Declining a invite, how to you do it?

[Vijoge]

BTW, what grown up acts like that? #smh

Quite a few, apparently.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Since there are others you would actually enjoy catching up with, I'd reply to the email stating you're sorry she's upset. You would have loved to have come to the luncheon, if you had known sooner. Unfortunately, it's impossible now, due to prior plans made that can't be changed. If you decide you don't care, if you get a chance to catch up with the other ladies, I wouldn't worry about it. Unfortunately, if you're rude or completely ignore her, you can bet you will be a topic of discussion at the luncheon. All the ladies may write you off at that point.

 

[RC Fan]

That being said, for me personally, I used to say yes to everything if I wasn't already occupied. Even with a group of women that most of whom, I could really care less to see ever again. I'd just go and be all yay, aren't we having such fun. But deep down, was just ill that I'd not said what I wanted and that was no thanks I can't come.
It took a long time for me to realize my time is mine. And i'll spend it with those that I enjoy being with. And if the "group" is a mixed bag, I'm happy to spend time with the ones I like separately. Doesn't mean I'm mean and nasty. It just means I've learned I don't have to put on a face and be around people I really do not want in my space. And politely declining is how I handle it.
Now- if I get blow back, i'll try to be kind again, and let it go. If it were to persist, then I'd say this person is looking for more sincerity, and they may get it.
You owe no one anything. You were already polite. Email, and then go enjoy your already made plans.

I agree completely! Also, when I politely decline, then the other person responds with a guilt trip/manipulation, our conversation is over.

 

[wilkeliza]

You were polite. You have plans. At the most, I'd spend the 30 seconds and send it to her in writing so there's no misunderstanding. "Sorry, as I said I have previous plans. Have a great time and hopefully I can make the next event."

BTW, what grown up acts like that? #smh

Yes some grown ups do. Worse is the sob story some will say when saying no about how dare you even put them in the position to have to decline

 

[low-key]

I just hide from that person the rest of my life

 

[Vijoge]

I know a woman, in her mid 30's, who invited a bunch of people to a function. When they didn't show up she blasted them on facebook, including lots of name calling and expletives.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Since there are others you would actually enjoy catching up with, I'd reply to the email stating you're sorry she's upset. You would have loved to have come to the luncheon, if you had known sooner. Unfortunately, it's impossible now, due to prior plans made that can't be changed. If you decide you don't care, if you get a chance to catch up with the other ladies, I wouldn't worry about it. Unfortunately, if you're rude or completely ignore her, you can bet you will be a topic of discussion at the luncheon. All the ladies may write you off at that point.

OMG, you just made me like her "friends" even less now lol

 

[LovesTimone]

OP here

Some of the women I went to high school with, some college friends, adding in friends of friends, sisters, sister in laws of some of the ladies. It's really a mixed bag but knowing most of the women over 25 years. We all pretty much stay in touch.... not BBF stay in touch, some more than others, I get a lot of hey how you doing... can you help me plan my Disney trip, or we might share recipes, some are my retail therapy partners or someone might have had a passing of a loved one and we all jump in and do what we can, or someone might be seriously ill then we figure out what we can do to help, whether it be making meals, driving, shopping for them, cleaning...whatever needs to be done.... you get the picture.

I decided to decline via the email(again) It went something like this, While my intention was not to hurt your feelings or dismiss all your effort. If I did I am truly sorry. I simply have another commitment. I appreciate all the effort you put into this gathering, but I am not going to be able to attend. I know everyone will have a great time. Hopefully I can be at the next get together.

Thanks for all the advice and hugs to you all...

Pixie dust all around....

 

[tarheelmjfan]

OMG, you just made me like her "friends" even less now lol

Obviously, I don't know her friends. It just sounds like the host could be the type to make it sound like the OP just doesn't want to bothered with any of them anymore. She feels rejected, so she wants everyone else to feel like they've been rejected too. Unfortunately, some people have no problem lying in an attempt to get friends to pick sides. Obviously, this is all conjecture on my part based on a few people I've had the misfortune of encountering in life. I have no idea what type of person the host is. I just think it's safer for the OP to try to keep the peace, since she wants to continue spending time with at least some of the ladies. I see she decided to attempt to do that.

 

[Nancyg56]

I haven't engaged in that kind of drama since I was 16. My reaction would be radio silence and I wouldn't waste another second dealing with this person.

This would be my reaction as well

OMG, you just made me like her "friends" even less now lol

Yup.

I keep my distance from people like this. I saw that you replied via email and hope that works out well for you. I only give people one shot yo get snappy with me. The second time I get treated nastily is the last time. I mice on.

 

[Sweetpancake]

After a response like that, I think I would be questioning if I wanted to hang out with these people in the future. That said, it sounds like this woman is perhaps not very stable? I have family members who react the same way and I know it's difficult to know how to handle it. I guess you just have to stick to your guns and do what you feel is right. If you already made plans there's nothing wrong with this.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

OP here

Some of the women I went to high school with, some college friends, adding in friends of friends, sisters, sister in laws of some of the ladies. It's really a mixed bag but knowing most of the women over 25 years. We all pretty much stay in touch.... not BBF stay in touch, some more than others, I get a lot of hey how you doing... can you help me plan my Disney trip, or we might share recipes, some are my retail therapy partners or someone might have had a passing of a loved one and we all jump in and do what we can, or someone might be seriously ill then we figure out what we can do to help, whether it be making meals, driving, shopping for them, cleaning...whatever needs to be done.... you get the picture.

I decided to decline via the email(again) It went something like this, While my intention was not to hurt your feelings or dismiss all your effort. If I did I am truly sorry. I simply have another commitment. I appreciate all the effort you put into this gathering, but I am not going to be able to attend. I know everyone will have a great time. Hopefully I can be at the next get together.

Thanks for all the advice and hugs to you all...

Pixie dust all around....

You took the high road. That was a nice response.

 

[Aliceacc]

You declined. Politely. That's it. You're done.

I wouldn't send a follow up email, or apologize again.

What your friend doesn't seem to understand is the difference between an invitation and a summons.

You mention that she's someone you want nothing to do with. So keep on declining invitations until she gets the hint.