DD wants a purity ring

[JennaDeeDooDah]

If you are wearing a ring that says purity or true love will wait. It is a public announcement of your decision. Now I understand that not all rings have these saying and could just be a pretty ring, but a true purity ring does announce what it is.
But my comment was speaking more to those in the public eye (Jonas Bros, Selena Gomez) who publicly announce that they are waiting (until marriage). When the ring comes off they are setting themselves up to have the public comment on this.

I don't think anybody has any right to tell someone that a true purity ring announces what it is. As LuvsJack said, a true purity ring is between the wearer and God and only they have the right to say what is and is not their purity ring. This was my ring:

 

[luvsJack]

I am not giving my opinion on premarital sex either way but I personally would never support the purity ring. I do not think you need to advertise or have a symbol to address your sexual activity (or lack of for that matter). Whether you wait or not is imo a personal decision and doesn't need to be put out there for discussion or advertisement. Sure posters have said that nobody knows what the ring means etc. but it seems like this has come up for those who do choose to wear them and while they may feel that people have asked them personal questions, I think that you are inviting that by wearing the ring. I also tend to think that others might see that ring as a challenge if you will. You know, "I bet I can get him/her to break that promise." Sure, the wearer can say no of course but why even put it out there? It just seems like so much extra pressure. Sex is personal and not public. For me, wearing that ring just puts it on display. YMMV.

I think that for most kids that wear these rings, they are not going to be with someone that is going to make a challenge out of it. They are going to be more likely to be with like-minded teens that have the same value system. If the person chooses to be with people that are not like-minded, just saying no can be made into a challenge so the ring or no ring isn't going to make a difference.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

OP - do you think you daughter truly believes and has thought it through? Or does she want to be like her friends and thinks it is what she is supposed to believe?

If it were my kid, I would tell her we could discuss when she was ready to date, but I know that is not right for all parents.

 

[disneychrista]

I don't think anybody has any right to tell someone that a true purity ring announces what it is.

Since you seem to be missing the point that a lot of purity rings spell out what it is. These rings do in fact ANNOUNCE its purpose.

 

[disneychrista]

If it were my kid, I would tell her we could discuss when she was ready to date, but I know that is not right for all parents.

This sounds like a very reasonable idea.

 

[luvsJack]

Since you seem to be missing the point that a lot of purity rings spell out what it is. These rings do in fact ANNOUNCE its purpose.

But you seem to miss the point that if the wearer understands the true reasons for wearing the ring in the first place, then it makes no difference if it announces anything to anyone.

The ring is not for the person looking at the wearer's hand, its for the person who is wearing it.

Just as a baptism is simply a symbol of faith and acceptance of Christ. The baptism is a public symbol but it is not for the people who are watching, it is for the person being baptized.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Since you seem to be missing the point that a lot of purity rings spell out what it is. These rings do in fact ANNOUNCE its purpose.

I am missing nothing. Some purity rings say things like "True Love Waits" but many have nothing on them of the sort. You were the one to post that it isn't a true purity ring if it doesn't say so:

If you are wearing a ring that says purity or true love will wait. It is a public announcement of your decision. Now I understand that not all rings have these saying and could just be a pretty ring, but a true purity ring does announce what it is.
But my comment was speaking more to those in the public eye (Jonas Bros, Selena Gomez) who publicly announce that they are waiting (until marriage). When the ring comes off they are setting themselves up to have the public comment on this.

The ring is for the wearer and God. Its meaning is for them. They might have some giant ring that says "PURITY" and flashes it out in Morse Code, or they might have a simple gold band. No matter what they wear, it is hardly the responsibility of strangers to decide what it means, to comment on, or to tell them that it isn't a true purity ring.

