DS's Principal Really Annoyed Me

[Buckalew11]

If you dealt with liars and sneaky kids on an hourly basis, you'd question kids too. This isn't something I'd get all bent out of shape over.

(teacher here)

While I agree with you (and I do understand what you are talking about), I have to say that at 18yo I was called into the principal's office and was accused of lying. I was devastated that after 4 years of knowing me that he would have thought I would do what he was accusing me of. I know that most likely the majority of kids in my HS would have done it but I was totally innocent. At 44, I have not forgotten what it felt like to be 18 and be called a liar by the principal.

I'd be having a chat.

OP, I have a friend that used to play for Toby Keith also!

 

[MrsSpratt]

This happened to one of my friends...

The teacher called to say her son (aged 6 or 7 then?) had a problem with lying, and requested a meeting. (This is the first week of school.)

At the meeting, the teacher told my friend her son, when asked what he did that summer, responded, "I went to visit Elvis' house." He also mentioned that his uncle, who has purple eyebrows and a purple goatee went with him.

The teacher went on to say that she KNEW that couldn't be the case....WELL.

Joey DID go to Graceland that summer, and his Uncle DOES have purple eyebrows and a purple goatee...needless to say, the teacher was given an earful by the Momma.

It happens. Have the meeting. Express your absolute displeasure at your son's treatment.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this...

Mrs. Spratt

 

[bballmom56]

You said they were talking about this while waiting for the father to arrive. If the principal had doubts, why couldn't he just wait and verify with the father when the father arrived?

 

[pixiewings71]

This isn't hard to believe, when my oldest DD lived at home (she's 21) we all had different last names. As it is now we have 2 last names in our household.

OP I have to ask, which opening band does his Dad play in? I know a few of the guys who play with Trace, that's why I ask. Trace was 1 of Toby's openers on this last tour.

Edited to add that FTR, I would be upset with the Principal too, I think it's worth speaking to him about.

 

[mchames]

I wouldn't make an appointment with the principal for this but I would send an e-mail under the guise of clarifying his contact list.

Something like this:

Principal XXXX:

I'm sorry you had to meet my son XXXX under such unpleasant circumstances, but I did wish to clarify our contact information. My son is in the unusal circumstance in which he has a different last name than any of his parents. Strange, but true. I, Kilee Smith am usually easiest to reach by cel phone (insert number), followed by DS step-father XXX Jones (insert number). DS father is the most difficult to reach since he is often out of town on tour as a musician. The best number to reach him at is (insert number).

Sorry about the confusion. Please call me if you have any questions. Hopefully, the next time you have the opportunity to talk to DS will be under better circumstances.

Kilee

If you send an e-mail you can get your point across without being confrontational. Just a suggestion. I wouldn't go up to school spitting nails, though.

 

[bumbershoot]

...and hes telling me that his father is a famous rock star......

"playing in the opening band for Toby Keith"

He didn't seem to say that his dad was famous, nor a rock star.

Not a single teacher batted an eyelash over the various signed items I had to bring in over those 12 years.

Good gravy you are lucky. The utter inability of ANY of my teachers to be able to hold in their brains our different last names, or the utter inability to just, oh, check their roster for info before meetings so they didn't call my mom by her abusive ex-husband's last name, is one of the many many reasons I'm homeschooling. I've heard of teachers that can remember all of their students forever...I never had one that could even remember that my last name started with B and my mom's started with C.

Even back then it drove me nuts, and I was one of the first divorced-family kids they had for some reason (second one in my class happened when we were in 5th grade and my parents divorced when I was 4, so taht was a long time), so it wasn't something that was all over. Nowadays though...it's just silly for them to not understand it.


The principal would drive me batty, as student and parent, in this situation. Even if he didn't believe it, why bother getting all emotionally involved (we can't be friends blah blah), when the parent is going to be there???? It's easily checked, almost immediately, so why not just go along with it instead of making yourself look like an idiot when the kid is proven right?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

"playing in the opening band for Toby Keith"

He didn't seem to say that his dad was famous, nor a rock star.




