Does any mom here get "attitude" when state they are SAHM??

[Camping Griswalds]

I started to post this yesterday, but don't know what happened to it. I am an R>N> have been for 14 years, have kids 12,8, and 11 months. Recently decided that it was just too much for me to continue working. DH and I stressed and talked a lot about this decision. I have always wanted to be a SAHM but couldn't afford it/husband had "sole bread winner issues" etc. Any way am thrilled that I get to spend maximum time with all of my kids, however some people and even family seem to treat me differently now. They suddenly think I have all of this time on my hands and should be volunteering or planning, running errands for those that do work. I've tried to explain that I want more time with my own kids, but I swear people treat me like my I.Q. has dropped 50 points. Isn't it a shame that society has turned itself into valueing us for "work" (even though I still work , just not at a J O B)
Anyway just wondering if any other SAHM's have had this experience or am I just interpreting people incorrectly?

On the flip side I do miss the extra income for those Disney trips!! We used to go 2-3 times per year, and haven't been since Jan of 04 when I was pregnant. Unfortunately won't get baack until 06 or 07. Oh well....

 

[elliemae1192]

I know exactly what you mean. DH averages 60-70 hours a week throughout the year and alot of that used to be out of town. We decided several years ago that if he was never going to see the kids, I needed to be with them all the time. I love being a SAHM but alot of people just cannot fathom it. I have people thinking I lay around all day which is not the case. I am always doing something for my kids or the household. I also get alot of requests to run errands or watch someone's kids while they work. One of our friends actually said to me once when he was getting married "since you don't do anything all day, you can pick up all our supplies for us".

Now, I'm not bashing working mothers at all, I used to be one and since hubby is looking at taking a job with alot less hours, I may be one again very soon. I just know that SAH moms do alot of work too.

 

[SpoonfulofSugar]

I agree with you!!!! It's not just you. I have less time now as a SAHM then I did when I was working--- people just don't understand when I can't always call them and do things for them. I always say to DH I don't know where the day went but I didn't sit down all day.
My other pet peeve is when I fill out an application for anything, even a survey, they always list jobs and then the last choice is always unemployed--- I don't consider myself 'unemployed' I feel that is for people who are looking for jobs which I am not, I work very hard and made the choice to quit working. In this day and age SAHM should be added to all types of applications--IMO-- it is work!!!!!

 

[Laurajean1014]

I admit. When mom's say to me their a SAHM, I say, "ohhhhh."

I just don't know what to say. We all know that's the toughest job in the world, but it's customized to each family. (Whereas, if you say you work in Finance, it has a monotone appeal).

Sorry, never meant to offend ~ it's only my ignorance showing...

 

[crazymomof4]

Posted this on another SAHM thread, but it applies here so I'm re-posting:

Sadly, many (or most) SAHM's struggle with feeling undervalued. It is due, in large part, to the fact that society's views on the importance of mothering has greatly diminished. Especially here in the US. Especially in the last 50 years. Often, women who "only" stay at home with the children are looked upon as playing a secondary role in society. It is an erroneous notion that personal fulfillment can only be found in employment outside the home. This is a relatively new concept and we, as mothers, must stop allowing ourselves to be lead to believe it. We must ask ourselves, "What could be more important than the contribution made to the future of society by women (and men) who invest themselves full-time in their children's growth and development?" SAHM's feel they are missing out on a sense of fulfillment ONLY because society fails to affirm their life's employ. This needs to change! In the seeming conflict between devotion to children and the need and desire for meaningful work, we must NEVER forget that devotion to children IS meaningful work!

