Disney after the death of a loved one

[kymom99]

I wanted to add to my post some more information about my situation. When my father died it was after around 6 weeks of trying to get him well and ultimately watching him slip away. My dad was my hero and the best person I have ever known. I could barely focus on anything else. My husband was wonderful, picking up the slack at home with my son and everything else that needed to be done. By the time Dad passed away and was buried, I was ready to reconnect with my family on a nice trip. I know without a doubt that was what my dad would want for me. We already had the trip planned before he became ill. My dad had never been to Disney, so there were no memories there. As I said before, we had a good trip. Everyone is different and you know yourself best.

You are in my thoughts. Losing a parent is more difficult than I could have ever imagined.

 

[mom2taylorandemily]

This is so hard. In July of 2007 my father, whom I loved dearly, was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct and liver cancer). It was inoperable and untreatable. When you are diagnosed with this disease there is no hope, its just a matter of make them comfortable as long as you can, 95% of those diagnosed with this die within 6-12 months, so we knew time was limited. We had a trip booked for Dec. that year. I asked my dad on numerous occassions what he wanted me to do. He kept telling me to keep my plans, his words: "Life is for the living, my time is coming to an end and I have lived a wonderful life, I want my grandchildren to live their lives to the fullest, so you are to keep your vacation." My father died on November 26, 2007. His funeral was Dec. 2, 2007 and as planned per my father's wishes, I took my children to Walt Disney World on Dec. 7, 2007 and we went with my Mother's blessings. It was the most difficult decision for me to make, I hated leaving my mom, and I had the most horried couple of months behind me. I put a smile on my face and tried very hard to have a good time, but I cried at the weirdest times while we were there. That trip for us was very hard. But you have to follow your own heart, and ask your mom how she feels about it. I know my parents wanted us to go. Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[CLR4321]

It is entirely up to you really. If it was me, I would wait until she passes on to book the trip, if you are able to. This will also allow you any time that you need to grieve before going out on vacation. Otherwise she may still be with you when you are planning to leave. I think to dedicate the trip to her would be wonderful, maybe do something special on the trip in memory of her. I am sure that your mom won't want you sitting around being sad after she passes on. If she is able, maybe even let her help you plan out the trip. There is no need to feel guilty about going, unless someone going with you is not ready to travel yet, if they are still grieving. Others in your family may need extra time.

 

[BBQMommy]

My Mom passed in early 1989 and my Dad and I spent Christmas that year at Disney. It was our first trip back since 1972. Dad passed this July after a decade long illness. I pushed hard to make a trip for my birthday last week. It was SO comforting. I had experienced Disney with both my parents and was able to experience it with my husband and daughter for the first time. It was a continuity and really theraputic.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Ember, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this , losing your mother is the worst. My mom and I were booked for a mother/daughter and were discussing the resort when she collapsed an I lost her a few hours later. When I realized she wasn't going to make it, I called and cancelled our room. She passed on a Tuesday morning and I buried her on Saturday morning, I wanted to leave that afternoon, since it was a 3 day weekend, but DH's boss wouldn't let him have Labor Day off. We went to WDW 1 month later and it was a very somber time. I cried alot, because mom loved WDW so much.

We had a big family Christmas trip planned for Dec 2008, taking some of the kids for their irst trip, and I knew she would want us to go, but I was in almost a trance the entire time and I cried alot then, too, but it really helped to get away and be where she loved to be. I don't remember alot about the trip, but the kids had a great time. I wanted to release a Mickey balloon with a note on it for her the last night of our trip, I stopped on Main Street after SpectroMagic and was purchasing a baloon when I burst out crying so the sweet CM gave it to me and said sh couldn't accept the money for it, she even helped me attach the note, and I took it down in front of the Christmas tree and let it go and cried for ten minutes, but from then on, I have had a peace while on our trips.

WDW is our special place and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world and I know she is with us on every trip.

