Does any mom here get "attitude" when state they are SAHM??

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Bottom line is you need to do what is the best for your family. Dont worry about what others say!

I get grief for being a working Mom who has to travel on biz sometimes.

 

[all4fun]

I have been thinking a lot about this and I have to say that maybe people just don't understand when you try and tell them you don't have time to help them out with something because if they have never been a SAH parent then maybe they just can't comprehend how you could not have time to help them run one little errand (multiplied by the ten other requests for favors you probably got). I think we can probably cut a lot of people a little slack just for being ignorant lol. After all they really don't know what you do all day long do they? I also think that perhaps people get defensive because they are trying to justify whatever it is they are doing and some of that comes across as being condescending to someone who is doing something different. Let's face it, we relate better to those that are on the same "track" as we are, typically.

I read an interesting article about time working moms spend with their kids vs. the time sah mom's spend with their kids. It said that working moms do spend less time with their children (<2hrs difference than a SAHM) however they do tend to use more of their free time as quality time with their kids. WOHM's tend to spend more weekend time with their children whereas SAHM's tend to take time on the weekends to do other things. Also, working moms tend to neglect their housework more which makes sense considering they have to fit their work schedule into their life somehow while trying not to compromise their family life. On the flip side, SAHM's spend a lot more time doing housework typically which can also take time away from the children. I just thought it was interesting information. I don't think one is necessarily harder than the other but they do each present their own set of challenges.

Here's a link to the article if anyone is interested in reading: Click here for WebMD article

I think we have all felt a little maligned for whatever we choose to do at times, whether it be working outside home or devoting our time to staying home with the kids. Unfortunately there are always going to be people who won't understand why you're doing what you do and/or think they know better. As long as you're confident you're doing the right thing for your family, I don't think you should worry about what others think. (I know - easier said than done!)

hth.

 

[Camping Griswalds]

WOW!!!! I didn't realize this would spark so much discussion. So far I am really enjoying the simpler things in our life. The cleaner house, less laundry piled up, I even enjoy cooking some now. I don't know if this will change when school strts back up and then soccer for two kids and figuring out car pools and what to do with the baby, but right now I am glorifying in being home. I am going to do whatever it takes to continue to feel this way. Ultimately if Momma is happy everyone WILL be happier.

I do worry about $$$ now, never did before, and I do feel it's my responsibility for 2 reasons...1) I've always been the one who did the bills so I'm the one who really figured out we could afford this and 2) we've never had financial worries ( I know we're blessed) with our two incomes and I know just adjusting has added some stress and we've not had to deal with financial stress, and I think it's a tough one on any marriage.

We've even talked about selling our home and moving into a more rural area to make this work. We've said we'lll give the SAHM 6 months and re-evaluate and go from there. I just really can't tell you how much happier I am though. I really want this to work, so we'll see!!!!! time will tell

 

[Kimkimba]

I am someone who has been on both sides of the fence. I've had that wonderful corporate job that took a lot of time away from my family. Believe me, in the corporate world I worked in if you say "no" one too many times, you will be left behind and you will feel it. So I don't know how that could possibly be fullfilling. I juggled this for 14 years.

I've been a SAHM for the last 2 years. I have a 16 yo, a 7 yo, and a 2 yo. There is no way I could work full-time, and be here for them like I need to be. I understand the "need" for 2-incomes, but honestly we are not that much worse off financially than when I worked full-time. You save quite a lot by being a SAHM - no daycare, no commuting, no dress wardrobe, no lunches, no office contributions.

And how could I possibly feel more fulfilled than when my 2 yo says, "I love you, Momma," at 9, 9:05, 9:15, 9:30, 9:35, 9:40, 9:50, 9:55 ...... " and this is just the first hour of our day.

And when my 16 yo dd wants me to take her and her friend to a Good Charlotte concert and it's okay to bring her 7 yo brother? And her best friend thinks I am the most wonderful mom in the world? And they have no problem going to mall, the grocery store, and the library with me and her siblings?

Yes, my job is much harder now. Believe me, you get no coffee breaks or long lunches. But to me, this one is so much more fulfilling - I am truly shaping the future.

