DD17 thinks she can go out every night!

[MichelleVW]

Maybe that's what you did when you were 17, but that was 30 years ago. Things have changed a bit. I think it's naive to think that they are all just sitting around watching tv, talking, etc. I think there are a lot of good kids/teens out there, but they certainly are not all that way. And there is the whole peer pressure thing.

Oh good lord.....it hasn't changed that much and since my house is pretty much the hang out place for DD and her friends, I can tell you that sitting around talking, watching movies and being stupid is what they are doing.

 

[bluesaturn]

Maybe that's what you did when you were 17, but that was 30 years ago. Things have changed a bit. I think it's naive to think that they are all just sitting around watching tv, talking, etc. I think there are a lot of good kids/teens out there, but they certainly are not all that way. And there is the whole peer pressure thing.

Ha I bet 30 years ago things were worse. 18 was the drinking age, it was the 70s, gas was cheaper so I'm sure more kids were driving and cruising. There were no cell phones for parents to try and keep tabs on you. There were no video games and flat screen TVs and blu ray players to keep kids wanting to stay in the house.

You have to know your kids. If you have good kids, blanket rules that exist just because there are bad kids out there do no good.

 

[MichelleVW]

Things might be worse but there was peer pressure and drugs when I was a teen. I saw people take and shoot up just about anything you can think of. I lost friends in wrecks and one fellow od'd on heroin. It's not new.

Would I want DS exposed to all of that? No but I'm not naive to believe that he will never be around it in spite of my best efforts.

I think things were way worse when I was in high school than what my kids are doing now. There was plenty of sex, drugs and alcohol around my high school 25 years ago. Way more than what I see with my girls and their friends now.

 

[Planogirl]

I think things were way worse when I was in high school than what my kids are doing now. There was plenty of sex, drugs and alcohol around my high school 25 years ago. Way more than what I see with my girls and their friends now.

DS tells me that there is a lot of drinking and pot smoking but he sees little else. I tend to believe him but I imagine that the other items are there too.

I don't know whether it's worse back then or not but I'm always amazed that people don't know all of that was around back then. It was and in great quantities. I do think that kids might be a bit more violent now though.

 

[bluesaturn]

I don't want her to stay home to keep me company, I have my 3 cats to keep me company... But seriously, that's not why I limit her. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want her to keep me company. I DO have a life...I take kickboxing class twice a week and I get up at 4:30am for work so I go to bed early. During her sophmore and junior years, her grades were not good at all. As a matter of fact, there was an F on her report card and numerous Ds. I assumed it was because she was doing too much. So this year I put a limit on it and it seems to be working. Now of course, school activities do not count. And when I say out, I mean hanging out at friends houses, movies, shopping, eating...
Weekends I'm not strict and most weekends shes out of the house for 8-12 hours a day, with the 12am curfew.
(I'm still keeping the 9pm on school nights curfew until she graduates).

Oh yea, if you think I'm strict, I have a co-worker who has 2 girls ages 9 & 10...they aren't allowed to go to sleepovers nor to have sleepovers.

Your whole concern makes a lot more sense when you actually explain the history here. So you are worried that her grades will slip again if she goes out every night?

I would just tell her that's your worry. She's going to say you're crazy, but even though she'll never admit it she will realize that your worry makes some sense. I don't think it would hurt to try giving her free reign over going out (or being allowed out 3 of 5 or 4 of 5 weeknights) on a trial basis. In college she will be able to go out whenever she wants, so she needs to understand her own abilities now. It's better to realize she can't handle going out 4 nights a week while mom is still around than to find out at the end of her first semester.

 

[RadioNate]

I don't want her to stay home to keep me company, I have my 3 cats to keep me company... But seriously, that's not why I limit her. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want her to keep me company. I DO have a life...I take kickboxing class twice a week and I get up at 4:30am for work so I go to bed early. During her sophmore and junior years, her grades were not good at all. As a matter of fact, there was an F on her report card and numerous Ds. I assumed it was because she was doing too much. So this year I put a limit on it and it seems to be working. Now of course, school activities do not count. And when I say out, I mean hanging out at friends houses, movies, shopping, eating...
Weekends I'm not strict and most weekends shes out of the house for 8-12 hours a day, with the 12am curfew.
(I'm still keeping the 9pm on school nights curfew until she graduates).

Oh yea, if you think I'm strict, I have a co-worker who has 2 girls ages 9 & 10...they aren't allowed to go to sleepovers nor to have sleepovers.

Well now you've changed a bit. In the OP you stated that her grades are good. They may be good NOW but they weren't. I think more people would have been supportive if they knew this was a change instituted because of poor grades. IMO that changes things.

I actually don't have a huge issue with the times as long as exceptions are made for school events that go past 9.

Why don't you make YOUR house the hang out house. That is what my mom did. I didn't go out all the time because everyone was always at my house!

 

[MushyMushy]

Maybe that's what you did when you were 17, but that was 30 years ago. Things have changed a bit. I think it's naive to think that they are all just sitting around watching tv, talking, etc. I think there are a lot of good kids/teens out there, but they certainly are not all that way. And there is the whole peer pressure thing.

Oh give me a break! It's NOT that much different at all. If anything, we had better access to booze and drugs because the rules were a whole lot more lax regarding adults purchasing for kids, plus right across the border the drinking age was 19. Also, we didn't have the AIDS fear and didn't have abstinence being drummed into our heads. Do you think we didn't have peer pressure in the 80s? Is that a new thing?

