DD17 thinks she can go out every night!

[golfgal]

And there were no seat belt laws and no restrictions on how many kids could ride with someone. We always had about 8 kids in the car and being small I always was on someones lap!

And we didn't even have VCR's so no movies to watch , heck cable was just starting I remember when HBO came out so we didn't stay in we went out to playgrounds, parks , fields. No video games, no computer to talk to people we had to go see people.

I would be more worried if my high school senior didn't have anywhere to go or anything to do and wanted to be home. Just her activities at school should keep her out several nights a week and then throw in there some social things and If she were home 3 nights a week I'd be surprised.

I don't believe in a set time curfew, never had one and never imposed one on my kids. things change some nights they may be home at 9 and some nights 2 depends on what is going on. Just let me know sorta what you are doing and give me a heads up if it is going to be very late like after 1.

I remember driving to the state hockey tournament with 11 people in the car. The only one that didn't have someone on their lap was me because I was driving. It was crazy (stupid). I don't mind the restrictions on numbers of passengers .

 

[ols386]

Oh give me a break! It's NOT that much different at all. If anything, we had better access to booze and drugs because the rules were a whole lot more lax regarding adults purchasing for kids, plus right across the border the drinking age was 19. Also, we didn't have the AIDS fear and didn't have abstinence being drummed into our heads. Do you think we didn't have peer pressure in the 80s? Is that a new thing?

You don't need to tell me that not all kids are that way. I have one of each. The one who would have been out partying every night of the week if I'd let him, and one who's a goody two shoes and wouldn't dream of taking a step out of line. Yes, the oldest had to be monitored more closely and probably had more restrictions than I'll have with my youngest. If she continues on her current path, though, I'll have no problems allowing her a good bit of freedom when she's 17 or a senior in high school. Trust me, I am far from naive. I know exactly what today's kids are doing, and I know better than to paint them with such a broad brush as to think they're all living in a den of iniquity.

Did you miss my post where I said there are a lot of great kids/teens out there. I wasn't lumping them all into one group. Give me a break, right back at ya.

I is NOT any different today then it was when we were 17. Heck, LEGAL drinking age was 18 back then, we could legally go to bars when we turned 18, which was senior year in high school for us. Not all teens are good but the BUSY ones don't usually have TIME to get into trouble either.

Where I lived, the legal drinking age was 21. I do agree that the busy ones usually don't get into trouble.

Mine had usually 6 hrs of homework each night. There was no way they could be out late goofing around. That's just what it took at that HS.

My son frequently had 4-6 hours of homework. School was difficult for him and he worked really hard at it. He pushed himself much harder than we did. My dd was on the track team and during track season she had practice right after school, and then got home around 5:30 or so, had to eat dinner, and finish a couple hours of homework, which would make it around 8pm or so when she finished for the day.

I'm sorry, but I don't buy 6 hours of homework every night. My girls have been to 3 different high schools, one graduated in the top 10 percent of her class and took honors classes and there was not 6 hours of homework EVERY night. Yes, there were times she had more than others...but if it's taking your kid 6 hours to do homework every day I am thinking they might need some help.

Are you calling some of us liars that say our kids did have that much homework many nights?

I didn't have 6 hours of homework each night in my undergrad OR graduate classes. In fact, I'm pretty confident in saying that I didn't have six hours per week.

But you're not everyone else, and neither am I.

 

[kafitty]

so long as she keeps her grades up and is behaving, i don't see why she shouldn't be allowed to go out as she pleases.

honestly, i still am pretty peeved at my parents for making me miss out on so many good times with my friends, for no reason other than for the sake of being "strict" parents. let her make some memories before she goes off to college and everything changes.

 

[Planogirl]

Things have not changed that much - I don't agree. Kids might be a bit more violent but the drugs and drinking and sex were always there.

I didn't have six hours of homework every night and neither does DS. I think that that's a lot more hours than even most college students have.

 

[MushyMushy]

Did you miss my post where I said there are a lot of great kids/teens out there. I wasn't lumping them all into one group. Give me a break, right back at ya.



.

I still want to know what's changed so much in the past 30 years that you would call me naive.

This article is 11 years old, but when I did further searching on drug trends, drug and alcohol use in teens is still a lot less than when I was a kid. http://archives.drugabuse.gov/NIDA_Notes/NNVol14N1/Teentrends.html

There are other articles that date more towards the present, but I thought this one shows a better picture of the data from the late 70s on.

 

[JLTraveling]

Didn't read all the posts, but I think the OP's rules are horribly strict. By the time I was 16, I had a high school diploma from a very prestigious high school and an AA degree. I left school for awhile to let everyone else my age "catch up" a bit, since I didn't see the point of being 18 with a college degree.

