DS's Principal Really Annoyed Me

[Mouse House Mama]

The principal shouldn't be name calling period. That goes against the whole anti bullying thing that the schools are promoting now. What if your son said, "Okay, you can call me a liar then I am going to call you a stupid head!"

Seriously though, the principal was way out of line and I would have been up at the school. I am not a crazy parent but just because your son is a child doesn't give the principal an excuse to treat him like an animal. JMHO.

 

[OceanAnnie]

It seems as if there a number of people ready to believe that the principal called this boy a liar. I have no idea what happened but it is possible that the liar part of this story was drummed up to deflect the true issue - fighting. Doesn't anyone think is is possible that a teen (who seems to get into quite a bit of trouble per the OP) would focus on the part of the story where he can play the victim? If so, it seems to have worked.

Assuming the principal did call him a liar it seems as if this is something an 18 year old high school student can deal with on his own. To the poster quoted above, your "free pass" comment falls in line with what I think of as helicopter parenting. What exactly would you do to nullify this "free pass?"

Well, I'll just agree to disagree with you. I wouldn't call it helicopter parenting. Some things are worth standing up for, respect being one of them. If the conversation played out as it was told, I doubt the principal would give the OP's DS the time of day. If the principal didn't believe him the first time, what makes you think he'll believe him the second time? It would be good to get the whole story and clear up any "family" misunderstandings, as it could effect how the OP's son is treated for the rest of the year.

If the princiPAL did in fact call the OP's son a liar, I'd expect an apology (for being wrong, rash, and disrespectful). I already stated that in a prior post. I'd expect the same thing afforded to me if someone treated me in that manner.

If it's true that the principal called the OP's son a liar, and it wouldn't bother you that's great for you. But how can you expect your child to respect him or herself if they allow people to treat him/her so disrespectfully?

 

[krcit]

I would want it cleared up for 2 reasons. One,so that the principal and thus, the school, knows that her son is not a liar. That is a reputation that could follow him for the rst of high school. Number two, so that the principal would think before he speaks. In this day, there are a lot of different family situations and it is not up to him to question or judge them.

 

[powellrj]

While I wouldn't go in with guns blazing, I think a visit is in order. Many times when they have a face to go along with the name, it may help if there is ever a problem in the future.

 

[OceanAnnie]

While I wouldn't go in with guns blazing, I think a visit is in order. Many times when they have a face to go along with the name, it may help if there is ever a problem in the future.

FTR, neither would I. I would want to know the whole story and clear up any misunderstandings.

 

[MickeySP]

I guess this is the reason I kept my own last name, which is the same as my sons when I got married.

My son needed the continuity more than my then DH.

 

[jsmith]

I would want both sides of the story-and i would be tempted to go see the principle face to face just to get things cleared up-and so he would remember me.
The different last name thing is no real surprise-some friends of mine have 4 last names in their 6 person household-how does that work? He has a son from a high school relationship who lives with them but has his mothers maiden name. She has a daughter from a previous marriage who has her biological fathers name-when she divorced her first husband she reverted to her maiden name and didnt take her second husbands name. Dad and the two younger children,who are theirs together,have the same last name.So mom has one name,oldest son a second, oldest daughter a third,and dad and younger kids a 4th. It works for them so no big deal. That principle needs to realize that situations can happen that way and you need to clarify that with him so there are no further misunderstandings.

 

[Disney Doll]

Bolded additions...I llike this idea though!

I wouldn't make an appointment with the principal for this but I would send an e-mail under the guise of clarifying his contact list.

Something like this:

Principal XXXX:

I'm sorry you had to meet my son XXXX under such unpleasant circumstances, but I did wish to clarify our contact information. My son is in the unusual circumstance in which he has a different last name than any of his parents. Strange, but true. I, Kilee Smith am usually easiest to reach by cell phone (insert number), followed by DS step-father XXX Jones (insert number). DS father XXX Brown is the most difficult to reach since he is often out of town on tour as a musician. As a matter-of-fact, he just recently returned from touring with Toby Keith, as my son told you. The best number to reach him at is (insert number).

Sorry about the confusion. Please call me if you have any questions. Hopefully, the next time you have the opportunity to talk to DS will be under better circumstances.

Kilee

If you send an e-mail you can get your point across without being confrontational. Just a suggestion. I wouldn't go up to school spitting nails, though.

 

[diznygirl]

Just a thought about the posters suggesting emails - the principal could assume that those came from the son as well. I would do this face to face so there is no confusion. Just call his secretary and schedule an appt - i like the idea of putting a face to the name for the future as well.

