible answer to a diffciult situation.