Disney after the death of a loved one

[roomthreeseventeen]

Subscribing because we're in this group now... FIL passed away this morning, we leave in 12 days.

 

[sjs314]

Subscribing because we're in this group now... FIL passed away this morning, we leave in 12 days.

I am sorry to hear that, my heart goes out to you and yours

 

[rhonimouse]

We visit WDW every other year or so and one of the best vacations ever was when we took my mom and dad with us in 1999- he even wore a Goofy hat while mom had Minnie ears and my 3 year old son had their sole attention the entire trip...fast forward to 2007, my dad passed in March from lung cancer then immediately my FIL became ill and needed a heart transplant..we spent MONTHS traveling back and forth from cincinnati to help care for him at Cleveland Clinic while he waited for his transplant...he received his transplant on Thanksgiving 2007 and sadly past away just 7 days later....2007 was a HORRIBLE year for us...my kids were in a tail spin of grief losing their grandpas within months of each other....holidays were a blur of grief- 2008 I swore would be different and it was- we spent Easter in a cabin in the mountains in Gatlinburg, TN and then left on Thanksgiving 2008 for a wonder week at WDW, enjoying all the Christmas offerings! We enjoyed it so much that we spent actual Christmas 2009 at WDW and it was truly amazing! I caught myself welling up with tears at points in the trip, wishing my dad could see his grand kids as they enjoyed certain things....then I remembered, he was seeing them, just from Heaven! We love the holidays at WDW and are going back this Thanksgiving with my husband's sister and her husband- since his mom and dad are already passed, we are celebrating the holidays together with all the family he has....

 

[shortchange1026]

First of all, to everyone who posted on here relating their stories about lost loved ones.

Second, I'd like to say I like this thread, seeing everyone come together for once to comfort each other instead of flaming or criticizing someone for their opinion.

We lost my Dad to lung cancer in 2007. He was diagnosed in July and gone by September. Our family has always had kind of a "sick" sense of humor and my Dad was usually always the instigator. At family gatherings, we'd always say how we'd go to DW after he passed with the money. (I know it sounds cruel or weird, but you have to understand our humor and Dad always got a great kick out of that. It was almost like Rodney Dangerfield, I get no respect! LOL) Anyway, my DH and I had a trip planned to Key West for our anniversary in October of that year. After he passed, my mother told us to keep our plans and go. Dad would have wanted us to go. My mother and father in law were nice enough to come and stay in our house to take care of the dog and my mother. As other posters have said, after months of taking care of him, watching him become a shell of what he once was, plus the anxiety of never knowing when the phone was going to ring in the wee hours of the morning can become very exhausting. He was always active and in good shape for his age and having him be in and out of the hospital and seeing him like this was not an experience I want to remember. Once he passed, it was almost like a huge weight had been taken off of everyone's shoulders, we knew he wouldn't have wanted to have lived that way and we knew he was in a better place. Even though he was always on my mind, we had a nice relaxing vacation. Like another poster said, it was nice to escape reality for a few days.

When my DH and I took our first trip to DW since my Dad's death, I had all these great memories from my first trip with my parents in 1978 when I was 9. I will always especially remember riding Mr. Toad's Wild Ride with him and how he loved the ride and laughed as much as I did. That's why that's one ride I will always miss and wish they would bring back!

and to the OP in whatever decision you make.

 

[arielchickenofthesea]

We went to Disneyland after the death of a very close family member and we were so exhausted from the pain of the loss, that we needed the magic that Disney provided. It was a restful trip, we went to the Parks when we wanted, napped at the Disneyland Hotel when we needed it and it was a respite from the grief. I do not have bad or sad associations with it now. I think it really helped my hubby and I when we needed to escape the pain and constant sadness that surrounded us. We would have just sat around the house mourning if we had not gone and I think going helped us through a very rough time. Everyone handles grief their own way, but for us it was a balm to be at our favorite place: A Disney Park.
Disneyland was the less expensive of the trips, between WDW and DL, so we went there for 5 days. I don't know if I could have gone to WDW with it's size. Disneyland is a much smaller Resort and the Park itself is smaller than the Magic Kingdom. It is so cozy and familiar, with lots of memories for us and it was perfect.

A Disney cruise also helped when we had another loss in our family. We did not have to do anything and it was perfect to sail away from all the sadness. Another great balm for the grief. A cruise transports you out of your everyday environment by putting miles between you and home and it seems the furthur we got away, the better we felt. It truly helped for the duration and it gave us a sense of renewal that made us more able to handle things when we got home.