Sharing some encouraging quotes that hang on my frig:

* "Bringing up a child is one of the most creative, most worthwhile and most undervalued of all jobs." [Penelope Leach]

* "A hundred years from now.... it will not matter what my bank account was, what sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove..... but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child." [unknown]

* "But if I was ever tempted, it was by this: Having the honor and the glory that goes with being the one who runs a home and puts children in it. For almost everyone, it's the treasure at the end of the rainbow, and I had it." [from the book, "Stella Landry" by Robin McCorquodale]

* "The cashier at the store asked me if I worked or if I was 'just' a Mom! Can you believe she actually used the word, 'just'? I take care of 2 kids, I teach, I cook, I clean, I do repairs, I organize, I plan.......does that sound like someone who's 'just' anything?" [Baby Blues cartoon strip]

 

[mimif1]

Yep, I get the same. I can't count the times I've been asked to watch other people's kids because "You don't work and are home anyway." Yes, I'm at home so I can enjoy my own kids. For me, it's what I always wanted to do. My sister and BIL have it worse though. She's the bread winner and he's a SAHD. People really have a hard time understanding why a man with a masters degree would want to stay at home. But that is what works for them.

 

[Darcy]

I just assumed they were jealous

 

[crazymomof4]

My other pet peeve is when I fill out an application for anything, even a survey, they always list jobs and then the last choice is always unemployed--- I don't consider myself 'unemployed' I feel that is for people who are looking for jobs which I am not, I work very hard and made the choice to quit working. In this day and age SAHM should be added to all types of applications--IMO-- it is work!!!!!

LOL- recently, I filled out a form that asked for "Occupation". I put, "Homemaker, Mom". Below that it asked for "Responsibilities" and I filled in, "Too many to list."

 

[cstraub]

When I was younger I used to feel undervalued as a SAHM. Now I really just don't give a hoot what other's think about me staying at home. I do wear makeup and I consider myself very trendy. I am very social and have many friend's who are "valued" in our society. I do care what other's think about me as all humans do but not about what I do when it comes to parenting MY children. I am very confident that I am doing a good job with my children and that they are happy- the most important thing!

I was asked by an old friend's husband at a fourth of July party if I was working these days. I told him no and that I was still just a mom and wasn't sure what I wanted to be yet but that I would let him know as soon as I figured it out. He was taken aback but what could he say, it's the truth! I've been a SAHM for 13+years and I'm 33. I never finished college and I have no drive to really do anything that means I have to have my Disney vacation's ruined by the thought that I have to be back at work on Monday!!!!!

I have great friends, a great family and an all around great life. I know people would kill to have the option to stay home like I do!!!! I'm not really sure why anyone would really "want" to work come to think of it!!! Thank God there are some of you out there! Don't get me wrong, if I had a drive to be something other than a mom I would do it (at least part time)!! I admire people who have a lot of ambition. I pray my own DD will have the drive to finish school and get a job she loves. Maybe someday I will find my path but for now I'm not going to feel inadequate beacause I don't know what I want to do!

I respect everyone's decision to work or not. I really just don't care. I do what's best for me and for my family and you do what's best for yours.


I am always proud to say I stay at home and do nothing.

 

[rchristiansen]

Yes, I get this all the time from Church volunteer people. They just assume that I am at home that I have tons of free time on my hands. I finally made a concience decision that this year I would not volunteer for anything. It's very hard to say "no" - but I did it, without excuses!

Also, I have a sense of being undervalued from time to time. I have my engineering degree and think that I'm just wasting my brain. The good thing is we have a small business we run from home, so I do that as well. I think I would be depressed if I couldn't challenge myself.

I do however take much pride in my very clean house, home cooked dinners almost every night, my DD (nearly 3) who is very smart and has very good manners, and my ability to manage all the household administrative duties. --- And I still have time to watch my few TV shows I Tivo everyday!

 

[Tinker-Bella]

I've been a SAHM for about 7 years, and I'm going to college part-time also. A year ago I was taking a management class, the first night we were asked to introduce ourselves and tell about our jobs. After listening to so many professinals, bankers, accountants, military personnel, my turn finally arrived and I said I was just a SAHM, the young man in front of me turned around and said, "why do you say JUST a SAHM", suddenly many others jumped in and said how that is a job, and just as important as everyone else's jobs. I have to admit it really felt good to hear that much positive response! Sometimes it's so hard staying at home with kids all day, but it's worth it!