 

[MaryU]

I've also been on both sides of the fence & I have to say I rarely get negative remarks about staying home, in fact a lot of people act like I'm some kind of hero/martyr for staying home (which I'm not). Instead I was the one who used to feel compelled to justify my decision by bringing up how I can do this because of how much money we were able to save when I was making my former great salary. One reason I did continue working at first was that I've known a lot of the kids of my coworkers whose parents worked their entire childhood who turned out great! However, it was not the best situation for my daughter. I've noticed other SAHM's feel they have to justify staying home by describing how busy they are all day long. I can honestly say I'm a lot less "busy" now that I'm a SAHM than I was before (once the kids got past their first birthday) -- after all I'm not exactly Ma Ingalls making all our clothes & cooking everything from what we've grown on our farm! But we're all a lot happier!! And we're not watching TV all day either! Whoever decided that how busy you are determines how valuable you are?

 

[ktink]

I work and have been a SAHM also. I enjoy both sides and at times think I would like to stay at home again but really it just isn't for me. I work at a bank so I only put in 30 some odd hours a week and my youngest goes to a wonderful preschool now as she is preparing for kindergarten and the oldest is preparing for 4th grade. I know they need me the same but they are enjoying themselves as well. When the bank is closed for the many holidays that we get, both of them want to play with their friends. And I'm a stickler on being with them if I'm not at work. I do let them on occasion do things on the weekend but I feel like that is family time. We are a close family and DH makes a very nice living so my income isn't a necessity, it's just an added bonus. But I look at my job as a career that I love. My priority is my family and then work comes in only after that. I applaud everyone who is a SAHM, trust me it is alot harder than having an outside job. Well actually being a mother is a 24/7 job regardless of being a SAHM or a Working mom.

 

[armywife]

I too have been on both sides of the fence and been questioned/flamed either way! When I was in college a few of us got in to a discussion about how "now a days" women are looked down upon (by some) if they are not staying home with children, and looked down upon if they don't have a degree & is working. Cant win!

A friend consistenly makes comments and acts like I am rich because I CAN stay home. Yes, I miss my paycheck and all the extras but what they don't see is the sacrificing we do & don't have new cars every 2 years, no nails every week, no super fancy t.v.s, no private school, etc....No Disney trips every year

I had a SIL ask me once (while I'm standing there folding towels) what I did all day! I couldn't believe it!

I think some people are just a little envious? I think whatever is best for your family & your priorities are best....just my 2 pennies!

 

[minnie61650]

I was asked by an old friend's husband at a fourth of July party if I was working these days. I told him no and that I was still just a mom and wasn't sure what I wanted to be yet but that I would let him know as soon as I figured it out. He was taken aback but what could he say, it's the truth! I've been a SAHM for 13+years and I'm 33. I never finished college and I have no drive to really do anything that means I have to have my Disney vacation's ruined by the thought that I have to be back at work on Monday!!!!! ....

I am always proud to say I stay at home and do nothing.

I am 55 and my dh has a great job and I have been a SAHM for 35 years.
My youngest is now 21.
Long story short. We have 4 children. The oldest 2 are two 1/2 years apart 9 years later the 3rd one (my miracle baby) was born then two 1/2 tears later our 4th one was born.
I use to joke that I had the 3rd child so I wouldn't have find a job. (Actually I had 2 miscarriages -- one when I was 5 months pg. between the 2ed and 3rd.)After my younger ones got older and people would ask me what kind of work I did I always said "I haven't decided what I want to do when I grow up,"
ROFLOL

Well, that stop them in their tracks
Enjoy your at home time with your children and remember how lucky you are
Linda
Only 85 more days

 

[beattyfamily]

For the most part, I don't get too much of "what do you do with all your time" stuff.

I do have friends that are jealous I can stay home and I have sisters who think I'm crazy because they'd go crazy staying home. To each their own.

What I have been getting now that my youngest is going into Kindergarten in September is "So you going back to work?" or "oh boy, what will you do with your time?"