 

[kilee]

Thank you for all the different responses. I intend to call tomorrow, but will not fly off the handle. I intend to ask the principal if there was some confusion about the numbers listed on the contact sheet that he'd like clarified. I will see where the conversation goes from there.

As for the relationships being listed. They are all there.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Did your son fill out his own contact sheet? I teach elementary, so clearly the parents fill it out, and the sheet lists the relationship of each contact. I don't know about high school, but for legal reasons I would think that it would be the same way- the parents would fill it out. So I guess I don't understand why the principal was hassling your son over something that he did not even fill out. Why on Earth would you lie about the names and/or the relationship?

I can understand him thinking the musician touring with Toby Keith was far fetched, but that one is easily verifiable and hardly the crux of the matter. Regardless of whether or not he believed it, he should have let it go.

You should talk to the principal. Explain that you support the policy and maybe tell them what you have done at home about the incident. I have had parents do this, and it helps to know I have back up. Then tell the principal that while you support the policy yada, yada, yada, you do not like how it was handled. Let him know what the real information is so that next time whether with your own son or another child, he will not make the same mistake.

 

[JohnsPrincess]

I hear all that you are saying, but truthfully, it would seem really wierd to me to have a student that doesn't have the same last name as any of his parents or step parents or whatever. Is that really common?? I've never seen it before personally.
If I were the principal, and I had this kid that I probably didn't really know (I'm sure there are several houndred kids in the school) who just got into a fight, he may not be the best kid (I'm sure your son is great, I'm just saying what it may seem like to someone whos just stepping into the situation) in the school. Now he has a contact sheet with people that don't have his last name, and hes telling me that his father is a famous rock star...... I mean, truthfully, I don't know you or your son, or this principal, but I can see where he (the principal) is coming from. Though, on the other hand, I would have a hard time believing that a HS studen would make up the rock star thing. A middle school kid, yeah, but HS, probably not. Anyway, feel better!

I just wanted to say it's probably more common than you think. I have my mother's Maiden name (well, now I have my husbands last name...but I DID have her Maiden name). She's married to my step-dad so has his last name. My dad has his "own" last name.

OP - Yeah...I'd have a chat with the principle...

 

[Took]

I honestly think anything you say regarding this will be taken as sour grapes and look like you are nitpicking because you son got in trouble. i.g You got my son in trouble- I am going to get you in trouble to paraphrase.

I think a nice but firm letter, supporting the punishment but corroborating your son's version of the name/relations issue is in order. The principal's manner was probably too harsh and was, IMO, a bit snarky, but he was dealing with a boy who had been fighting. He probably thought that "tough talk" would show the boy this was serious and may have been too hard on your d.s. In any case, the principal's "uncertainties" need to be corrected. Who knows? It may make him feel a bit like a jeand cause him to react differently next time.

PS I do like the sample letter posted above. I also agree that "name-calling" (if the principal really did this) is wrong. Questioning, yes. Labelling, no, not without checking the facts.

 

[C.Ann]

I am FUMING!! First, we all do have different last names and why does it matter. Second, his dad is a musician and he did spend the last 5 months on that tour. Why oh why would the principal go on like that? None of it was relevant to why my son was in his office in the first place. He's new to our area and our district and I'm thinking that he and I are going to need to chat soon.

By the time a man is old enough to be a school principal, he should also be aware of the fact that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.. He basically called your son a liar - and that would not go over well with me at all..

I'm usually not for making a fuss about this sort of thing but in this case I'd ask to meet and discuss.

I would let the principal know you support the no tolerance policy but would like to clarify a few things...like the names and that your DS did not lie.

I totally agree.. Get all of this straightened out now - or the principal is going to continue to "assume" that your son is a liar..

 

[Darcy03231]

Any update?

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

The principal owes your son an apology. There is NO excuse for accusing someone of being a liar without knowing for sure that he/she is lying.

 

[disney junky]

I'd get the principal autographed pictures of all the artists his dad has played with. Just chuck them on his desk. You won't make any headway with the principal. There is an operation they get when they take the job.

 

[DVC Sadie]

The principal owes your son an apology. There is NO excuse for accusing someone of being a liar without knowing for sure that he/she is lying.

I quite agree!

 

[jenlynn0808]

Was just curious as to what the outcome was?

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Oh, one more thing. I know you said you are okay with this rule and with your son being punished. I DO think both kids should be punished, but the one who started it (if it's known, which it sounds like it is in this case) should be more severely punished (maybe a longer suspension or suspension vs. detention.) Otherwise, children will end up thinking that it's no worse for someone to bully them than it is to fight back against a bully.