Good gravy you are lucky. The utter inability of ANY of my teachers to be able to hold in their brains our different last names, or the utter inability to just, oh, check their roster for info before meetings so they didn't call my mom by her abusive ex-husband's last name, is one of the many many reasons I'm homeschooling. I've heard of teachers that can remember all of their students forever...I never had one that could even remember that my last name started with B and my mom's started with C.

I wouldn't say that anyone remembered and I truly don't know what their rosters looked like, where files were kept and how any cross checking was done.

But it would seem that if an adult had trouble with a students reliability of parental information that the file would clearly indicate who was who in regards to parents and contacts and all that.

Plus--my mother's signature was her first initial and a squiggle. So it could be that they didn't know that her last name was different from my.

But my files clearly indicated my name--my dad lived out of town and I have had to have my stepfather pick me up once b/c I was very sick and my mom couldn't get released from duty (military). He was a senior chief so was more able to come and get me on that day.

 

[torinsmom]

The principal was out of line. I am a teacher and I may THINK a child is lying, but to say or infer that to a child isn't necessary. If the number was on the contact sheet as the child's father, why would the principal question it? Do kids fill out the contact sheet? The principal should have been using the time to talk with the child about why he was in trouble and what types of things he could do in a future situation like that. Now he has alienated this child by basically calling him a liar. My feeling is that students should feel comfortable with their principal. I don't think they should be "friends" but mutual respect is a great thing.

Marsha

 

[Linzybrooke]

I don't think I would request a meeting, but I would either call or email and give the principal your prefered "chain of authority", like, call me first, then this person, then this person. You could just say you want to clarify the relationships and order of preference on your sons contact information, and then add on that his father is a musician who travels with major artists and is often unavailable. Don't make it sound like you are trying to point out anything specific, but more trying to clarify because your son mentioned that the information was unclear to the administration. The principal will get the point, but won't feel like you are purposely pointing out his shortcomings.

 

[disykat]

I would email nicey nice... (similar to the other email but with no apologies for his family situation)

I understand my son (his full name )had xx problem at school today. I'm sorry you had difficulty getting a hold of me (full name), DS's step father (full name), or his father (full name). As I'm sure is common, there are rare times when we are unavailable by phone and DS's father is often unavailable due to his touring schedule. It is our strong desire to be in close contact with the school so in the future, if you are unable to contact me or my husband, please call (insert friend's name and contact info) as an alternate contact. Thank you.

Show willingness to work with the school, concern for your child, and verify your son's "story" in a non-accusatory way. Hopefully the princiPAL will feel like a jerk.

 

[merryweather20]

The principal was out of line. I am a teacher and I may THINK a child is lying, but to say or infer that to a child isn't necessary. If the number was on the contact sheet as the child's father, why would the principal question it? Do kids fill out the contact sheet? The principal should have been using the time to talk with the child about why he was in trouble and what types of things he could do in a future situation like that. Now he has alienated this child by basically calling him a liar. My feeling is that students should feel comfortable with their principal. I don't think they should be "friends" but mutual respect is a great thing.

Marsha

I totally agree.

The principal is in a position of respect, it is not okay to call a student a liar to his face. If I was that kid I would be much less likely to report abuse, drug use... anything going on in the school.

If he was concerned about the contact sheet he should have looked into it ed of story.

 

[OceanAnnie]

My son (who is in HS) got into a fight yesterday at school. We have a zero tolerance policy, and I do agree w/ it. The other kid started the verbal and then physical portion of the fight, but in our school both kids get suspended if they fight. I do not have a problem w/ that rule.

HOWEVER, yesterday when my son was in the principals office....he told my son he'd have to call home. I guess he had my son's contact sheet on his desk and started to give my son a hard time about the fact he could not reach me. My son suggested he try his step-fathers #. Well, my husband was unreachable too. So he then suggested he call his father from the list. I guess the principal then started questioning my son about the dynamics of his family......because me, my son, and his father all have different last names. Was my son lying to him about who was who. First, it's really none of his business to question it. Secondly, in this day and age, it happens. I guess he kept insisting my son was trying to pull a fast one w/ who to contact because he could not get a hold of me--- and he HAD to being pulling a fast one about the real relation of "these people". My son has my maiden name, I never married his biological father. I then did get married and took my husbands last name. Therefore, my son has my maiden name, I have my husbands last name, and his dad- well he has his own last name.