 

[2disneyboys]

From what I have seen in articles the purity rings are leading to a number of "technical virgins" girls who are willing to perform other sexual activities but not straight forward sex.

actually, pruity rings discussion aside... this is a growing trend in general from what I can see. I have 3 neices along with all of thier assorted friends ages 15-19. I am also involved in various soccer and other sports teams etc and therefore are around a lot of youth (boys and girls) from all different walks of life. Many of them were raised "in the church" as we say, and many of them were not. Quite a few of them (from either group) will claim to be virgins simply because to most (not all) teens nowdays, there is a difference between sexual activities vs actual intercorse. so in my experience, this trend of Technical virgins is not necessarly tied to a purity ring. Again, this is just my limited knowledge and exposure. I'm certainly not speaking for the world or anything.

 

[Buckalew11]

Since you seem to be missing the point that a lot of purity rings spell out what it is. These rings do in fact ANNOUNCE its purpose.

I do think Jenna got that. Pea-and-me (?) posted pics of those ring upthread for all of us to see what some of the rings look like. I think Jenna is just coming from her personal experience and saying they all aren't like that, all do not have the creepy ceremony or the dad's involved.

Yes, if you wear a ring with the words "purity" or "True Love Waits" (etc.) on it, people will know if they read your ring--you are announcing it to everyone. Some people find that to be OK and some think it is not.

Just like everything in life...some people do not wear wedding rings, some do, some people are challenged when they are interested in someone wearing a wedding band as someone else said someone could be challenged by a purity ring.

Honestly, it is as controversial as say, someone wearing a b-day badge at Disneyworld. Is TODAY really their b-day? Why do they feel the need to wear a badge? Honestly, all of this stuff is a personal choice and so what if someone else feels like you are announcing your b-day OR your virginity to the world? Who cares? It is much like why do you "need" that tattoo on your body? Do we really need to know you are a fan of Disney, your mother or butterflies? It's America! We're free to wear and do what we want if we are not breaking the law. I just do not understand why some people care even IF the person decides to wear a ring with words on it.
I wouldn't...but that does not mean someone else likes the idea.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Some of you are blowing the whole idea of these rings into something they are not.

They are a symbol. Nothing more, nothing less. They do not make someone "pure" no more than owning a Bible makes someone a Christian. The ring SYMBOLIZES a promise that a girl, boy, man or woman makes to themselves and to God. With out that promise and the ideas behind it, the ring means nothing.

It has nothing to do with a girl being "sullied" if she is no longer a virgin or that she should be pure at marriage while a boy doesn't have to. Its not even about being female. Boys wear purity rings too. It IS about what the wearer believes that God wants them to do and in the Christian faith, sex should only come within the sanctity of marriage.

Saying that a kid wearing a purity ring is going to make them more likely to have unplanned sex and not know about birth control, STDs, etc. has more to do with parenting than the ring. Wearing the ring does not stop anything and so the kid still needs to be taught the same things he/she would be without the ring. The ring only symbolizes that promise.

DD does not wear a purity ring. They have been talking about the idea behind the rings in her youth group-- they are talking to ALL of the youth, not just the girls (this is 7th grade and up). She has said that she wanted to look for one. She doesn't really like the bands, but was thinking about one that has a stone in it. Its completely her choice whether to wear this ring. And actually, I did suggest to her that if she chooses to wear a symbol it doesn't even have to be a ring, she could choose a cross necklace or a bracelet. Her symbol doesn't have to be one of these mass produced rings. It is something that is personal, between her and God and that can be symbolized by anything or by nothing at all.

If the wearer is in true understanding of what the ring means and the promise behind it, it should not matter whether anyone knows what it means or not. The promise is between the wearer and God--no one else. And if the wearer is secure in his/her faith and in what he/she believes then he/she should not have any issue explaining what it means.

Our church does not plan any kind of ceremony but I know another local church that did have one. There was no father giving the daughter the ring. They had a week long class with all of the youth and the single adults. At the end of the week, the people who CHOSE to wear the ring were presented the ring at a ceremony. It was done more like a graduation ceremony with each person receiving the ring from the pastor.


