Done with giving gifts to nephews

[RedAngie]

A response like that should never be coming out of a 9 year old. I would have gotten a good spanking if I ever dreamed of acting like that or saying that at that age, or any age for that matter!

I doubt a discussion with the parents is going to help, if anything it could make things worse. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't be giving any more gifts. That's just ridiculous!

Yep, I think having such a discussion will be taken the wrong way by the parents. "how dare your criticize my little angels/my parenting techniques/my perfect life. YOU are the rude one for giving crappy gifts. So shut up, MYOB, and give better gifts next year."

 

[yoopermom]

We have a somewhat similar situation going on in our family...

My DC married a woman and is in the process of adopting her two children (boy 5, girl 3). These two have grown up with no father (druggie), and a mom who basically spoils them to death. Most of the adults in the family are polite to their faces, but roll their eyes about the behavior behind their backs. The other cousins close to these kids in age will play with them, but already pick up on the fact that they behave in ways that our family doesn't find socially acceptable.

I decided rather than give them gifts that they would open and toss, that I would give them the "gift of time". I got the ok from their mom to take one each individually for an afternoon. We didn't do anything wildly exciting, but I really tried to get to know each of them as an individual, their interests, etc. And, one on one, away from the parental/other sibling influence, we really had a decent time. They are just *children*, and I believe that they want to fit in/be good underneath it all and, hopefully, with a little love and guidance, will see that they are part of a great family....

Terri

 

[Nancyg56]

We have a somewhat similar situation going on in our family...

My DC married a woman and is in the process of adopting her two children (boy 5, girl 3). These two have grown up with no father (druggie), and a mom who basically spoils them to death. Most of the adults in the family are polite to their faces, but roll their eyes about the behavior behind their backs. The other cousins close to these kids in age will play with them, but already pick up on the fact that they behave in ways that our family doesn't find socially acceptable.

I decided rather than give them gifts that they would open and toss, that I would give them the "gift of time". I got the ok from their mom to take one each individually for an afternoon. We didn't do anything wildly exciting, but I really tried to get to know each of them as an individual, their interests, etc. And, one on one, away from the parental/other sibling influence, we really had a decent time. They are just *children*, and I believe that they want to fit in/be good underneath it all and, hopefully, with a little love and guidance, will see that they are part of a great family....

Terri

I think that this situation is different from the situations in which the kids are rude and disrespectful in how they receive gifts. I probably would try what you are doing rather than set them and you up for resentment. Good luck!

 

[GrnMtnMan]

Surprised nobody has suggested giving just one more gift to them:
Richard Scarry's Please and Thank You Book

 

[MickeySP]

Give the parents a book on good parenting & manners

 

[srferson]

MY husbands nephew responded in a similar manner when he was about 6. No one said a thing (He said the gift was garbage) so I picked it up and said that since he did not want it I was taking it. HE screamed!! I took the gift and that was his last one.

That was my first thought (once I picked my chin up off my desk).

"Well, dear, if you're never going to read them, I guess I'll just take them back. And by the way, you're welcome."

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

Surprised nobody has suggested giving just one more gift to them:
Richard Scarry's Please and Thank You Book

I LOVE Richard Scarry!!!

 

[TheIncredibles!]

I'd buy some presents, take pictures, donate the presents to needy children and put the pictures in a card for the kids letting them know that their gift was a donation to kids less fortunate than they are. A lesson for them and a good deed for a child that would be thrilled to have something to open

 

[gotomu212]

I think you might have also reached the point of gift saturation which a lot of people don't think about. No excuse, these kids sound horrible and I like the suggestion of spraying them with a water bottle while yelling SAY THANK YOU (kidding- kinda).

But, my son has a birthday 5 days before Christmas and between his birthday party with friends, my mother who comes to town with a trunk full of birthday and Christmas gifts from her and relatives, then our small family Christmas, then driving to the inlaws for yet another round... I'm exhausted just typing this. My son has never been rude or not properly shown appreciation BUT as he's opening gifts I can see him start to zone out and really it's just too much.

