Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[calie_j]

Ya wanna hear tacky? My friend is having a baby shower, 2nd baby. The 1st time I visited her after the birth I brought a gift. A few weeks later she tells me about this shower and says I don't have to bring a gift since I already got her one. A few weeks after that she asked if I got the invite and tells me she's registered at Target & Walmart so thinking she'd forgot I simply said, I already got you a gift. She half picks up the blanket given to her 2 months ago that she's was putting over the baby in his carseat and says, "Oh This??" like it was some hand me down with stains and rips and not a carefully picked out item with her favorite character on it. NOPE I'm not going to that shower

Calie

 

[Ally0005]

My friends gave me a baby shower for my second child.
Never had one for my first child.
I didn't ask for the shower they wanted to do it.
My kids are 4.5 years apart.

 

[mking624]

My opinion? If it's not your baby, it's not really your right to judge whether or not a person should have another baby shower. Funny how having multiple showers for one child is acceptable, but heaven forbid someone have one shower for their second child. Each child is equally special, I don't understand why it would be wrong for each child to have an equally special event planned for them. Don't like the idea? Simply don't attend. But don't ruin the event by being so bitter about it. If this were my second child and someone had that attitude towards me about it, I certainly would not want them there.

 

[mking624]

This actually reminds me of birthdays too...
Do you grumble and complain every time you're invited to a birthday party...for a child OR adult? (Ugh, ANOTHER birthday?!). Same concept...different event.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I too would say that a second baby shower is NOT tacky at all. Each new baby deserves a celebration! I looked at my baby shower as a time to connect with other women and celebrate my pregnancy and life. We will have a second child someday and the second baby will be YEARS younger than our first daughter. I would hope to receive things at my second baby shower as though I were having my first baby. Since so many years will have passed.
What difference does it make anyway..I mean..to each her own.

 

[Belle5]

Funny how having multiple showers for one child is acceptable, but heaven forbid someone have one shower for their second child.

An excellent point...

 

[Belle5]

This actually reminds me of birthdays too...
Do you grumble and complain every time you're invited to a birthday party...for a child OR adult? (Ugh, ANOTHER birthday?!). Same concept...different event.

Another excellent point. Maybe people should consider whether or not they are capable of financially supporting a child if they have to ask others to that child's birthday party each year... If that's not gift grabbing, I don't know what is...

 

[kimberh]

Ya wanna hear tacky? My friend is having a baby shower, 2nd baby. The 1st time I visited her after the birth I brought a gift. A few weeks later she tells me about this shower and says I don't have to bring a gift since I already got her one. A few weeks after that she asked if I got the invite and tells me she's registered at Target & Walmart so thinking she'd forgot I simply said, I already got you a gift. She half picks up the blanket given to her 2 months ago that she's was putting over the baby in his carseat and says, "Oh This??" like it was some hand me down with stains and rips and not a carefully picked out item with her favorite character on it. NOPE I'm not going to that shower

Calie

Callie, The fact that she was using your gift should tell you that deep down she appreciates it. Now her actions are another thing. Some people are just not raised properly. You were sweet to take her a present when you really weren't obligated to do so. I still don't understand the registering for a baby shower. I 'm for the 2nd baby shower but I don't go buy off of a registery, I think that is for Weddings but maybe that's another topic.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Another excellent point. Maybe people should consider whether or not they are capable of financially supporting a child if they have to ask others to that child's birthday party each year... If that's not gift grabbing, I don't know what is...

I'm sorry but to me, birthdays for CHILDREN are not gift grabbing. You are saying, you have a birthday party to get items for your child you, yourself can't afford. PAHLEESE! Sorry but the comment that people have birthday parties for their children because they are not capable of supporting them financially is one of the most off the wall comments I've ever read on this board.

I have birthday parties for both my kids every year. A couple close friends and family. Between the food, cake, plates napkins and decorations I spend probably twice as much on the party as my kids receive in gifts. As yes, thank you my husband and I are perfectly capable of supporting our children. Gees!

 

[Newfie2000]

If I might add my two cents...

I refuse to declare if a second (or more) shower is appropriate because each situation and pregnancy is unique. I can only state that I would not like to be invited to a shower a second time of someone who has all the essentials and then some. Nor would I even consider going to a shower for someone who I personally knew had sold or eliminated all their old things, knowing they were having a second child sometime in the future. However I definitely would not mind going to a friend or family member's shower whom I knew really needed some support or help, for financial or other reasons. In fact I would be honored and feel both my time and cash were well spent!

But I have to wonder how such a close friend would feel if they had not received an inviatation? They were not asked or expected to throw the shower and if someone else is going to would they find it less tacky to be not invited? Hmmm... I think I would prefer the inviatation no matter what the shower number. I would rather be given the opportunity to make up my own mind!

That being said... I love registry's. I would rather spend my money on a gift I know the person really wants and will use then spend a lot of time trying to decide what I feel the person would like. What really agitates me is when every single item on the registry is a high ticket item. Now I feel forced or coerced into buying a gift which is more than I originally intended to spend. (Please note - this does not apply when there are lots of smaller items on the registry already purchased, then it's my fault for waiting to shop!) When I see a registry like this I tend to purposely shop elsewhere just to avoid feeling obligated to spend more! In my opinion this kind of registry goes beyond TACKY!

