Disney after the death of a loved one

[Ember]

Wow. What I said was "everyone grieves differently," and "see where your heart leads you." I was sharing my thoughts and experience, not criticizing anyone else.

My heartfelt thanks to those who understood my message as it was intended -- only meant well.

Bleeps, I know what you meant. As I said, I read your message through my own strained and fragile emotional viewpoint. When you lose someone suddenly your world crashes and thinking of anything, let alone a vacation, seems impossible. I did initially read it as, "You must not love your mother. You go tell her you love her and quit hoping for her to die so you can go on vacation." In part, can you see why I could think that? Your advice in my situation is unnecessary and made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

But then I thought about your situation and how I would feel. How I would want everyone to not take their moments with loved ones for granted because one of the people I loved most was ripped away. And how even thinking of being happy again would seem impossible. And then I understood. You have your own very emotional viewpoint right now and you need and deserve just as much compassion and understanding as I do.

I am so sorry you lost your mum. Sudden or drawn out, so-called prepared or not, it's one of the most painful experiences in the world. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't know how I'm going to be me without the guiding light of my mother. In some ways our experience is very, very different. Yet in others it's exactly the same. If you ever want a stranger to talk to, because sometimes it helps, please pm me.

 

[lucyem]

My DH and I had reservations for Disney in April 1996. In early January 1996 my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given maybe 3 months to live. We were going to cancel the reservation but my father absolutely insisted we keep it. My father physically went downhill but was awake and up and around until the day I left. Coincidentally the day I left my sister and her mom (my father's ex-wife) had to go home for a weekend. My aunt never left his side and had been the real caretaker. Anyway as soon as we all left my father slipped into a coma and passed away within 12 hours. This is typical of someone who waits until they are alone to die and I swear he had my trip in mind for the right time to go. He did not want me there when that happened. When I arrived in Florida I got the phone call. I was not surprised and felt very badly for the poor hotel manager who had been given the news to tell me. It was a very surreal vacation. I had never been to WDW before. Just a day trip to Disneyland with my father 7 years prior. I do not regret going to WDW. It was nice to have the escape. The prior 3 months had been absolute h***.

Everyone grieves differently. If you need time to get away and you feel it will be good for you then by all means go.

 

[goofy4tink]

My mom, very suddenly, passed away in Oct '03. My dh, dd and I had been at WDW just a month or so before, and bought DVC with thoughts in mind of sharing it with my mom. She died before we could tell her about our purchase.
She had been the one to instigate my dd's first trip, as well as mine, to WDW back in '99 when my dd turned 6. She said she only wanted to be there when 'her Kate' first saw the Castle. It didn't much matter that she had had a lumpectomy for breast cancer two weeks before we were due to leave. She 'pulled up her big girl panties', so to speak, got the okay from her doctors and off we went. It was a wondeful girls only trip. So...we obviously looked forward to more trips with her, and at Boardwalk Villas...which she would have loved. But, sadly that was not to be. Like I said, she died very suddenly, it was completely unexpected. That was in early Oct.

After about a month or so, my dh just said..."Take Kate, and go to WDW for a bit...you both need to get away from here." My dd was just 10 at the time and had been extremely close to her 'Meme'. So, I booked ASMusic for 5 nights and off we went. It was a really different kind of trip. We laughed a lot, but cried even more. All we could do was think about all the things we had done when we were there with Meme. But, it was cathartic....we still grieved but we did feel better when we got home. It didn't make the sadness go away, but it made it easier to deal with.

I still think of my mom when I'm at certain places in WDW. There's a bench by Splash Mt. where she sat for close to 3 hrs. waiting for my dd and I to get off Splash (didn't know any better and went there on a Sat around 2pm!!!). There is a spot by the waterfull that goes up, in Epcot that my mom loved to sit and relax. To this day...after more than 30 stays at WDW, I still think of her when I'm there...and I'm happy.

WDW serves many purposes....if going to WDW is going to make it easier for you to deal with a death of a loved one, then that's what you do. I know there are going to be those who feel it's in 'bad taste' or just plain stupid. But, what do you care??? Go and deal with what you need to deal with.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

What a beautiful and loving post, I had tears in my eyes reading about you releasing the balloon , my son will be with us on this trip as his wish was to be cremated,and I wear a locket with some of his ashes and knowing he will be with us on this trip is what finally brought me out of my deep depression I was in for the past six months.....I hope you don't mind but I am going to take your idea of releasing a balloon up to my son from his favorite place Walt Disney World

Go ahead use it. I don't remember who gave me the idea, but it made me feel a little better. I used one of the silver balloons that has Mickey on one side and Minnie on the other, they were moms favorite characters (in fact they put Mickey's face on her headstone).

P.S. I still tear up everytime I remember that night. That is one of the events I do remember.

