Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[Priskillet]

I read your post and the pages...I am so sorry. :-(
I know this isnt the place to say it but I am going to anyways....
What A Class A JERK!

ahemmmm....Your kids sound so bright and loving. Embrace that and go on that trip. Enjoy every minute of it. My ex did something along the same lines. Kids are smart they figure it out. Shame on him for being the adult yet acting the child

Sending you hugs and warm thoughts! It gets better and easier

Have A Magical Time with your kids. I am sure they are looking forward to it soooo much!!

 

[bouncycat]

I do like the pictures of them helping plan with the poster board!! Looks awesome!!

Excited, I got the book at DW itself, there's a newer version out, but I don't think it has too many more than what we got. Even with it spelled out in the book we can't find some of them LOL It's in pretty much all the gift shops, seen it out quite a bit by the registers. It's cool, has scavenger hunts in it, gives point values, and my 13yr old LOVES it. Whenever we take anyone new, he always has to point out the hidden mickeys!!! He now sees them in the clouds!!!! HAHA

 

[Sammie]

A constructive suggestion: when the kids get home, have them make a list of anything they did and want to do again or things they missed and want to do on the next trip.

That way you have a plan to work from.

Definitely take advantage of where you are staying and do special things there.

 

[excited4dis]

Thanks Bouncy! Sounds like a fun thing to do while waiting on lines.

 

[tjmj9801]

What a fun way to plan your trip! I love SpaceShip Earth.

 

[Phlip]

Well I hung in there and read it all.
Some posters just like to debate and don't take into consideration that there is a real person behind a thread. Don't (and I know you won't) take it to heart.

that having been said-Go on your vacation, and have a super time
And make sure you report back on how much fun you had with your kids.
Sending you a big hug and positive energy
Oh and go check out the boardwalk area if you have a chance-my DH and DS had a ball over there one night.
Hang in there!

 

[312.Duck]

[I wouldn't go]
But that's just me. If the kids were going right now for 10 days with the dad then I wouldn't bother taking them again right after they get back from one trip. Especially if they have already been 12 times. If you had to scrimp and save and roll pennies and take the kids birthday money to save up for it, it sounds like it would be more of a hardship than an enjoyable trip and maybe the money could go to better use for something else.

I had a whole post written about how you should go and your trip would be unique, but I missed the 12 WDW trips part. After rereading, I think MsPeggySue nailed it with the highlighted points above.


I also think it's ignorant for so many posters to be calling the ex names having heard only one side of the story.

 

[dntd]

I'm a stepmother and I consider myself a good step mother and my child's mother is actually quite crazy and a bad mother. It's funny to me how many people on this thread automatically take the side of the OP and are against the father. The mother has actually done some pretty pychotic and controlling things from reading her posts. There are a lot of mother's out there who use the poor me I'm divorced and my ex has moved on card and it only ends up hurting their children. That being said there are also many wonderful single mothers. But people seem very quick to jump on the side of the woman.

For example the poster who said a rock should fall on this woman's head and kill her. I think that person may need some counseling. People should not judge just because someone is a stepmother. And the best thing in the interest of the children is to encourage a good relationship with their stepparent but many parents are too selfish to do so. Why would you not want your child to have a happy and healthy life in both homes.

Not all stepmother's are evil

Maybe you need to step back and ask yourself why you think the OP was in the wrong and psychotic ? The Father and his new wife took the kids to a place they KNEW the bio mom had made plans for, Sorry but it just isn't normal. If you believe so maybe you ARE a evil stepmom.

 

[hmerritt]

What a fun way to plan your trip! I love SpaceShip Earth.

speaking of doing a double take, I double took your profile name TJM. lol

 

[jjas]

Well I hung in there and read it all.
Some posters just like to debate and don't take into consideration that there is a real person behind a thread. Don't (and I know you won't) take it to heart.

that having been said-Go on your vacation, and have a super time
And make sure you report back on how much fun you had with your kids.
Sending you a big hug and positive energy
Oh and go check out the boardwalk area if you have a chance-my DH and DS had a ball over there one night.
Hang in there!

THIS x 1000 !!

 

[BigEars151]

I am embarassed where this thread has turned. On my way home I thought I need to update everyone but when I saw that 16 pages had accumulated while I was at work today and some of the things people had to say I honestly thought I was on trial and afraid to even say anything else.

I appreciate the posters who have reached out to me in support which is all I was seeking in the first place, from the only other people on this planet that could understand because they share the same obsessive love for Disney as I do.

There is no gain for me to post falsities or untruths and makes absolutely no sense. As a poster who has been on this board on and off for 9+ years, it is easy to search my previous posts to see my history. You are no different in supporting someone you dont even know & who doesnt even subscribe to this board by attacking me than the people who dont know me and choose to support and offer constructive advice and thoughts. Until you walk a mile in my shoes I really dont see what business it is of yours to interject your nasty attitude. Nasty and Disney do not even go together.