With all of that said, if dd had mentioned these rings at 11; my instinct would have been to talk to someone at the church and to let her talk one on one with them. I would need to be sure she understood the promise that is behind the ring and what it truly means. Just like her baptism, its not something that I would want her to take lightly.

And BTW, this ring isn't going to keep an unmarried adult from having sex unless that is what they choose. Lightening isn't going to strike them because they break that promise or choose to no longer feel the need to keep the promise. Again, its just a symbol.


As for the peer pressure thing, almost all teens are swayed in one direction or the other by peer pressure. Heck, most adults are too. Because a teen chooses to be swayed by positive peer pressure does not mean they will go the other direction. One thing that dd has been taught by us and by the youth leaders at church is to be careful of who she surrounds herself with for this very reason. If she is surrounded by people with the same morals and values as she, then its less likely that she will do something that is not within that value system.

 

[disneychrista]

You were the one to post that it isn't a true purity ring if it doesn't say so:

Coming as an outsider if you google purity ring, you will find that it comes up with rings that ANNOUNCE what is. So to me those are purity rings. If you buy a birth stone ring (or other nontraditinoal) and wear it as a purity ring, then to you it in a purity ring. To me, an outsider, it is a birth stone ring.

Heck my engagement ring was not a true engagement ring, as it was not a classic diamond ring. TO ME it was an engagement ring but to an outsider it would not be.

I never said ANYWHERE it diminished the meaning TO YOU.

 

[nathalee81]

Some of you are blowing the whole idea of these rings into something they are not.

They are a symbol. Nothing more, nothing less. They do not make someone "pure" no more than owning a Bible makes someone a Christian. The ring SYMBOLIZES a promise that a girl, boy, man or woman makes to themselves and to God. With out that promise and the ideas behind it, the ring means nothing.

It has nothing to do with a girl being "sullied" if she is no longer a virgin or that she should be pure at marriage while a boy doesn't have to. Its not even about being female. Boys wear purity rings too. It IS about what the wearer believes that God wants them to do and in the Christian faith, sex should only come within the sanctity of marriage.

Saying that a kid wearing a purity ring is going to make them more likely to have unplanned sex and not know about birth control, STDs, etc. has more to do with parenting than the ring. Wearing the ring does not stop anything and so the kid still needs to be taught the same things he/she would be without the ring. The ring only symbolizes that promise.

DD does not wear a purity ring. They have been talking about the idea behind the rings in her youth group-- they are talking to ALL of the youth, not just the girls (this is 7th grade and up). She has said that she wanted to look for one. She doesn't really like the bands, but was thinking about one that has a stone in it. Its completely her choice whether to wear this ring. And actually, I did suggest to her that if she chooses to wear a symbol it doesn't even have to be a ring, she could choose a cross necklace or a bracelet. Her symbol doesn't have to be one of these mass produced rings. It is something that is personal, between her and God and that can be symbolized by anything or by nothing at all.

If the wearer is in true understanding of what the ring means and the promise behind it, it should not matter whether anyone knows what it means or not. The promise is between the wearer and God--no one else. And if the wearer is secure in his/her faith and in what he/she believes then he/she should not have any issue explaining what it means.

Our church does not plan any kind of ceremony but I know another local church that did have one. There was no father giving the daughter the ring. They had a week long class with all of the youth and the single adults. At the end of the week, the people who CHOSE to wear the ring were presented the ring at a ceremony. It was done more like a graduation ceremony with each person receiving the ring from the pastor.


With all of that said, if dd had mentioned these rings at 11; my instinct would have been to talk to someone at the church and to let her talk one on one with them. I would need to be sure she understood the promise that is behind the ring and what it truly means. Just like her baptism, its not something that I would want her to take lightly.

And BTW, this ring isn't going to keep an unmarried adult from having sex unless that is what they choose. Lightening isn't going to strike them because they break that promise or choose to no longer feel the need to keep the promise. Again, its just a symbol.


