Do you give a wedding gift to people who owe you money?

[safetymom]

I didn't expect to get all the money back but at least an attempt would have been nice.

It was loaned to both of them.

I can be the better person but I don't feel I should go overboard. I do think I need to say something either before or after the wedding about it.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I didn't expect to get all the money back but at least an attempt would have been nice.

It was loaned to both of them.

I can be the better person but I don't feel I should go overboard. I do think I need to say something either before or after the wedding about it.

I agree. I would give them a gift, but like I posted earlier not money. There are many gift ideas; picture frames, housewares, maybe a throw blanket engraved with their names and wedding date.

I would mention the loan after the wedding.

 

[Todd&Copper]

I'd probably give a small gift that was personalized, like a silver frame from Things Remembered. I would not want to give cash, and I'd hate to give them something they could return to a store for a refund.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd probably give a small gift that was personalized, like a silver frame from Things Remembered. I would not want to give cash, and I'd hate to give them something they could return to a store for a refund.

I'd do this. I'd make it a small gift...probably under $25. How about a nice "Our First Christmas"ornament engraved with the year so they can't return it? Do the parents who are paying for this wedding know that they owe you money?? I have to tell you, if I were the parents and I knew my kids owed someone a significant amount of money, I would be embarrassed to invite them to the wedding. I'd probably pay the money back myself and then fight with my kid about it. I am always amazed at the gall of some people.

I haven't loaned money often, but when I do, I tend to consider it a gift so I am happily surprised when it gets paid back.

 

[sanctus]

It really depends on whether you value their friendship more, or the money. If this is IT the last straw for you, then just give a card. Or don't go, and give nothing. If you want to maintain a relationship with them, get them a small gift (not cash) and give it with a smile in your heart. This is the kind of thing that ends friendships. Make sure you know what you want more.

 

[safetymom]

This is not a friendship ender. I will wish them well in their married life. I asked because I wanted to keep the smile in my heart.

 

[sanctus]

This is not a friendship ender. I will wish them well in their married life. I asked because I wanted to keep the smile in my heart.

Then there's your answer. You give a gift.

 

[kirbsam]

i wouldnt give a gift because i would constantly be irritated every time i think about giving them a gift. i guess i am not that big of a person.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This is not a friendship ender. I will wish them well in their married life. I asked because I wanted to keep the smile in my heart.

Then I would give a gift and forget about the money you lent them. Kiss it off as a lesson learned. It stinks but if you are not mad enough about it to end the friendship then I would mention it to them before the wedding and then that's it. I also think a gift is a gift and has nothing to do with a loan. Good luck!

 

[lucywithdiamonds]

How much money are we talking about here? $100? $1000? Is it an amount that would considered a wedding gift? If so, I'd write on the card that your gift is the forgiveness of the loan, or perhaps a portion of it. Write how happy you are to have helped them financially reach this day and that you wish them many happy years together.

I like this idea.

 

[ZuZugal]

This is not a friendship ender. I will wish them well in their married life. I asked because I wanted to keep the smile in my heart.

I think you'll find out what kind of "friends" they are after the wedding. they will have quite a bit of cash at that time. Will they do the right thing and pay you back immediately like they should? If they put it off you'll never see the cash. A few months down the road newlyweds never seem to have money...you know...paying for "the new car, furniture, honeymoon, house" etc.

I would give a small gift for the wedding and see how things pan out.

 

[jen0610]

OK ... I'd be tempted to write the following in the card:

"Congratulations on your special day! Since you were able to fork all this money over for the wedding and not pay me one red cent of the $$$ amount that you owe me, you can take 10% off of what you owe me and pay me back with your wedding gift money. The 10% off of what you owe me is my wedding gift to you. BTW -- I will be there after the wedding to watch you count the money and hand me over the cash you owe me! Have a great life!"

I really like this one. I really don't care who is forking over the money for this wedding. If mommy and daddy can pay for a wedding, then maybe mommy and daddy need to cover their debt with the OP and let their kiddies pay them back at their leasure.

My other thought would to be, putting a note inside the card, not written on the card itself, stating that they have an IOU on a wedding gift. When they fulfill their debt to you, you will forward them a gift in a timely manner, established by with which they repaid their debt to you in.

