Declining a invite, how to you do it?

[LovesTimone]

I have been invited to a luncheon with some of the girls I went to school with, and I am unable to go. So I personally called the person doing the inviting and simply said this. Thanks so much for inviting me, I would love to attend, But unfortunately I have other commitments that day. End of story... She got kinda nasty and was like what could possible be more important that seeing old friends, and how I never want to hang out with certain old friends and that I was being thoughtless of all the work she put in. I have other plans that I made several weeks ago and I am not changing them for her. I will say she is right there are several ladies that I want nothing to do with, she sorta being one of them... I can only take her in very small dose's and one on one. I was taught if you can't say something nice... don't say anything at all. She sent me a email saying how much I hurt her feelings and how I never want to do anything with her, and on and on... as of right now I am not going to respond. Honestly if I did not have any plans I would more than likely go as there are quite a few girls that I would love to see and catch up with.

 

[Disneylover99]

I have been invited to a luncheon with some of the girls I went to school with, and I am unable to go. So I personally called the person doing the inviting and simply said this. Thanks so much for inviting me, I would love to attend, But unfortunately I have other commitments that day. End of story... She got kinda nasty and was like what could possible be more important that seeing old friends, and how I never want to hang out with certain old friends and that I was being thoughtless of all the work she put in. I have other plans that I made several weeks ago and I am not changing them for her. I will say she is right there are several ladies that I want nothing to do with, she sorta being one of them... I can only take her in very small dose's and one on one. I was taught if you can't say something nice... don't say anything at all. She sent me a email saying how much I hurt her feelings and how I never want to do anything with her, and on and on... as of right now I am not going to respond. Honestly if I did not have any plans I would more than likely go as there are quite a few girls that I would love to see and catch up with.

I would send an email and say basically what you said over the phone.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I'd once again say you are very sorry that you can't attend but you had made other plans and you can't get out of it.

 

[anniemae]

I wouldn't worry about it You politely declined. If you feel the need to email her back, just say what you already told her, "So sorry Mary, I wish I could attend but I can't. Have fun!" Take the high road. Everything else is on her.

 

[Hikergirl]

I wouldn't bother emailing back a person like that. You told her the truth and were polite about it, nothing more to say.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I suppose the grown-up thing would be to ignore her, but I'm not feeling very grown-up today, and I would probably e-mail back something like:

Dear ____,
I'm sorry you feel like I'm lying about (insert date). I really do have other plans that were made before you invited me, and I don't feel right canceling them - just like I wouldn't cancel on you if you had asked first. (I'm not the "friend" in all those movies who dumps plans with the first person because someone more popular comes along, and I thought you actually liked that about me.) I really do hope you all have fun, and will be looking forward to the next get-together, if you haven't totally given up on me.

 

[Branflakes]

You already said thanks but...
I'd follow up with an email as has been suggested. This way, no one is "over interpreting" your decline.

That being said, for me personally, I used to say yes to everything if I wasn't already occupied. Even with a group of women that most of whom, I could really care less to see ever again. I'd just go and be all yay, aren't we having such fun. But deep down, was just ill that I'd not said what I wanted and that was no thanks I can't come.
It took a long time for me to realize my time is mine. And i'll spend it with those that I enjoy being with. And if the "group" is a mixed bag, I'm happy to spend time with the ones I like separately. Doesn't mean I'm mean and nasty. It just means I've learned I don't have to put on a face and be around people I really do not want in my space. And politely declining is how I handle it.
Now- if I get blow back, i'll try to be kind again, and let it go. If it were to persist, then I'd say this person is looking for more sincerity, and they may get it.
You owe no one anything. You were already polite. Email, and then go enjoy your already made plans.

 

[Branflakes]

I suppose the grown-up thing would be to ignore her, but I'm not feeling very grown-up today, and I would probably e-mail back something like:

Dear ____,
I'm sorry you feel like I'm lying about (insert date). I really do have other plans that were made before you invited me, and I don't feel right canceling them - just like I wouldn't cancel on you if you had asked first. (I'm not the "friend" in all those movies who dumps plans with the first person because someone more popular comes along, and I thought you actually liked that about me.) I really do hope you all have fun, and will be looking forward to the next get-together, if you haven't totally given up on me.

Me either! I woke up a little "saucy" as my husband put it! Hahahahahaha

 

[Vijoge]

I have been invited to a luncheon with some of the girls I went to school with, and I am unable to go.

How long ago did you go to school with these women? I'm only asking because there is a woman I went to high school with 50 years ago who plans stuff like this and then gets all bent out of shape when people decline. I have to laugh, because we weren't friends in high school, or after, and she act like I was her BFF and I'm really letting her down. I barely knew her.

 

[anniemae]

I wouldn't bother emailing back a person like that. You told her the truth and were polite about it, nothing more to say.

I agree, don't engage with her, it seem she is looking for a fight. If you do email her, keep it simple. "Would love to see you but I am busy that day. Hopefully next time!"

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I want to know, too, HOW long ago did you go to school with these people??!

Why would you still engage with women who are still acting like 14 year olds, half of whom you don't even like?! Tell her no thank you, and catch up with the ones you DO like, alone.

There is NO WAY I would let anyone make me feel bad about declining an invite. My MIL tried it all the time until she realized guilt trips don't work on me. Now she invites and leaves it at that. If I don't feel guilty saying no to family, I sure as heck won't feel bad saying no to some witchy girl from high school!

I'd email her back and tell her to grow up and its time to leave middle school drama to the 7th graders.

Geesh.

 

[Hikergirl]

I agree, don't engage with her, it seem she is looking for a fight. If you do email her, keep it simple. "Would love to see you but I am busy that day. Hopefully next time!"

If I was feeling a little feisty I would reply
"oh its really too bad you decided to make plans without checking with all of us first. Maybe if you had you could have found a date that would work for everyone. Hopefully next time you'll do that so you don't pick a date some of us already have plans for".

 

[dish rag]

I would do just as you did over the phone. Like you I would have been shocked to get a reply like that back and over email. I would do exactly the same and not reply. She sounds very rude.

 

[mom2rtk]

Life's too short. Don't waste any more brain cells on this.

 

[Micca]

Life's too short. Don't waste any more brain cells on this.

In the immortal words of someone I clearly can't identify: "Yo, ain't nobody got time for that."

 

[mummabear]

I hate dealing with people like this and usually can't help myself from telling it like it is.
At the very least I would respond to tell her what I had already told her over the phone, and probably a little dig about how rude her email was.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I haven't engaged in that kind of drama since I was 16. My reaction would be radio silence and I wouldn't waste another second dealing with this person.

 

[wilkeliza]

When ever I need to decline I just saying I'm so sorry I can't come because of a prior engagement. If someone makes it more than that and can't let it go then it may be someone who doesn't stick around too long.

 

[amberpi]

You were polite. You have plans. At the most, I'd spend the 30 seconds and send it to her in writing so there's no misunderstanding. "Sorry, as I said I have previous plans. Have a great time and hopefully I can make the next event."

BTW, what grown up acts like that? #smh

 

[Felicis]

I would ignore (and probably go out of my way to never bothering to see these people again, I have enough people in my life that I don't have enough time to see as it is, who are worth spending time on).

And inside, I would be wanting to send drama llama memes to her.