etiquette question re bridal shower

[snoopy5386]

Please forgive me for not knowing the "rules" regarding bridal showers....this is the first time I have been in this situation. I am invited to a bridal shower that I will not be attending (it is like 4 hours away). We are however, attending the wedding. Do I send a gift for the shower or can I just give a wedding gift.
Thanks!

 

[IluvKingLouis]

Please forgive me for not knowing the "rules" regarding bridal showers....this is the first time I have been in this situation. I am invited to a bridal shower that I will not be attending (it is like 4 hours away). We are however, attending the wedding. Do I send a gift for the shower or can I just give a wedding gift.
Thanks!

In the past I've made the decission based on my financial situation. When I was still in college, I didn't send a gift. I think a nice card and a small gift card would be sufficient. Or if you skip the gift card, then I'd add that extra on to the wedding gift.

I think what you are comfortable with is fine.

 

[Todd&Copper]

If I was close friends with the bride, I'd probably still send a gift, but if I wasn't, then I wouldn't bother sending a gift, probably just a card.

 

[stitchlilo]

If it was me they would get the bridal shower gift and the wedding gift.

 

[Fall1]

I have never sent a gift to a bridal shower I didn't attend unless it was for family. Also, the guests that didn't come to my bridal shower didn't send a gift either. Same for baby showers.

 

[snoopy5386]

thanks, the groom is a friend of my husband's from college, the bride his girlfriend of the past few years. While I know her, I think in total we have hung out maybe 10-15 times ever. And while my husband was very close with the groom in/just after college, we see them just a few times a year now (we have moved out of state). I'll have to figure it out soon, the shower is in 2 weeks!

 

[magik]

Unless you're very close to the bride, I don't think it would be looked down upon to not send a gift, although it would never hurt to send a nice card that says you're sorry you couldn't come, but hope she has a nice time (assuming it's not a surprise shower). If you wanted to include a small gift card, you could, but I think the card itself would be sufficient.

I know if it were a shower for me, I would not expect people who didn't come to give me presents.

 

[schoen]

I always send one, I just don't always spend as much. I hate getting invited to that stuff unless it is a GOOD friend or relative...

 

[LanaJae]

Not trying to be rude, but I don't think you should've been invited to a bridal shower for her. The wedding, absolutely, but normally showers are amongst close friends, family and immediate co-workers (sometimes).

I would decline the invite to the person hosting the shower and leave it at that. When shower invitations are sent to people that aren't very close to the bride, and that live so far away, it seems like fishing for gifts. If you lived near her and had been seeing her ocassionally (such as getting together as couples every few months), it would be different.

 

[cukal6]

I have never taken a gift to a shower that I wasn't attending, unless it was close family. I don't think anybody would expect you to.

 

[asmit4]

I agree with the other poster who posted about how you shouldn't have been invited to the shower in the first place. The shower is not for EVERY female invited to the wedding, it's for the closest of those invited- usually about 50-75% of the females I would say.

However, to answer your question. I would decline the shower, and not send a gift. If your husband would like you to send a gift for whatever reason- I'd probably just spend 20 or 25. Something inexpensive.

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

WOW, I wish I lived wherever you don't invite every female invited to the wedding to the shower! I would have had to shell out a LOT less in Bridal Shower gifts for people I've seen once in my life!!!

 

[MommaSnowwhite]

If I can't attend then I don't send!

 

[Az Pirates]

WOW, I wish I lived wherever you don't invite every female invited to the wedding to the shower! I would have had to shell out a LOT less in Bridal Shower gifts for people I've seen once in my life!!!

I'm with you.

Sheesh, there are a couple of the invites in my pending pile right now where I have never met the bride or the groom.
I do know the mother of the bride in both cases, but not all that well.

My plan is to not attend or send a gift for the showers (and I won't feel even a tiny bit guilty about it) but I will send a gift for the wedding, whether I attend or not.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I would politely decline and also send a nominal gift. I don't agree that they are fishing for gifts, more likely just trying to include people in celebrating!

 

[Sunobo]

I would decline and I would not send a gift.

 

[kathie859]

I would send regrets to the hostess and follow up with a note or card to the bride indicating your disappointment at being unable to attend the shower but saying your can't wait to see her and her beloved at their wedding

 

[PelletierBears]

If you don't attend the shower, a gift is not expected (or shouldn't be) unless of course you are close to the family.

 

[mommytoone]

If I do not attend I do not send a gift. I have been invited to showers to people I don't know just because my MIL knows them. If I could have back just a fraction of the money I spent/was forced to chip in, I would be rich. So my new motto is this " IF IT DON'T ATTEND I DON'T SEND A GIFT PERIOD" Sorry to sound so mean, but I get invited to everything, and it's costing me a fortune. Same with birthday's for my DD, if we don't come, she does not send a gift.

 

[christa112]

I would not send a gift if I didn't attend.