It's not that uncommon. I guess he was then trying to make small talk w/ my son while they were waiting for his dad to arrive. He asked my son what his father "does". My son told him he's a musician and he travels a lot. My son then went on to mention that his dad just got home this week from playing in the opening band for Toby Keith the last several months. The principal then told him that sounds a little over the top, and all he wants is the truth, to be friends they have to tell the truth.....ect.

He told my son he didn't know what he was trying to pull w/ giving different last names and lying about what his dad does, but that he has no respect for liars.

I am FUMING!! First, we all do have different last names and why does it matter. Second, his dad is a musician and he did spend the last 5 months on that tour. Why oh why would the principal go on like that? None of it was relevant to why my son was in his office in the first place. He's new to our area and our district and I'm thinking that he and I are going to need to chat soon.

I would have a chat in person with the principal. There are two separate issues here. First the fight. Taken care of at the time.

Second, the principal needs to know how out of line he was in addressing your DS. Your DS is owed an apology and I'd see that he gets it. Why is it okay for the principal to wrongly accuse your DS of being a liar? He needs to know he is wrong and respect is a two way street.

I would first clear up the relationship issue as being private. Second, I'd just calmly tell him his father is a musician and was on tour. Then I'd calmly and politely request an apology for the way he addressed your DS.

 

[Minniemama350]

Time to have that chat.

YEP!! I'm a teacher. I used to teach HS. My principal did some things I thought were over the top and I did not agree with personally. (He got his just deserts in the end. You can only be a cowboy for just so long before it catches up with you!) I applaud your ability to seperate the issues out and support the zero-tolerance. That particular zero-tol. policy does seem to cut down on the fights. I'm lucky my kid's have fair principals that don't do things like that! My current boss is good too!

 

[Minniemama350]

I would email nicey nice...

I understand my son (his full name )had xx problem at school today. I'm sorry you had difficulty getting a hold of me (full name), DS's step father (full name), or his father (full name). As I'm sure is common, there are rare times when we are unavailable by phone and DS's father is often unavailable due to his touring schedule. It is our strong desire to be in close contact with the school so in the future, if you are unable to contact me or my husband, please call (insert friend's name and contact info) as an alternate contact. Thank you.

Show willingness to work with the school, concern for your child, and verify your son's "story" in a non-accusatory way. Hopefully the princiPAL will feel like a jerk.

Exactly what I would do!

 

[daisyduck123]

I hear all that you are saying, but truthfully, it would seem really wierd to me to have a student that doesn't have the same last name as any of his parents or step parents or whatever. Is that really common?? I've never seen it before personally.

Neither have I....and I'm in my 19th year of teaching. It's not very common.

 

[tigercat]

My dgrdd has the family's last name. So my dd's maiden name. My dd and her dh as well as my other dgrdd has my dd's dh's name. My dgrdd's bio father has a different name but he is not at all in the picture. I have no trouble picking up my dgrdd from school but my dd has to prove that she is the dm of her. It is kindof funny actually but so far it has been me picking her up so it has been easier.
tigercat

 

[a1tinkfans]

My son (who is in HS) got into a fight yesterday at school. We have a zero tolerance policy, and I do agree w/ it. The other kid started the verbal and then physical portion of the fight, but in our school both kids get suspended if they fight. I do not have a problem w/ that rule.

HOWEVER, yesterday when my son was in the principals office....he told my son he'd have to call home. I guess he had my son's contact sheet on his desk and started to give my son a hard time about the fact he could not reach me. My son suggested he try his step-fathers #. Well, my husband was unreachable too. So he then suggested he call his father from the list. I guess the principal then started questioning my son about the dynamics of his family......because me, my son, and his father all have different last names. Was my son lying to him about who was who. First, it's really none of his business to question it. Secondly, in this day and age, it happens. I guess he kept insisting my son was trying to pull a fast one w/ who to contact because he could not get a hold of me--- and he HAD to being pulling a fast one about the real relation of "these people". My son has my maiden name, I never married his biological father. I then did get married and took my husbands last name. Therefore, my son has my maiden name, I have my husbands last name, and his dad- well he has his own last name.