As for the peer pressure thing, almost all teens are swayed in one direction or the other by peer pressure. Heck, most adults are too. Because a teen chooses to be swayed by positive peer pressure does not mean they will go the other direction. One thing that dd has been taught by us and by the youth leaders at church is to be careful of who she surrounds herself with for this very reason. If she is surrounded by people with the same morals and values as she, then its less likely that she will do something that is not within that value system.

How do you know this? Just because???

I will give an example:

I was part of the "good" group in high school. These kids were top of their class and didn't smoke, drink or do drugs.

These were my group of my friends through high school and then on to college.

As college progressed, some of these kids started to experiment with drugs. I don't think this made them "bad" kids, just kids. They were experimenting with boundaries and things they hadn't been exposed to in high school. They weren't drug addicts, just experimenting.

However, drugs were something I was NEVER interested in. Don't know why, exactly, just knew it was something I didn't want to participate in (and, please don't take this as I was a perfect kid, I screwed up plenty while younger and was no angel). I had no desire to experiment with any kind of drugs.

My mother raised me not to think about the "group", but myself. Was I pressured to do drugs by my friends...of course. But, I had enough wherewithal to stand my ground. After awhile, my friends respected my decision and stopped pressuring me.

See what I mean?

If you allow your children to think it is okay to follow the group, you can't always know the group is going to be making responsible decisions. I feel you need to make sure your child is responsible for making his/her OWN decisions.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Coming as an outsider if you google purity ring, you will find that it comes up with rings that ANNOUNCE what is. So to me those are purity rings. If you buy a birth stone ring (or other nontraditinoal) and wear it as a purity ring, then to you it in a purity ring. To me, an outsider, it is a birth stone ring.

Heck my engagement ring was not a true engagement ring, as it was not a classic diamond ring. TO ME it was an engagement ring but to an outsider it would not be.

I never said ANYWHERE it diminished the meaning TO YOU.

But the whole point is that it doesn't matter what outsiders think. You don't wear the ring for strangers; you wear it for you. I don't think anyone would care if they had a purity ring that had their birthstone on it and an outsider assumed it was just a birth stone ring. But, if that same stranger was to inform the wearer that it isn't a real purity ring, I think that would come across as rather arrogant and annoying.

 

[nathalee81]

But you seem to miss the point that if the wearer understands the true reasons for wearing the ring in the first place, then it makes no difference if it announces anything to anyone.

The ring is not for the person looking at the wearer's hand, its for the person who is wearing it.

Just as a baptism is simply a symbol of faith and acceptance of Christ. The baptism is a public symbol but it is not for the people who are watching, it is for the person being baptized.

But, do they wear a sign afterwards declaring "I WAS BAPTIZED TODAY" and everyday, thereafter?

 

[disneychrista]

But, if that same stranger was to inform the wearer that it isn't a real purity ring, I think that would come across as rather arrogant and annoying.

Did I ANYWHERE say that? No, in fact I stated the opposite. I said if one was to wear (what I consider to be) a true purity ring THEY are announcing it to the world. They then can not then get offended when other discuss it.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Did I ANYWHERE say that? No, in fact I stated the opposite. I said if one was to wear (what I consider to be) a true purity ring THEY are announcing it to the world. They then can not then get offended when other discuss it.

Again, you did in fact post that it isn't a true purity ring if it doesn't announce it:

If you are wearing a ring that says purity or true love will wait. It is a public announcement of your decision. Now I understand that not all rings have these saying and could just be a pretty ring, but a true purity ring does announce what it is.
But my comment was speaking more to those in the public eye (Jonas Bros, Selena Gomez) who publicly announce that they are waiting (until marriage). When the ring comes off they are setting themselves up to have the public comment on this.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

luvsJack, I liked your post, too. It was well thought out and written, and addressed all of the issues in the OP and in the rest of the thread.

