DD wants a purity ring

[luvmy3]

I think we should drop this topic and move to the far more interesting

"technical virgin"

and

"born again virgin"

terms. Now that would be a thread!

I know some people that would fill up their entire jewelry box if they got a "born again virgin" ring every time

 

[TheAviator]

I think we should drop this topic and move to the far more interesting

"technical virgin"

and

"born again virgin"

terms. Now that would be a thread!

JUST KIDDING!

 

[mhsjax]

I'm another that agrees the whole purity thing is not good in the sense, like someone said, just because you have sex you are no longer "pure." And 11 is too young to even be going there IMO. I'm not against abstinence at all, not saying that is not necessarily a good thing, and there is a lot to be said for girls waiting for all that until they are just older and more mentally mature. But I don't agree with the whole virginity until you are married thing. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) I just think if a couple doesn't live together until they get married, they are flirting with disaster for after they do start living together.

OMG, If my DD wants to "play house", then she better darn sure get married. I am not talking about the sex part either. Sorry, but Mr Man, doesn't get to live with my DD and get the fun and perks of living together without a ring on her finger. Luckily she feels the same way.

And "full of crap" on the living together before so you aren't flirting with disaster. If was true, then why do so many people get divorced after 10 and 20 ears of marriage. Either it works, and hopefully you make it work, or it doesn't. Sometimes there are circumstances that just won't allow the marriage to work, but living together doesn't erase any of that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think we should drop this topic and move to the far more interesting

"technical virgin"

and

"born again virgin"

terms. Now that would be a thread!

Or "Like a Virgin".....

However I favor my hippie topic more....I don't believe in marriage anymore....

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

And "full of crap" on the living together before so you aren't flirting with disaster. If was true, then why do so many people get divorced after 10 and 20 ears of marriage. Either it works, and hopefully you make it work, or it doesn't. Sometimes there are circumstances that just won't allow the marriage to work, but living together doesn't erase any of that.

I disagree. Living with someone let me see that if I married the guy I would end up miserable or divorced. Same happened to my now DH.

So good for your daughter if she has decided not to live with someone because that is the right decision for her. But it isn't for everyone.

 

[Colleen27]

actually, pruity rings discussion aside... this is a growing trend in general from what I can see. I have 3 neices along with all of thier assorted friends ages 15-19. I am also involved in various soccer and other sports teams etc and therefore are around a lot of youth (boys and girls) from all different walks of life. Many of them were raised "in the church" as we say, and many of them were not. Quite a few of them (from either group) will claim to be virgins simply because to most (not all) teens nowdays, there is a difference between sexual activities vs actual intercorse. so in my experience, this trend of Technical virgins is not necessarly tied to a purity ring. Again, this is just my limited knowledge and exposure. I'm certainly not speaking for the world or anything.

That's nothing new. My mom attended Catholic schools back in the 50s and 60s and "technical virginity" was common even then. Heck, Frank Zappa wrote a song about it in the 70s! I won't quote lyrics because they're not exactly DIS-friendly but the name of the song is, appropriately, Catholic Girls if anyone is interested in finding out for themselves.

During the Clinton administration people blamed the Lewinsky scandal. Now the scapegoat is the "true love waits" movement. But the reality is that teens have been experimenting with alternatives to sex probably as long as there have been teens who wanted to fool around without risk of pregnancy.

Living together before marriage in no way confirms that the marriage will work out. If it works in the living together stage, chances are that it would have worked out if they had started out as married.

True enough, but if it doesn't work out it doesn't take lawyers and a waiting period to end a cohabitation arrangement. Ending a marriage isn't so easy. To me that's the point of living together prior to marriage - not to fix or erase any problems but rather to discover them before the point of no return.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

However I favor my hippie topic more....I don't believe in marriage anymore....

Um, yeah, that'd be a good one, too!

 

[Pigeon]

OMG, If my DD wants to "play house", then she better darn sure get married. I am not talking about the sex part either. Sorry, but Mr Man, doesn't get to live with my DD and get the fun and perks of living together without a ring on her finger. Luckily she feels the same way.

And "full of crap" on the living together before so you aren't flirting with disaster. If was true, then why do so many people get divorced after 10 and 20 ears of marriage. Either it works, and hopefully you make it work, or it doesn't. Sometimes there are circumstances that just won't allow the marriage to work, but living together doesn't erase any of that.

If she's a self-supporting adult, why do you think you get to control this?

 

[momz]

OP here. Sorry for the long delay between posts. have been working the last few days, plus it took a while to read through the thread!

So, my decision, for now is "NO" to the purity ring for my 11 yo DD.

I appreciate all the opinions that have been posted. I am impressed with the respectful way you all have expressed your opinions. For the disboards, that is pretty remarkable.

Also, you have put words to my feelings and helped me decide how I will discuss it with DD on a level that she may understand.

First of all, I agree that sexual activity is a private matter and does not need to be made public. That point will be where I start with her.

