Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[LovinPooh]

Geeez... these boards frustrate me when people jump all over others.

OP, go and have fun with your kids. They will have a different experience with you. Enjoy them!

 

[Rip]

I do agree with that.
OP did state it was a "horrific" divorce. It takes two sides to make the divorce that bad. No one here knows any details about either side.
Ex Husband could be complete jerk. But then again so could OP.
Its not like OP is going to get your sympathy telling you the horrible things she's done during the divorce.
To assume it's all the mean ex husbands fault because your only hearing the one side is not only jumping to conclusions without facts it's just paid wrong.
So I'm not taking either side other than to to agree if you don't want to hear derogatory comments, don't air them out like pp said.

As for advice, I'd still go and wouldn't change a thing.
I highly doubt its in the divorce agreement that one ex spouse or the other can not take the kids to Disney. He did and so can you.
So go and enjoy the trip don't worry about any other previous trip.

This.

 

[ToddyLu]

Ok I am going out on limb here. I have tons of Disney music, including lobby music from Kidani. I would like to make the OP a CD of Disney tunes to get her ready for the trip with the kids.

To the OP: If you would like a CD of Disney Party, Princess, Parade and lobby music...PM me. If I do not hear from you that is completely OK. When you PM me if you would include a few of the kids fav things there I would include them if possible. (i.e. tune from Splash Mountain)

I have not read all the pages of the thread but the first 8 just made me heart sick. THe OP does not accept PMs so that is why I posted here...

Now back to the currently scheduled thread....

 

[MatzoRella]

And you know this from two posts from a bitter ex.

I could tell you a few things about yourself, too.

 

[Invisable89]

I disagree, she definitely implied derogatory things about him. Those things may be entirely justified, but then again they may not be. We don't know.



I stated a couple of reasons - this could be the only time he could do it while they are out of school, for example. Given that they have been 12 times prior, (How old are they? That could very well work out to more than once a year.) it's entirely possible that he didn't think going one more time was that big of a deal to them. Maybe his wife has never been, maybe he wanted to try and have a family vacation and just maybe have a chance for the kids to get to know her better at a place where they could really enjoy themselves. Or maybe he's a raging hemorrhoid. The point is that we don't know.

I do agree with that. We obviously won't ever find out what his reason was, so bringing it up is always going to cause disagreements so how about we try to 'not go there' & just focus on trying to help the OP with what to do about this situation, that's probably the better option.


The out of school & the family vacation reasons are fair ones, but why didn't he mention it to the OP prior? Surely 2 weeks is cutting it a bit close. But yes - i can still see to some degree how he could be completely 'innocent' in this & if he is he could of handled it ALOT better. But i still think it was very unfair. Baring in mind the OP has said he likes to out do her all the time so the dice could go either way with his reasoning. It just sounds very messy to me.

 

[ortholablady]

I haven't read through all the responses but I have to say that if it was my son at that age he was just as Disney crazy as me and if he was able to take two trips in a row he would have been in heaven. I would do some planning with your kids. What did they do during their visit? What would they like to do? Plan it out with them and whatever they want to do.
And, AKL savannah view? Your trip will be way better Go, enjoy! Your kids get 2 trips to Disney! Woohoo! I would be pissed too though, but for your kids I think to make it about them and they get Disney twice may be a better way to look at it.

 

[DaisyMaisie]

Okay nothing I am going to say changes the fact that OP and her children are clearly suffering and I hope they have a wonderful vacation.

But maybe it does help everyone to see that there probably is another side, because when we don't think of others as evil but maybe misguided it is easier to forgive and move forward. And more than anything this former couple needs to find some common ground for their kids.

I think the following conclusions are reasonable: 1) It takes 2 to make a divorce last 21/2 years. 2)OP has admitted that she has been called to court over things she has said and done etc, and thus has learned to be more careful 3) the father wanted to get remarried ASAP so he probably wanted the divorce proceedings to end ASAP 4)OP knew he wanted to remarry and was even calling courts to make sure he didn't get away with it before the divorce was final 4) Op's children were very upset when they talked to their mother on the phone 5) Op's friend inserted herself in this mess by calling the father during his time with his children to berate him. 6) 2 weeks is not an unusually long time for a father to spend with his non-custodial children in the summer 7) This family had been to Disney a lot and had bought into DVC, Disney meant a lot to all of them and the father had probably also been dreaming about when he could take his kids to Disney.

So, is it possible that the father felt that he could not have the kids at his wedding, because of the ugly divorce, felt terrible about it, and all he could think of was trying to think up a way to make it up to them and let them know that they will always be a part of his new family. And for this family that meant going to Disney. Since the family had gone twice in s summer before maybe he felt showing them how important they were to his new family also mattered. After all it is a lot for newlyweds to take 2 kids to Disney for ten days? Doesn't sound like the actions of a man who didn't invite his kids to his wedding because he didn't care about them. (What better way to make his ex suffer then to make her get the kids ready for his wedding and rub her face in the details etc. He did not do that. So spite may not be his main motivation.)
Also, isn't it possible that a father who feels he cannot even tell his kids about his wedding ahead of time, and whose children are in tears when they talk to their mother during his visitation, may feel like the less interaction with Mom during his time the better, if he hopes to create some sense of normalcy with his new family.

