Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[TinkerbellMama]

But I would be embarrased to have MY friends invited to another shower for my child's second baby. I don't have children of my own, but that's how I would feel. Did I miss something? Is this now okay and my feelings are unjustified?

I don't think your feelings are "unjustified"...they are YOUR feelings, after all! I completely understand that conventional etiquette strictly prohibits a second baby shower, and some people will be shocked, offended, and upset if they are invited to a shower for a 2nd (or 3rd, or 4th...) baby. However, as much as I love tradition and respect civility, I have to think that showers for subsequent babies are thrown more out of love and excitement than greed. Maybe others won't see it that way. I have just one child at present. I will probably have more in the future. I know FOR A FACT that another shower will be thrown for us if/when that blessed event should occur. Perhaps it won't be the gift-giving fiesta the first THREE showers were (yes, we had 3...one in each of three states, since we were planning to travel to visit relatives and some of them have health/financial problems and could not come to us), but there will be a party, nonetheless! I would like to think I could exert SOME influence over the way it's conducted, however. Maybe something fun like a scrapbooking party where everyone brings supplies and/or a pre-made page to add to a nice book for the new baby? I only know that I don't have it in me to deny my family and friends the JOY (yes, they enjoy it!) of planning a celebration for us at a time like that. Personally, I find engagement parties, bridal showers, and then a wedding on top of it to be more overkill than a 2nd baby shower (especially if one knows one is having a child of the opposite sex, or there have been many years passed since the first baby), although THOSE duplicate gift-giving occasions are "kosher". JMO. But no, I don't think the OP's feelings are out of line. Don't go, don't send a gift...do what you feel is appropriate. Personally, I would never just "ignore" the invitation and I'd go happily and take a nice gift, because the entire point of such an event (in my mind) is to share the love, NOT the money. Again, JMO!

 

[MemoryMakers2669]

Well said TinkerbellMama! Your thoughts on the wedding being overkill is so right on. All those events are for showering the couple with all the things they need, to start their lives together. I know when I had my second child 3.5 years after my first, we were in MORE need then than we were with our first. They were born in opposite seasons, so we had NO clothing at all for her. Sure, we had the crib and equipment still, but clothing costs and we got tons of it for her, which was so appreciated. I was about to become a SAHM and missing that very nice salary was going to put a hurting on us. Just can't see what is so wrong with having the second shower myself really, in most circumstances.

I do have a friend though, VERY well off, had four kids in under 5 years and had showers for each, registered for each (as she just couldn't use that same bouncy seat again! )....so I don't think they are always warranted! But, it isn't my place to say and if I feel a mother shouldn't be having another one, I just won't go!

 

[84disney]

If you want to "celebrate" a birth by delivering a gift, dinner, and congrats, that is your choice . Would you begrudge someone who wanted to "celebrate" a different way the chance to get some friends of the mother- to-be and or her family together and have some pot luck dinner or cake and fellowship time? WHY is your way NOT tacky, and any other way defined as tacky? It seems like some of you know everyone's motives are greed and attention getting . I just plain ole dissagree. If someone made the mistake of inviting someone who did not want to come, the invitee can decline...no hard feelings. At least from where I stand! Like I have posted before, people are different, and some are not having these multiple showers for the reasons some of you have seen or believed. That is where the differences are...I think

 

[DVC Sadie]

If you want to "celebrate" a birth by delivering a gift, dinner, and congrats, that is your choice . Would you begrudge someone who wanted to "celebrate" a different way the chance to get some friends of the mother- to-be and or her family together and have some pot luck dinner or cake and fellowship time? WHY is your way NOT tacky, and any other way defined as tacky? It seems like some of you know everyone's motives are greed and attention getting . I just plain ole dissagree. If someone made the mistake of inviting someone who did not want to come, the invitee can decline...no hard feelings. At least from where I stand! Like I have posted before, people are different, and some are not having these multiple showers for the reasons some of you have seen or believed. That is where the differences are...I think

No, I wouldn't begrudge anyone for having a 2nd "Shower" for child #2, 3, etc... but I would still give just a gift and have a meal delivered. Of course the 1st "Shower gift I give is a lot more towards outfitting the nursery where as the other children get different types of gifts. I just don't see how that is so hard for others to comprehend. Just the mention of the word "Shower" indicates a lot more than adorable outfits or diapers. Showers are usually not for the babies per say but to help the parents furnish a nursery. Other items that are not included for nursuries are strollers, car seats etc....


