Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[DVC Sadie]

Of course each child should be cherished, pampered and treated special when born. I was just raised that the first shower was to completely help furnish the needs of having the baby. Every 1st shower I have attended completely furnished a nursery. Including cribs, rocking chairs, deluxe strollers, furniture styled changing tables basically everything new parents would need all from A to Z. So when I see "some" parents register for the same gifts again it makes me wonder why they would need all new furniture and stuff for the new baby. We always send gifts for each new baby but it is things for that baby and not new furniture etc...

 

[Chicago526]

My gut reaction was "heck no" you shouldn't have a second shower, but I guess there are circumstances where it actually would be a good idea and a nice thing to do for the mother. For instance:

Many years since the birth of their last child, since the parents most likely got ride of all the baby stuff.

First child was a single birth, next birth will be twins (or triplets! this happend to my SIL's sister-in-law, 2nd pregnancy she had triplets!).

Parent's are in tough financial situation (job layoff, high medical bills, whatever).

Anyway, I guess it just depends on the situation. But if it's just a run of the mill pregnancy without any unique circumstances, I think it's kind of tacky. I'd either opt not to attend and send a nice "congrats" card, or I'd go to enjoy the party (they are kind of fun) and just give a card with a $25 gift cert (fare exchange for cake and an afternoon's entertainment).

 

[DianeV]

To the poster waaay back who insinuated how "sad" it is that my 2nd daughter knows she didnt have a shower because she was a 2nd baby...what is sad is your insinuating that my daughter has not been made to feel special. She didnt need a bunch of women giving me more gifts to make her feel special. She already is

A "celebration" is different then having a shower and knowing people will feel obligated to bring a gift

 

[The Disney Bunch]

It is not the norm where I live. Showers are for 1st babies. I have seen second showers if there are extenuating circumstances, such as a multiple birth the second time or there is a large amount of time between babies (my mom had anoterh shower for my youngest brother -there was 16 years between children.

I think having a second shower is tacky, especially when the older child is only two years old. It is a blatant request for baby items.

Now, I do send gifts for additional babies but I think a shower is to celebrate an event in the mother's life, not the baby's life.

 

[Becky2005]

I was just raised that the first shower was to completely help furnish the needs of having the baby. Every 1st shower I have attended completely furnished a nursery. Including cribs, rocking chairs, deluxe strollers, furniture styled changing tables basically everything new parents would need all from A to Z.

I guess that maybe why the difference in opinions on "only the 1st" or every baby. The only *big* thing I got with my first shower was my car seat (which I am still using 12 years later - even though I don't think you are supposed to use car seats that long anymore.), baby swing and diaper pail. That was it. I had to go get my own rocking chair, stroller, dresser, etc... My mom did buy us our crib. However, everything else at the shower was diapers, wipes, outfits, lotions, etc... which when baby #2 was born, I still needed diapers, wipes, etc...

I have yet to be at any baby shower where many major items are supplied. It's always the onesies, blankets, rattles, cute little things but usually only 1 or 2 big items - I don't think I've ever seen furniture given. Usually a stroller & car seat are the only 2 big items I have ever seen.

I guess that's why I never think of having a shower for the 2nd, 3rd, 15th child is any big deal. My favorite thing to give is diapers in NOT the newborn size and wipes. My kids were always hefty when they were born - my 3rd was over 9 pounds when he was born so didn't even wear the newborn diapers.

Maybe it's a regional thing or probably just what is typical in a family.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Those saying gaps are okay. I disagree. You either think it is tacky, or it is not.

Etiquette is based on rules of society & culture. And they do change over time. Things that were poor etiquette in the 1600s are not so poor etiquette today. Conversely--things that were not poor etiquette have now become so.

I wonder if religion plays a part in it at all. (just a pondering thought).

My definition of a shower is any gathering large or small to celebrate the birth of a baby.

Oh--and there are those who think it should be ladies only, children allowed/no children allowed, or co-ed.

Society changes.

 

[canwegosoon]

2nd Baby Shower-Totally tacky (IMO-and I'm not a Southerner)
A Welcome Home BabyXYZ(coffee tea and cake)-Not a shower and no presents expected - only inviting closest friends and family members(noone further than 1hour away)-fine
A Blessing(or Baptismal/Christening)Celebration-Of Course

Some people will send a small gift(outfit or check) when they get a baby announcement. More than this should not be done-there is really no need. All babies are special-but showers are to help the mother prepare for her child bearing years(not one child)

 

[CinRell]

Wow.. I never heard it was tacky to have more than one... I always thought it was just fine to have a baby shower for ANY new baby! No matter how far apart they are in age. The shower is to celebrate a new baby and for new things for the baby.

My cousin has a baby boy who's 2. She's having a little girl in July. I totally expect her to have a shower. If she didn't I'd be shocked!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I may have to throw my own shower for any future kids--just to be "tacky". Dude--I didn't know I was to expect gifts. I've been doing it all wrong!






ETA: But can I wear white?

 

[hiwaygal]

ETA: But can I wear white?

Between the third and fourth hour of the second moon phase AFTER the first day of Spring...but only until 6pm...and only for 2 hours.

And never for a second wedding...

Gotta love all these RULES!

 

[Waseller77]

I disagree with the OP. I am pregnant for the second time and my mother-in-law asked if she could throw me a shower. My initial reaction was no - we didn't really need anything other than boys clothes since we already have a girl. Then I went out and bought him a baby book. In most of the baby books I read, there is a section for "My Baby Shower". How sad for my son to look at his baby book and see that empty section when his sisters was filled with names and pictures, etc. And only because he is child number 2. So I changed my mind and told my mother-in-law that I would LOVE a get-together of close friends and family to "celebrate" the new child that is about to enter our lives...