And btw she already won -she got custody. No single vacation will ever be the same as being with the kids day in and out. Maybe that is another reason he felt at least sharing Disney with them was so important.

 

[maryj11]

If possible I would plan a Christmas trip. Not exactly around Christmas week that is a horribly crowded time but, maybe like the second week in December. Christmas is so exciting with all the decorations and Mickeys Very Merry Christmas Party, Osborne lights and all makes it different then regular times at Disney. You would have to take them out of school a few days though or during Halloween when they have the Not So Scary Halloween Party. Or you could plan a trip to Universal and Sea World or the beach some where. I would wait awhile to give them a chance to recover from their 10 day stay at Disney. By the way your X is a word I cannot even say, but I will say he is an inconsiderate jerk !

 

[kikiq]

Maybe that's justified, and maybe not, but 99% of the responses early in this thread were pretty derogatory of the dad, and sometimes us dads get sick of that BS.

And when did this thread become all about you as a dad? I have read most of this thread. And all the OP asked for was support to make good a trip she had planned with her children. YOU and some others have made it about being fair to the dad. Well, you know what, it's not about being fair to the dad and surely not about "us dads" (you) getting that BS. I'm sorry to all you dads that have some how identified with this dad getting a "bum rap" but it's not about you right now. Start your own thread about dads getting the bum's rush.

Just know that you are a good dad and set a good example for your children. Ignore the folks "bashing" the ex, and remember...this thread is not about you.

OK, this old lady is getting off her soapbox...returning to my Disney dreaming.

 

[Lumiere Lover]

I think you should go. Don't stay at the same resorts they stayed at. If at all possible, try to book during the Halloween or Christmas parties, and that will give you something additional to do with your kids that your ex-spouse couldn't.

I am very sorry to hear this happened to you. It was very unfair, and I hope you can give your kids a wonderful Disney trip with you, their mother. You can give them lots of love, and make magical memories at WDW.

 

[mom2rtk]

Right, because he should put off his family vacation for an entire year in that scenario. Sorry, not you nor anyone else on the planet would do that.

Not in a million years would I ever put my kids in this position. Even if it meant delaying my own gratification. Because I'm an adult.

 

[iheartdisney]

And when did this thread become all about you as a dad? I have read most of this thread. And all the OP asked for was support to make good a trip she had planned with her children. YOU and some others have made it about being fair to the dad. Well, you know what, it's not about being fair to the dad and surely not about "us dads" (you) getting that BS. I'm sorry to all you dads that have some how identified with this dad getting a "bum rap" but it's not about you right now. Start your own thread about dads getting the bum's rush.

Just know that you are a good dad and set a good example for your children. Ignore the folks "bashing" the ex, and remember...this thread is not about you.

OK, this old lady is getting off her soapbox...returning to my Disney dreaming.

 

[GAN]

Divorce -it sucks. I had a friend that had a similar experience, she took them anyway. Whatever you decide -good luck...things will get better.

 

[hmerritt]

I am embarassed where this thread has turned. On my way home I thought I need to update everyone but when I saw that 16 pages had accumulated while I was at work today and some of the things people had to say I honestly thought I was on trial and afraid to even say anything else.

I appreciate the posters who have reached out to me in support which is all I was seeking in the first place, from the only other people on this planet that could understand because they share the same obsessive love for Disney as I do.

There is no gain for me to post falsities or untruths and makes absolutely no sense. As a poster who has been on this board on and off for 9+ years, it is easy to search my previous posts to see my history. You are no different in supporting someone you dont even know & who doesnt even subscribe to this board by attacking me than the people who dont know me and choose to support and offer constructive advice and thoughts. Until you walk a mile in my shoes I really dont see what business it is of yours to interject your nasty attitude. Nasty and Disney do not even go together.

Not that I owe it to anyone nor does it really matter or change what I asked from everyone..... but I have been through 27 months of hell. I left him so there is no woe is me he has moved on. I dont see why it would be hard to believe that a sahm of 10 years who walked away from a 6 pieces of pie household budget to a 1 piece of pie household budget would have financial difficulties. Walking away from money does not mean walking away from the bills I accumulated. A man who does not care about the rules is the same kind of man who will marry whether he is divorced or not. His wedding was planned and so was his honeymoon, he just got LUCKY that the judge signed the final decree the same day. Like I said before, he asked back in late March, early April to not get his children for his regular visitation the weekend of his wedding. He made a choice to not include them and I will not take the blame for that. After 27 months of being harassed and stalked, living in a glass house, and the 87000 in attorneys fees that goes with it, you will have to excuse me if trying to stay one step ahead of him is what makes me safe. I could care less what he does, but what I do care about is how it affects our children because I am the one who is here. If you had read anything about me you would see how hard it has been for me to walk the line, but have because my love for them is more than what I think about him.