I also believe that she is very naive about the factors that go into the decision to engage in sexual activity. I completely expect that she will change her mind at some point (I don't think I will express this opinion to her just yet...but will support her choice of abstinence for the time being). But, I may point out that wearing a purity ring may cause her to be viewed by others as a "goody two-shoes", and that some people will consequently be more critical of her choices if they are of the opinion she thinks she is "above" others. Plus, what happens when she takes the ring off? Will people then believe she has "given it up" (whether she has or not, taking off the ring would make it appear to others as though she has)? This is something that I'm sure she wouldn't want advertised.

By the way, I had no idea this was going to be discussed at the youth meeting! A heads up would have been nice. To my knowledge, DD had never before been presented with the idea of sexual purity. Honestly, the more I think about it, even though the church she visited has a similar view of Christ as the one we worship at, I don't agree with the way they are pressuring kids to "make a commitment" on this issue at age 11.

 

[TheAviator]

OMG, If my DD wants to "play house", then she better darn sure get married. I am not talking about the sex part either. Sorry, but Mr Man, doesn't get to live with my DD and get the fun and perks of living together without a ring on her finger. Luckily she feels the same way.

And "full of crap" on the living together before so you aren't flirting with disaster. If was true, then why do so many people get divorced after 10 and 20 ears of marriage. Either it works, and hopefully you make it work, or it doesn't. Sometimes there are circumstances that just won't allow the marriage to work, but living together doesn't erase any of that.

Is that you mom? Just kidding, I do respect your opinion, but I just think getting married without ever living together increases the risks of a future break up, but that's just me.

 

[TheAviator]

Or "Like a Virgin".....

However I favor my hippie topic more....I don't believe in marriage anymore....

Do you know what the leading cause of divorce is???????? Marriage!

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Do you know what the leading cause of divorce is???????? Marriage!

Lol

 

[mhsjax]

If she's a self-supporting adult, why do you think you get to control this?

Because I raised her that way. She knows that know man is going to get to "play house". If he wants to live with her, then he needs to marry her. Something I believe in and so does she. Just like I think it is STUPID to buy a house when you aren't married, I don't endorse any type of living arrangement where there aren't any legal ramifications. But the basic and at it's root, I see it as a cop out.

FWIW, I have plenty of relatives that have done this. Do I judge them, no, but I don't want it for my DD or my DS's They know this and agree with me.. as others say, It works for our family.

 

[EMom]

I'm another that agrees the whole purity thing is not good in the sense, like someone said, just because you have sex you are no longer "pure." And 11 is too young to even be going there IMO. I'm not against abstinence at all, not saying that is not necessarily a good thing, and there is a lot to be said for girls waiting for all that until they are just older and more mentally mature. But I don't agree with the whole virginity until you are married thing. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) I just think if a couple doesn't live together until they get married, they are flirting with disaster for after they do start living together.

DH and I never lived together and have been married a long time. Virtually none of our close friends lived together before marriage and all of them are still married. In my family, most of the ones who lived together prior to marriage got divorced. The ones who waited to live together until marriage.....only one got divorced. Maybe it has more to do with you attitude toward marriage than whether you live together or not.

I am not a big fan of living together before marriage and hope DD does not want to do that.

 

[disneychrista]

OMG, If my DD wants to "play house", then she better darn sure get married. I am not talking about the sex part either. Sorry, but Mr Man, doesn't get to live with my DD and get the fun and perks of living together without a ring on her finger. Luckily she feels the same way.

You do realize that if she changes her mind on this, you do not have any real say, right?

 

[mhsjax]

You do realize that if she changes her mind on this, you do not have any real say, right?

Thanks, but it is really none of your concern. I posted my opinion and I stand by it, I can almost guarantee my DD will as well.

 

[Crystal Brewer]

Watched this thread since op I'm aware when the thread began it was for "opinion" tho I'm guessing op would like the vulgar took out Yes we ALL know what a purity ieromise ring stands for yet if op felt she was mature beyond age and would be disrespectful to the "idea" soon I imagine they wouldn't ask for opinions-My 2 cents I have 2boys so my "adopted" daughter will be the one receiving I believe they should be mature enough to truly understand the concept therefore less likely to disrespect the idea Not "just a ring" We are very close to a father who purchased 1 for his daughter(16) Valentines I can faithfully say she will keep her promise to both her earthly father and the one she worships!!

 

[aprilgail2]

We are very close to a father who purchased 1 for his daughter(16) Valentines I can faithfully say she will keep her promise to both her earthly father and the one she worships!!

Wow-- that just took creepy to another whole level-- not only did the father give her the ring but for gave it for valentines day- wow, that just makes my skin crawl!!

 

[Crystal Brewer]

Wow-- that just took creepy to another whole level-- not only did the father give her the ring but for gave it for valentines day- wow, that just makes my skin crawl!!

Uhh You do realize this is a ring to promote a promise of staying pure until you marry?? Yes her Father the first man to love her the man that will hand her off to her husband at the alter!! This makes skin crawl WHY??? This isn't an engagement ring?!?

 

[Mamakop]

Wow-- that just took creepy to another whole level-- not only did the father give her the ring but for gave it for valentines day- wow, that just makes my skin crawl!!

I have to agree with this. It's just creepy