 

[DISUNC]

It is so much easier being a man!!!!!!!!!!

 

[cwf1028]

I was forced into a shower at work from my second and I hated it. My DH and I worked at the same company for two different departments. My department wanted to give me a shower and I absolutely insisted that it was not appropriate and they respected my wish and instead chipped in for a spa gift certificate for me. I thought that was wonderful of them. My DH department decided that I (he) needed to be included in a joint shower for us and two other couples having a baby within a few weeks of each other. The other couples were having their first and us our second. I insisted that he get out of it, but you know how guys can be about that kind of thing. It was held in the employee dining room after work and I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable to be showered with gifts just like the first time moms. In addition, it hurt my co workers feelings that I did not allow them to throw me one but would let DH's co workers give one. What a mess...

 

[taterules]

We will have a second child someday and the second baby will be YEARS younger than our first daughter. I would hope to receive things at my second baby shower as though I were having my first baby. Since so many years will have passed.

I don't think baby showers (or any other parties) are all about how good the stuff is that you're getting from people. That's the kind of comment that makes people feel a second shower could be grabby: "Come to my second shower, but you better bring something at least as good as you brought for the first one." IF someone throws you a second baby shower, you could have them put that right on the invitiation.

 

[Belle5]

I'm sorry but to me, birthdays for CHILDREN are not gift grabbing. You are saying, you have a birthday party to get items for your child you, yourself can't afford. PAHLEESE! Sorry but the comment that people have birthday parties for their children because they are not capable of supporting them financially is one of the most off the wall comments I've ever read on this board.

I have birthday parties for both my kids every year. A couple close friends and family. Between the food, cake, plates napkins and decorations I spend probably twice as much on the party as my kids receive in gifts. As yes, thank you my husband and I are perfectly capable of supporting our children. Gees!

Umm...I was JOKING! I was basing what I said on some of the gift grabbing comments made about people having baby showers. Go back and read all the responses and you'll see where this came from...

 

[kimberh]

Another excellent point. Maybe people should consider whether or not they are capable of financially supporting a child if they have to ask others to that child's birthday party each year... If that's not gift grabbing, I don't know what is...

Where did this come from! I have 3 grown children, 2 loved to celebrate their birthdays and 1 to this day does not. I always spent more on the partys than they received. Maybe some don't but I never needed anything that my children received as gifts to raise them it was about celebrating! I now have a son-in-law whose parents never gave him a party and every year on his birthday it's a terrible fight to try to celebrate the day so last year I told my daughter, Don't. For some unknown reason his parents never made a big deal about the day he was born but in our family we make a big deal about this, we believe you are special and the day should be celebrated over a week. I feel for those of you that don't make your children feel special on the one day of the year that is there's.

 

[Snoopygirl]

I just attended a baby shower on Sat. for the girls 3RD child!! I went to the previous 2 also. I don't know.....I sway back and forth on this one. I usually don't go all out on a 2nd and 3rd child as I do for the first. For the first one....the couple really needs everything. By the time the 2nd, 3rd, or however many kids they have come around, they shouldn't need as much. I have also been to 2nd and 3rd showers where they are just "diapers & wipes" parties. Makes it easier.

 

[virgojmk]

I'm under the it depends on the circumstance. My 1st shower was cancelled because I ended up in the hospital(after trying for her for 5 years I was very upset about not having it). So when I was expecting my 2nd one, 4.5 years later we did have one, but only 6 people were invited.
My feeling is, if there has been several years, it's not tacky, but if they were invited to your 1st shower, expect something very small if anything.
I'm not planning anymore (my youngest is 7), but, if I had another one there would only be 2 people who have been to my previous shower (my sister and my SIL, the rest are all new friends/coworkers, and we don't have a lot of female family left).
If it was someone who was having a 3rd baby in 3 years I think I would feel diffently. Although if the baby was a different gender then the other 2, that might change my decision to attend.

 

[Belle5]

Where did this come from! I have 3 grown children, 2 loved to celebrate their birthdays and 1 to this day does not. I always spent more on the partys than they received. Maybe some don't but I never needed anything that my children received as gifts to raise them it was about celebrating! I now have a son-in-law whose parents never gave him a party and every year on his birthday it's a terrible fight to try to celebrate the day so last year I told my daughter, Don't. For some unknown reason his parents never made a big deal about the day he was born but in our family we make a big deal about this, we believe you are special and the day should be celebrated over a week. I feel for those of you that don't make your children feel special on the one day of the year that is there's.

Please go back and read ALL the responses before you jump in and quote me. I am GLAD you celebrate your kids birthdays, as do I. I even have big parties for them. I thought my rolleyes gave it away that I was playing off of some of the comments made previously, but I guess not...

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Umm...I was JOKING! I was basing what I said on some of the gift grabbing comments made about people having baby showers. Go back and read all the responses and you'll see where this came from...

My fault, I apologize!!

 

[beachgrl001]

I had a 2nd shower. My boys are 10yrs apart, So I had given away everything by the time I was expecting my 2nd. My first shower was in a rented hall and my second was in my house. I think if its 5 or more years apart its ok.

just my oppinion...