Does anyone actually do the Ferber method with their babies?

[darlak]

I NEVER said anyone was a part time mother, & the "mommy hat" comment was one I heard a poster on a previous thread use when explaining why she should use CIO & not have to wake at night. (which I already explained once) & posters here have agreed that they themselves do not want to wear the mommy hat at night (while being offended at the phrase ) because they do not wish to be up at night w/ their kids. Dr Sears refers to it as "nighttime parenting" I am sorry if it offends anyone, why is ok for proponents of CIO to use this phrase but offensive when I do?
I subscribed to this thread because IRL I have a couple of friends who always feel the need to push CIO to me & although I do not label myself as AP (maybe because I am about as crunchy as a ripe banana) I do practice more AP style of parenting.
I do not agree w/ CIO because I think babies (especially very young ones) do not have the ability to differentiate daytime comfort & nighttime comfort, I think they should have it both ways. Do they understand why they are being ignored just because of the hour?
My CIO friends are the best moms all day long they take care of their child's every need, comforting them always, & then at night they have let them scream at lengths. I don't know if they would do this if not for the books they read. I think that their motherly instinct they have during the day would take over.
IRL I can not tell them this because I'm afraid of the response that we have seen here, I am not being judgmental, just honest about how I feel about it. It will never be seen that way by the pro CIO bunch though.
I am not as offended when people question AP style of parenting so why risk a big blow up w/ them? I just keep telling them I will never do it, I don't know why each "team" feels the need to recruit so much IRL?!

What I find interesting here is that you assume that I'm a fan of CIO. I didn't say that anywhere, so why would you assume that? My actual parenting style would have been closer to AP, although I am hesitant to admit that here with the lynch mob mentality shown by those who favor AP. My children slept in their own bed, for the most part, but I never allowed any of my 4 to CIO. While I was nursing, they usually wound up in my bed for at least half the night.

My previous post was just to point out that you DID in fact, make the comparison. I think if you say something, you should either stand by it and own up to it or just admit you were wrong. I have no respect for soft backpedaling when someone is called on a particular statement. Nowhere in you original post do you mention anything about seeing it on a previous thread, people not wanting to wake up at night, etc.

I've said some stupid things, both on the Dis and IRL. I've also owned up to the stupid remarks and sometimes later apologized for having made them. Or, believing in my remark that others may have felt was stupid, I stood behind it.

 

[eeyoremum]

I mis-read your post then, I apologize. I thought your point was that you co-slept and didn't get "personal" time until your older child was 5 and in school and then along comes #2. Sorry.


Carry on with the CIO debate....

I think most parents do a modified version of CIO. DD was on a heart/breathing monitor so other than being hungry or soiled, if anything seroius was wrong the alarm would sound. That was great peace of mind. Now when she was taken off of the monitor, that was a whole different ball game. My security blanket was gone. But she slept through the night most nights anyway so it wasn't much of an issue.

Thank you.

It is interesting you mention your dd heart/breathing issues. I would have been a SIDS baby if my dad had not come to check on me when he did. That was the reason I liked having my babies in my bed. DH also liked it b/c he worked long hours and enjoyed the "cuddle" time at night.

 

[KariC]

I just wanted to add for any moms-to-be or planning-to-be, really quickly, that Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution book is awesome (that's what I think they should give at hospitals )! It helps you work with your child at appropriate ages based on their sleep needs/eating needs to work towards sleeping through the night. It is a gentle, no crying (as the title suggests) way of doing things. Love it! Worked with my twins, and now we're getting ready to try some of the techniques with the baby.

It doesn't just tell you to "suffer with it", it gives you tools to get your baby to sleep thru without crying it out, whether you co-sleep or use a crib (or a combo like me). Worked here with the first two, sure it will work again!

Here's a link to excerpts: http://www.kellymom.com/pantley/index.html#ncss

For some, all they need are the little tips, but I recommend the book...lots of info on sleep, safety, etc.

 

[3jsmommy]

What I find interesting here is that you assume that I'm a fan of CIO. I didn't say that anywhere, so why would you assume that? My actual parenting style would have been closer to AP, although I am hesitant to admit that here with the lynch mob mentality shown by those who favor AP. My children slept in their own bed, for the most part, but I never allowed any of my 4 to CIO. While I was nursing, they usually wound up in my bed for at least half the night.

My previous post was just to point out that you DID in fact, make the comparison. I think if you say something, you should either stand by it and own up to it or just admit you were wrong. I have no respect for soft backpedaling when someone is called on a particular statement. Nowhere in you original post do you mention anything about seeing it on a previous thread, people not wanting to wake up at night, etc.

I've said some stupid things, both on the Dis and IRL. I've also owned up to the stupid remarks and sometimes later apologized for having made them. Or, believing in my remark that others may have felt was stupid, I stood behind it.