Suzanne

 

[ScrapperBelle]

Our oldest son passed away in Dec. of 07. It was an accident, so it was a sudden, tragic event. At the time, we had a trip planned for Feb. of 08, but I called and cancelled because we just did not think we could make a trip that soon after.

A few months went by and DH approached me about taking a trip to WDW. Our son loved it there and I think that we both felt like at home we were just keeping busy, spinning our wheels, and trying to stay busy, busy, busy so we could divert our attention to other things.

We decided to take the trip and took our youngest son, DD, DSIL, and our DGD. On the 1st night, we went to the P&P party at the MK. I stood in the middle of main street, looking toward the castle watching the fireworks and cried my eyes out. It was a cry that I had needed and for some reason, only at WDW could I let go and do it.

I know there are people out there who would think this is crazy, but that trip was helpful to our entire family. Of course there were lots of sad moments, but there were so many happy times we had there with our son, and those memories came rushing back.

Lots of people back home (even some family members) thought we were crazy and selfish and talked about us for going, but it was the right thing for our family.

I wish you the best.

 

[bouncy54]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. As to whether or not to take a Disney vacation...that really is a decision that only you can make, but if you don't mind, I can share with you something very similar that happened in my life a few years ago.

In October of 2007, my only brother passed away. We were very close. We were just 3 weeks away from going on a vacation to Disneyland and the following is part of what I wrote here on the DIS boards right after his Memorial. I can truthfully say that of all the trips we have taken to Disneyland, this was my favorite one.

"Friday is the day that it finally sunk in. I faced the truth that I would never see, nor speak, to my brother again until my time on this Earth is done. That is always the hardest part of losing someone for me.

I am now going through the process of letting him go...replacing his physical presence with memories. This is why I always tell my children to not worry so much about material things...to concentrate instead on building memories because one day, that is all that you're going to have left to carry with you through this life.

Sometimes they get angry with me when I say this to them because they're so busy building their young lives, but they have not lost a mother, a father, a brother or a sister yet...they don't understand.

So...now it's time to get on with the business of living. Just 2 short weeks from now I will be in DL. I am looking forward to seeing the face of my 5yo grandson as he is introduced to the magic of Walt & Mickey's home.

I am so glad that we had this trip planned. I need to experience that sense of freedom as I Soar Over California...to feel the wind blowing in my face as I travel on Thunder Mountain. I can't wait to inhale the aromas of popcorn and homemade candy throughout the park. I want to imprint upon my heart the wonderful sounds of the Mark Twain and the clippety-clop of the horse-drawn vehicles on Main Street.

This trip is especially important to me...I feel the need to build more memories with my loved ones. Not all my special memories are built around DL, but many of the best ones are.

And yes, dear brother, you are going with me this time. I will carry you in my heart."

 

[Britgirlus]

We went to Disney last May - the first trip there for me, dh and ds5. At the time, my dad was very sick - we knew he was terminal, and knew he didn't have much time left. He lived in England, but I spoke to him on the phone every week. We talked about the upcoming trip, and he said over and over and over that whatever happened, we were still to go. I called him the day before we left, he told me to have fun, and to not worry about him. The day after we arrived, the phone rang at 7am - my sister, telling me that my dad had passed away. She and my mum reiterated what my dad had said - that we were to stay and have fun - they arranged the funeral for the following week, so we would be able to stay the whole week, then have time to get home and fly to England. Did it make for a very strange, surreal week ? Yes - but, somehow, I think being there helped me grieve. It feels very strange saying that we had fun, but we did - my dad would not have been happy if we had spent the week being miserable on his behalf

 

[maiapapaya]

That was lovely bouncy54. I'm so sorry to hear of the losses of so many other posters here. But it's comforting to know that we are all able to grieve and move on and enjoy our memories of our loved ones.

 

[suebedo]

In August 08 I found out I was pregnant w/ my second after trying for 1&1/2 yrs. In November I was 19 weeks pregnant when I went for a regular appt and they could not detect a heartbeat. I went for an ultrasound and we found out the baby had died. I had to have a D&C because they could not induce me because of a previous C-section (it was too risky for uterine rupture). It was the absolute worst thing I had ever gone through and I hope to never endure that pain again.
Immediately after that, I heard about the 4/3 deal at Disney and starting planning a trip for Feb 09. I obsessed over the planning for that trip for 2 months. I made T shirts, booked and changed and re-booked dining. I swear I poured all of my energy into planning that trip. I think it really helped me get through the loss of our baby. I cried many times during our trip but mostly because I was so thankful for the trip and my family.


So, I guess what I am trying to say is that a Magical trip to Disney can realy help to heal after a loss. I am so glad we did it. The planning and the actual trip really got me through some dark times. Thanks Walt!

