DD17 thinks she can go out every night!

[disykat]

The problem is, a lot of people who keep their kids sheltered THINK they have well defined reasonable boundaries.

I'm not saying the above applies to the OP.

And the same applies to parents on the opposite end of the spectrum who give no boundries - they do it because they think they are doing the best thing? Don't we all do what we think is best for our kids?

 

[hambirg]

Looks to me as though you are making assumptions.. Sounds like the 22 yr old is working and in school.. whats wrong with living at home with parent/parents at that age when in school and working??? so do they get kicked out once they graduate so they can figure life out??

and I dont care how old my kiddo is.. if they live under MY roof, they follow MY rules.. regardless of what age they are..

I wouldn't kick them out, but yes by 22 I would expect them not to be living at home. . .I would expect they wouldn't want to. . .especially if they still lived under their parent's "rules" and were be treated like children.

I guess if I had a 22yr old still at home, I would expect them to act like an adult. . .and I would treat them as such. It wouldn't be any different than having a roommate. I would expect courtesy and consideration. . .this is where I'm going to be types of things. . .but I wouldn't impose curfews on my 22yr old. I know lots of people who were married with children by that age. JMHO

 

[disykat]

I wouldn't kick them out, but yes by 22 I would expect them not to be living at home. . .I would expect they wouldn't want to. . .especially if they still lived under their parent's "rules" and were be treated like children.

I guess if I had a 22yr old still at home, I would expect them to act like an adult. . .and I would treat them as such. It wouldn't be any different than having a roommate. I would expect courtesy and consideration. . .this is where I'm going to be types of things. . .but I wouldn't impose curfews on my 22yr old. I know lots of people who were married with children by that age. JMHO

What you seem to be missing is that no one here said they imposed curfews on their 22 yr old. That poster said that she had (in the past) curfews for her kids, and still had one for her 19 yr old. She did not mention having one for the 22 yr old or mention anything other than the fact that he was a student and studied all the time and wasn't out late.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Honestly I don't see a problem with the 9 pm curfew on a school night unless she wants to go to a basketball game or something like that. BUT, I don't think that her "going out" (and I don't really consider 9 pm going out) on a school night should have any effect what so ever when it comes to the weekend. Making her stay home on a weekend just because she "went out" during the week is just ridiculous.

Yea, I consider that odd thinking. I had a friend at one point that had a mom like that.

Oh and I am just now saying goodbye to 19yodd as she takes off for the evening. I do hate that she drives but what can you do.

I had a recent conversation with my 14yodd regarding "going out", esp. Fridays. You NEVER sat home on a Fri night. I don't care what clique you were with. That was open party night and always some party to go to if not several.

My dh and I were talking about how they played "Rock and Roll Weekend" by Sammy Hagar when we were teens. Every Friday at 6pm. If you were a teen back in 70's/80's you were sitting there as a girl, curling your hair, spraying the hairspray, talking on the phone getting your plans together for the evening. And dudes were doing the same at least with the hair, because they wore it long back then.

So we noticed it was almost 6pm and we flipped on the radio and there it was...."Rock and Roll Weekend" still going on after 30+yrs.

 

[bluesaturn]

And the same applies to parents on the opposite end of the spectrum who give no boundries - they do it because they think they are doing the best thing? Don't we all do what we think is best for our kids?

Yeah that's what I was saying.

 

[Hannathy]

What you seem to be missing is that no one here said they imposed curfews on their 22 yr old. That poster said that she had (in the past) curfews for her kids, and still had one for her 19 yr old. She did not mention having one for the 22 yr old or mention anything other than the fact that he was a student and studied all the time and wasn't out late.

I would never impose a curfew on a 19 yr old either. Why?

I also interpreted her post as she did have a curfew for the 22 yr old.

 

[cm8]

depends, where is she going and what is she doing?

Agreed

 

[msjprincess]

I is NOT any different today then it was when we were 17. Heck, LEGAL drinking age was 18 back then, we could legally go to bars when we turned 18, which was senior year in high school for us. Not all teens are good but the BUSY ones don't usually have TIME to get into trouble either.

Exactly. And licenses didn't have pictures on them so it was real easy to use a fake ID. I think I was in 8th grade the first time I hung out in a bar.

 

[Hannathy]

Exactly. And licenses didn't have pictures on them so it was real easy to use a fake ID. I think I was in 8th grade the first time I hung out in a bar.

And there were no seat belt laws and no restrictions on how many kids could ride with someone. We always had about 8 kids in the car and being small I always was on someones lap!

And we didn't even have VCR's so no movies to watch , heck cable was just starting I remember when HBO came out so we didn't stay in we went out to playgrounds, parks , fields. No video games, no computer to talk to people we had to go see people.

I would be more worried if my high school senior didn't have anywhere to go or anything to do and wanted to be home. Just her activities at school should keep her out several nights a week and then throw in there some social things and If she were home 3 nights a week I'd be surprised.

I don't believe in a set time curfew, never had one and never imposed one on my kids. things change some nights they may be home at 9 and some nights 2 depends on what is going on. Just let me know sorta what you are doing and give me a heads up if it is going to be very late like after 1.

 

[Art 1]

Mine had usually 6 hrs of homework each night. There was no way they could be out late goofing around. That's just what it took at that HS.

 

[punkin]

Mine had usually 6 hrs of homework each night. There was no way they could be out late goofing around. That's just what it took at that HS.