I didn't get there by being sheltered either. I was a theater kid, and my dad was also in theater, so he knew most of my friends. By 14, I was spending entire weekends with mixed-gender groups of friends. Before that I was already spending "tech weekend" for each show camped out at the theater--Dad was around if he happened to be in that particular show, if not then he wasn't. That was the norm by the time I was 10, and it was normal for the rest of the theater kids too. So spending non-theater weekends with that same group was just a natural outgrowth. During the school week I had rehearsals, dance classes, sports practices and games...it was a rare night that I was home before 11 or 12. I did my homework wherever I was, whether it was rehearsal or in somebody's car coming or going. Mornings I had to ride an hour with my dad to his office, then a 2-hour bus ride from there, so I had to leave the house before 5 every morning. I still managed to graduate at 14 with a 3.25.

When I was 15 and in college, I lived at home, but my parents treated me like an adult. I came and went as I saw fit, working around the fact that my mom and I shared a car and I still had a learner's permit (needed a licensed driver over 18 with me the whole year and no driving at night for the six months). But I dated, went out with friends till all hours, did whatever I wanted. I graduated community college in one year with a 3.8.

At 16, I moved out on my own. I shared an apartment with friends and held down a job at Universal. It wasn't unusual for me to go in at 6 am to cycle trams (I worked on Kong), work all day and then stay for a special event the same night, getting off work around 2 or 3 am. I also went out almost every night that I wasn't working. On the occasional nights that nothing was going on, I'd get bored and drive down to Universal at midnight or so. I'd sit in the employee cafeteria drinking coffee with the night maintenance people or just wander through the dark park. I just hated sitting around, and I didn't require much sleep.

And I was a good kid. I did drink sometimes, but never to a problem level and I NEVER tried drinking and driving. But mostly I just hung out. I'm a highly social person and I liked having people around. It's so untrue that there's nothing for kids after midnight except getting in trouble. We sat around and talked. We went to movies. We went to all-night diners. We roamed around downtown Orlando (there wasn't a curfew then).

Sigh. I wish more parents would just give their kids the opportunity to screw up before treating them like they already have. I wasn't perfect, nobody is. But I always called to let my parents know what was going on and when to expect me, because I knew I wouldn't get in trouble. A lot of my friends refused to call home, because they hated getting yelled at. My parents gave me a lot of freedom and a lot of respect, and in turn, I did the same.

 

[ols386]

I still want to know what's changed so much in the past 30 years that you would call me naive.

This article is 11 years old, but when I did further searching on drug trends, drug and alcohol use in teens is still a lot less than when I was a kid. http://archives.drugabuse.gov/NIDA_Notes/NNVol14N1/Teentrends.html

There are other articles that date more towards the present, but I thought this one shows a better picture of the data from the late 70s on.

No, not doing that. If I attempt to list what I think has changed, that's an open invitation for anyone and everyone who disagrees with me, to beat-up on me. I've been on the dis boards long enough to know how it goes. But thank you for taking time to post the article.

And I do want to say, that I should not have said you were naive, and for that I apologize. I don't even know you, so I would have no idea if you are or not, and I should not have made that judgment.

 

[msjprincess]

No, not doing that. If I attempt to list what I think has changed, that's an open invitation for anyone and everyone who disagrees with me, to beat-up on me. I've been on the dis boards long enough to know how it goes. But thank you for taking time to post the article.

And I do want to say, that I should not have said you were naive, and for that I apologize. I don't even know you, so I would have no idea if you are or not, and I should not have made that judgment.

Then why keep saying it? People are still disagreeing with you so what's the difference?

 

[ols386]

Then why keep saying it? People are still disagreeing with you so what's the difference?

Your post is very snotty.

 

[Hannathy]

Things have not changed that much - I don't agree. Kids might be a bit more violent but the drugs and drinking and sex were always there.

I didn't have six hours of homework every night and neither does DS. I think that that's a lot more hours than even most college students have.

I have to agree with you about the college students. My Dd has far less homework in college than she did in High school. She always had at least 3 hours and yes many nights she had 6 hours. If you are taking 4 AP courses you are going to have hours of homework because mostly because of the damn busy work highschool teachers give vs the actual work college profs give.

I actually think when I was a teen in the 70's it was a lot harder to resist the drugs and drinking than it is now. Remember that was way before the just say no campaigns and you really were thought of as weird if you didn't drink, smoke and party. There were NO musicians or stars advising you not to do those things like there are now. The only thing we had to worry about was getting pregnant, There was no HIV.

