Does any mom here get "attitude" when state they are SAHM??

[brandip22]

I started to post this yesterday, but don't know what happened to it. I am an R>N> have been for 14 years, have kids 12,8, and 11 months. Recently decided that it was just too much for me to continue working. DH and I stressed and talked a lot about this decision. I have always wanted to be a SAHM but couldn't afford it/husband had "sole bread winner issues" etc. Any way am thrilled that I get to spend maximum time with all of my kids, however some people and even family seem to treat me differently now. They suddenly think I have all of this time on my hands and should be volunteering or planning, running errands for those that do work. I've tried to explain that I want more time with my own kids, but I swear people treat me like my I.Q. has dropped 50 points. Isn't it a shame that society has turned itself into valueing us for "work" (even though I still work , just not at a J O B)
Anyway just wondering if any other SAHM's have had this experience or am I just interpreting people incorrectly?

On the flip side I do miss the extra income for those Disney trips!! We used to go 2-3 times per year, and haven't been since Jan of 04 when I was pregnant. Unfortunately won't get baack until 06 or 07. Oh well....

For the record, these comments are for the OP- I just thought it may help to hear my thoughts on your interpretations. Obviously, from reading this entire thread, you can see that this is a heated debate. I don't want to start anything, but I will offer my honest opinions and thoughts so you can see where I'm coming from and maybe it'll help when you get those offensive people! I am a "working outside & inside of home" mother. That's the only way I could say it, I guess. This means I work full time (or more) as a Branch Manager at a bank- I worked very hard to get to my position by age 25- which is unheard of in my area. Anyway, I love what I do- love it. I also have a 3-year old (almost!) son, whom I adore. I have always loved kids- worked at a summer camp my whole life, worked at a daycare- would love a passle, so my staying home has nothing to do with not being able to handle it. But, I love my job. I get a lot from helping people reach their financial goals and dreams- some of my customers' dreams are to be able to stay at home with their kids. It's my job to help them do that- which I find very rewarding. Do I think of SAHM differently than myself? Honestly, probably so. But, I've never been able to stay at home with my child full-time, so that's why. Am I jealous? Not of the fact that they do stay home, because I get too much from my job. Of the fact that they get more "free" time with their kids? Of course! I'd love to be able to take one week day per week to just hang out with my son- go to the waterpark on a not-so-crowded day, go to the zoo, etc. That's what I do with my 4 weeks of vacation per year! Since I've never been a SAHM, I don't understand how it can take all day to clean the house, do the groceries, cook, do laundry, run errands, pay bills, go to class shows, etc, when I do it all with a full time job. How does that make SAHM's busier than WOHMs? I don't get it. I've read this thread with mixed emotions and just want to say that I don't mean to disrespect SAHMs- I totally agree that it's a tough job and a great one. I will be more concious of how I react when someone says they are a SAHM. I think many who've never been a SAHM just don't get what makes you so much busier- not that it's not true, we just don't understand. So, my answer is that, when faced with someone who thinks you're dumb just because you stay at home, try to figure out why- maybe they just have misconceptions. FWIW, I don't think my SAHM friends are dumb- they usually know more of the news and what's going on than I do since I rarely get to catch up on that stuff. They also are lucky enough to use all that junk we learned in school- because they are teaching it every day!! So glad I don't have to do that- I've got toddler-hood covered, but when it gets to Biology- I'm doomed!! LOL So, not sure if this all made sense or helped or made things worse, but I wanted to shed some light on the perspective of "us WOHMs" out there. We don't all disrepect you, just the opposite for me, we just may not understand it. Just like many SAHMs don't understand why I work outside the home and can stand to send my son to an awesome day care. FWIW, I can watch him on video to check on him during the day, he knows a ton of Spanish that I never could have taught him, he has a ton of wonderful friends whom he can't wait to see every day, he's been over a year ahead of his peers since he was a year old, so I think he has a wonderful daycare. I only hope I'd be as good by myself! Hope we can stop fighting and realize that all mothers have hard choices to make and we all do what we feel is best for our families. It's not my place to judge another's choices nor is it anyone else's place to judge my choices.