I never assumed anything about you or anyone else on this thread, YOU ASKED me for an explanantion & I gave you that. I never backdown on my opinion or changed my statment.
After I made the "mommy hat" comment other poster said I was calling them "part time parents" I never said that which is what I was saying when you asked me to explain myself. I don't appreciate words being put in my mouth, & I believe everything I said to be true IMHO of course!
Whether or not you consider what I said as stupid is not of consiquence to me.
No need to appologize, I'm in the Christmas spirit!
Are we done now?

 

[3jsmommy]

Those crazy,crunchy harvard Dr.'s!!!!
http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages/534.html

 

[harleyquinn]

Those crazy,crunchy harvard Dr.'s!!!!
http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages/534.html

Huh...that's from 2000 and it's not hyperlinked to any actual research or anything.

Here's a link from the actual Gazette (same exact article):

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

I just like to make sure it's not made up. You can't trust everything on the Internet!

 

[harleyquinn]

Looks like the original artilce was from 1998. You think they would have more stuff by now!

 

[poohandwendy]

Looks like the original artilce was from 1998. You think they would have more stuff by now!

Or maybe they just had a theory they can't prove...

 

[harleyquinn]

Or maybe they just had a theory they can't prove...

I find it interesting that the article doesn't site the researchers actual research. That's just plain weird.

I plan to do a little of everything. That way I don't do any one method too much in case it's the 'bad' one!

 

[poohandwendy]

I find it interesting that the article doesn't site the researchers actual research. That's just plain weird.

I plan to do a little of everything. That way I don't do any one method too much in case it's the 'bad' one!

I think you have a good plan. Find what works for your family and you cannot go wrong, IMHO.

 

[Heidict]

My DH and I never could do the Ferber method. We didn't need it till she was about 8 months or so because she was always a great sleeper. If she woke up she would fuss for a few and go back to sleep. If she cried for more then 5 minutes or so we would get her. Then all of a sudden she started it everynight and wanted to be with us all the time. So, we tried the COI method. Never again. After 30 minutes of crying we gave in and said that's it. This is stupid.

I guess we fall towards AP, all though nobody would define us as being crunchy.

We have a bedtime routine. She goes into our bed with one of us and gets some cuddle time and reading or maybe one of her shows. We call it "happy zone". Then she goes to her crib. Sometimes she's awake, sometimes she's asleep. She has her elephant "blue" and her teddy bear "baby" with her and she is generally really good. Sleeps through the night with no problem. On occasion she will wake up and if she fusses or cries (all though it's more of a fake cry ) then we go get her. Normally when we walk into her room she is standing in her crib, holding blue in one arm and baby in the other all ready for us. She comes to bed with us and we co-sleep for a bit. After an hour or two it's back to the crib and normally she's good till morning.

It works for us, so I guess we will keep doing it. I'm sure plenty of people don't agree with it and think we are doing her some great disservice but they aren't the ones raising her and they aren't the ones listening to her cry.

What works for one doesn't work for another. I don't understand how people can be so upset with someone doing something different then what they are doing. As long as the child isn't being abused then whats the problem?

 

[Christine]

It works for us, so I guess we will keep doing it. I'm sure plenty of people don't agree with it and think we are doing her some great disservice but they aren't the ones raising her and they aren't the ones listening to her cry.

What works for one doesn't work for another. I don't understand how people can be so upset with someone doing something different then what they are doing. As long as the child isn't being abused then whats the problem?

Exactly. I am not "into" co-sleeping. Not because I think it warps a person or makes them dependent, but because *I* cannot sleep when a baby is in bed with me.

Now, when my kids were little, I had to get up every morning at 4:30 a.m. and get ready for work. There was no way in heck that I could spend months at a time co-sleeping with my child. I would not have been able to function at a job that I had to have. I had to commute an hour and work for 8 hours. I needed to be awake. Losing 2 hours a sleep per night to calm the baby just was not going to fly.

So, when my DD was still habitually waking up at 1:30 every night at 9 months of age looking for a bottle and cuddles, I had to stop it. We did CIO for one week. Worked like a charm and no one cried for too long. Did it work when she was 6 months old? Nope, so we we stopped it and I got up every night for the 20 minutes it took for a bottle.

Co-sleeping would have kept me up longer. We all have to do what it takes to get us through the next day, you know?

 

[Arielle22]

I only read the first and last page. I ferberized with my 2 dd's and it was great. They learned to go to sleep themselves in thier own bed/room.

My nephew is 2. My sister couldn't bear to hear him cry so she and bil decided to let him cosleep. We don't always see eye to eye on child rearing but this is the one thing I could smack her over.

