DD wants a purity ring

[luvsJack]

But, do they wear a sign afterwards declaring "I WAS BAPTIZED TODAY" and everyday, thereafter?

No. But, they don't usually have to.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

All I'm saying is that your original statement did, in fact, state that you believe that certain rings are purity rings and other rings are not true purity rings. I was saying that that is not your call to make. Now this statement you are saying that you don't feel that way so my original point is moot.

I agree with you anything can be a purity ring

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I agree with you anything can be a purity ring

Except for maybe a Neuva ring




Just kidding! I would never tell anyone that a Neuva ring cannot be used as their purity ring

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Except for maybe a Neuva ring

Just kidding! I would never tell anyone that a Neuva ring cannot be used as their purity ring

Lol

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I detest the idea that virginity is tied up in concepts of "purity." It means once you have sex you are then sullied, dirtied and devalued.

From what I have seen in articles the purity rings are leading to a number of "technical virgins" girls who are willing to perform other sexual activities but not straight forward sex.

You both bring up good - and fair - points.

There is way to much here to sort through to post, but both of them address these issues, and lots more, including the emotional impact to girls.

Adolescent Sexuality in the US: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_sexuality_in_the_United_States

Virginity Pledge: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginity_pledge

 

[Buckalew11]

Except for maybe a Neuva ring




Just kidding! I would never tell anyone that a Neuva ring cannot be used as their purity ring

Too funny! And a good place to end. The OP hasn't even come back, lol, and we're discussing this like a dog chasing its tail!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

One interesting snippet from the Virginity Pledge link, in regards to peer pressure:

The first peer-reviewed study of virginity pledgers (by sociologists Peter Bearman of Columbia and Hannah Brueckner of Yale) found that in the year following their pledge, some virginity pledgers are more likely to delay sex than non-pledgers; when virginity pledgers do have sex, they are less likely to use contraception than non-pledgers.[1] This study found, however, that virginity pledges are only effective in high schools in which about 30% of the students had taken the pledge, meaning that they are not effective as a universal measure. Their analysis was that identity movements work when there is a critical mass of members: too few members, and people don't have each other for social support, and too many members, and people don't feel distinctive for having taken the pledge.

Is it an absolute? No. But it is food for thought.

All of this is food for thought, and I appreciate the discussion.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Yeah, I hope we didn't scare the OP off!

 

[EMHDad]

Wow, one day and we are already on the 11th page. As a pastor and a father I fully support Christian parents and church leaders working together to address the issue of sex with youth. Is 11 too young? It is at the lowest end I admit, but the current youth culture is far more sexualized than even my age group 20 years ago. If my sons wanted a purity ring I would fully support and encourage that.

However, as a pastor I do have a real problem with the 'true love waits' movement. I do fully believe that sex is for marriage only and sex outside of marriage corrupts that intended nature of what it is and is a sin. That said, these 'purity rings' are an attempt to co-opt the nature of a marital ring, the both the marital ring and purity ring symbolize a commitment. However, you cannot equate the two rings, because the level of committment I have to my wife is established as the precursor of the ring, not as the effect of the ring. Purity rings are a short cut to an intended goal (purity before marriage). However, unless there is comprehensive sex education, purity rings often fail. And by comprehensive, I do not mean how to use a condom. I refer to addressing the issues of 'technical virgin', respect for self and others, why it is important to wait (not just because someone says so), oral sex, dating, etc.

The purity ring only works if the decision has been prayfully and thoughtfully made so that the youth can remain strong in the face of temptation. If that has not happened, the ring wont prevent anything.

 

[luvsJack]

luvsJack, I liked your post, too. It was well thought out and written, and addressed all of the issues in the OP and in the rest of the thread.

I think it's probably clear that a ring wouldn't be something I'd favor in my family.

It's clear that demographics play a lot in this, too. (Not surprisingly.)

And the research is eye opening.

What I originally took exception to at the beginning of this thread was the notion of it being a "stupid ring" that could just be tossed aside willy nilly. That just doesn't jibe with how *I* feel about either personal commitments or symbols of reverence. I guess some others feel differently.

I am also really concerned, given the tons of reading I've done about teen girls and sexual behavior today, about girls' emotional well-being (obviously of prime importance to me as it relates to my own daughter). I know you've posted about issues at your daughter's school, and I can't imagine anyone would disagree that bullying related to girls' sexual behavior occurs in adolescence. We've even had some cases in the news where young girls have killed themselves over it. (Phoebe Prince, Felicia Garcia).