All my heartfelt wishes,
Arielcots

 

[IwannaseeMickey]

We went to WDW for the first time Oct. '05, ds was 5 dd was barely 3...we had the BEST week ever, such a fun family trip. So fun that we planned and booked a trip back for Dec. '06 to see it decorated for Christmas. Sadly and shockingly, our ds died unexpectedly a month after he turned 6, in April '06....I was so sad (obviously), but so sad that he never knew that we were going to surprise them w/ another trip that year.

We didn't know what to do, go or cancel, but we decided we wanted to go...and DH"s parents asked if they could join us and they brought along my nephew, who is dd's age...that way she also had a companion.

We were sad that trip, remembering the fantastic vacation from a year before and obviously still in mournign for our child's death, but we had a great time, and still are thankful that we did take them that first time.

I also think, that that is part of the reason I"m a WDW freak now, I love the thought of going back b/c it was such a happy family memory for us!

 

[rlk]

My mom had ALS and passed away 2 1/2 weeks before our 2008 family trip to WDW. We went on that trip and I have to say it was bittersweet. The one thing WDW does is take you out of your everyday world and allow you to forget all the stress of life. While it didn't take away the pain of losing my mom, it did let me have moments of happiness to share with my family. I am glad I decided to not cancel the trip. I know my mom would want her grandson's, my husband and me to enjoy ourselves.

 

[Rustysmom]

The last time we were there, my mom was back home dying from pancreatic cancer and we didn't even know it. Every day when I called her, she was telling me about her back pains and constipation and we didn't think it was anything bad. We told her that we would take her to the doctor when we got home and she kept putting it off. We found out a couple of months later what it was, and 2 months after that she was gone.

Five months after that, my husband and his brother found his father dead in his house. He had been dead for a couple of days from a heart attack, and when nobody could get in touch with him, they had to break in a window to get in and saw the horrible sight.

I really want to go back this year because 2008 and 2009 were horrible for us and we really need to have some happiness. I know that if we do go, it's going to be hard for me because I know I'm going to cry. It's almost 2 years and I still cry about her every day. Even if we can't afford Disney, I want to go somewhere, anywhere.

 

[sdemore]

My mother passed away in January of 2002. She had been suffering from Alzheimer for a few years but still knew who everyone was but really had no short term memory. She moved in with my brother and we all contributed with her care. In December of 2001 she had a massive stroke. I had stopped in to visit after work and thought I would help her shower, do her hair and straighten up her rooms. When I got there I knew she wasn't feeling well because she was still in bed (it was 4pm). When I got her up out of bed she gave me the best hug and said hugs are always better than kisses because they last longer. Five minutes later she had the stroke and never moved or spoke again.

The next month I spent a great deal of time away from my DH, DS and DD while attending to my mother. More than once I even got up in the middle of dinner and left them because of that worried feeling you get when someone is ill. Every time that happened it turned out to be some kind of crisis and someone was needed to make some medical decision.

Anyway, we had already planned our first trip to Disney for the end of January, when she had passed away. It turned out to be the best thing for us. It gave us time together as a family that we had been missing because of all the time I wasn't at home with them. It was bittersweet, of course, but I would find myself smiling thinking of all the times I spent telling (and retelling her our plans) and she would be sooooo excited for us because it was the first vacation our family had ever taken.

Everyone grieves differently, for us the trip was very healing. And I alway remember her last words to me. Hugs are best, they last longer.

I Love You and we miss you, Mom! I know you are watching over us.

 

[sjs314]

The last time we were there, my mom was back home dying from pancreatic cancer and we didn't even know it. Every day when I called her, she was telling me about her back pains and constipation and we didn't think it was anything bad. We told her that we would take her to the doctor when we got home and she kept putting it off. We found out a couple of months later what it was, and 2 months after that she was gone.

Five months after that, my husband and his brother found his father dead in his house. He had been dead for a couple of days from a heart attack, and when nobody could get in touch with him, they had to break in a window to get in and saw the horrible sight.

I really want to go back this year because 2008 and 2009 were horrible for us and we really need to have some happiness. I know that if we do go, it's going to be hard for me because I know I'm going to cry. It's almost 2 years and I still cry about her every day. Even if we can't afford Disney, I want to go somewhere, anywhere.

