Did I miss something? It's now acceptable to have a baby shower for the second baby?

[3DisneyNUTS]

Every baby is reason to celebrate. My husbands side does not believe in second baby showers but my side does. It isn't about the gifts, it is about celebrating the new life that is about to come into the world. IMO every child is reason to celebrate.

 

[mom2riceboys]

I had two showers and my children are five years apart. The first shower was quite large with friends, family, co-workers. The second shower was only close family members. Our family has showers for second babies that is family only. We are a very close family (aunts, cousins see each other often). We would buy gifts anyway, so we just plan a party around it. We celebrate birthdays together too, so this is just another excuse for everyone to get together! If I receive an invitation to a shower and don't want to purchase a gift, I don't. I always send a card after the baby is born though.

 

[hsmamato2]

I agree I only have one child but at my work we give showers to girls with their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th babies. Each child is new and special and deserve new things to. My son is now 7 and if I were to have another one I have absolutely nothing so I would have to purchase everything myself.

I do not think anyone is obligated to attend the shower, however, those who wish to can.

i agree! having multiple showers isn't tacky at all! In my life, all the people I've known, my Mom's friends, there were many babies,and many great showers to celebrate these births- No one was "stuff grabbing" anyone who went to a shower went b/c they wanted to be there- and to share in the joy of EACH new child! I myself have 2 boys, and each new gift was special and well appreciated- things wear out, or needs change- but begrudging a baby celebration? I find that to be very strange- sorry,just my opinion,FWIW

 

[momamy]

I enjoy going to showers. i dont mind seconds! I love seeing all the new baby things and all the baby talk!

i grew up in nj with the second and + babies you had a meet that baby party when the baby was old enough!

Amy

 

[4greatboys]

The sentiment is nice, but the baby doesn't have anything to do with it. For the first several months all a baby "needs" is food, a clean diaper, and somewhere safe to sleep. The baby doesn't care about the froofy wrapping paper, the cute outfits, or the Eddie Bauer limited edition baby food organizer.

I was pretty sure we all understood the baby wouldnt be happy or upset by gifts recd. You can give a special outfit or baby book, something small and yet personal to that baby alone. Thats the point I was trying to make.

We had a baby shower last year for my best friend that had her fourth child child. No they arent all close in age but aside from that and for many reasons it was the right thing to do. We had 3 people who wanted to give the shower and many more who wanted to attend.

I just dont understand the malice towards people who have more than shower. If you dont want to go then dont go but a lot of people enjoy it. I know I did.

So should the bride not wear white on her wedding day?--if we're going to get all persnickety here.

You very right. This is a long standing "rule" yet one broken quie often.

 

[pigget74]

I have had three showers--hence 3 kids. My first was a church only shower when my DS was born. My second was my bunko group and my mom. Fastforward 8 years--after we have given everything away literally. Bought land in December to build house. Found out I was pregnant in January--finished giving all baby books and toys away back in September. We had absolutley nothing!! Did we ask for a shower--no. I was having a very hard time with pregnancy--at about 5 or 6 months I finally came around and was truely excited. My sister-n-law had a shower for me--people from church and family. My hall at school also gave me a diaper and wipe shower/lunch after little man was born--because we missed 3 weeks of school with Katrina. Now I did register--because I was told to. I had so many people aksing that they finally said please register somewhere. The shower was a blessing--we were not expecting it at all. Especially with Katrina--we actually gave a lot of diapers away to local shelters when none of the stores were open. Joshua was born 2 weeks after Katrina--Friends that had heard that we gave our diapers away to the shelters came to the hospital with diapers for us. Did we expect this NO!! We did what we thought was right. Little man is now 7 mths and we still have not had to buy diapers or wipes. That has been a huge blessing.

So are second showers wrong-----I guess only if you are forced to throw one--it is a time of celebrating an exciting moment.

 

[babiesX2]

This is how I thought all baby showers were?


So my question for all who think it is tacky--what if mom had nothing to do with it? People just wanted to do something nice?