Not that I owe it to anyone nor does it really matter or change what I asked from everyone..... but I have been through 27 months of hell. I left him so there is no woe is me he has moved on. I dont see why it would be hard to believe that a sahm of 10 years who walked away from a 6 pieces of pie household budget to a 1 piece of pie household budget would have financial difficulties. Walking away from money does not mean walking away from the bills I accumulated. A man who does not care about the rules is the same kind of man who will marry whether he is divorced or not. His wedding was planned and so was his honeymoon, he just got LUCKY that the judge signed the final decree the same day. Like I said before, he asked back in late March, early April to not get his children for his regular visitation the weekend of his wedding. He made a choice to not include them and I will not take the blame for that. After 27 months of being harassed and stalked, living in a glass house, and the 87000 in attorneys fees that goes with it, you will have to excuse me if trying to stay one step ahead of him is what makes me safe. I could care less what he does, but what I do care about is how it affects our children because I am the one who is here. If you had read anything about me you would see how hard it has been for me to walk the line, but have because my love for them is more than what I think about him.

I am human. I have human feelings. I am not a barbie doll or puppet with no emotion. What he did hurt me. To think that the mother of his children was not even given enough respect of notice so that I had a choice to cancel and get my money back. Once I was inside the 31 day window I had not choice. I will not regret posting because the stories I have heard have been invaluable. I posted because I recognized where I was and I recognized that I needed support to climb out of my hole. God forbid any mother ever err. I reached out for advice and I reached out for solution. And I have weeded through the people who have responded in kind and pulled the suggestions to make my trip different. I never said to "up" him. I said different. Not redundant. Unique from the trip they went on.

I am in disbelief. Inspiration turned sour and tainted.

As for an update for those who have written me and encouraged me to step up to a higher place, I have spoken to my children. I was sick this morning that they were 9 hours away possibly feeling worry for their mom. I picked up my pants and made jokes about sneaking over the fence into AK to ride everest (apparently their pool backs up to Mt Everest), bringing back rice crispy treats for my boss who was holding me hostage until they did (and he needed at least 10 dipped in chocolate with m&ms) and I told them I was sorry if I did anything in any way to make them sad or worry. That they were VERY lucky little children. I did what alot of you suggested and told them they were on a recon mission, that not every child gets to scope out Disney before Disney so to be on the lookout for anything we may have forgotten and when they got home we would reassemble to see what they saw and wanted to add.

I have never wanted anything more than for my ex to move on and be happy. How he has chosen to move on is what hurts my heart. Successful coparenting means putting aside personal vendettas and focusing on the kids and the kids only. I have met so many people on this board that I have met at disney and become lifelong friends with. This is a special place and I just can't believe some of the things I read. But I didnt come here to debate the details of my divorce or what kind of mother I am or what kind of dad he is or isn't. I thought I was stating the facts of the event and then adding when someone asked for more details. I got what I came here for so the what you think of me really shouldnt matter. With that being said, I'm just gonna stop now.

Kudos to you for stepping up and coming back to the thread. I know that you took a lot of flack and I find it comendable that you posted again. I will say again that a divorce is a very complicated situation and I don't care to pick sides as i don't know the whole story.

I would say that as a divoreced parent of over 5 years you have received a lot of bad advice, probably well intention but bad none the less. Honestly this needs to be about your kids. As someone who is newly divorced and "asking for advice" you need to learn to put aside your feelings in regards to your kids. Your kids should never feel that they need to pick sides or feel bad because they are spending time with one parent. For the mulitude of posters that suggested they would have a better time with you, they are no better than your ex. That should not be your goal. Your goal should be to have a great time with your children on your vacation with them! You should not be concerned if they have a good time on vacation with their father that is between the children and their father, any other suggestion is pure crazy don't go there.

If you are concerned that your children spending time with your ex will effect their opinion (especially when there is that much disparity in the parenting schedule) of a vacation or even of you then you need to look yourself in the mirror and ask why.

The absolute best advice that you can get in this situation is don't be selfish, let your kids enjoy their trip with their father, and you enjoy your trip with them. To be honest i think you needed a little dose of reality. I don't care if you planned this trip for ten years if it was really about your kids then why would you be upset that they got to go to Disney twice this summer? It is a very simple question. I don't expect you to respond and don't care to hear others respond with excuses. Again i will ask why don't you want your kids to go to Disney two times this year? Truth be told this issue is about you and not your kids don't be disingenuous and pretend otherwise.