You don't need to tell me that not all kids are that way. I have one of each. The one who would have been out partying every night of the week if I'd let him, and one who's a goody two shoes and wouldn't dream of taking a step out of line. Yes, the oldest had to be monitored more closely and probably had more restrictions than I'll have with my youngest. If she continues on her current path, though, I'll have no problems allowing her a good bit of freedom when she's 17 or a senior in high school. Trust me, I am far from naive. I know exactly what today's kids are doing, and I know better than to paint them with such a broad brush as to think they're all living in a den of iniquity.

 

[MushyMushy]

Well now you've changed a bit. In the OP you stated that her grades are good. They may be good NOW but they weren't. I think more people would have been supportive if they knew this was a change instituted because of poor grades. IMO that changes things.

I actually don't have a huge issue with the times as long as exceptions are made for school events that go past 9.

Why don't you make YOUR house the hang out house. That is what my mom did. I didn't go out all the time because everyone was always at my house!

I agree. The prior grades would have been good info to have.

 

[golfgal]

Maybe that's what you did when you were 17, but that was 30 years ago. Things have changed a bit. I think it's naive to think that they are all just sitting around watching tv, talking, etc. I think there are a lot of good kids/teens out there, but they certainly are not all that way. And there is the whole peer pressure thing.

I is NOT any different today then it was when we were 17. Heck, LEGAL drinking age was 18 back then, we could legally go to bars when we turned 18, which was senior year in high school for us. Not all teens are good but the BUSY ones don't usually have TIME to get into trouble either.

 

[IDoDis]

I don't want her to stay home to keep me company, I have my 3 cats to keep me company... But seriously, that's not why I limit her. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want her to keep me company. I DO have a life...I take kickboxing class twice a week and I get up at 4:30am for work so I go to bed early. During her sophmore and junior years, her grades were not good at all. As a matter of fact, there was an F on her report card and numerous Ds. I assumed it was because she was doing too much. So this year I put a limit on it and it seems to be working. Now of course, school activities do not count. And when I say out, I mean hanging out at friends houses, movies, shopping, eating...
Weekends I'm not strict and most weekends shes out of the house for 8-12 hours a day, with the 12am curfew.
(I'm still keeping the 9pm on school nights curfew until she graduates).

Oh yea, if you think I'm strict, I have a co-worker who has 2 girls ages 9 & 10...they aren't allowed to go to sleepovers nor to have sleepovers.

I'm curious how she landed a scholarship with an F and "numerous" Ds on her report cards in previous years?

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm curious how she landed a scholarship with an F and "numerous" Ds on her report cards in previous years?

good question..

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Once a child demonstrates a certain level of maturity, we should reward that maturity with trust. Rules become guidelines - which are followed only as closely as maturity requires.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I'm curious how she landed a scholarship with an F and "numerous" Ds on her report cards in previous years?

Perhaps they came before High School?

 

[pigletgirl]

!
My oldest is in college and has found that the kids that had tighter rules on them during high school are the ones that seem to freak out in college and go nuts.

NOT TRUE AT ALL!! Of course there is exceptions but the students who had well defined boundaries at home do well in school. Maybe you're thinking of those who keep their kids sheltered go crazy in school, but the ones who are well adjusted who are becoming productive citizens do well.
------
Honestly, maybe for her daughter it works well if she's home at a reasonable hour. Kudos to her that it is paying off and she's getting a scholarship. She knows her daughter and we don't. We can't judge her decision.

 

[bitohoney]

I'm curious how she landed a scholarship with an F and "numerous" Ds on her report cards in previous years?

Her scholarship wasn't based on her school grades, it was based on her MCAS test scores.

MCAS-Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System

Sorry I should have mentioned the prior grades in my 1st post. I wanted some fast opinions at that time.

 

[MichelleVW]

Honestly I don't see a problem with the 9 pm curfew on a school night unless she wants to go to a basketball game or something like that. BUT, I don't think that her "going out" (and I don't really consider 9 pm going out) on a school night should have any effect what so ever when it comes to the weekend. Making her stay home on a weekend just because she "went out" during the week is just ridiculous.

 

[MushyMushy]

NOT TRUE AT ALL!! Of course there is exceptions but the students who had well defined boundaries at home do well in school. Maybe you're thinking of those who keep their kids sheltered go crazy in school, but the ones who are well adjusted who are becoming productive citizens do well.
------
Honestly, maybe for her daughter it works well if she's home at a reasonable hour. Kudos to her that it is paying off and she's getting a scholarship. She knows her daughter and we don't. We can't judge her decision.

Well she kinda asked us to judge her decision and she did get a nice range of opinions.

 

[bluesaturn]

NOT TRUE AT ALL!! Of course there is exceptions but the students who had well defined boundaries at home do well in school. Maybe you're thinking of those who keep their kids sheltered go crazy in school, but the ones who are well adjusted who are becoming productive citizens do well.
------
Honestly, maybe for her daughter it works well if she's home at a reasonable hour. Kudos to her that it is paying off and she's getting a scholarship. She knows her daughter and we don't. We can't judge her decision.

The problem is, a lot of people who keep their kids sheltered THINK they have well defined reasonable boundaries.

I'm not saying the above applies to the OP.

 

[MichelleVW]

Well she kinda asked us to judge her decision and she did get a nice range of opinions.

exactly....she posted on this board and asked for opinions....and she got them.

The problem is, a lot of people who keep their kids sheltered THINK they have well defined reasonable boundaries.

.

yep...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The problem is, a lot of people who keep their kids sheltered THINK they have well defined reasonable boundaries.

I'm not saying the above applies to the OP.

So true.

You know who the friend is who has the "crazy mom".

(not saying this applies to you OP)

You learn how to keep your mouth shut and not say to much so the kid actually gets to leave the house.