 

[crazymomof4]

Since I've never been a SAHM, I don't understand how it can take all day to clean the house, do the groceries, cook, do laundry, run errands, pay bills, go to class shows, etc, when I do it all with a full time job. How does that make SAHM's busier than WOHMs? I don't get it.

I don't think that you are alone in "not getting it". I know I'll be treading on thin ice here, so let me start by saying that I'm posting this in response to the honest question of the poster quoted above. I'm not bragging or complaining or saying that I'm any better than any other mom out there so please take what I say as it is offered and don't read any more into it ................here goes:

When it comes to estimating what a SAHM does with her time, some people seem to forget to consider a very simple fact: the kid(s) are home with her all day. They require 3 meals and endless snacks, they are playing (toys all over), getting into things, arguing, breaking things, spilling things, asking to be read to, asking for you to play with them, needing to be wiped or changed.....the list goes on. Just having the kids at home 24/7 is what is time consuming, not the laundry, grocery shopping, running errands, etc. If you put the kids in daycare M-F from early am until about 5-6 pm no one is at home messing up the house, no arguments to break up, nothing is getting broken requiring you to fix it, nothing is going on in the kitchen and you are paying someone else to take care of all of the responsiblities that are created by the kids during that time period. Also, speaking for myself only here, I do things that I wouldn't do if I worked outside the home. I sew, I bake a lot and make most meals from scratch, clip coupons, I garden, I do some of my own home renovations (wallpapering, painting, etc) I dabble at selling on ebay, and I homeschool the kids after 6th grade. If I had a job, I know I'd have to streamline my life and cut most of these things out or pay to have someone else do them for me. Remember, I'm not bragging or complaining. Just giving some honest insight to some who may wonder what we do with our time. When you are at home, your day just gets filled up. Very similar to the retired persons who say, after a few months of retirement, "I don't know when I had the time to go to work!"

That being said, I think the real heroes here are the mom's who work from home! They have all of the responsiblities of the kids around them in the home AND they operate home-based businesses or do some other type of secular work from the home. THAT is an amazing feat and my hat goes off to those of you who are sucessfully able to do this.

 

[The Sorrentino's]

At least people don't look at you crazy when they find out you never really had a job. I worked 1 year at a bookstore when I was 18, after that I got married and I've been a SAHM ever since then and WHAT A JOB IT IS! And about taking all day to clean, shop, etc.--I have four children, soon a fifth so it's easy for me to justify my long hours. I actually take the time to do things with my children, in addition to my household duties.

 

[brandip22]

Cadence and crazymomof4- thanks for your insight- so glad I didn't make people mad with my honest questions. I can relate to your days since as soon as I get home, I get all that stuff, too. Probably one of the reasons I love my job is that customers don't tend to dirty-up my branch!! LOL- I think I would go crazy if I had to pick up from my son all day long- I think doing it from 6-8 am & 5-9pm, plus all weekend is plenty! I know on the weekends, if we are home all day, I get a little stir-crazy from the mess he can make. Which, by the way, is why I have always looked fondly upon SAHMs- I'm not sure I could do it! However, I'd like to try one day. We are currently paying off our cars- only debt other than the house. I should get a huge bonus at the beginning of next year which will take care of that. Then, with just our house, we will decide if we will move to get better public schools or stay here and do private. Either way, I will keep working- I have awesome benefits and DH has none- plus I make more money than he does! So, thanks again laides as my fault was that I was thinking in terms of all the normal stuff we all do whether we work or not outside the home and not the extra that the kids pile up while they are at home all day.- Oh, and I totally agree about the moms who work from their home- Heaven help them, I don't know how they do it!!
See, what a great thread this can be if we can just get along, try to be polite in our honesty, and not take offense? I'll check back tomorrow since I need to get to bed now!