Suzanne

 

[Planogirl]

I lost my son, age 29 this past July, we have been to WDW as a family many times the last being March of 2009 with my son and his wife. If I could have gone to WDW for my sons birthday in August following his passing and Halloween, Thanksgiving , Christmas etc etc etc I think it might have made getting thru the holidays a lot easier....well my son and I just last December talked about going down to WDW for Christmas some year soooooooooooo.......I decided this would be the year. Odd as it may sound I am going this November with my ex-husband and possibly my older son and his wife. I know too it will be sad at times since we all have so many good memories of past trips and I expect to be quite emotional when I see Splash Mountain , this was my sons favorite ride but my son will be there with us all in our hearts.

My best wishes to everyone who has been through such sadness.

 

[rndmr2]

We had a trip planned in Sept 95. It had been planned for a while and we were taking my neice for her 2nd trip, she was 4 I think (1st trip she was a baby). My parents and I had been a few times before. My grandmother had a stroke a few days before we were to leave. She was awake and talking for the first couple days and she kept telling my mom she wanted her to go on the trip anyway, she would be fine and to go. My mom tried to say we wouldn't go but my grandmom was insistent. Well she did end up passing away after a few days in the hosp. We weren't sure what to do, we didn't want to disappoint my neice, who knew about the trip and was asking about it, but we didn't think any of us were in the "Disney mood". We had the funeral, etc. and that night my brothers were trying to talk my mom into going anyway to get he mind off everything, etc and then my aunt came and they had a huge fight. I don't even remember what it was about but ti was a lot of old stupid problems and resentments that had been building up that my grandmom had been able to keep the peace between them, well, no more. After that my mom made up her mind and she said if we didn't go to Disney, she would just get in the car and drive until she couldn't go further and then "I might come back." We ended up leaving the next day to go on the trip. I can't say it was the best trip we ever had, but it did get our minds off everything seeing the expressions on my niece's face, etc. and it wasn't a constant reminder of my grandmother since she had never been there, although we did always want to take her.

My mom has since passed away and I have gone on one trip without her so far (2nd one will be in May) and I am sad to be in her favorite place without her but I also feel closer to her when I am there as if she really is there with me.

 

[Disbabe]

My Mum died 4 weeks ago very suddenly at the age of 59 from a haemorrhagic stroke. Mum died a week after having the bleed from pneumonia and it was very difficult to watch over that week as I'm a sister on a medical ward.
We have a WDW vacation already booked for July with my sister and her family and although it will be sad and we'll be worrying about my Dad being left alone (no way would he go to WDW) - its the one thing that has kept me sane going through my grief.
To sit at the computer and plan has helped as I can get lost in reading and planing that I forget time and when we go we shall have a drink and toast to her life. She would very much want my sister and I to get excited about planning and enjoy our holiday together, so we continue in her honour.

 

[bleeps]

Just as I think it's unfair for bleeps - or anyone - to say that it's wrong to even think about going on vacation after a death

Wow. What I said was "everyone grieves differently," and "see where your heart leads you." I was sharing my thoughts and experience, not criticizing anyone else.

My heartfelt thanks to those who understood my message as it was intended -- only meant well.

 

[ElleBelle]

Just thought I'd share my story...
My Mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in a horrible car accident in September of 2007. Disney World had always held a special place in all of our hearts... my Mom loved everything about it. It was our familys' happy place... so many memories of good times- especially with my Mom- have been made there.

When Mom passed away, DH and I had already had a trip planned for that December of 2007. Immediately following the accident, there wasn't even a thought in my mind of going... so many thoughts were flying through my head... "how could I just go and leave my Dad and the rest of the family behind?"-- "does this mean I'm allowing myself to begin to move on too quickly?"-- "should I be staying home and mourning longer?"?? At first it seemed as though there was absolutely no way that I would even allow myself to think of going. But then, as a month or two passed... and I realized that I was doing the same thing day in and day out (wake up, feel horrible-- go to work, feel horrible-- go home, feel horrible-- go to sleep, feel horrible-- and then do it all over again--) DH and I decided that going might not be a bad idea-- even if only to 'change things up'.

