Done with giving gifts to nephews

[Pea-n-Me]

I could've written your post at one time. Your kids won't be like that. (Although they might still embarrass you from time to time. )

 

[ksjayhawks]

I would stop the gift giving as well. Give a card instead. Or if you feel you must, a $10 gift card to McDonalds.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

Or get them a gift in their name by gifting a goat or mosquito netting, and if they say something
tell them you gave them the gift of humanity. you little brats.

I actually like this idea since I'm really into conservation. Symbolically adopting an animal for them.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

I could've written your post at one time. Your kids won't be like that. (Although they might still embarrass you from time to time. )

People say that to me all the time but I'm still nervous. Kids are such a big responsibility!!

 

[Gigi22]

Just reading about that response was so sad! I feel for the OP. I do think that the child does not deserve a gift, if this is his behavior. In the OP's place, I think I might explain my concerns to both parents at an appropriate time.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Guess we're just going back to putting money in the bank. .

Don't do it!

Do this instead:


http://www.heifer.org/gift-catalog/animals-nutrition/index.html

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

I agree with this 100%.

That said, if one of my nephews/ nieces said something like that, I would have no qualms in kindly, but firmly, speaking to them about it and letting them know that Auntie (and most people) expect thank-yous and that it is the polite and correct thing to do. While it may not be your responsibility, that doesn't mean that you can't be a positive role model. The child is clearly not going to learn it from his parents.

99.9% of the time, when I or any adult try to speak to these kids (not even to reprimand), they straight out ignore you. Walk by like they didn't even hear you.

 

[low-key]

there a bunch of brats

 

[LisaR]

99.9% of the time, when I or any adult try to speak to these kids (not even to reprimand), they straight out ignore you. Walk by like they didn't even hear you.

But again, remember that this is how they were raised. They think it is appropriate. They've never been in trouble for it so why should they change? You need to say something to the dad (sounds like he was the one who was there). Tell him what you expect and when they can treat you with respect, you will resume gift giving. Dad is getting away with allowing his kids to behave this way. Call him out on it.

 

[hereyago]

99.9% of the time, when I or any adult try to speak to these kids (not even to reprimand), they straight out ignore you. Walk by like they didn't even hear you.

Oh heck no. May I suggest a spray bottle with water? Their df and every other enabler( sorry but they dont get buttclown pass because their parents broke up) needs a squirt when they act up and the others dont say squat.

Enablers suck.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

But again, remember that this is how they were raised. They think it is appropriate. They've never been in trouble for it so why should they change? You need to say something to the dad (sounds like he was the one who was there). Tell him what you expect and when they can treat you with respect, you will resume gift giving. Dad is getting away with allowing his kids to behave this way. Call him out on it.

We all have said something about their behavior to the dad but it falls on deaf ears. I'm not expecting a miracle but really just wrote my post to get my frustrations off my chest.

 

[LisaR]

We all have said something about their behavior to the dad but it falls on deaf ears. I'm not expecting a miracle but really just wrote my post to get my frustrations off my chest.

I understand. Some people are just the way they are and you aren't going to be able to fix them. I'd distance myself from the whole bunch. Can't imagine spending time with kids who are brats and parents who don't care.

 

[SmallWorld71]

99.9% of the time, when I or any adult try to speak to these kids (not even to reprimand), they straight out ignore you. Walk by like they didn't even hear you.

Then I guess it's up to you to decide if you want to keep trying. I certainly wouldn't feel obligated to give any more gifts and if I did, I would keep them pretty generic.

 

[disykat]

Seriously, giving a gift after that kind of response would make me feel like I was contributing to the problem.

 

[cijay]

After today, I'm done giving gifts to my nephews (via marriage). Whenever either one opens gifts, they show no appreciation to the gifter. It's like a marathon gift opening session where they dump contents out of gift bags, rip gifts out of people's hands, and go from one present to the next. If you're lucky, you might get a thank you. When their parents were married, it was a no rules/no structure household. Now that they are divorced, mom still runs that way and dad half-heartedly tries to raise them with some manners/rules. Because of their circumstances, everyone makes excuses for them and their behavior. They are addicted to computer and video games since they were very little.