I take dn overnight at least once a month. He would always sleep in a playpen in my room. It was very tough for me to get him to sleep as I would let him cry. If I let him in the bed until he feel asleep then put him in the playpen, he would wake up later in the night.DH does not believe in sharing the bed with children so it makes for some tough nights. (My sister now admits that cosleeping was a bad idea since dn has been kicking her while sleeping)

DD14 is very stubborn (gets it from me ) and was tough to train her to sleep. Then I read about ferberizing and gave it a try. The couple of nights were tough but after that she was fine.

 

[Heidict]

Exactly. I am not "into" co-sleeping. Not because I think it warps a person or makes them dependent, but because *I* cannot sleep when a baby is in bed with me.

I'm the same way. I love cuddling in the bed and watching her sleep, but trying to go to sleep myself was another story. I wake up with a foot in my ribcage or her pressed up against me, because she has to get as close as she can, or blue in my face or something crazy.

I think we all sleep much better with her in the crib!!

 

[KariC]

I only read the first and last page. I ferberized with my 2 dd's and it was great. They learned to go to sleep themselves in thier own bed/room.

My nephew is 2. My sister couldn't bear to hear him cry so she and bil decided to let him cosleep. We don't always see eye to eye on child rearing but this is the one thing I could smack her over.

I take dn overnight at least once a month. He would always sleep in a playpen in my room. It was very tough for me to get him to sleep as I would let him cry. If I let him in the bed until he feel asleep then put him in the playpen, he would wake up later in the night.DH does not believe in sharing the bed with children so it makes for some tough nights. (My sister now admits that cosleeping was a bad idea since dn has been kicking her while sleeping)

DD14 is very stubborn (gets it from me ) and was tough to train her to sleep. Then I read about ferberizing and gave it a try. The couple of nights were tough but after that she was fine.

just a quick question---does your sis know that son CIO at your house on overnites?

And not doing CIO does not equal co-sleeping. We only partially co-sleep b/c i fall asleep while baby nurses...thankfully the boppy pillow is comfy.

 

[jax677]

Mine both slept with us for the first year of life and then they went off to their own beds. No problems, no big deal, no sleepless nights. I just can't believe letting them sleep with you makes for sleepless children later on. I have a feeling those same children would have had trouble either way. Just my thoughts

 

[mumzie2three]

Very few in this thread are mentioning whether or not they nurse. But I think most co-sleepers nurse. For me it was much easier to roll over and nurse DD#3 than it was to get up and go nurse DD's #1 & 2 in their rooms.
Another thing that isn't mentioned in this thread is the age of the child. For me the term "baby" covers the 1st year. People have thrown out the word stubborn and I don't think that word can be used on a newborn. I think we'd have less conflict if people clairified at what age they are sleep "training" their kids.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Bottom line - do what works for your family and don't worry about what anyone else does or says! Same goes for the breastfeeding/bottlefeeding or the working/stay at home Mom argument. Why debate it other than to try to make yourself feel better about the decisions you made?

I co-slept with both DDs and that worked out great for the most part but DS is a different beast. Mason is a tummy sleeper and absolutely can not stay asleep on his back or side so he HAS to sleep in his crib and honestly he loves his crib. We have a breathing monitor under his crib mattress that alerts us if he stops breathing (and it has gone off several times).

For over a week now he has been downright miserable every night - not sleeping for more than a couple of hours at best in a row. DH and I are at our wits end and just need some sleep so we discussed the co-sleeping and CIO methods. I get no sleep if Mason is in our bed because he can't be on his tummy (we have a thick pillowtop mattress) and so I can't sleep because I am scared he will roll onto his tummy and suffocate. I just can't stand the CIO method - at least not at the age of 6 months old. If he was doing this at age 2 then that is another story.

Finally in desperation I took DS to the Pediatrician today to just triple check that nothing was wrong with him to be keeping him up and the poor baby has an ear infection. We are hoping once that clears up he will be back to sleeping better at night.

I have to remind myself at 4am that DS is the last baby and that one day I will wish he was that little again - even if it meant sleepless nights for a little while.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Very few in this thread are mentioning whether or not they nurse. But I think most co-sleepers nurse. For me it was much easier to roll over and nurse DD#3 than it was to get up and go nurse DD's #1 & 2 in their rooms.
Another thing that isn't mentioned in this thread is the age of the child. For me the term "baby" covers the 1st year. People have thrown out the word stubborn and I don't think that word can be used on a newborn. I think we'd have less conflict if people clairified at what age they are sleep "training" their kids.

Mason is 6 months old and is mainly breastfed but also supplemented with Alimentum (aka liquid gold). Personally I think this age is too young for "sleep training" but I do think a bedtime routine should be established by now - we do bathtime, quiet play and nursing before bed.

 

[sha_lyn]

ClarabelleCowFan- have you thought about one of these?

http://www.armsreach.com/