 

[brandip22]

Forgot to add- Cadence- I can't imagine 5 kids! You are very special indeed for that! Plus, you are a master planner for disney now- that's another job in itself!! LOL- good luck with the baby on the way- I'd love that many- really couldn't afford that, though!!

 

[The Sorrentino's]

hehe Talk about special. I've never been as special as I am right now. 1, 2, 3, 4...5!

Cadence

 

[Anne MN]

I have been both. after my twins were born (they are 10) I did not have a choice about going back to work. one DD was born (and will have the rest of her life) a serious medical condition. I looked at daycare, but no one (I called everyone) would take her with medical condition and 12 medicines 4 times a day. I stayed at home. DD had 3 surgeries before age 1. Grandma watched twin sister while we were at hospital. went back to work when girls were 4. DD needed another surgery, quit after 1 year working. had 3rd DD who is almost 5. went back to work part time when she was 1. DH owns own business so he is home all day. I work mornings and also do work for him when I get home from work. I work because I have a great job and carry medical insurance. We do not have a choice, either I work part time and carry the benefits or hubby has to find another job, stop his own business and take a very large pay cut just to get benefits. we looked at his corp. carrying the insurance and it would have been $2000 a month just for medical that was 80/20 coverage with a high deduct. that would be really insane to pay that out when I can work 4 hours a day and be home before lunch. youngest DD will start school next year, b-day halloween, so she has an "extra" year to get everything and be ahead when she starts.
I just had to take 2 weeks off of work- did not plan it or want to- I had to have surgery- was expecting 3 days max out of work, had 6 days in the hospital, now am at home recovering. kids went to grandmas for 10 days, they come home tomorrow- I really miss all the noise they make it is just too quiet- no kids fighting or screaming or running or teasing the animals

 

[cstraub]

Is THAT all you got? Please. I'm talking for my wife b/c I read these boards, she doesn't, so she'd never even know these topics existed.

The VERY LAST thing we are is jealous of stay at home moms. Doesn't mean my wife wouldn't like to be one, or that I wouldn't like for her to be one, but that doesn't make us jealous of them. Your post proves my point - a lot of SAHMs think their **** smells better than everyone else's, and we all know it's not true. It smells the same. Nobody else is raising our children, who are now only in after school care for about 2 hours before they're picked up, and as of the new school year will be picked up, by my wife, right after school, as she is going part-time. So watch it when you say we're angry b/c someone else is raising our kids. They are babysat at the after school room, but WE raise them. And do a much better job than many SAHMs do, who are so busy running their kids here and there that they're not really SAHMs, but stay away from home moms. Bite it.

And you can kiss my big white *** when it comes to most SAHMs being better than working moms, b/c they choose to be full-time mothers around the clock. Do you really think that a woman suddenly is NOT a mother when she's at work, but becomes one magically when she gets home? Advertise that statement in your local paper and give your address and phone number, why don't you. See how many angry women (and men) show up at your door ready to beat the holy **** out of you.

Your comments represent every reason why SAHMs get a bad rap, b/c of that attitude.

It's time to close this thread!! There are kids on this board and I'm sure they know what **** means.

 

[kc10family]

When ask what I “do”, I tell people I am in the child safety and education profession. People think I sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day. Let me tell you… I work harder now then when I left the house to work.

GOD BLESS THE SAHM!!!!!!

 

[momimouse27]

I'm right there with ya!!

If you think there's a stigma attached to being a SAHM, then try telling people you are a homeschooling SAHM! Here where I live people don't think much about it because in our county we have about 30,000 registered homeschoolers, and its just an accepted option.

But when I go home and visit family in Mississippi, people look at me like I have three heads when I tell them. We are really not that different from anyone else, my kids just learn at the kitchen table instead of in a school room. I think people just have a preconceived idea about who homeschoolers are.