Granted it only happened once so far but I have seen where a "shower" gift was sold on e-bay and they had another shower for their 2nd child to replace everything from the first child. Needless to say not too many people showed up.

 

[Belle5]

Showers are usually not for the babies per say but to help the parents furnish a nursery. Other items that are not included for nursuries are strollers, car seats etc.... Originally posted by DVC Sadie


That must be a regional thing. I have had 6 showers (I forgot one church shower in a previous post) and I have never been given the types of items you are describing. Even on my first-born's showers I recieved nothing like you mentioned. We bought all of our nursery items ourself. That was when we were living in Arizona. My sister gave me an inexpensive stroller for my first-born and that was the only item of that type given. I was given mostly clothing at every shower I have been given. (Baby books, small toys...)

Honestly, I might have some resentment toward showers if they were all of the kind DVC Sadie is mentioning. (Add to that, getting invitations from long-lost friends and relatives.)

 

[Becky2005]

Showers are usually not for the babies per say but to help the parents furnish a nursery. Other items that are not included for nursuries are strollers, car seats etc.... Originally posted by DVC Sadie


That must be a regional thing.

I agree because I had no idea that "shower" meant it was to help furnish the nursery. Apparently no one else in my family knows that either since I have never been at a shower where all they ever got was nursery stuff (i.e. crib, rocker, dresser & possibly a changing table - which is basically all you need). I honestly can't remember being at a shower where *any* of that type of furniture was a gift at all. It's actually the first time I've heard that is what that word implies on an invitation. We always thought of it is "shower them with happiness/good feelings/love/good wishes - whatever feeling you want to add to it".

ALL the showers I have been at have always been mostly the smaller stuff, diapers, wipes, rattles, soaps, shampoo, outfits, baby toys, piggy banks, baby books, blankets, onesies, bibs, bottles, etc... The big things if there are any is possibly a car seat or stroller and those are usually only from the close relatives or a group gift.

It's been an interesting thread. I have come from the school you invite everyone, if you want to or not , so as to not cause any family rifts. If they want to come great, if they don't that's OK too at least you invited them. We have had so many things throughout the years with "this person isn't talking to that person because they weren't invited to some get-together that this other person WAS invited to" - and that's just the aunts & uncles, so my mom has always been the kind of "invite everyone, the more the merrier, if they want to come wonderful, if not then that's OK too". It has saved us from being involved in 99% of the "I'm not talking to you" situations. I would hope, if they didn't want to come they would just say "sorry can't come" and that would be the end of it, no hard feelings on anyone's part but alas, you can't win. Apparently, you are going to offend someone any way you do it, some people by being invited and others by not.

 

[kimberh]

My dear niece had her first child, a girl, no problems different state ,different church ,different friends. Her second baby girl was born at 6 1/2 months lungs undeveloped and she lived few minutes. A few years later they decide to try again, new state, new church, new friends , again the baby girl is born 7 weeks early but she is fine. Thank God! I gave her a shower to celebrate this wonderful life because some of her so- called friends thought it was tacky to celebrate this gift from God and all the trama this couple had been through to have this child. That is when I heard about this second baby shower thing! My neice didn't need their presents she needed their support and she cried and cried. Now mind you 40 plus came but there were the 5 or 6 that showed their self and gossiped and gossiped until the preacher had to get involved. I mean I don't get it people! If you don't want to come then don't come but keep your mouth shut, you are hurting someone! Oh and the one that did all the talking well she became pregnant and it was her second child and all of a sudden it was ok to have a shower. Isn't that amazing.

 

[bettyann29]

I never knew that having a shower for a 2nd or 3rd child was looked down upon.. Hmm.. learn something new every day..

 

[jessica52877]

I think "showers" of different types are great as mentioned in a previous post. But I also wouldn't consider them showers but get togethers, so guess that is where terminology differs. I am refering to the ones who gather to do paint a room, decorate a nursery, go out to dinner, etc. All to celebrate the baby. Not the traditional at a place, play baby games, open gifts, etc. I think the gatherings would be acceptable for each and every baby.

I love seeing how others think!

 

[mookie]

I know this thread is a few days old, but I had to jump in. My SIL, just had her 2nd baby in Jan. We were both pregnant at the same time with our first girls, in fact, we were due 3 weeks apart. So, our first showers were held together. Then, she got pregnant again, and so did I, except this time, we were 6 months apart. Her mom gave her another shower!!! Keep in mind that he first daughter was 2 and a half, and she was having another girl!!!! She complained about how she still had tags on some of the clothes that she had from the first pregnancy, but yet, worked with her mom to figure out a date for her shower (so, it's not like she didn't know about the 2nd one and couldn't protest - she actually helped pick the date!!!). What did she get at her shower? More clothes!!!