I had 4 different groups insisting that they give me a shower. Like I said in my PP, I politely declined. I let them know Dh and I were not comfortable with the idea.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

my kids are 5 years apart and we did not have alot let as we were not planning on more kids
we did not have another shower, i agree i think it tacky if you just had a bby within the past 2 years
if the baby is the same sex you should have alot left and not need as much

we went out bought everything all over and my parents got us a few things as well

 

[kuusimo]

My sons are 21 months apart, and I had 2 showers for the first child (one with just family when they were all in town at the beginning of my pregnancy, and the second with the other side of family and friends at the end). For DS #2 I did not have a shower, but was given gifts for him. I felt the same way that I had everything. My MIL asked what I needed and I said baby wash. She got me 6 bottles of baby wash and I did not need to buy more until DS # 2 was 18 months!

The best shower I heard of though was a friend of mine had twins after having a boy and girl. Everyone was asked to bring diapers. She did not need diapers for almost 6 months. Which was good because she was so busy with everything else to worry about diapers.

I guess I still don't understand why providing the mother with essentials like diapers, wipes, or other basic necessities is such a horrible thing. You use those with every child. I also get a small gift for those that have a new child and don't have a shower. I believe too that every child should be celebrated. It is nothing big, but it is something.

If you don't agree with the shower or situation, I agree with the other posters that you should at least RSVP and let them know you are not coming and leave it at that.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I had 4 different groups insisting that they give me a shower. Like I said in my PP, I politely declined. I let them know Dh and I were not comfortable with the idea.

Didn't work for me. I politely refused several times. And it was politely insisted that I allow them to do something for me (baby shower from first pregnany didn't go so well and she wanted to do this for me so i could have a POSITIVE experience).



I'm sure Emily Post has something to say about parties being thrown in ones honor, no? Being gracious about it?

 

[graciepooh]

I think this is a to each their own situation. I am from the south and did not have the second shower. I too had great friends who wanted to throw the second one but it exceeded my comfort area. (My kids are 5yrs apart) My SIL who is also from the south did have a second one and it was quite nice as well.

I also was previously married and had the big wedding. It was a great wedding and a bad marriage. When my Dh and I wed it was his first and my last Like the second baby shower I just would not have been comfortable with another shower with the same guests as the first time. However, he wanted one from his side of the family and that is who was invited. Only people from his side and my mom and sister. It was small and i met his Aunt who became my favorite relative on his side. We had our small wedding at Disney with only parents and siblings. Sixteen years and two babies later I am still happy with my decisions just as my SIL is with hers. I have been to second showers for people I love and I have sent gifts when a second child is being born and a shower is not being thrown. I have also not responded to invitations from people that I feel are gift hunting. I guess I just do what feels right for me.

 

[ZuZugal]

It totally depends on the situation.

As one poster mentioned, you will purchase a baby gift anyway, so why not give the gift at the shower? My answer to that is......I like to go pay a visit AFTER the baby is born, and who likes walking in empty handed when you are going to visit a friend with a new baby??? If you've already given a gift at the shower, you hate to be without a gift when you visit. My only answer to this is.....bring a meal for the friend. At that point the "baby stuff" isn't nearly as interesting as a home cooked meal!!

 

[alabamagirl]

My mother in law threw me a shower when DH and I got married, I ended up with a bunch of stuff I don't use and can't take back. I didn't want the shower, and I don't want one when I get pregnant. Most of the time (at least in our community) people don't even look at where you are registered and they get you what they like. I know it is the thought that counts, but just think of the wasted money when you know you will never use it.

If anyone asks me what I need/want for my child when I get pregnant, I will say DIAPERS, LOTS AND LOTS OF DIAPERS!!

 

[kfeuer]

I am on the fence, on this one. I'd say that it really depends. If I am really, really close to the people, I love to celebrate the baby-to-be with them. But if it is a less close relationship, then it sort of feels like a gift-begging thing.

I just look at it as celebrating a new baby's coming. In my mind, they each can have a party. But the registering for gifts, inviting EVERYONE, favors and games, etc do seem over the top I guess.

I agree with the above. My boys are just over 2 years apart, so although someone offered to give me a second shower I politely declined. We just didn't need much. I really treasure the few gifts we did get from visitors, though. They stand out in my memory more because we just got so much with our first son.

