Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[mom2rtk]

The fact that you were brave enough to step back into this mess speaks a lot about your strength and resilience.

I could tell before you even posted that you were thinking and listening to what everyone had to offer early in this thread. You did the right thing in putting your kids minds at ease. Because you're an adult. You know how to put others needs ahead of your own.

I wish you nothing but the best. May this period in your life be the worst you ever have to deal with.

Have an awesome trip.

And when you look up at that star in the sky, late at night near the end of EMH in the Magic Kingdom...... after riding Space Mountain 10 times in a row with no wait (or whatever ride is their favorite)............ and you make a wish for peace in the family........




maybe you could also wish for peace here on the DIS!!!



Cuz sometimes you just need a good laugh!

 

[hmerritt]

:Some of us step parents TRULY love our step children and wants what's best for them.

Without the whole story, I think the best we all should do is pat the OP on the back and tell her to carry on and take her kids on a magical vacation.

And that is all that I asked for.

 

[excited4dis]

As for an update for those who have written me and encouraged me to step up to a higher place, I have spoken to my children. I was sick this morning that they were 9 hours away possibly feeling worry for their mom. I picked up my pants and made jokes about sneaking over the fence into AK to ride everest (apparently their pool backs up to Mt Everest), bringing back rice crispy treats for my boss who was holding me hostage until they did (and he needed at least 10 dipped in chocolate with m&ms) and I told them I was sorry if I did anything in any way to make them sad or worry. That they were VERY lucky little children. I did what alot of you suggested and told them they were on a recon mission, that not every child gets to scope out Disney before Disney so to be on the lookout for anything we may have forgotten and when they got home we would reassemble to see what they saw and wanted to add.

This speaks volumes of the type of mom you are. I know you and your children will enjoy your Disney vacation.

 

[hmerritt]

Why is it automatically assumed that he purposefully put the kids in any position? Why is it automatically assumed that this is for his own gratification? Maybe the kids are enjoying themselves and don't want to upset their mom. Maybe if they weren't worried about her being upset this wouldn't even be an issue. Has nothing to do with being an adult. Besides, as a PP mentioned, they've been to Disney 12 times already, so it's likely that he didn't think it would be a big deal to her. I can tell you that if this had happened to me, my mom would have been happy that I was getting to go on two vacations.

But apparently you've all made up your minds that the guy's a jerk. Must be nice to know so much with no personal knowledge of the situation at all.

it absolutely is about being an adult. You dont have any personal knowledge either but you sure are quick to jump all over me and assumptions about what my kids may or may not be thinking. I did not yell out loud or cry hysterically or rant and rave, hang up when they told me. I didnt send a nasty email or text or call him back yelling at him. I got quiet, my voice cracked and I quietly ended the phone call before crying into my pillow. I'm sorry that being a good mom means being perfect and doing the right thing all the time. Did I regret not being able to immediately jump for joy ? absolutely. Did I grieve that they were so far away feeling sad that their mom was sad? Absolutely. Did I reach out for help? Absolutely. Did I do my best to put their minds at ease and sound excited for them when I finally was allowed to talk to them? Absolutely. I was not given a handbook when I filed for divorce on how or what to expect or how to react. There is only so much one person can take and its a horrible place to always be experiencing the next "unbelievable" thing.

It might be good for you to go and pull my past posts going back one or two years. Maybe then I might seem more of a real person.

 

[Disney Doll]

That's genius! I wouldn't stop there. I'd also casually let it slip that you plan to get them X really expensive toy for Christmas and Y pricy shoes for school. He'll kill himself trying to outdo you and it won't cost you anything.

What a great idea!!!!!!!!

OP, I am quite sure that karma will take care of the ex, so let's not waste any time on him.

Good advice to be all chipper and cheerful...take back your power...you are divorced from him, he doesn't control your life anymore. Let his new wife worry about keeping the idiot happy....not your job anymore!!!!!!The best revenge is living well........

As far as your vacay...when they get back, sit the kids down and regroup.Look at the plan you have set up and see if there's anything that needs tweaking....maybe they went to a restaurant that you guys had planned to go to...great! You can either go again if it's a favorite or you can cancel that reservation and decide to go try somewhere new & exciting. Late nights @ the parks for EMH, sleeping late, swimming at night, the AKV animals. I like seeing the Electric Water Pageant form the shores of th Wilderness Lodge or the Poly....just one of those stupid but fun little things to do. Rent a boat, rent a bike on the Boardwalk, The Hoop Dee Doo Review, mini golf, water parks...there's an awful lot to do there.....

 

[Donald Duck888]

Just a suggestion to O.P as to something that might be fun to do when she takes the kids to EPCOT.

I found out a couple of days ago that you can actually call the red phonebooths in the U.K of world showcase.