Today, one of the boys had a birthday and since he just had Christmas and got a bunch of toys, I opted to get him two books (diary of a wimpy kid 1st and 2nd of the series) after talking to his dad about it. My hubby and I tend to be the rational, practical members of the family. I figure kids will enjoy opening a present instead of hearing that his uncle/aunt put money in the bank for him (like we usually do for Christmas and birthdays). So as he is opening his last present which happened to be the books, he says as he sees what it is-"oh my last present are books that I'll never read". I couldn't believe the rude response! This kid just turned 9. I wasn't expecting him to be jumping for joy but a thank you would've sufficed even if you hated the gift. I was so offended that I was tempted to grab the books back and return them. They weren't cheap! Sad thing was no one even corrected him- some laughed, others couldn't believe how disrespectful the response was but didn't say anything like they usually do. Dad had said that the kid was interested in the series and that's why I bought them. Guess we're just going back to putting money in the bank. Hubby felt bad and pulled me aside to tell me it was a nice thought but they never show proper appreciation.

I'm just frustrated with their behavior because they have zero manners. People are afraid to have them over their houses, no one wants to go out to restaurants with them, etc. Sigh. I'm not a parent and their behavior is a huge point in why I don't want kids at this point. I know things will never change but just had to write somewhere and get these feelings out.

You're very nice to put money in the bank for them!

 

[barkley]

we didn't encounter the relative kids like this growing up but sporadically, so for the random gift oriented we attended/sent for events and knowing their parent's habits we cut them some slack UNTIL high school graduation. I knew that when I graduated from high school the invite/announcement purchase packages were bundled with the same number of corresponding thank-you notes/envelopes as invites (confirmed several years later when dd graduated/now that ds is graduating) so if you hadn't been taught at home it was a BIG clue. we sent checks to all of them (so I know from their being endorsed and cashed they were received) with not a single call/thank you note/mention the next time we saw them.

needless to say-when we received subsequently written announcements/invites/outreaches for college abroad/mission trips/college graduations/engagement showers/"help furnish our first home"/"help pay for our dream honeymoon trip"......they were responded to in the same manner our previous gifting's had been (no response).

 

[luvsJack]

Its a shame they have been raised this way. Sounds like Dad doesn't want to be the bad guy and Mom isn't going to change anything. Both are wrong.

Could Dad perhaps use some suggestions on making changes in their behavior?

My dgds (4 and 6 now) were a little like this last year. They went to so many different family gatherings with so many gifts, everything was just a gift grab to them. ds was embarrassed by their behavior. So this year when he was with them, he made them slow down on opening gifts, actually see (or let him see) who gave the gift and say thank you before opening it. Didn't make them perfect by any stretch but it was a step in the right direction.

 

[Nancyg56]

MY husbands nephew responded in a similar manner when he was about 6. No one said a thing (He said the gift was garbage) so I picked it up and said that since he did not want it I was taking it. HE screamed!! I took the gift and that was his last one.

 

[mjkacmom]

While his response was over the top rude, kids aren't born brats, their environments turn them into brats. By the time my kids were that age, I had absolutely no worries that they would show displeasure for a not so hot gift, or a gift they already had. We started practicing very early on. Both of my boys loved that series, but had read them by 9 (and the-read them until about 11). He still should have managed a polite thank you, but obviously this hasn't been taught.

Next time, take him aside, and explain how it hurts feelings when a thoughtful gift is reacted to in that way. At this point, I don't know if it will help, but it can't hurt.

 

[bookgirl]

Even when my nephews are doing the surly teen thing they still remember to say thank you and believe me their parent's divorce was a mess.

Blame on the parent's, but the kids are old enough to be taught better and to understand that if they are brats then they might not get stuff.