I think it all depends on the circumstances...in my own circumstance, I'd have felt tacky having another shower. However, if there's a big gap between babies or it's a different sex from the first one I don't see anything wrong with having another small shower if that's what the mom wants. I don't give big gifts at second showers, though--usually just an outfit or diapers.

 

[sandraB]

I don't think second showers are tacky, but being invited to a first shower of a distant family member , you never see, and hardly know, yet feel obligated to go to .....is tacky!! (been invited to few of these!)

I think that second, or third showers are more the norm than not now....I didnt' get a second shower, and I felt a little sad......like it wasn't an exciting enough event to warant a party!! Like many have said, you usually provide a gift for a second baby, so what the problem with a party, to celebrate it? THere is no obligation to gift again, after the shower gift.


The birth of a new baby, no matter when , should be celebrated, it is a new life, and new family.


I am surprised at how judgemental this board can be!!!

Sandi

 

[cats mom]

I've always understood the general rule to be one baby shower.
But rules are made to be broken - right?

I don't mind a 2nd, 3rd, etc. shower if it's for a close friend or family member. I'd be buying a gift anyway, so might as well get together to celebrate.

The ones that get me are when I hardly know the person.
I just got invites to a bridal shower/wedding for a gal from church.
I've never even met or spoken to the girl getting married and have had minimal contact with the mother & father of the bride (I know who they are and say hello if we pass in the hall - that's it)
Those are the ones that bother me. I assume they just go down the church roster and invite everyone. Maybe it's done to avoid hurt feelings & they don't want to exclude anyone, but it almost seems like more of a gift grab.

 

[tinkarooni]

I am sure the OP is surprised at all of the excitement this post has caused. So many people with different opinions.
I think people have touched on the facts. If you are close to the family you are probably going to buy a gift regardless of which baby it is 1, 3 or 12 and may enjoy attending a shower.
However if you are let's say third cousins and see this person at weddings and funerals and get a second or (GASP) third baby shower invitation it does seem a bit like gift grabbing. I received one once (second baby) I didn't even know she was pregnant and I had already sent a gift (out of state) for this first child. TACKY!

I feel the same way with weddings. I'm sure everyone's situation is different. I had a friend whose husband of 8 years was killed in a plane crash. 2 years later she was marrying "the man of her dreams", her words not mine. She asked me to throw her a wedding shower and I politely declined giving an excuse. I was uncomfortable with it. I did however attend the shower she eventually had and brought a gift. I would have bought a gift anyway, after all she was my friend, and I had a nice lunch.

It's just never black and white is it?

 

[pezpam]

In our circles, baby showers are about celebrating the baby, not about providing all of the baby basics, so having a second or even a third (or more) shower isn't a big deal. Baby showers are along the lines of a birthday party - we have some laughs, usually a nice lunch (often potluck) and a cake, and bring a small gift. While I think it would be tacky to expect to be provided with a new crib and such a year after one got the first one, having a small party where friends give you things like picture frames or baby books isn't any more of a "grab for stuff" than a casual birthday party would be.

IMHO, a *large* part of whether a second shower is tacky is in the expectations. Celebration? Fine. "Give me an expensive new crib when the other one is still in great shape"? Not so fine.

 

[gris gris]

I'm pregnant with #2 (DD is almost 4) and this time around it's a BOY! I am not having a shower but to be honest, I really could use some boy clothes. I don't need anything else for baby gear. I also see the celebration part of it - we're all into trying to be fair to all our children - so why did DD get a big party with new clothes but soon to be DS doesn't get one? Anyhow I expect after he's born people will come with gifts and hope it will be clothes! DS is going to sleep use DD's crib stuff - just don't tell the little boy, he's sleeping with a flower & butterfly patterned quilt However, I can't see dressing him in all of our girly clothes!

 

[malibuconlee]

I agree it's tacky. DH's older sister three years ago threw a shower for the younger sister and wanted me to help. It was for a second boy in less than three years.

I don't see a problem with it if there has been a large gap (my cousin had a boy, then had a girl close to 10 years later and they had a shower then.) But it's not like they needed to furnish a baby's room or anything.

I did buy a small gift, but didn't go all out like I had for the first one.

I told my SIL that I thought showers were for first babies, and she told me they don't do it that way there.

GRRR.