I am human. I have human feelings. I am not a barbie doll or puppet with no emotion. What he did hurt me. To think that the mother of his children was not even given enough respect of notice so that I had a choice to cancel and get my money back. Once I was inside the 31 day window I had not choice. I will not regret posting because the stories I have heard have been invaluable. I posted because I recognized where I was and I recognized that I needed support to climb out of my hole. God forbid any mother ever err. I reached out for advice and I reached out for solution. And I have weeded through the people who have responded in kind and pulled the suggestions to make my trip different. I never said to "up" him. I said different. Not redundant. Unique from the trip they went on.

I am in disbelief. Inspiration turned sour and tainted.

As for an update for those who have written me and encouraged me to step up to a higher place, I have spoken to my children. I was sick this morning that they were 9 hours away possibly feeling worry for their mom. I picked up my pants and made jokes about sneaking over the fence into AK to ride everest (apparently their pool backs up to Mt Everest), bringing back rice crispy treats for my boss who was holding me hostage until they did (and he needed at least 10 dipped in chocolate with m&ms) and I told them I was sorry if I did anything in any way to make them sad or worry. That they were VERY lucky little children. I did what alot of you suggested and told them they were on a recon mission, that not every child gets to scope out Disney before Disney so to be on the lookout for anything we may have forgotten and when they got home we would reassemble to see what they saw and wanted to add.

I have never wanted anything more than for my ex to move on and be happy. How he has chosen to move on is what hurts my heart. Successful coparenting means putting aside personal vendettas and focusing on the kids and the kids only. I have met so many people on this board that I have met at disney and become lifelong friends with. This is a special place and I just can't believe some of the things I read. But I didnt come here to debate the details of my divorce or what kind of mother I am or what kind of dad he is or isn't. I thought I was stating the facts of the event and then adding when someone asked for more details. I got what I came here for so the what you think of me really shouldnt matter. With that being said, I'm just gonna stop now.

 

[hmerritt]

Ok I am going out on limb here. I have tons of Disney music, including lobby music from Kidani. I would like to make the OP a CD of Disney tunes to get her ready for the trip with the kids.

To the OP: If you would like a CD of Disney Party, Princess, Parade and lobby music...PM me. If I do not hear from you that is completely OK. When you PM me if you would include a few of the kids fav things there I would include them if possible. (i.e. tune from Splash Mountain)

I have not read all the pages of the thread but the first 8 just made me heart sick. THe OP does not accept PMs so that is why I posted here...

Now back to the currently scheduled thread....

ToddyLu I pm'd you!!!

 

[Rip]

And when did this thread become all about you as a dad? I have read most of this thread. And all the OP asked for was support to make good a trip she had planned with her children. YOU and some others have made it about being fair to the dad. Well, you know what, it's not about being fair to the dad and surely not about "us dads" (you) getting that BS. I'm sorry to all you dads that have some how identified with this dad getting a "bum rap" but it's not about you right now. Start your own thread about dads getting the bum's rush.

Just know that you are a good dad and set a good example for your children. Ignore the folks "bashing" the ex, and remember...this thread is not about you.

OK, this old lady is getting off her soapbox...returning to my Disney dreaming.

Um, no one said it was about me. It's a public forum, if she didn't want any comments regarding her personal situation, she should have left the personal stuff out. Sorry, as I stated earlier, you don't get to air out your dirty laundry without someone pointing out the stains. I haven't made it about being fair to the dad, I just got sick of reading over and over how horrible the guy was. I don't get this attitude by people like you that no one with an opinion different from you should be allowed to comment on a public forum.

 

[mefordis]

I would definitely go anyway. It will be a totally different trip with their mom.

 

[hmerritt]

In my years on the Dis, I have watched many fathers/men in general being made out to be the bad guy when an ex partner posts something about them. All you have to do is look around and you will see it all the time. In fact there was a thread about this Dis phenomena a while back and even that one had posters bashing the men.

My point is that we have one side of this story, yet everone is able to infer that this os the correct side. In many cases, there are three sides - the ex-wife, the ex-husband, and what really is going on.


If the OP's husband truly did this out of spite, he is a complete JA but I doubt we will ever know because he won't be here to offer his side.

Do you really need to know to offer me advice on how to make this trip different for my kids? Or how to say a kind word to help me be a bigger person and the best mom I can be to my kids? The gory details of my divorce are not going to change what he did and how it made me feel. Just a sheer "hey I'm taking the kids to Disney right before you" would have given me the option to change my plans or not. A little respect goes a long way for future bridge building between us.

 

[gretchenohar@hotmail]

Heather - I hope you can take solace in the fact that there are so many people here who have your back - and those of your children. I'm so sorry for what you & they have gone through. Please know that you have many prayers and good wishes coming your way. Be strong - and enjoy your special time with your children. I wish all of you only the best!

 

[hmerritt]

Gotta love the "first time posters" on a thread like this.... Whos taking guesses as to who this really is???

Now THAT made me lol and almost spit my diet coke out! Thank you for the laugh.