 

[daisy_77]

I am a SAHM and really haven't had anyone say anything rude. Just like another poster said, I am like a babysitting service because people automatically assume I am not busy and need something to do. That is sooo far from the truth. I work for my husband's business while I am at home. I print shipping labels and list auctions on ebay. I am also preparing to return to school to get my degree in Elementary Education. I am very busy! But I am so blessed to be able to spend time with my daughter.

 

[Wendy*Darling]

It irks me too! I've been a SAHM since my oldest was born and I wouldn't trade it for the world! For some reason even my oldest friends occasionally comments about it. My college roommate and I have remained close and not long ago she asked if I was going to "start making something of myself" again now that youngest is 3. I asked what she meant by that and she told me she thought it was a "terrible shame" that I was "wasting" my MBA by spending all day with kids. I guess we've both changed a lot since college. I became less focused on "I've worked this hard and done this much to acheive this career so I'm not going to give it up just because I had a baby" and she became more focused on "she who dies with the most designer shoes wins." After battling infertility I came to the realization that it wasn't that it wasn't that I had a problem with being a SAHM, it was that I didn't want it to be something that was expected of me. I wanted it to be somthing that was my choice to do. Once I made that choice, I haven't looked back and haven't regretted a day of it!

 

[MATTERHORN]

When I was younger I used to feel undervalued as a SAHM. Now I really just don't give a hoot what other's think about me staying at home. I do wear makeup and I consider myself very trendy. I am very social and have many friend's who are "valued" in our society. I do care what other's think about me as all humans do but not about what I do when it comes to parenting MY children. I am very confident that I am doing a good job with my children and that they are happy- the most important thing!

I was asked by an old friend's husband at a fourth of July party if I was working these days. I told him no and that I was still just a mom and wasn't sure what I wanted to be yet but that I would let him know as soon as I figured it out. He was taken aback but what could he say, it's the truth! I've been a SAHM for 13+years and I'm 33. I never finished college and I have no drive to really do anything that means I have to have my Disney vacation's ruined by the thought that I have to be back at work on Monday!!!!!

I have great friends, a great family and an all around great life. I know people would kill to have the option to stay home like I do!!!! I'm not really sure why anyone would really "want" to work come to think of it!!! Thank God there are some of you out there! Don't get me wrong, if I had a drive to be something other than a mom I would do it (at least part time)!! I admire people who have a lot of ambition. I pray my own DD will have the drive to finish school and get a job she loves. Maybe someday I will find my path but for now I'm not going to feel inadequate beacause I don't know what I want to do!

I respect everyone's decision to work or not. I really just don't care. I do what's best for me and for my family and you do what's best for yours.


I am always proud to say I stay at home and do nothing.

You took the words right out of my mouth! I couldn't enjoy staying at home any more than I do, and dread the thought of having to go back into the work force one day. Like you, I can't imagine why anyone wants to work, and couldn't dream of paying someone else to do what I want to do, raise my kids full time!

 

[SheDaisy0088]

I was a SAHM for almost 3 years. I went back to work when my son was 3. I like working. I loved being able to stay home with him. However, I feel the majority of the issues might have to do with some women wanting to stay at home and not being able to.

That being said, I know women who have traded high paying corporate jobs for the thrill of being a mom!! What better job is there than being a mom and helping shape the lives of your children.

Just my .02 cents.

 

[pandora174]

In our family it's reversed. I made the higher income & when our DS was born preemie & needed constant Dr. appts. & then weekly therapy appts. (OT, PT & ST) + for 5 months he wore a cranial helmet & needed f/u with every Dr known to mankind my DH stayed home & has been doing so for the last 2 1/2 years ! Thankfully our DS is progressing wonderfully. But poor Mr. Mom still has to take him to his special classes starting in Aug. then rush to his therapy 3 x a week. Mind you every therapy is an 1 1/2 & he has to wait outside for him ! Let's just say people can be supportive but he does get looked down by his friends & my family (not the most supportve people) who think he's a freeloader. It's a lot tougher for a man to stay at home than a woman in my opinion. But it works for our family. Our son has his dad at home not a stranger taking care of him & who else but a stay at home parent can make all those Dr. appts. No way will a job allow that ! So hopefully when my DS catches up my DH can go back to work. But for now, we may be able to only manage 1 trip to Disney instead of 3 a year & we rent vs. own a home & it may not be "traditional" but the priority is our son & all those judgemental people can go take a hike !