This. I did not really have strict rules, but my DD did not go anywhere until her homework was done and with the amount of AP classes she had senior year, going out on school nights was not even an option usually. Of course if she had an easy day and wanted to go out, I would let her (as long as I knew where and with whom she was).

 

[MichelleVW]

Mine had usually 6 hrs of homework each night. There was no way they could be out late goofing around. That's just what it took at that HS.

I'm sorry, but I don't buy 6 hours of homework every night. My girls have been to 3 different high schools, one graduated in the top 10 percent of her class and took honors classes and there was not 6 hours of homework EVERY night. Yes, there were times she had more than others...but if it's taking your kid 6 hours to do homework every day I am thinking they might need some help.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, if she has a history of having bad grades when allowed to go out I can sort of see limiting it on school nights, but not on weekends even then. Personally I tend to encourage my children to be out and social and busy. I think it is a very healthy thing and worry when they want to be home bodies (though I enjoy their company).

I'm sorry, but I don't buy 6 hours of homework every night. My girls have been to 3 different high schools, one graduated in the top 10 percent of her class and took honors classes and there was not 6 hours of homework EVERY night. Yes, there were times she had more than others...but if it's taking your kid 6 hours to do homework every day I am thinking they might need some help.

Some kids work faster than others--but I agree. If it is taking your child 6 hours on a typical night to do homework then you should reevaluate the classes your child takes. That is not normal for an appropriate class load.

 

[MushyMushy]

Mine had usually 6 hrs of homework each night. There was no way they could be out late goofing around. That's just what it took at that HS.

I didn't have 6 hours of homework each night in my undergrad OR graduate classes. In fact, I'm pretty confident in saying that I didn't have six hours per week.

 

[Art 1]

I'm sorry, but I don't buy 6 hours of homework every night. My girls have been to 3 different high schools, one graduated in the top 10 percent of her class and took honors classes and there was not 6 hours of homework EVERY night. Yes, there were times she had more than others...but if it's taking your kid 6 hours to do homework every day I am thinking they might need some help.

That's fine if you don't. She and the girls she went with averaged 30 to 40 hrs per week of homework, projects and papers. I don't know how many books they were required to read each year but it was a good many. Colleges and Universities came to them. They went to a demanding private HS. So none of them needed any help as you say. The top 20% of the class pretty much could get into any school they wanted.

 

[MELSMICE]

I wouldn't kick them out, but yes by 22 I would expect them not to be living at home. . .I would expect they wouldn't want to. . .especially if they still lived under their parent's "rules" and were be treated like children.

I guess if I had a 22yr old still at home, I would expect them to act like an adult. . .and I would treat them as such. It wouldn't be any different than having a roommate. I would expect courtesy and consideration. . .this is where I'm going to be types of things. . .but I wouldn't impose curfews on my 22yr old. I know lots of people who were married with children by that age. JMHO

My DD is 21 & still lives at home. She is a senior in college & not in any position to be out on her own financially. She goes to school full time, works 2 part time jobs & pays a lot of her own bills as far as car & insurance, but she is still not financially independent enough to move out.

I lived home until DH & I bought our first house. We moved in to it Memorial Day weekend, I turned 24 July 4th weekend & we married in October of the same year, so I lived with my parents until I was almost 24. DH was 24 when he moved out & turned 25 right before we married.

None of my DD's friends are out on their own, but they are all college students right now.

My DD's are all legal adults & don't have a curfew, but they respect us by letting us know their plans & getting home at reasonable hours. They also tell us when they get home in the evenings if we are already sleeping.

 

[Wishing on a star]

All I can say is six hours of homework per night...
IMHO, that's not okay/healthy/etc. for any reason...

 

[aprilgail2]

All I can say is six hours of homework per night...
IMHO, that's not okay/healthy/etc. for any reason...

I agree! I was with a group of other parents that went to the school to complain about 2 hours of homework a night being to excessive!!!

I thought the point the poster was trying to make is that if they are out on school nights (on any night, I suppose) there are things they could be doing that might not be beneficial...like drinking, drugs, or whatever. I think that's where he was coming from, IMO.

Sure don't need to be out at night to do that-- we used to smoke a joint at the bus stop on the way to school and out in the school field at lunch time! I think we did more drugs AT school than when not at school!
My friend was a diabetic and we used to use his syringes to inject oranges with vodka and have them for lunch at school!

I think things were way worse when I was in high school than what my kids are doing now. There was plenty of sex, drugs and alcohol around my high school 25 years ago. Way more than what I see with my girls and their friends now.

I agree! Me and my friends were smoking pot by 6th grade and looking at my daughter and her friends they don't even know how to light a match thank goodness nevermind roll a joint! I am happy things are not as bad as when I was in school. In school there was all kinds of drugs going around even in Jr. High...the 6th graders I know are so anti drugs and anti smoking its not funny. My daughter is involved in peer mediation, girl scouts, student council etc....nothing like when I was her age thank god!!!! It is so much better now than when I was a kid!

 

[ols386]

Oh good lord.....it hasn't changed that much and since my house is pretty much the hang out place for DD and her friends, I can tell you that sitting around talking, watching movies and being stupid is what they are doing.

And you know what is going on in all other places? I doubt it.

Oh good lord right back at ya. Yes, things have changed in the last 30 years.

 

[msjprincess]

And you know what is going on in all other places? I doubt it.

Oh good lord right back at ya. Yes, things have changed in the last 30 years.

What has changed? Teenagers were drinking, doing drugs and having sex 30 years ago.