I was unable to find any data about the emotional implications to girls who break their commitments to their pledges of "waiting until marriage" as symbolized by a purity ring. Likely it doesn't exist at this point in time. But I would imagine, from the data we do have about girls' emotions as they relate to sexual behavior, that it could be more problematic for a girl from a deeply religious family who reveres her commitment to purity, than just "tossing aside" a Purity ring. Am I wrong about that?

I think you are probably correct about the emotions. But, I would wonder if she would have the same problems from just the "deeply religious" part and having sex; with or without the ring. I have known many very strict families that could produce some very guilt ridden kids. I guess that may depend on the family and even the religion.

I do agree with you about the thoughts of it being a "stupid ring" to be tossed aside. This is a very meaningful promise that is being made and I would never want dd to think of it that flippantly.

Sexual behavior in the younger hs kids (9th grade and some of 10th) is a definitely problem here. It seems to smooth out some in the older grades. I think a lot goes in to the problem that a purity ring will not solve. It comes much more from parenting and what has become acceptable in this society, imho. I also believe that it comes from so many pulling away from their church and the values taught there. So, with that said, its obvious, to me, that the kids who tend to have the behavior are less likely to be the ones wearing the rings or making the promise.

Not to say that wouldn't or couldn't change, my hope would be that they would attend a church function that addressed this issue and it would at least slow down some of the behavior. Again, though, there is so much that goes into that promise and keeping that promise that any teen would need much more than one function to truly grasp the meaning and commitment. And of course the core of the thing wouldn't be the ring but the commitment.

I know that for my own dd, I made sure she understood that IF she breaks this commitment/promise it doesn't make her a bad person. She is still God's child and He still loves her and so do we. Do I believe its a sin? Yes. But no worse than any other sin and for her to remember that none of us are perfect or free from sin, only forgiven. Will that keep her from having regrets if she does have sex later? I honestly don't know. But, my hope is that she won't have extra worry, regret and/or shame than she would without the symbol (since I don't know if she intends to pick a ring). We keep a very open line of communication going and I have made sure she understood that I don't want that to stop no matter how many promises she has made. That communication, I believe, is the best thing to keep her from having any emotional issues from wrong choices she may make.

 

[mikron]

my friends and i all went out to buy purity rings when we were 11 also, after attending a similar function. Our families brought us up that way anyway, so they were glad to let us have them, but i don't think this will cause any future issues with your daughter at all. If, when she gets older, feels she is ready for making that decision, it'll just seem like a stupid ring and she'll do whatever she feels is best. As of now, i think letting her have it will do her no harm. She'll probably forget the purpose of it anyway after a while and it'll just become a ring.

x2

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Maybe DD should pay for it herself. If she has some skin in the game she will be less likely to take off "some stupid ring".

 

[TheAviator]

You people do realize this whole purity ring thing is just another conspiracy perpetrated by the diamond monopoly Debeers, who also buys diamonds from those that utilize slave labor in many African countries.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You people do realize this whole purity ring thing is just another conspiracy perpetrated by the diamond monopoly Debeers, who also buys diamonds from those that utilize slave labor in many African countries.

Gives a whole new meaning to the term..."Blood Diamond".....

 

[tzolkin]

I am certain that my thoughts on this are tied to my personal experiences, but the following really speak to my feelings on the topic:

I would not buy a ring like this for my daughter, and would heavily discourage her from getting it on her own. It's so paternalistic and hints that a woman/ girl is only "worth" something if she's some old-fashioned version of a "good girl." I have no desire to further this really outdated and unhealthy version of female sexuality.

"Purity" to me is not tied to virginity and I would not want my daughter to see it this way either. I also see no reason to advertise her sexual status, particularly at age 11. At age 11, it's also a meaningless pledge, so not one worth making. The child won't be making it of her own accord, but rather, is bowing to peer pressure to belong to some sort of "club" where women are viewed as objects and not people.

I detest the idea that virginity is tied up in concepts of "purity." It means once you have sex you are then sullied, dirtied and devalued. What a lot of nonsense.

I am also really concerned, given the tons of reading I've done about teen girls and sexual behavior today, about girls' emotional well-being (obviously of prime importance to me as it relates to my own daughter). I know you've posted about issues at your daughter's school, and I can't imagine anyone would disagree that bullying related to girls' sexual behavior occurs in adolescence. We've even had some cases in the news where young girls have killed themselves over it. (Phoebe Prince, Felicia Garcia).