So, in December of that same year, DH and I packed up and left for what was one of the most emotional trips to WDW that I've ever taken. Everywhere I turned, there were memories of my Mom. One of the very first nights we watched Holiday Illuminations and the Grand Finale "Let There be Peace on Earth" started. That was my Mom's song. We had it played, and sang it at her Memorial Service. I broke down into a heaving, sobbing pile of tears.... DH had to gather me up and we walked out of EPCOT together, me sobbing, him with tears in his eyes. I felt so defeated... so alone... I only wanted one thing, and that was to have my Mom with me again. These solemn moments happened sporadically throughout the week. I noticed that for the first time since the accident, DH and I were able to, at times, forget about reality... Something in me realized that I had to start allowing myself to form new happy memories in this place that my Mom had loved so much.

Nearly 2.5 years have passed since then, and DH and I have returned to Disney 3 times since. I now feel as though when I'm there, I'm closer to her than anywhere else. Going to wdw for that first time following her passing was definitley not a mistake for us. It was hard, but I think that doing so was all part of my greiving process... all part of the things I needed to begin to work through, to face head-on.
My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone on this thread who have lost a loved one close to them. It changes your life forever....

 

[larryz]

Wow. What I said was "everyone grieves differently," and "see where your heart leads you." I was sharing my thoughts and experience, not criticizing anyone else.

My heartfelt thanks to those who understood my message as it was intended -- only meant well.

I read both your and OP's posts and was puzzled at the angry reaction.

A few seconds of thinking about it, and it was obvious you and OP were talking past each other. I'm glad OP had the presence of mind to recognize their reaction was purely emotional and situational. Thanks for not flaming each other.

Just another example of how what we intend to say looks differently to people in a different mind-set.

As for my own experiences, Disney's always been a balm on grieving nerves for me -- after my Dad, Mom and Grandmother passed, my subsequent trips started out melancholy (you wonder why all these people around you are having fun) but gradually transitioned to enjoyable after the realization hit that (cue Elton John) we're all part of the circle of life, and life goes on after your loved ones pass, and will continue to do so after you pass (and YOUR kids are at Disney wondering why everyone else is having fun...).

Wash, rinse, repeat. Your mileage may vary. Go and heal, then enjoy.

 

[sjs314]

Ember, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this , losing your mother is the worst. My mom and I were booked for a mother/daughter and were discussing the resort when she collapsed an I lost her a few hours later. When I realized she wasn't going to make it, I called and cancelled our room. She passed on a Tuesday morning and I buried her on Saturday morning, I wanted to leave that afternoon, since it was a 3 day weekend, but DH's boss wouldn't let him have Labor Day off. We went to WDW 1 month later and it was a very somber time. I cried alot, because mom loved WDW so much.

We had a big family Christmas trip planned for Dec 2008, taking some of the kids for their irst trip, and I knew she would want us to go, but I was in almost a trance the entire time and I cried alot then, too, but it really helped to get away and be where she loved to be. I don't remember alot about the trip, but the kids had a great time. I wanted to release a Mickey balloon with a note on it for her the last night of our trip, I stopped on Main Street after SpectroMagic and was purchasing a baloon when I burst out crying so the sweet CM gave it to me and said sh couldn't accept the money for it, she even helped me attach the note, and I took it down in front of the Christmas tree and let it go and cried for ten minutes, but from then on, I have had a peace while on our trips.

WDW is our special place and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world and I know she is with us on every trip.

Suzanne

What a beautiful and loving post, I had tears in my eyes reading about you releasing the balloon , my son will be with us on this trip as his wish was to be cremated,and I wear a locket with some of his ashes and knowing he will be with us on this trip is what finally brought me out of my deep depression I was in for the past six months.....I hope you don't mind but I am going to take your idea of releasing a balloon up to my son from his favorite place Walt Disney World

 

[aksunshine]

I haven't gotten to read though everyone's replies yet, but I want to comment. My situation is a bit different from ours, though. If you look at the pics in my siggie you'll see my son, Levi. In 2007, when he was 16 mos old. we spent 10 days in WDW. It ws amazing. My DH works nights so, the family bonding time was priceless. Exactly a week after we ate with Mickey (Our last day spent with Levi's idol!) a carless driver ran a red light. We were Tboned, and my DD (5 at the time) was the only one walking away physically ok. She has dealt with the emotional trauma instead. Dh and I nearly died and spent 10 days in ICU and step-down, due to massive head injuries. My little Levi didn't make it. His little head couldn't handle the impact. Matt and I weren't even told until he had been declared brain dead over 2 days. We didn't get to bury him for nearly 2 weeks after. It is a lot to loose a child and I hope no one else ever has to be put through this pain. The one thing that brings us great joy is trips to WDW. Levi loved it there! And we were a family, uninteruppted by work. So we go back adn remember those times, b/c they are so precious to us.