I think it's probably clear that a ring wouldn't be something I'd favor in my family.

It's clear that demographics play a lot in this, too. (Not surprisingly.)

And the research is eye opening.

What I originally took exception to at the beginning of this thread was the notion of it being a "stupid ring" that could just be tossed aside willy nilly. That just doesn't jibe with how *I* feel about either personal commitments or symbols of reverence. I guess some others feel differently.

I am also really concerned, given the tons of reading I've done about teen girls and sexual behavior today, about girls' emotional well-being (obviously of prime importance to me as it relates to my own daughter). I know you've posted about issues at your daughter's school, and I can't imagine anyone would disagree that bullying related to girls' sexual behavior occurs in adolescence. We've even had some cases in the news where young girls have killed themselves over it. (Phoebe Prince, Felicia Garcia).

I was unable to find any data about the emotional implications to girls who break their commitments to their pledges of "waiting until marriage" as symbolized by a purity ring. Likely it doesn't exist at this point in time. But I would imagine, from the data we do have about girls' emotions as they relate to sexual behavior, that it could be more problematic for a girl from a deeply religious family who reveres her commitment to purity, than just "tossing aside" a Purity ring. Am I wrong about that?

 

[disneychrista]

Again, you did in fact post that it isn't a true purity ring if it doesn't announce it:

Where does that quote say I would go up to a STRANGER and tell them their ring is not a true purity ring.

I did in fact, explain, what I meant by my statement of "true" purity ring.

Coming as an outsider if you google purity ring, you will find that it comes up with rings that ANNOUNCE what is. So to me those are purity rings

And I am tired of going around in circles with you on this. So one final comment regarding the physical rings: If you want to wear a pipe cleaner on your finger and call it a purity ring, then to you that it what it is. I have never & will never say that because it is pipe cleaner the meaning is lessened.

 

[luvsJack]

How do you know this? Just because???

I will give an example:

I was part of the "good" group in high school. These kids were top of their class and didn't smoke, drink or do drugs.

These were my group of my friends through high school and then on to college.

As college progressed, some of these kids started to experiment with drugs. I don't think this made them "bad" kids, just kids. They were experimenting with boundaries and things they hadn't been exposed to in high school. They weren't drug addicts, just experimenting.

However, drugs were something I was NEVER interested in. Don't know why, exactly, just knew it was something I didn't want to participate in (and, please don't take this as I was a perfect kid, I screwed up plenty while younger and was no angel). I had no desire to experiment with any kind of drugs.

My mother raised me not to think about the "group", but myself. Was I pressured to do drugs by my friends...of course. But, I had enough wherewithal to stand my ground. After awhile, my friends respected my decision and stopped pressuring me.

See what I mean?

If you allow your children to think it is okay to follow the group, you can't always know the group is going to be making responsible decisions. I feel you need to make sure your child is responsible for making his/her OWN decisions.

I see what you mean. But, that doesn't mean that a kid that is swayed by positive peer pressure will be swayed by negative. You were swayed by neither and congratulations on not following the path of your peers.

I teach my children to think for themselves, always have. But, should they run with the teen crowd that drinks every weekend while they do not wish to drink? No because the longer they run with this crowd the more likely it is they will drink. If they are the person who will not drink, then its better to run with the crowd that does not drink.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Where does that quote say I would go up to a STRANGER and tell them their ring is not a true purity ring.

I did in fact, explain, what I meant by my statement of "true" purity ring.


And I am tired of going around in circles with you on this. So one final comment regarding the physical rings: If you want to wear a pipe cleaner on your finger and call it a purity ring, then to you that it what it is. I have never & will never say that because it is pipe cleaner the meaning is lessened.

All I'm saying is that your original statement did, in fact, state that you believe that certain rings are purity rings and other rings are not true purity rings. I was saying that that is not your call to make. Now this statement you are saying that you don't feel that way so my original point is moot.