Do you pay for your children to attend Birthday Parties?

[lovepurple]

I recently paid $25 for my DD13 to attend a birthday party. The mom took a group of girls to the local amusement park. She didn't want the kids to know when they came about the money or where they were going because it was going to be a big surprise. So of course my daughter thinks her friend had the coolest party ever and would like to do the same. That isn't going to happen because I wouldn't ask people to pay to come to a party, and it is more expensive than I would want to spend on a party. I mistakenly assumed that some type of refreshment would be included for the party. My daughter did not take extra money with her and ended up sharing a drink with a friend who brought extra money. I hope this isn't a trend that is going to catch on.

 

[Karlzmom]

My daughter has been invited to a family members 13th birthday party. She was told it would only cost $10. I have been a mom for 17 years and have never heard of that one. If it were not a family member, she would not go. With my kids having over 15 cousins, we are not able to spend a great deal on each of them, so her gift will be $5-$10 in a nice handmade card.

Are we living a sheltered life or is this the standard? Thanks for letting me vent.

Um, no....chalk this one up to another person trying to have a party they can't afford. Hosting a party is more than sending invites and waiting for the gifts to roll in, it means supplying the guests needs. Would you charge a person to come to your cookout because you are going to serve them steak when your budget really calls for burgers?

I'd be *busy* even if it were family and simply send a small gift or card. Maybe an etiquette book, as the 13 yr old will need something to teach her manners.

 

[shortbun]

I always make sure my son has extra money. He usually takes enough along to help out other kids who don't have any. My very wise friend suggested this years ago. Never assume other parents are going to care for your child like you would care for theirs.

 

[Karlzmom]

Hmmm, the way things are going financially for allot of people it may be that this is the best they can do. Maybe the kid REALLY wants to see her family but the parents just can't make it work. Since its a family member I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and go with what you're doing. BUT, if it happens again next year we'd be too busy to attend.

I disagree, the "best you can do" is what you can afford. If the budget calls for homemade cake and punch, then so be it. The continual push for bigger and better is not an excuse for charging a guest for your party. Visiting costs nothing...there are games that are darn near free, a video is a couple of bucks to rent...and there is always gasp the option to not have a party, and the world won't end.

 

[powellrj]

I started to say no, but then I remembered we have had invitations that said you need to bring extra money for skate rental, so I guess we have paid to attend parties before! I guess it depended on how much my child wanted to attend if I paid or not. If it were something they really wanted to do and it was within my budget I would go ahead.

 

[sk!mom]

Nope- I have never charged or been charged for a birthday party.

I either wouldn't attend or if my DD12 really wanted to go then I would send a less expenssive gift.

Is the family really strapped for money?

 

[Karlzmom]

Very true! My son's b-day is in early January (outside parties are not an option in a Michigan winter, LOL) and we have an extremely small house, so all of his "non-family" parties have either been at my mil's house (when he was a baby) or at some designated party place ... Chuck E. Cheese, glow bowling, glow-golf, etc. We aren't rolling in the dough, but never in a million years would I think of letting any guest pay a penny towards the party! Our party, our dime!

What is up with some people?

I can think of lots of ideas for a Michigan winter BD...some of my fondest memories of childhood [in MI and Minnesota] were sledding/tobaganning/building snow-men/snow forts with snow-ball fights...etc. Imagine a sled party followed by some steaming [bargain!] soups and hot bread with cake and ice cream Throw in some hot chocolate and its a beautiful thing. {Can you tell I miss snow?}

 

[HopingToGetEngaged]

I am just totally appalled. I am 28, with no children of my own, and it's been about 14 years since I've been to a "birthday party". Registering at Target for graduation? Paying your own way thru a friend's party? Bringing a covered dish to a party? Seriously?! I remember having birthday parties at McDonald's and Dairy Queen. And were THANKFUL that our friends could share it with us. Thankful that Mom and Dad could, and more importantly WOULD host a party for us. When I graduated high school, I "shared" my graduation party with my cousin who also had graduated that year. They were up visiting from Virginia, and it was a chance to include her in "my" party with the family. We thought it was the coolest thing to have a shared party.

I am so thankful that my parents brought me up with manners and morals. I would never imagine having a child pay their way. That is just so rude.

I think that sometimes people need to be reminded that it's not the WHAT, it's the WHO (and not the band ). It's not what you're doing - it's who you're sharing it with.

Ok, I'll get off my little soapbox now...

 

[sk!mom]

My DD went to a mini-golf birthday party and I put $5 in her pocket for "treats" after they finished golfing (they have video games, candy, etc) when she came home she told me she didn't get to do any of that because the mom used her $5 to pay for her mini golf game! She said a couple of girls didn't bring money and they didn't get to play - just walked with them to each hole!!

OMG- the rudeness of people never ceases to amaze me. I would have had something say to the host parent if my child was one that didn't get to play. What a way to treat your child's friends? Wonder how many went to that child's party the next year?

 

[sk!mom]

I recently paid $25 for my DD13 to attend a birthday party. The mom took a group of girls to the local amusement park. She didn't want the kids to know when they came about the money or where they were going because it was going to be a big surprise. So of course my daughter thinks her friend had the coolest party ever and would like to do the same. That isn't going to happen because I wouldn't ask people to pay to come to a party, and it is more expensive than I would want to spend on a party. I mistakenly assumed that some type of refreshment would be included for the party. My daughter did not take extra money with her and ended up sharing a drink with a friend who brought extra money. I hope this isn't a trend that is going to catch on.