 

[aksunshine]

I talk to my husband about Disney because I need something, anything, to look forward to.

This is me, too. I understand to feeling of needing something positive to look forward to. Sweetie, you are ultimately the one to make this decision, but I CAN understand. For many of us on here, it seems, WDW is our happy place.

I am so sorry to the many who have experienced these loses.

 

[aripantaloon]

I don't think that you will necessarily associate it with something sad.

My dad died in August 1998. I was just dating my DH at the time and when it was getting closer to Thanksgiving, he suggested that we take a trip together. My mom died previously in 1991, so it was just me. He found an *awesome* deal to Paris for a week over Thanksgiving, so off we went. We also went to Euro Disney. Though I missed my dad, I certainly don't associate that trip with sadness. It was a nice distraction from things, especially since the French don't celebrate Thanksgiving.

I'm sorry about your mom. You do whatever it is that you think you should do. Everyone has different opinions and grieves differently.

 

[rndmr2]

I talk to my husband about Disney because I need something, anything, to look forward to.

My closest friend lost her dad in January 2000. The day after his funeral she called me and said, "We have to plan another trip (we had been on a cruise a few months before this, 3 of us gals and had a great time) I have to get out of town, I have to have something to look forward to"

I recently read this article/blog and it's about the loss of a spouse but I think it could apply to any loved one.

http://land.allears.net/blogs/allearsteam/2010/01/disney_world_after_the_loss_of.html

 

[TB'sWidow]

Back in july 02 we took our last trip with beloved dh he died a month later and we already had another trip planned with my sister in dec02. I really did not want to go but I forced myself to do it was it hard yes but I trully feel if I had not pushed myself to go back to a place we both adored I'm not sure if I would have ever gone back. When he passed I wasnt sure I could go on enjoying Disney without him.

 

[Ember]

It is entirely up to you really. If it was me, I would wait until she passes on to book the trip, if you are able to. This will also allow you any time that you need to grieve before going out on vacation. Otherwise she may still be with you when you are planning to leave. I think to dedicate the trip to her would be wonderful, maybe do something special on the trip in memory of her. I am sure that your mom won't want you sitting around being sad after she passes on. If she is able, maybe even let her help you plan out the trip. There is no need to feel guilty about going, unless someone going with you is not ready to travel yet, if they are still grieving. Others in your family may need extra time.

I'm not talking about going anywhere right now. There is no reason in the world that would cause me to leave when mum needed me. I meant after...

 

[iwrbnd]

We went back to WDW about one year after my ds died and one year after dd died.IT was fine. There were some things I couldn't do just yet, but we talked about what rides and shows they each liked and if we thought they would have liked now. It's ok. It will never be the same for us - just different.

You lost TWO children? I'm so sorry!!!

 

[iwrbnd]

I haven't gotten to read though everyone's replies yet, but I want to comment. My situation is a bit different from ours, though. If you look at the pics in my siggie you'll see my son, Levi. In 2007, when he was 16 mos old. we spent 10 days in WDW. It ws amazing. My DH works nights so, the family bonding time was priceless. Exactly a week after we ate with Mickey (Our last day spent with Levi's idol!) a carless driver ran a red light. We were Tboned, and my DD (5 at the time) was the only one walking away physically ok. She has dealt with the emotional trauma instead. Dh and I nearly died and spent 10 days in ICU and step-down, due to massive head injuries. My little Levi didn't make it. His little head couldn't handle the impact. Matt and I weren't even told until he had been declared brain dead over 2 days. We didn't get to bury him for nearly 2 weeks after. It is a lot to loose a child and I hope no one else ever has to be put through this pain. The one thing that brings us great joy is trips to WDW. Levi loved it there! And we were a family, uninteruppted by work. So we go back adn remember those times, b/c they are so precious to us.

I'm so sorry to hear what happened! Hugs to you!