 

[DebD4T]

I guess my biggest issue with going out every night of the week has to do with "family time".

If your child comes home from school and does their homework, then maybe has some extra curricular activity, THEN goes out with their friends, when do you get to spend time together?

I like to see my children in person. Texting or phone calls are not the same.

 

[MichelleVW]

And you know what is going on in all other places? I doubt it.

Oh good lord right back at ya. Yes, things have changed in the last 30 years.

I know...kids have gotten better!

Are you calling some of us liars that say our kids did have that much homework many nights?


.

Nope, not liars, but major exaggerators....

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

All I can say is six hours of homework per night...
IMHO, that's not okay/healthy/etc. for any reason...

My sister in law went to an IB high school freshman year and her homework was in excess of that and often. She wanted straight A's and got them--but it took it's toll. She decided to attend the regular high school the following year.

She spent more time that freshman year than I did in 2 semesters of college just getting the paperwork aspect of homework done. She was regularly up until 1 and 2am in the morning, b/c that is what it took. (IB programs are extremely challenging!)


As for the rest of this enlightening discussion...

OP is the mom, she can set the rules. I don't have an issue with them at all. There is no "need" for a teen to be out every night of the week just b/c their social calendar beckons. There must be time for down time and family time.

I find her times reasonable as well for curfews. There is no need for a minor to be out socially late on a school night, work and school activities excluded. On the weekends, 10pm is pretty decent. I personally would make movie exceptions to allow for movie length and transit. But there otherwise is little to do for a minor on any night of the week so late. When they just want to hang, then have a "sleep"over.

This thread has been a healthy reminder about thinking twice before asking a parenting question on the DIS.

 

[DVCLiz]

My sister in law went to an IB high school freshman year and her homework was in excess of that and often. She wanted straight A's and got them--but it took it's toll. She decided to attend the regular high school the following year.

She spent more time that freshman year than I did in 2 semesters of college just getting the paperwork aspect of homework done. She was regularly up until 1 and 2am in the morning, b/c that is what it took. (IB programs are extremely challenging!)


As for the rest of this enlightening discussion...

OP is the mom, she can set the rules. I don't have an issue with them at all. There is no "need" for a teen to be out every night of the week just b/c their social calendar beckons. There must be time for down time and family time.

I find her times reasonable as well for curfews. There is no need for a minor to be out socially late on a school night, work and school activities excluded. On the weekends, 10pm is pretty decent. I personally would make movie exceptions to allow for movie length and transit. But there otherwise is little to do for a minor on any night of the week so late. When they just want to hang, then have a "sleep"over.

This thread has been a healthy reminder about thinking twice before asking a parenting question on the DIS.

Are you kidding? A 10pm weekend curfew for a senior in high school? Again, not a fifth grader, but a SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Are you kidding? A 10pm weekend curfew for a senior in high school? Again, not a fifth grader, but a SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL?

Thank you for your candor.

 

[Holly]

My senior sometimes has six hours of homework.


Not every night but I'd say 1-2 nights per week.

 

[DVCLiz]

I guess my biggest issue with going out every night of the week has to do with "family time".

If your child comes home from school and does their homework, then maybe has some extra curricular activity, THEN goes out with their friends, when do you get to spend time together?
I like to see my children in person. Texting or phone calls are not the same.

Why do you think I like WDW vacations so much?

Seriously, as kids get older the family time is the first to go. It's just the nature of the beast. You can't keep older teens at home away from their friends and social activities so you can sit around and watch each other. It's not the right thing to do, as much as it feels like it to you because you are used to having a certain family dynamic.

But that dynamic is changing and the time for your older teen to spend with family first is fast going by the wayside. And that's the way it should be, in my opinion.

 

[clarabelle]

I think 10 is reasonable.
Mainly because I want to go to bed. I won't be able to sleep knowing that my teenager is out roaming the streets.
I think the needs of the entire family need to be considered -not just the teenager.
The teenager needs freedom and independence -but also respect for the rest of the family.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think 10 is reasonable.
Mainly because I want to go to bed. I won't be able to sleep knowing that my teenager is out roaming the streets.
I think the needs of the entire family need to be considered -not just the teenager.
The teenager needs freedom and independence -but also respect for the rest of the family.

 

[DVCLiz]

Thank you for your candor.

Do you have actual seniors in high school on which you base that opinion? I just find it incredible that a parent of a real teen would think 10pm was appropriate for a weekend night. They couldn't even go out to dinner and make a movie without missing curfew.

Get real, LLP - that's a middle school curfew, not a realistic curfew for a senior in high school. If you think it is, so be it, but you live in a different world than I do.