After reading this thread and especially this post, I will never drop my DD12 off at another party without making sure that she has cash on her. I've never really thought of sending her with money before this.

 

[Mickeyorbust]

My DD went to a mini-golf birthday party and I put $5 in her pocket for "treats" after they finished golfing (they have video games, candy, etc) when she came home she told me she didn't get to do any of that because the mom used her $5 to pay for her mini golf game! She said a couple of girls didn't bring money and they didn't get to play - just walked with them to each hole!!

That's sad. Those poor girls walking from hole to hole and not being able to play. Not to mention how uncomfortable the girls playing must have felt. Totaly Tacky!!!!

OP, I would suggest asking your relative about it.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I just had to respond to this. If I was the OP, I would probably send my DD and the money to the party. It's not the child's fault her parents have no class!

Class seems to be what is missing alot these days. It has nothing to do with how much money you have, but how you treat people and think of others and not yourself.

As for the lady who took my DDs money for mini-golf, I would be so mad and I would let her know. I can't believe she invited children and did not let them play!!

I have never hosted a party that I couldn't afford to pay for everyone. If I couldn't afford it, I would do something more low cost, but not expect people to fund my party!

 

[budbeerlady]

My DD went to a mini-golf birthday party and I put $5 in her pocket for "treats" after they finished golfing (they have video games, candy, etc) when she came home she told me she didn't get to do any of that because the mom used her $5 to pay for her mini golf game! She said a couple of girls didn't bring money and they didn't get to play - just walked with them to each hole!!

That would make me furious, those poor girls with no money....

 

[santa's surpriz]

geez, The only time I ever had partiers pay for anything was at Build-a-Bear Workshop. I paid for an animal up to $15/child. Any extras (accessories and outfits) the parents paid for. I guess it would depend on the events planned.

 

[bumbershoot]

Our local zoo has a birthday party area, and they arrange it for you. I would love to have a party for DS there.

But it doesn't include admission. So on top of the per person party cost, there's the admission to think about (and since our parties are still adult friends and relatives, that's all adult admissions). I cannot even imagine asking friends and family to pay their way in (if they were all members of the zoo, that would be one thing, but they aren't), and I'm not going to more than double my cost for this party, so no zoo party.

 

[crusoe2]

The only time I've ever let anyone "pay their own way" at one of our parties was when DS asked that his b'day party be dinner out at his favorite restaurant. It was an all-you-can-eat buffet kind of place w/a set price and we were only inviting immediate family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) and a couple of his friends from school. We paid for his school friends to eat, of course, and offered to pay for everyone else's dinner but all of the family members insisted on paying for their own. We have fairly large families and they knew it would be a strain for us at the time. We also are all very close and love each other's kids as if they were own. So I guess a slightly different situation. But even so I felt bad not paying for the whole thing. Normally we are the ones who always have extra food, plates, party hats, favors, etc to be sure than any unexpected guests are provided for. DS once had his party at Burger King and one of the kids showed up w/2 or 3 younger siblings in tow - we made sure that they got a meal, party favors, etc just like everybody else. I've even sent leftover party stuff home to share with brothers and sisters. But, shoot, we're the big saps who let DS invite a friend along on one of our Disney trips and not only bought souvies for him, but brought some things home to his brother and sister. It certainly strains the budget sometimes but I couldn't stand to see a kid left out of the fun. Which reminds me of another pet peeve - parents who send party invites for only some of the kids in the class and ask the teacher to hand them out. I can understand this in a big, public school classroom if you have your child give invites to friends personally. But this was a small daycare class of about 8 kids and the poor teacher got the dirty job of trying to explain to some kids why they didn't get an invitation. (Off topic, I know, but still another example of tackiness IMHO.)

 

[Crazy Mother of Two]

???? I don't know why I feel compelled to chime in because I will only be stating what has already been stated in 70-ish prior comments!!!



I have 2 birthday-party-aged children (8 &10) and never, ever, ever have I been asked to pay to have my child attend a party!!

If it was an ice skating party than skate rentals and pizza were included.
If it was an amusement park than admission and lunch/cake was included (but I gave some extra for 'whatever').

While it is true birthday parties are expensive
(even the home party I had last year for my DD was almost the same as at a place - 'cuz now I needed to purchase fun things to do in my backyard)
there are many places that advertise discounts - it just takes a little longer to find a great price.

Wow...I'm still in shock!!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I don't care what events are planned for any childs birthday party, no one who is a guest should have to cover the cost of attending another childs party.

Whats next, having a cover charge with a two drink limit?

 

[brandylouwho]

(Note to self: always be sure daughter has plenty of extra spending money when dropping her off at a party, a field trip, whatever!)

This is about as good as a bridal shower I just had the "honor" of throwing. Bride dictated just about everything (even the little details), but the bridesmaids got to arrange & pay for it. Grrrr.

The matron on honor and I just decided that while we cannot control the actions of others, but we can control how we react to them. If we want to say "enough" or "no" we can. We decided not to in this case,to spare hurt feelings. But believe me, I will be more cautious in the future.

 

[jeankeri]

When I have done expensive 'event' type parties (laser tag, etc), we have not done goody bags- any prizes won were their goodies. But that is as far as I have economized. I limit the number of guests (to as many as can fit in my car). Either my DS agrees to this, or there is no expensive party.
Charging guests or not allowing them to play because they didn't bring money? That's just wrong.