I am currently due in a few weeks, this time with a boy, and I have made it VERY clear, that a 2nd shower is NOT necessary. Our first pregnancy, we bought everything NEUTRAL because we knew that we would be having more kids, and honestly, I don't want more stuff in my house! The only thing I really need to buy are clothes. The way I see it, if anyone wants to buy me something to celebrate the birth of our son, let them buy it the day he is born, on their own accord. But don't make people feel like they should give a gift by having an actual shower.

FWIW, DSIL is complaining again how she has too much stuff for this new baby!!!

 

[jeankeri]

Very interesting thread! I also vetoed a second shower when I was expecting my second child. My DH let me in on the fact that my inlaws (mom & sisters)were trying to plan the shower and I didn't understand it. I had never heard of such a thing, but for his family/ circle of friends, it was traditional. It all depends on where you are from. My close friends/ family members gave us clothes, toys etc.. on the birth of DS #2, but no shower was had.

 

[ginna74]

I never thought it was unexceptable? It is all preference I guess. But I def think no one should be judged for having one. If ya don't want to go then don't lol, but there is nothing wrong with having a second shower.

 

[ZachnElli]

If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14! I don't know how many other baby showers she had, but I'm sure she had a few! I debated because we were neighbors, I didn't want to ruffle any feathers in the neighborhood, I have to live there y'know? I did think it was tacky and unnecessary, I mean #14! But there was cheesecake!

 

[babiesX2]

If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14! I don't know how many other baby showers she had, but I'm sure she had a few! I debated because we were neighbors, I didn't want to ruffle any feathers in the neighborhood, I have to live there y'know? I did think it was tacky and unnecessary, I mean #14! But there was cheesecake!

Wowsers! 14! How do you make 14 when you already have 13 to interfere?

 

[84disney]

I would love to attend someone's 14th baby shower . God Bless 'Em !!

 

[DMRick]

If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14!

Woah...I'm betting everything was plain old wornout (including Mom!) and she really needed the lift of new stuff. I hope people gave gift certificates for blocks of time to help..I'm thinking that would be a really good gift. 14...{shudder} better her than me LOL!

 

[DVC Sadie]

If you think 2nd and 3rd baby showers are tacky, then hold on to your seats! I was invited AND attended (after alot of debate!) my neighbors 14th baby shower last July!! Yes, for baby # 14! I don't know how many other baby showers she had, but I'm sure she had a few! I debated because we were neighbors, I didn't want to ruffle any feathers in the neighborhood, I have to live there y'know? I did think it was tacky and unnecessary, I mean #14! But there was cheesecake!

She should have invited me because I would have gladly gone with a huge gift. Anyone who has the stamina, determination and fortitude of having 14 kids is truly deserving of everything IMO. Now thats a women who must love having baby showers.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Baby showers are starting to be more common in the UK. We don't do them at all in my family but I really can't see it as being tacky if friends want to do one for you for a second or third child. Personally saying I don't want one because its tacky seems a bit rude to your friends. As for my sister I had a large box and I brought baby stuff, so much that she didn't need to buy ANY baby maintanence (sudacreme, baby bath and the like) stuff for 2 years and she had triplets.

 

[ZachnElli]

Woah...I'm betting everything was plain old wornout (including Mom!) and she really needed the lift of new stuff. I hope people gave gift certificates for blocks of time to help..I'm thinking that would be a really good gift. 14...{shudder} better her than me LOL!

Nope, you are betting wrong! They weren't hurting for money or new things. 14 kids, yes, but only 9 at home (9, lol!). The oldest is married, a couple more out of college and 2 more in college. No need to give blocks of time, she has built in babysitters too! (as for the rest: 2 in high school, 2 in middle school, 3 in elem., a preschooler and the baby)

 

[84disney]

To the poster who was invited....you should have NOT gone! You sound soooo bitter!!!! I'm sure the neighbors would not have been upset if you had not gone, but I'm sure they would have some sad feelings to hear how you feel. The people who gave the shower, I'm sure, were feeling like this would be a nice get way to get together and wish this family some blessings. If you did NOT want to go, or did NOT feel that way, you were under NO obligation !!! And, if people wanted to come and celebrate and did not want to bring a gift, that's fine, too. I just don't think people are as grabby as others do .