Depending on kids ages you could either tell them to hang out by phone booths while you go to bathroom and then call the booth and have some fun with it. Or if they are younger you could quetly call someone and have them call righ when you get by the booths.

Not a day making type thing but just something extra that might be fun.

 

[bouncycat]

OP, to you, and if you want a park buddy for a day, pm me!! I'm close!! Don't worry about people on here. I didn't read thru, but know how bad things can get, and how people rush to conclusions. Have FUN with your kids.....and don't worry, they'll have plenty of fun with you, it'll be different, and if you need help making it different, again, PM me!! I have a 13 year old little boy, and I'm a step parent too. I've been divorced, all that in my short life. So I offer nothing but support, and I like to have fun and I love disney!!!!

 

[Celidh]

OP, I have only read the first and last page of this thread. From what I see on the last page, I doubt I will read the middle. It sound like it went downhill pretty fast.

I don't know your situation but I do know that separating and divorcing is hard. I know it is hard scrimping and saving for Disney. It has taken me a couple of years to afford our first trip. I have been separated for 5 years and work in a law office and deal with this every day. I know both from firsthand experience and what I see at work that things can get nasty!

My suggestion, go with your kids, have fun and forget about the rest. Even if they just went and even if they have been 12 times before, I'm sure they will enjoy themselves, as will you. It will be different going with mom than dad. Even if my ex and I were to do the same things with our kids, they would take different things away from their experience because moms and dads are different and because kids have different relationships with each parent and look at things in a different light.

You said you and your kids worked hard on planning. I think they deserve to see it to the end and reap the benefits of that planning.

Just try to ignore any negative comments. Nobody knows your whole story and they really don't need to know. I feel that if he knew you were planning this, he at least should have told you what he was planning.

I wonder, do you live in another state than Florida? Would he not have to notify you ahead of time he was taking the kids out of the state. Most divorce docs I have seen have a stipulation that there has to be some notice given to the other parent when taking the kids out of province. (I am in Canada and am just assuming most divorces and custody agreements in the states would be the same) I can't take my kids out of the province without notifying my ex and having his permission and vice versa. Not that it is any of my business, just wondering if things are different there.


Enjoy your trip. I'll be there two months from today!

 

[hmerritt]

What a great idea!!!!!!!!

OP, I am quite sure that karma will take care of the ex, so let's not waste any time on him.

Good advice to be all chipper and cheerful...take back your power...you are divorced from him, he doesn't control your life anymore. Let his new wife worry about keeping the idiot happy....not your job anymore!!!!!!The best revenge is living well........

As far as your vacay...when they get back, sit the kids down and regroup.Look at the plan you have set up and see if there's anything that needs tweaking....maybe they went to a restaurant that you guys had planned to go to...great! You can either go again if it's a favorite or you can cancel that reservation and decide to go try somewhere new & exciting. Late nights @ the parks for EMH, sleeping late, swimming at night, the AKV animals. I like seeing the Electric Water Pageant form the shores of th Wilderness Lodge or the Poly....just one of those stupid but fun little things to do. Rent a boat, rent a bike on the Boardwalk, The Hoop Dee Doo Review, mini golf, water parks...there's an awful lot to do there.....

I am absolutely in love with the idea of staying in the park until 3am and sleeping late. Just imagining walking through the park at 2 in the morning with barely a sole around is magical all by itself.

 

[excited4dis]

I was not given a handbook when I filed for divorce on how or what to expect or how to react. There is only so much one person can take and its a horrible place to always be experiencing the next "unbelievable" thing.

I know EXACTLY what you mean and how you feel. I have dealt with so many low blows from my ex since he left I don't know how I manage to always get back up. I think it's the strive to be the best mom to my two kids that helps me get back on the horse. I hope you can forget about your ex and the stresses while you are in Disney. I know I am hoping for the same thing. Best of luck to you!

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

People really - stop the arguing. Either offer her advice or not...

OP- sorry about what the thread turned into...I scrolled through 5 to 10 pages just looking for your post.

My girls are 9. They absolutely LOVE late nights in the park. We eat dinner, take a "nap" and get up at 10 to go to MK until 3! They don't get back to the hotel and to sleep until 4 or so...

I think each member of your "new" family needs to create a day's touring plan. Then, you can each plan one day of activities for the three of you. Imagine if you daughter loves Kali River Rapids and she wants to ride three times and her brother doesn't get to say - no! Same thing for the big brother.

Maybe you set up a special dinner to hear all about their trip. They tell you the highlights and the things they missed doing. Your touring day's plan is created from their information.

Pin trading takes place in Jambo's gift shop with the Pin King (maybe King Pin?) It is at 3 or 4 each day, I think. The problem with pin trading is that it can be costly...pins start at $7 each. The reward is that they get to slow down in the parks and talk to CMs.