I was unable to find any data about the emotional implications to girls who break their commitments to their pledges of "waiting until marriage" as symbolized by a purity ring. Likely it doesn't exist at this point in time. But I would imagine, from the data we do have about girls' emotions as they relate to sexual behavior, that it could be more problematic for a girl from a deeply religious family who reveres her commitment to purity, than just "tossing aside" a Purity ring. Am I wrong about that?

While I would like my daughters to "wait", I feel there is often a line that is crossed between encouraging abstinence and emphasizing virginity.

My personal back story... I came from a devout/religiously involved family and became pregnant (through non-consensual sex) when I was a teenager. My pregnant belly was a "Scarlet Letter" that invited open sexual shaming-- at school, at church, and in the general public.

I am sure someone will jump in and state that this has nothing to do with purity rings/virginity pledges/etc, but for me it does. I don't want to add to my daughters' issues with their own self esteem or worth.

(IMO) it is not wrong to wait. But I also feel that, that is a personal choice. I do not feel one should be publicly announcing their sex life.

If you make a public display that you are waiting for marriage and then "change your mind" it will be open to comment.

This is my issue with the rings/public pledges. I would worry that if my daughter decided to no longer wear the ring that would make her a target for unnecessary judgement/comments/shame.

Perhaps some think this doesn't happen or that it's no big deal, but we know there are certain celebrities where this has been a major issue. They are under constant public scrutiny over whether they're still wearing the ring, if they're a hypocrite, etc. It actually seems to put more focus on their sexuality than anything else and becomes their defining characteristic.

Of course that's more extreme than what average teens would face, but even small instances of being bullied, shamed, or socially ostracized can have deep effects on some.

Maybe.


Robbi...the question was about what happens if they wear the ring and then change their mind and have sex.

So, yes, they could become depressed or suicidal I suppose. Anything is possible. They could also be someone who does not wear and ring and not plan to remain a virgin until marriage and also have sex and become depressed and suicidal.

There's no need to be so flippant.

Obviously anyone can be depressed/suicidal regardless of their life experiences, but you really can't see how public shaming over sexual behavior could contribute in some cases?

It seems perfectly relevant to the discussion.

 

[sunshinehighway]

When I hear about purity rings it always reminds me of Jessica Simpson. She and her Dad made such a big deal about her being a virgin. She ended up leaving her husband and is now having her second child with her boyfriend. Guess all that emphasis on her virginity must seem silly now.

 

[disneychrista]

When I hear about purity rings it always reminds me of Jessica Simpson. She and her Dad made such a big deal about her being a virgin. She ended up leaving her husband and is now having her second child with her boyfriend. Guess all that emphasis on her virginity must seem silly now.

And why is it that it only seems important to wait until marriage the first time but once you are no longer a virgin sex outside marriage isn't so important.

 

[TheAviator]

When I hear about purity rings it always reminds me of Jessica Simpson. She and her Dad made such a big deal about her being a virgin. She ended up leaving her husband and is now having her second child with her boyfriend. Guess all that emphasis on her virginity must seem silly now.

I'm another that agrees the whole purity thing is not good in the sense, like someone said, just because you have sex you are no longer "pure." And 11 is too young to even be going there IMO. I'm not against abstinence at all, not saying that is not necessarily a good thing, and there is a lot to be said for girls waiting for all that until they are just older and more mentally mature. But I don't agree with the whole virginity until you are married thing. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) I just think if a couple doesn't live together until they get married, they are flirting with disaster for after they do start living together.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm another that agrees the whole purity thing is not good in the sense, like someone said, just because you have sex you are no longer "pure." And 11 is too young to even be going there IMO. I'm not against abstinence at all, not saying that is not necessarily a good thing, and there is a lot to be said for girls waiting for all that until they are just older and more mentally mature. But I don't agree with the whole virginity until you are married thing. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) I just think if a couple doesn't live together until they get married, they are flirting with disaster for after they do start living together.

Living together before marriage in no way confirms that the marriage will work out. If it works in the living together stage, chances are that it would have worked out if they had started out as married.


And I just wanted to note that these rings are not only symbolize waiting for marriage. For some it is sex outside of marriage meaning ANY unmarried person including widow/widower and divorced. The church I mentioned before that had a ceremony did the classes for all unmarried members of their church.

Additionally, young people that have previously had sex can still make this promise/commitment. Its not JUST about virginity. Its more about them changing their lives and making a promise to God.

.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think we should drop this topic and move to the far more interesting

"technical virgin"

and

"born again virgin"

terms. Now that would be a thread!