 

[BigEars151]

Maybe you need to step back and ask yourself why you think the OP was in the wrong and psychotic ? The Father and his new wife took the kids to a place they KNEW the bio mom had made plans for, Sorry but it just isn't normal. If you believe so maybe you ARE a evil stepmom.

Don't think the poster said wrong. I belive she was responding to other posts that started trashing the stepmom (when in fact the OP said nothing bad in regards to the stepmom).

And yes calling out of state probate courts to see if and when your ex got remarried and having friends that call the ex is a little out there. Not saying there might not be reasons or that she can control the friends but still neither would be considered normal behavior.

Again if people would stink to the topic none of this would be an issue. The topic is what should she do.

And what she should do is not be selfish, let the kids have a good time, be happy that they get to spend a good portion of their summer break in Disney and have a great time with her kids on their vacation when they go in a couple of weeks.

 

[declansdad]

Do you really need to know to offer me advice on how to make this trip different for my kids? Or how to say a kind word to help me be a bigger person and the best mom I can be to my kids? The gory details of my divorce are not going to change what he did and how it made me feel. Just a sheer "hey I'm taking the kids to Disney right before you" would have given me the option to change my plans or not. A little respect goes a long way for future bridge building between us.

OP I am sorry that you are going through the things you are going through; divorce is never easy on anyone. My posts were not calling you a liar or to say you were making things up. They were simply to point out that, as on many other threads here on the Dis, in situations such as this the readers only get to hear one side of the story and it isn't fair to necessarily vilify the other party, whether it be a man or a woman. Unfortunately it tends to be the man the gets made out to be the bad guy and usually by the readers who don't know the whole story.

I don't know your whole story and that is why I stated that I wouldn't take sides. The advice that I give you know is the same as I gave before; take your trip and enjoy your time with your children.

 

[Shmily1]

OP, I'm so glad you got to speak with your babies and now know they are still excited about your trip and put their minds at ease. You are doing great and I'm sure, they are just as excited about being there with you as they are now, if not more so. I know going to the mountains with DS and DD's dad was totally different than when I took them.

PPs who were being ugly to the OP who was just asking for some support, sometimes it is better to go with the old saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

 

[mjp12831]

Predictably this turned very opinionated.

I agree with those who are encouraging you to take higher ground and move the trip back - I'm sure it's disappointing, but you'll have your own trip on the horizon with it's own memories.

It seems obvious this trip by your ex was done with spite - the best way to counter that type of attitude is to show that it doesn't affect you and move on.

I suggest moving it back because two trips in a month for the kids would certainly take something away from the experience. IF you have custody of the kids over one of the upcoming holidays (T'giving, Christmas), do it then - that would certainly be a different WDW memory.

 

[Giants]

I would tell my kids we are not going and then on the morning of the trip say "You didn't actually believe me, did you? - Let's go" Similar situation was when we had to come back a few days early due to death in family. We were all sad and on top of that had the post Disney blues. Best cure for that was to go right back to Disney. It really is a magical place. We all remember that trip more then any others, it was our special surprise trip.

 

[t_daniels]

Jumping in late... so I apologize if this has been said/resolved... Id ask the kids what they want to do. If they want to go- go, and plan differently? Or, let the kids plan it? *as.. painful as that might sound- haha* Or even just go and stay in the resort... so some Disney stuff, but maybe make it a trip of finding all the cool, little hole in the wall type things that everyone seems to miss at Disney?

 

[Oglet]

I personally would like to see Mods take control of these situations more than what currently goes on. It's one thing to disagree or see things differently and share that opinion, It's another thing to go after someone and just be plain mean about it, It's uncalled for and not in the spirit of what i believe this site was created for.

 

[ForAandA]

I was so happy to read that the OP was able to speak to her children. I am sure that has put her mind at ease some.

After all of the advice given, I hope that you are planning on continuing your trip. It will be a completely different experience!

Also, not that you were looking for advice on how to deal with your ex kill him with kindness! Make sure to thank him SO much for taking your children to a place they love. He won't know what hit him

 

[TDC Nala]

Predictably this turned very opinionated.

I agree with those who are encouraging you to take higher ground and move the trip back - I'm sure it's disappointing, but you'll have your own trip on the horizon with it's own memories.

It seems obvious this trip by your ex was done with spite - the best way to counter that type of attitude is to show that it doesn't affect you and move on.

I suggest moving it back because two trips in a month for the kids would certainly take something away from the experience. IF you have custody of the kids over one of the upcoming holidays (T'giving, Christmas), do it then - that would certainly be a different WDW memory.

I know people aren't reading the whole thread because of the way it turned out-- but she can't move the trip easily. She rented DVC points and the member can't cancel them now without them going into holding. So she will probably have to pay the member for the room if she hasn't already.