First of all, she's in half day Kindergarten, 3 hours. Just because my girls are in school, doesn't mean I automatically go back to work. I need to be here when they go to school, come home, are sick, volunteer for class stuff, be here for when they have school shows etc... I'm in no rush to go back to work the second they are both in school.

I just don't know why people (all women) have to ask me that.

 

[Suzanne74]

I use to joke that I had the 3rd child so I wouldn't have find a job.

My cousin did this after her 2nd was going into kindergarten. Her husband said, do you want to go back to work? She said, nope, I rather have another baby She was pregnant within 2 months - before her ds even stepped foot into kindergarten.

I am sorta in the same boat. I am working a few weeks FT as a camp nurse for dd's camp while she is there, then I am back to SAHM status. She is going into a preschool this year for 2x a week and then to kindergarten. We have been trying to get pg and I almost feel like "what will I do??" if dd enters kindergarten and I don't have another???

Really though, I can not wait to be able to participate in her preschool trips, shows, then everything in kindergarten on... So even if we can't get pregnant again, I don't think I will work FT ever again - maybe PT but even then, I feel I may miss something

 

[shellynn24]

I haven't even finished reading the thread yet and I have to reply! I am a SAHM of two. I feel like I am the luckiest person in the World. I hear a lot of my friends from the Army say that their husband won't let them become a lazy woman who doesn't work! I don't even have a response to that(I should tell you that the Army is a whole different world.) My husband stands up for me all the time when people ask him why I don't work. He says, "why, so her whole paycheck can go to daycare?" Right on, Hun! When my husband is getting up at 4 or 5 in the morning to go to training or PT(physical trianing, he is still in the Army as you can see in my Sig), I just smile and thank my lucky stars that I am able to be what I am. On another note, when asked for my occupation, when it can be written in and not chosen from a menu, I always say I am a Home Executive. I am proud of who I am and any one who says different has to deal with fromer the Army girls attitude!

 

[scrappinmom]

OMGosh...ABSOLUTELY! I'm a Psychologist..went to grad school, got the phd...the whole thing...had my dd (now 11) worked full time till she was 4....then we had another baby, my ds (would be 7) he died after 2 days in NICU...I looked at my husband & beyond the grief said there is NO FREAKING way I'm going back to work to listen to someone tell me THEY have problems! Or last dd (5) was born 15 months later. I never returned to work..gave up the practice, never collected th disability pay..period. Many of our family members (my parents, his parents) thought it was just a stage of grief...but you know what? It wasn't...while I'll never be happy my son died, he taught me how important what I was missing was to me! I've been a SAHM ever since & have loved it! Yes I feel people think I do nothing but watch tv & scrapbook all day...& yes I often end up with a house full of kids on 1/2 days of school, but I don't care. MY kids know I'm there for THEM not everyone else. I worked my rear off when my oldest was younger & always felt guilty...I know for some working mom's working makes them better, makes them feel better & therefore does benefit their kids. That just was never the case for me, I always felt like dirt for leaving her. BUT would have left my son in daycare just the same. It has never been easy, my dh doesn't make a ton of money, but we've managed. What I'm saying is you have to do what feels right to you for you and your own kids. For me it was staying home...something my family will never understnad. My dad still "teases" me about "throwing" away my phd & ask why I have it hanging on the wall in the computer room if I never intend to use it...My reply is always the same "dad, I needed that phd to put up with you giving me crap for the rest of my life"

 

[woodchuck]

I have been a sahm for 2 years I just got a job it is part time 9:00 to 1:00. I thought it was gone to be hard but where I work said I had the hardest job for 2 years!!

Angelica
Nicolas 5-3-03

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My family has been supportive--and they know better than to assume that I sit on the couch and eat bon bons.

Though homeschooling "helps" to that capacity.

Hubby used to book things for me (repairs, oil changes et cetera). After a few lashings--he has finally accepted that I keep a calendar and randomly making my appointments for me will not work. Not so much disrespectful as he just didn't realize.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My dad still "teases" me about "throwing" away my phd & ask why I have it hanging on the wall in the computer room if I never intend to use it...My reply is always the same "dad, I needed that phd to put up with you giving me crap for the rest of my life"

Your father reminds me of my dad! My sister gave up her career as a lawyer and I was a teacher. My dad always did it with a SMILE! He always said, "why did I send my money down to Chapel Hill for so many years for you girls to become taxi drivers?"