 

[PhotobearSam]

I hate this...It sucks when you loan money and then are ignored.

I have had to make decisions when I loan money. I don't EVER expect it back. That way, I only lend what I am comfortable losing. The most I have ever lent was $2000 to a friends. I have gotten back $1500 and I am happy with that. If I get the rest back, great.

It sounds like you are hurt by this a bit. I would call them up a couple of weeks before the wedding and tell them you need to get together with them and set up a repayment schedule. I would also tell them you don't expect large payments but that you really feel this is clouding the friendship.

You won't get what you don't ask for...They have it out of mind mode. I would tell them it's $100 a month from now on...It's important not to let them slide...


My DH's Dad had paid a loan off for DH when DH was 20 yrs old. 2 years ago, He asked for the $$$ back (DH was 36 yrs old). We were a bit shocked but we paid back the $4000 over 1 year to his Dad even though it was never said to DH that it was a loan...but we paid...Now My parents would NEVER have asked for the $$$ but we felt that if he asked, it was important to him and we just did it. It kept the peace and the relationship free of hassles.(Just so you know, he did not NEED the $$$ but was being irrational on a lot of issues. We suspected Depression so we wanted to comply)


I hope you find a resolution. I could not be good friends if people took my help and $$ so lightly.

 

[rainy~daze]

i would give a gift, then get together with them and set up a payment plan after the wedding ( but only about a week or 2, don't wait a long time after).

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

I'll tell you when it happens in a few years. My fiance layed out over $300 for one of his friends for our best man's bachelor party. This was almost 2 years ago and he still hasn't been paid back. The guy has the money but he's been avoiding us ever since.

From the sounds of it you aren't going to end the friendship over this. You still care for them and want to see them happy. I'd say give them a gift, maybe less than you'd normally give.

Personally, if I felt like they were just fishing for money I'd give them only a card, possibly with a passive-aggresive note about them already enjoying my gift.

 

[alldiz]

This is not a friendship ender. I will wish them well in their married life. I asked because I wanted to keep the smile in my heart.

Can you ask the couple in a "joking" manner are they going to "pay up" with the Wedding windfall?

If not.....unless you really "need" the money(which might not ever come)....I would forgive the loan as a wedding gift....or 1/2 if you think that they "expect" you to do this.

To keep the "smile in your heart" it's easier to just move past it and Take a lesson.
Good luck
Kerri

 

[robinb]

If you sincerely like these people, then I would buy a small gift and leave it at that. I certainly wouldn't mention the loan ahead of the wedding or in the card. It would come off as if you're a creditor standing in line for first dibs on the wedding gifts. While you technically are a creditor, that's pretty tacky. Maybe you will be lucky and the couple will set some $$ aside for you.

Have you tried to work out a payment schedule with them? Maybe you can do that a few weeks after the wedding.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

It could very well be that the couple has been waiting to repay the OP based on the presumption the OP might forgive the loan as a wedding gift.

If that's the case, just giving a card might lead them to believe the debt was forgiven, so a NOMINAL gift might be a good idea. Personalized, like another poster said, to eliminate the possibility of a return for cash.

OP, you are not tacky for insisting your loan be repaid. I'm sorry you're learning a bit more than you wanted to know about the true character of the couple to whom you lent money.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

 

[EthansMom]

IMO, you will never get this couple to repay the debt outside of court. Even then, you'd probably have a difficult time enforcing a judgement. It's probably best to just write this debt off entirely and stop letting it take up space in your head.

I'd be the better person and give a small gift. But I'd never give/get involved financially with this couple again. If you've learned to be more cautious in the future, then it may have been a small price to pay for the lesson.

(We came out on the raw end financially a few times with close family members, early on in mine and DH's marriage. We now know not to make financial deals with those folks... no booking trips and letting them pay us back; no signing over cars with the understanding they'd pay us eventually; etc... I'd say DH and I are out around $10,000 from such things. It's been easier to just give up on ever getting that money back and to protect ourselves in the future than to let it fester.)

 

[Ciao Mickey]

I'd give them a card and a small gift from the Dollar Store.

In the card I would wish them well and tell them they can deduct X amount from the money they owe you as a wedding gift.