It's not that uncommon. I guess he was then trying to make small talk w/ my son while they were waiting for his dad to arrive. He asked my son what his father "does". My son told him he's a musician and he travels a lot. My son then went on to mention that his dad just got home this week from playing in the opening band for Toby Keith the last several months. The principal then told him that sounds a little over the top, and all he wants is the truth, to be friends they have to tell the truth.....ect.

He told my son he didn't know what he was trying to pull w/ giving different last names and lying about what his dad does, but that he has no respect for liars.

I am FUMING!! First, we all do have different last names and why does it matter. Second, his dad is a musician and he did spend the last 5 months on that tour. Why oh why would the principal go on like that? None of it was relevant to why my son was in his office in the first place. He's new to our area and our district and I'm thinking that he and I are going to need to chat soon.

IMHO, he crossed the line, and I agree a call is on order to get it clear for any future "talks"
And IF my child felt belittled or angry Or upset about being called a liar, I would request an apology, "to clear the air". If that was refused or denied, a call to the supt would be next on my agenda.
I'd go Polite and concise with what I expect.
Best of Luck and good luck to your son.

 

[kilee]

Just want to clarify his father is "no rock star". He happens to play in a band that opened this most recent tour for Toby Keith. Even if the singer he plays for becomes " very famous"--- in country music-- he'll never be famous being in the band. Think about any "famous" country singer....pretty much their band members are unknown.

I also think it's the point that he referenced him being a "liar" that really irritated me. My son is no angel, that is for sure. He's a class clown, that I know. Thing is he pretty much always owns up to what he did wrong. I just think this guy wants respect and he's there to be a role model for the students. This isn't the way to get it. He can think in his own head what he wants until he checks the facts, but he should not voice to any student he thinks they are a liar, especially over silly info like that until he knows for sure.

I guess working in a peds office I see lots of families w/ kids who have different last names from mom and dad. Honestly his ignorance to the fact that there are lots of blended families these days makes me question his ability to be open-minded and non-judgemental.

 

[kilee]

Totally agree. The principle was fine. He has a kid in his office that was in a fight. He is not having luck getting hold of a parent. Lots of names, numbers and what not. He has all the right in the world to try to figure this thing out.

At the end of the day, the OP son (and the other kid) were the ones in the wrong for getting into a fight to begin with.

I don't get this statement at all. The contact sheet is filled out by me. The numbers were correct. So, because the first 2 numbers he called were unreachable, he should be called a liar. I'm not sure how many people can sit by the phone all day just in case the school calls. This is no excuse for him to make assumptions and start making accusations.

My son was wrong for getting into the fight. 110%, no excuses there. If the details even matter, he was physically pushed against the lockers 3 times before he hit the kid (the principal confirmed this as the case). Therefore he didn't instigate it. However, my son is fully aware of the zero tolerance policy and knew full well that he would get punished. I don't debate that at all. It is what it is.

However, saying he deserved to be called a liar for telling the truth because the principal could not reach me and he did something else wrong (which he didn't lie about either) is saying 2 wrongs make a right.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I don't get this statement at all. The contact sheet is filled out by me. The numbers were correct. So, because the first 2 numbers he called were unreachable, he should be called a liar. I'm not sure how many people can sit by the phone all day just in case the school calls. This is no excuse for him to make assumptions and start making accusations.

My son was wrong for getting into the fight. 110%, no excuses there. If the details even matter, he was physically pushed against the lockers 3 times before he hit the kid (the principal confirmed this as the case). Therefore he didn't instigate it. However, my son is fully aware of the zero tolerance policy and knew full well that he would get punished. I don't debate that at all. It is what it is.

However, saying he deserved to be called a liar for telling the truth because the principal could not reach me and he did something else wrong (which he didn't lie about either) is saying 2 wrongs make a right.

Your DS had a rotten day. First he gets bullied into a fight and then the principal is a jerk. What a day.