Lori

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

I too am a SAHM and i get the MOST grief from my husbands side of the family. They think i'm lazy and just want to stay home to sleep in (yeah right i have a six month old and the WORST morning sickness in the world). And they hate that i don't make myself available to their every whim! grrr....i'm taking advantage of their poooor little boy! AUGHH!!! it's nuts-o simply because i choose to stay home to raise my children. None of them have chosen to stay home on his side of the family or on mine so everyone just kind of gives me the eye!!!

Anyone ever notice that when you are filling out forms for different things (credit cards, grocery savings cards, etc.) that even those people kind of role their eyes when they ask you your occupation?>?

Oh well i must say it was the best decision i ever made! i love my daughter and couldn't imagine not have seen her crawl for the first time or other things like that!!

 

[PatricenPete]

scrappinmom, I just wanted to give you a hug.

(((((scrappinmom)))))

 

[ksjayhawkfan]

Ive been a SAHM for 8 years. I get all kinds of comments but now I let those people know exactly what I do with all my "spare time" I actually invited the wife of one of my DHs co workers over one day. When she finally went home at 6 that night she was exhausted and I still had several more hours of stuff to do. She never said another word about it.

I was really proud of my DH last week for sticking up for me. A lady from his office was asking if I would babysit her 8 year old twins...so she could go shopping on her day off. She gave him a list of places they needed to be and said well since she doesnt have anything else to do I thought she could take the boys to there lessons. He told her nope she has enough to do with our own kids. That same day, his office manager told him that I needed to be designated babysitter for the office party that week. I was pretty ticked about that one. He said no, she is coming to the party and we are getting our own babysitter so we can have some time together. The manager had the nerve to say well this party is for those of us who actually work for a living. My DH was pissed and they went round and round.....I should probably add that my DH is the assistant office manager and can get away with telling her off lol.

Anyway, I dont think anyone will ever really understand how much work it really is to be a SAHM until they experience it themselves. And I know not everyone can or wants to do it. In fact, I had a new job all lined up...then I got pregnant

 

[Our 2 Princesses]

What I have been getting now that my youngest is going into Kindergarten in September is "So you going back to work?" or "oh boy, what will you do with your time?"

I have been a SAHM for almost 10 years now. My youngest dd is also going to K and I have been asked the same thing by friends/relatives. I tell them to find me a job that lasts about 2 - 2 1/2 hours a day! My dd will get on the bus at 10 till 12 and be home at a quarter till 3. We have had some big ups and downs money-wise since we decided I should stay home but it has been totally worth it!! Esp since I can be one of the first in line for all the super clearances! I have done some babysitting and house cleaning jobs since I decided to stay home just to get us thru the more lean times. I have to say that even when I worked outside the home, I have never felt more fulfilled! Just my new 2 cents...

 

[crazymomof4]

I heard some DJ's reading the results of a research study. The study found that working moms are 29% more likely to get a divorce than SAHM's. The conclusion drawn was that working moms are more confident of their ability to support themselves and have a greater sense of independance from their husbands. This is just another example of the negative attitudes toward SAHM's!!!

Why couldn't the conclusion of the study be that SAHM's do not have the same hectic pace that many working moms have, so they can devote more time to keeping their marriages healthy? I could go on and list many POSITIVE reasons why SAHM's would be less likely to divorce but I don't want to be viewed as "tooting my own horn" here. It just makes me mad that the conclusion reached would make SAHM's appear to be helpless and working moms look like super-women!

What made it really annoying for me was that the male DJ's were joking and said, "Ya but SAHM's were more likely to WANT a divorce." snicker, snicker, laugh, laugh Ummmmmmm..........not this SAHM! 20 years and I still look forward to him walking through the door at 5:15 each day!!!!

Gotta go now. I'm going to use some of my "spare time" to set up a pool in the backyard for the kids! Have to level off the ground first so I'm going to be moving some dirt around! UGH!