 

[DVC Sadie]

ETA: But can I wear white?[/QUOTE]

I went to the third wedding of very good friends when the bride walked down the aisle in white yet again. My friend who was the mother of the bride said,"It is getting ridiculous, isn't it?" I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I did not say anything. Her daughter has had 3 weddings in 12 years and all of the fanfare each and every time. This last wedding we gave a beautiful gift basket but I have to admit the cost of each gift for those weddings have gone down considerably. There comes a time when enough is enough.

 

[Samar]

I don't think it's tacky at all. Then again, I had a boy and then a girl. I never had a shower with DS just for DD. However, I've always looked at showers as gifts for the baby in place of a see-the-baby-and-bring-a-gift thing. I personally found the meet-n-greets after DD was born exhausting and it annoyed me that DH expected me to play hostess the weekend I got home from the hospital.

 

[ceecee]

I totally agree with the original poster. Being a southerner it just isn't done and is considered tacky.

I totally argee and I'm not a southerner! I think maybe if there's a big time span between babies (10 years or so) other than that I think it's like asking for gifts. Which your good friends would probably get you anyway with or without a shower.
A friend of mine had 3 showers for her first baby and she was so embarassed by the amount of things she got. She is set for the next 10 kids! She had a family only shower (50 people-large family) a work shower (surprise with 20 people) and her friend shower with about 25 people.

 

[LdyFaile]

I haven't read all the posts on this just thought I'd chime in on my two cents. I'm in my early 30s so I think I fit in with the 'younger' generation.

I think baby showers after the first born are not acceptable except perhaps in extreme situations.

A good friend of mine just had her second baby. About two weeks before he was born we had a 'shower' for the mom. It wasn't a baby shower it was a night out with the girls. It was expressly stated 'no gifts'. Some people did give her stuff for the baby anyway, handmade stuff generally. Myself, I gave her gifts for her to enjoy after the baby was born (ie a gift card to buy herself a bottle of wine since I don't drink wine and know nothing about it).

Anyway...

 

[kpm76]

Second showers are unheard of in my family and circle of friends. I have never been invited to one. I admit to feeling that baby showers in general are a bit on the tacky side. Of course, I go to them and have a good time and ooh and aah over the cute baby things but I have always thought that once a couple decides to have a child they make that decision based on a number of factors including financial stability, so why the need to ask for lots of baby things? Some have described showers in their area as small gatherings with coffee and cake and really just a celebration of a new child. However, around here, baby showers are as big and elaborate as wedding showers. I am not whole-heartedly opposed to them and I realize that under certain circumstances they are really helpful to the new mom and dad and child.

As a side note, my family is enormous (mom is the oldest of 11, dad is the oldest of 8 and I am the oldest of 4). I have over 40 first cousins (so far) so if we had second showers, we'd be going in a million directions every weekend. I have already had to curtail the attendance at birthday parties because DH and I never get a second to ourselves...lol.

 

[georgina]

Wow.. I never heard it was tacky to have more than one... I always thought it was just fine to have a baby shower for ANY new baby! No matter how far apart they are in age. The shower is to celebrate a new baby and for new things for the baby.

I never knew either! There must be a lot of us tacky people around who weren't raised by the proper etiquette rules (can't say it bothers me though.)

 

[TnTWalter]

it's the opposit sex after 2-3 of the same sex so they have nothing gender neutral or gender specific or if it's been many years since a child. Otherwise, I bring baby, siblings and mom gifts after the baby is born[if I'm close] with a nice meal; or just send baby a gift if I'm not that close or live too far.

For example, I am going to a baby shower for a friend who is having her 3rd child, but her first baby. She adopted 2 children when they were toddlers. So, that's an interesting situation, she has no baby things. And she's a good friend so it will be fun.

I have 3 kids and had 3 showers for my FIRST child, other kiddos received plenty of gifts and attention after they arrived which was fine by me. ;o)

Did you all read about the couple that was getting free products, money, gfits, etc. for the sextuplets? Of course, they didn't even have 1 kid!

Trish

 

[WeluvDisney2]

The baby shower will probably not be as elaborate as the one for the first child was, but I think it is nice to welcome every baby with a shower. It is not the child's fault that they were not the first born. Of course there will not be a need to purchase any big ticket items since those should be passed down from the first child. However, onesies and bibs get stained, pacifyers etc. get worn out, and you know how many diapers and wipes you go through with a new baby! Any of those type of things I think would be really welcomed for a 2nd, 3rd etc. baby. I plan to give my sister-in-law a small cookout/babyshower this summer for her 5th child!

 

[Belle5]

After reading some of these responses I am wondering if many of those who are opposed to "showers after the first born" have a different idea of a shower from those who think it's fine. Where I was born and raised, wedding showers, baby showers, heck...even graduations are such a HUGE deal and expense. People rent halls, sometimes hire bands and buy over-the-top gifts and invite everyone they have ever met.

Do you ever meet a small group of ladies for lunch or at Starbucks? Would you ever bring a close friend a baby gift if there were no shower? The showers I am talking about are the kind of event where you would just combine these to things. A "shower" can be a few close friends meeting for lunch and bringing the gift they would have given anyway.

Now, if we are talking about the kind of shower with the hall, band and invitation list that includes everyone you ever met--then I would not be in favor of doing that repeatedly. My 2 cents...