 

[charming23]

My Dad passed away after a long illness in June of 09 and my mom and I went to Disney in September of 09. It was exactly what we needed to relax and let go of everything that we had been though while he was sick. My dad had always wanted to take us to Disney for sometime. He had never been (he had to stay home and work when we went back in 91 when I was 6) and wanted to experience it with me and my mom. So when we got the life insurance money (after we paid off the bills) we decided to go to Disney in honor of him. There was not a moment that went by that we were not thinking of him and how in a way he did get us back there. Of course we wished he would have been there.

OP you have to do what feels good to you. If a Disney trip is it then go and don't care what people say (everyone was happy that we were going).

 

[bleeps]

Bleeps, I know what you meant.

And then I understood. You have your own very emotional viewpoint right now and you need and deserve just as much compassion and understanding as I do.

I'm relieved you understand -- I never intended your original interpretation of my message but indeed can see it through your eyes as well. I never meant it to seem that I thought you weren't doing all those things, just knowing that we don't get a second chance after the fact. I do hope all goes well for you and your family.

 

[arielrocks]

we went a few weeks after my Dad had died, the trip was already planned and we considered cancelling but decided to go ahead.

So glad we did - it was just what we needed - somewhere magical to leave our worries behind for a few hours!

 

[Gabes_mommy]

It's not the same as losing a parent, but I had a miscarriage during my 2nd trimester a few years ago and I just couldn't snap out of the depression it caused me. DH surprised me with a trip to WDW. It was excatly what I needed. It really is my special place and it helped me to heal and move on.

 

[X_Mickeys_Pal_X]

These posts are making me very teary

 

[LeahA]

In 2008 while we were at Disney, my mom took a turn for the worse. We left our trip early to come home and she passed away. So, last year in 2009 when we went to Disney, I was so nervous the entire week, I thought that something bad would happen to somebody else, and we'd have to go home. We leave again in a month for our annual trip, and I'm very excited. It truly is a very magical place where I'm truly happy. My mom loved to travel, so I know she is with me everytime I go.

Relax and have a good trip!

 

[BamaTigger]

My dad passed away in April of 2007 and we went to WDW for Christmas after he passed. My dad was my best friend, and i couldnt imagine christmas without him, because he was the center of ALL of our holidays and christmas was just going to be cancelled because he was gone. Well, my DH told me to book a trip for christmas at the GF with a theme park view. It was super expensive, but well worth it. It eased the pain so much. The only thing was, christmas eve watching the fireworks at the MK i cried like a baby. I missed my dad so very much. It still hurt, but it was just what i needed to get thru my first christmas without my beloved dad.

 

[LeagueCityMouse]

Like everyone has been saying...everyone's experience is different and you are the only judge as to whether you'd be OK with it or not. On Feb. 7th, my father passed away while we were at Disney. I got the news at the Magic Kingdom...which, turns out not to the the "happiest place on earth" at that time. However, in some ways it was fitting because it was my father's favorite park. Has this experience changed my feeling towards Disney? By no means...in fact, it's even stronger!

 

[Mousedreaming]

My mother passed away in Novemeber 2008. The very first thing I did after coming back from the funeral, was buy a Disney Tour Guide book. We had been planning to go Spring of this year (2010), but decided to move it up and went spring of 2009. Some of it was hard. We used to live not far from DL, and being on Main Street, well, let's just say I'm glad I didn't know anyone around me, except my own family, who understood why I was a living waterfall at that moment. But mostly, it was a really wonderful trip, and a much needed break. The planning was a great diversion--I don't think I've ever been on such a well planned trip. I think it was also wonderful for my kids to see their mother smile again, and be genuinely happy. The problem is--you have to come back. I've been grieving and dealing with it all this year--and guess what? Running away to the mouse again this Spring Break.

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[livie1205]

my dad had a heart attack this past friday, he had bypass surgery 4 yrs ago almost to the day! I thought we were going to loose him for sure this time...I beat the ambulance to the hospital by 10 minutes and I was comming from alot farther.. I slept in a chair for 2 days and today after they put in a stint they let him leave...He had a 99% block that could have killed him at any time!I am a only child and I was so scared...him and my dd4 are best buds and I would NOT have been able to take it.
We are all going on a wdw trip in Dec for christmas and I told him before he went in that he had a trip to make with his grandbaby so he better get better! I do not know how I could handle going on that trip without him...hopefully I wont have to.

 

[Mckymousefn]

My dad passed away last April.. on Palm Sunday of lung cancer. So, we spent last years spring break planning his funeral. This year for spring break, we decided to go to Florida. We will be spending the majority of it at a condo on the beach... but we are going to Disney for 1 day before we leave. In one sense i feel bad not being here with my sister for the 1 year anniversary of my dads passing.... but then i think about how he would not want us sitting around grieving him. This years spring break for my kids will consist of April 3rd being mine & my husbands 17yr. anniversary, April 4th is Easter and April 5th is the 1 year anniversary of his passing. I just want to go away and spend that time with my kids and husband & I know he will be kicking back on the beach with us!!

Do what you feel is right for you and you only!