What you said in your post about a horrible year and really needing some happiness is why we are going down to WDW in November. After losing my son this past July, I became a virtual shut in not wanting to go or do anything, Thanksgiving , Christmas etc came and went, every time I thought about my son I cried and still do actually only thing is now I have come to the realization that my son would not wish me to be crying all the time, I know it is going to be hard I have so many memories of us all going as a family but they are good memories and I know he will be their with us in spirit this time when we go , one of my last conversations with my son was about going down to WDW at Christmas so I am truely hopeing some of the decorations will be up when we go in November this year

 

[kymom99]

We visit WDW every other year or so and one of the best vacations ever was when we took my mom and dad with us in 1999- he even wore a Goofy hat while mom had Minnie ears and my 3 year old son had their sole attention the entire trip...fast forward to 2007, my dad passed in March from lung cancer then immediately my FIL became ill and needed a heart transplant..we spent MONTHS traveling back and forth from cincinnati to help care for him at Cleveland Clinic while he waited for his transplant...he received his transplant on Thanksgiving 2007 and sadly past away just 7 days later....2007 was a HORRIBLE year for us...my kids were in a tail spin of grief losing their grandpas within months of each other....holidays were a blur of grief- 2008 I swore would be different and it was- we spent Easter in a cabin in the mountains in Gatlinburg, TN and then left on Thanksgiving 2008 for a wonder week at WDW, enjoying all the Christmas offerings! We enjoyed it so much that we spent actual Christmas 2009 at WDW and it was truly amazing! I caught myself welling up with tears at points in the trip, wishing my dad could see his grand kids as they enjoyed certain things....then I remembered, he was seeing them, just from Heaven! We love the holidays at WDW and are going back this Thanksgiving with my husband's sister and her husband- since his mom and dad are already passed, we are celebrating the holidays together with all the family he has....

Glad to hear Dw was able to bring you some comfort in your loss. Losing a parent is so hard, can't imagine losing 2 that close together.

 

[kymom99]

First of all, to everyone who posted on here relating their stories about lost loved ones.

Second, I'd like to say I like this thread, seeing everyone come together for once to comfort each other instead of flaming or criticizing someone for their opinion.

We lost my Dad to lung cancer in 2007. He was diagnosed in July and gone by September. Our family has always had kind of a "sick" sense of humor and my Dad was usually always the instigator. At family gatherings, we'd always say how we'd go to DW after he passed with the money. (I know it sounds cruel or weird, but you have to understand our humor and Dad always got a great kick out of that. It was almost like Rodney Dangerfield, I get no respect! LOL) Anyway, my DH and I had a trip planned to Key West for our anniversary in October of that year. After he passed, my mother told us to keep our plans and go. Dad would have wanted us to go. My mother and father in law were nice enough to come and stay in our house to take care of the dog and my mother. As other posters have said, after months of taking care of him, watching him become a shell of what he once was, plus the anxiety of never knowing when the phone was going to ring in the wee hours of the morning can become very exhausting. He was always active and in good shape for his age and having him be in and out of the hospital and seeing him like this was not an experience I want to remember. Once he passed, it was almost like a huge weight had been taken off of everyone's shoulders, we knew he wouldn't have wanted to have lived that way and we knew he was in a better place. Even though he was always on my mind, we had a nice relaxing vacation. Like another poster said, it was nice to escape reality for a few days.

When my DH and I took our first trip to DW since my Dad's death, I had all these great memories from my first trip with my parents in 1978 when I was 9. I will always especially remember riding Mr. Toad's Wild Ride with him and how he loved the ride and laughed as much as I did. That's why that's one ride I will always miss and wish they would bring back!

and to the OP in whatever decision you make.

My grandmother died at the age of 92 when I was 18. I can still remember my dad saying that he felt relieved because she lived next door to us and he went over every morning to check on her. He found her several times on the floor, having fallen down during the night. She wouldn't leave her home for anything. Afeter watching my own father fight to live in the hospital for 6 weeks, I understand now what he meant. It is heartbreaking to watch our parents decline. I know my wonderful father is in a better place and he lived a full life. We need to live our lives to the fullest as well. How soon after a loss we each decide to start living again is up to each individually.

 

[zippitydoo]

My dad died in Oct 03 we went 2 months later in Dec. For me it was hard One of the days of my trip was my dad's birthday. I remember crying a few times

 

[vwlfan]

As for me, I had scheduled a DW trip well in advance of my mother's illness. When she became ill I said to myself that I will cancel the trip if she is still with us before we were scheduled to go. She passed about two weeks before our date. We were torn about going but ultimately decided to go in the hopes that we could shake off some of the sorrow we felt. I can't say that it worked altogether, but it did help distract us a bit. Maybe the best part was that my brother in law and his wife met us there and since they had not been able to pay their respects at the services it was very comforting to have them with us.

 

[kaybird]

Everyone has different "touchstones" as a family. Ours is Disney. My Parents were married almost 20 years before I came along. Disneyland was built the same year. My wonderful father made sure we went to see "that park Mr. Disney built" when I was 2. When I was married, we moved 8 miles from DL, and went to WDW on our honeymoon. We shared several trips with my folks, and many more as a couple and with Children. When my wonderful Father passed away at 98, there was nothing more natural than to go to WDW. There were still some tears, but mostly relaxing, and many, many happy memories.