I am sure you will have a magical time and make many memories!

 

[DanielleandBrady]

I tried to read as much as I could, but as soon as things started to get out of hand, I jumped to the end..

OP..as a divorced mom myself, I understand what you are going through. We are only human, and although you are so happy for your kids, it doesn't make you feel any better after all that you went through to plan it.

With that being said, I would go. My son and I went in April, just the 2 of us for the first time. He's been 2 other times with me and my entire family, but this time it was the 2 of us. He would have gone back in a few weeks if he could! I say go and enjoy yourself!

 

[larryz]

Why is this entire thread even here?

It's a train wreck... a traffic accident... that video of an airshow stunt gone wrong...

You know -- a hot-button topic, like line jumping (also known as "joining your family already in line after you stopped to get fast passes").

(I really don't understand the moderating around here.)

And I don't understand how people can cut into a line they've never been in and not consider it line jumping, but there you go...

 

[kikiq]

I am absolutely in love with the idea of staying in the park until 3am and sleeping late. Just imagining walking through the park at 2 in the morning with barely a sole around is magical all by itself.

Time to start a new tradition for you and the kids. A picture in front of the Tree of Life, or next to the Partners' statue in the Magic Kingdom. Get someone to take a picture of you all on an empty Main Street. Maybe all of you wearing silly hats together. A new start, a new picture, a new outlook.

Sending you lots of pixie dust to get you through this time.

 

[Invisable89]

I'm glad you're feeling alot better! I don't know how you can be so strong! When i have children of my own i can bet where that strength will come from.

 

[mommycrawford]

So sorry for you all!! These are my thoughts and suggestions (only)

1...Be glad that he is now only a periphrial part of your life....(inextricable because of the kids though.) Clearly, you deserve better!

2 When you speak/text your kids, I would tell them that I hoped they were having a good time....I imagine the guilt he has created for them is heart wrenching, and I imagine they really want your permission to have what fun they can.

3 When they get back, consult them as to how to proceed...it effects you all, and it is both respectful and the best souce of meaningful imput as to how to proceed....To do this, say what you see, that is, verbalize for them that you kow that you have all been planning this trip together, and have looked forward to being together at Disney, but that you love being with them anywhere, and you know that they were just there....You could then just say, "are you still up for the trip, or would you rather do something different?"

It is so tough for you, and I don't mean to suggest that it is simple in ANY way, but as an educator and mother, though things are hard, your children probably have a lot that they feel about this already, and giving them a voice, no matter how sad and wobbly, will be healthy and healing for all of you as you embark on this one of many new chapters! Giving children permission to feel what they feel does much to strengthen then for life and teach them that they are valuable and should care for themselves!

I wish you all well, and I hope you will be gentle with yourselves!

 

[hmerritt]

Right, because he should put off his family vacation for an entire year in that scenario. Sorry, not you nor anyone else on the planet would do that.

Bitter is bitter, and she's more than obviously bitter. It may very well be justified.

ETA - now it's you projecting. She actually never said the kids weren't invited. She only said that they weren't there, so to accuse the guy of lying is ridiculous.

I said in two previous posts that he cancelled his visitation with the kids the weekend he got married. He cancelled that visitation back in March. He did not invite the kids. The kids did not know he got married until he held up his hand two weeks later and said surprise.

 

[hmerritt]

I'm glad you're feeling alot better! I don't know how you can be so strong! When i have children of my own i can bet where that strength will come from.

Its not easy, but when I calm down and have time to regroup I realize I love them more than the negative feelings I think about him. I never want to be the realization they have when they are 20 something years old.

 

[hmerritt]

Actually, you have no idea if that is true or not. These are her exact and only words on the subject:



Oh, and for you that earlier kept telling me she had not spoken to the children (only text) and therefore had no way of letting them know she was upset that he took them, mayhap you should read what people say.

Actually if you read all my posts, these were my exact words on it:

...... That weekend was his visitation weekend, but back in March when we were solidifying the summer schedule (which is when he was aware that we were going to Disney) he said to me "I cannot get the kids the weekend of June 3 because I need time for myself" I remember responding, are the other 26 days of the month not enough? They had no idea going into fathers day weekend with him that this had happened. And the past week has been a plethora of emotions between the two. I am very angry of his disregard regarding the wedding and now this has been added. I feel a bridge has been burned that will never ever be repaired. He does whatever he can just to stick it to me because he knows they are ALL that matters to me.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

It's a train wreck... a traffic accident... that video of an airshow stunt gone wrong...

You know -- a hot-button topic, like line jumping (also known as "joining your family already in line after you stopped to get fast passes").



And I don't understand how people can cut into a line they've never been in and not consider it line jumping, but there you go...

How did line cutting get into this thread?