We started limiting gifts (please don't bring a gift to the birthday party, asked my sister and brother to not worry about the Chriatmas gift, tried so hard to get my mom to ease up)...and from that you can just tell he's so much happier and really has time to appreciate the gifts he gets.

From your post it sounds like there were a lot of presents so I think there's nothing wrong with opting out of the gifting mania.

 

[mom2rtk]

Surprised nobody has suggested giving just one more gift to them:
Richard Scarry's Please and Thank You Book

Awwww.... I miss our Richard Scarry days! I love Huckle Cat!

 

[MIGrandma]

If they were my nephews I would sit them down and explain the reason they wouldn't be getting any more gifts from me. If they sincerely apologized I would give them another chance though.

And I would sit the parent (s) down and explain the same thing to them as well.

Several years ago we brought gifts back for our grandchildren from a cruise we took. We bought the younger boys toys that children would play with on one of the islands we visited, and were handmade by locals. All the kids appreciated their gifts except our DS's ex-girlfriend's son. We included him in the gift giving as we were giving his brother (our DS's child) a gift (the same toy). The ex-girlfriend's son ran crying from the room after we gave our gifts. I was bewildered, had no idea what was wrong, and he wouldn't come out of his room. His mother just let him go. When we left we tried to tell him goodbye and he was still upset. He said as we were walking out the door"I was expecting a better gift." Wow! Not sure what his mother did, if she said anything to him, etc. We never got an apology. He was probably 7 or 8 at the time.

When our children were growing up they were taught that whatever gift they were given, they were to be appreciative. They said thank you with a smile. It's sad that some parents don't teach their children to be appreciative of gifts. But I blame that on the parents, not the kids. It's what they learn.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

MY husbands nephew responded in a similar manner when he was about 6. No one said a thing (He said the gift was garbage) so I picked it up and said that since he did not want it I was taking it. HE screamed!! I took the gift and that was his last one.

 

[ForeverAlice]

The books are a great choice for a 9 year old, my son is the same age and loves them! If my child said anything negative or ungrateful when receiving a gift I do not care if he was in a room full of people I would immediately address it! I say take them off your list as well!

 

[Nancyg56]

It was the first time anyone took a stand. he is a nice adult but was a spoiled rotten kid

 

[Nancyg56]

That was my first thought (once I picked my chin up off my desk).

"Well, dear, if you're never going to read them, I guess I'll just take them back. And by the way, you're welcome."

He thought it was okay to say gofts were garbage! And throw them on the floor. Not with my stuff. My DH was trying to figure out what to say and his parents thought he was "cute". They di dthink I woul dchange my mind.....no.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

MY husbands nephew responded in a similar manner when he was about 6. No one said a thing (He said the gift was garbage) so I picked it up and said that since he did not want it I was taking it. HE screamed!! I took the gift and that was his last one.

You're my hero!!

 

[Sabeking]

I feel your pain! I have two nieces that have similar behavior. Once my niece came over for my DD's birthday. We all stood up before dinner and said it was time to say grace. All 25 of us stood there waiting for her to join us. She looked at us and said,"no thanks, boringgggg....and rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch with her cell phone. She was nine. My brother kind of laughed and said she can be the queen sometimes. That was it from him. Well my SIL from the other side whispered in her ear and she got up pretty darn quick. She shut that down!

 

[StitchBuddy]

I have a nephew about the same age. He's much the same way and his parents do correct him. He is an odd little duck. I have just started putting $10 in a card and handing it to him. I refuse to put much thought into it anymore. The only reason I do that is out of respect for his mother.

 

[hereyago]

I would have gotten a bop upside my head if I had acted like some of these kids.

 

[TLSnell1981]

there a bunch of brats

True, but he's a 9 year old CHILD, who has no one to guide him. I wouldn't be mad at a little boy and cut him off. Again, he just turned 9 ...