 

[Suzanne74]

Since I've never been a SAHM, I don't understand how it can take all day to clean the house, do the groceries, cook, do laundry, run errands, pay bills, go to class shows, etc, when I do it all with a full time job. How does that make SAHM's busier than WOHMs? I don't get it.

Having done all 3, work FT, PT and SAHM, I can honestly say I am the most tired at the end of the day when I am a SAHM. I am an RN and am on my feet most of the day too - so it isn't like I am sitting in front of a computer all day at a desk job. I will never say a SAHM job is more busier. That is like saying a teacher is busier then a nurse. It is too general. Some nurses are busier, some teachers are. Some SAHM are, some WOWH's are.

As a SAHM though, you have to consider, you are raising and taking care of your kids ALL day, morning, noon and night. I love it but my house doesn't, it isn't empty all day like when I worked. Kids make lots of messes so cleaning is a constant or you will be backed up quickly. We have playdates here, moms meeting, all the meals, snacks, painting, crafts, puppet shows, play-doh, "tunnels," adventures, etc... I don't set up and watch - I am invloved. I also homeschool my dd who is 3 (almost 4) and is doing 1st grade workbooks. She will be in public school when she enters K though. I also coupon clip, make all the meals from scratch except pizza nights every 2wks so that also increases dishwasher loads/empty and pots to clean. As far as laundry, I probably change at least 2x a day between food, baby gunk, outdoor play etc.. all over me. Same with kids. So to me that is 2x as much laundry, not including all the clean and press clothes I now do as opposed to laundry. I take kids to soccer and stay there with them, I do go to the pool and swim with them too. We go to the park and play ALOT. I am not saying it isn't fun and I thouroughly enjoy all aspects of SAHM but it takes more our of me then taking care of 10 patients on a 12hr shift - I am sorry but I should be able to say I am tired sometimes and not feel guilty. DH has stayed home a few days while I had to do a seminar and OH MY - he gladly went back to work He was in bed at 8pm with the kids!!!

Also when I worked, I picked up dry cleaning, groceries, quick errands etc.. on the way to and from work which was just that - quick. There is no such thing as a quick trip to the post office, grocery store etc.. with kids in tow. Getting them and a diaper bag ready to go out just to do a 10min errand can take 30min at minimum. I also do all the gardening, mulching, weeding etc.. and even mow the lawn sometimes if DH is out of town. We do not have one service that helps me out. I am not saying I am better or a super mom but I just have a lot of responsibilites and with that have the kids all the time with them. I can't hand them off to the nanny, babysitter and get it done myself.

Also, I do not complain about money but I do not have ample money to do happy hours with my friends who are working moms every Friday nor do I want to - so sometimes I just tell them "sorry don't have the money." It isn't a complaint though but drinking $8 drinks is only reserved for vacation DH and I chose this route and are happy with it.

Honestly I am not a fan of SAHM who relaxes a lot, has hired help and still says they are tired - I know there are some out there so I can see that point.

Same point with parents with brand new cars, a beautiful home, live in nanny, and eat out every other day - who complain they can't afford to stay home with their kids.

There are always some bad seeds out there that give working AND stay at home moms a bad name. That is just society - you will get that but for the majority, SAHM work hard and don't complain all day, working moms who can't afford to stay at home - most can't and HAVE to work. If a working mom rather work even if she could afford to stay home, well that is their choice. Who am I to say it is wrong. It isn't my place nor my problem.

I think the OP wanted some confidence in staying home, not a debate. I don't like to debate but I wanted to explain what I do to WOHM who seem to wonder what a day is like - I guess it just bothers me a little when WOHM think they do BOTH jobs all day. You are doing one during the day and then one at night. I have done it so I understand how i can be frustrating to feel like it is both and I have been exhausted coming home from work and making a meal, laundry etc... but it is different - maybe not harder or easier - just different.

Oh well off my soap-box.....

 

[BethR]

I apologize for not keeping on top of this thread. And unfortunately, I do not have the time to cherry pick out all of the personal attacks. So I am going to just close this thread.