 

[DisneyTeasers]

I've been a SAHM for five years now and I love it! I honestly have never felt inadequate because I was "only" a mom. In fact, when a working mom has a new baby, I often wonder how in the world they can go back to work!! No offense to the WM! I know not every mom can, or even wants, to stay at home.

I've always felt (even when I was a young girl) that being a Mom was what I wanted. When we had trouble conceiving, I thought that goal would never be realized. But it was, in 1999, and I've been loving it ever since! Now we are homeschooling our five year old and I am busier than ever, but more happy and fulfilled than I ever dreamed!
It does irk me just a bit though, to have acquaintances and complete strangers alike make comments about being "only a mom". I used to tell them a laundry list of things I did, so they would believe I was busy all day. Now, I just smile slyly and say, "yep, that's all I am"!!

 

[dtsaos]

i'm sure I'll get flamed big time by non SAHM's for this one, but my thing is...I think a lot of women who go back to work when their babies are still in diapers especially under the age of one are coping out of their responsibilities in life. And I know a lot of working moms will say that they had no choice, blah blah blah. But I think for most of them (single moms not included) just want to maintain a certain prestigious life style and quite frankly they are chosing a bigger home, better car etc over being SAHM's. Now I know there are exceptions to this and I'm sure in some circumstances mom has to work, but I guess I just think it's so sad that in our childrens generation there are so many day care kids and I know part of that is because the cost of homes is so high and things like that, but you know what? Wait a couple of years to buy your dream home-struggle a little, but be a full time mom to your kids! When my first born was 10 months old we were fortunate enough to be able to buy a very modest home and I've always worked some part time hours opposite DH's schedule so he could be home with the kids when I work. With 3 little ones I'd say we have it kind of rough some times, but I wouldn't change it for anything! I can't imagine letting someone else take care of my baby all day, or my 3 yr old for that matter! And if it got to the point where we couldn't maintain this home I would live in an apartment or mobile home to be home with them in a second.
I have a cousin who got married about 3 years ago and when they were planning the wedding they decided to buy a $550,000 home. My cousin made a conscious decision that she would have to stick any kids she had in day care to make sure they could continue to pay the mortgage. They could've bought a more modest home a little further out of the city so she could stay home with kids, but they chose this route instead. Fine, but who's really paying the price for that decision in the long run? The kids, that's who.
Okay, I'll get off my soap box now even though I could quote a lot of other similar situations, my point is to the OP be very proud that you are home with your kids! and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I don't get the comments or looks yet, but my ds is only (almost) 8 months old now. A lot of the women who stayed home with their babies the first year in my neighborhood are going back to work soon (in the fall, especially...lots of them are teachers). I think when he is older and I am still home with him I will get comments. I do think some women are jealous that I plan to stay home, or think it won't really happen, etc. Well, I know for a fact that my dh makes a little less than most of their dhs (he is only 26...most of these women's dhs are in their late 30s so they've been working much longer and have great careers established, etc.) and we are still doing just fine on one income. I think it's obviously a matter of priorities when they are all buying new houses and driving 2 brand new cars and telling me they HAVE to go back to work. Meanwhile we are in a very nice apartment (for now) and drive 2 cars that are paid for, but not even that old and they are both reliable and nice-looking. And we can afford modest vacations to places like Disney (on a budget). We do want a house eventually and are in the process of saving up for a downpayment, but not enough to leave our son with anybody else. That is our priority and we are committed to it. To each their own but I wish people would stop saying they CAN'T afford to stay home when they obviously CAN. Not talking about everyone but the women I know COULD stay home if they chose to make some sacrifices, and they know we make less money and are kinda ticked that I am proving them wrong by actually staying home with less income, IMO. JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!! But they could do it, too, if they wanted to. Some of them have TWICE the income we do and they still complain about money!!!

 

[dtsaos]

Tinkerbellmama, my point exactly!