DD wants a purity ring

[LiveYourLife]

I don't have to assume anything; you have spoken loud and clearly in all 285 posts on many subjects!

Wow! I'm flattered. I always thought I was a celebrity in my own mind, but you've brought that fantasy to real life. I have a stalker!

Was it going through my past posts, or my posts on this thread that you missed where I said "However, to each his own" regarding the purity ring?

Have a blessed day now.

 

[Acklander]

This is a child whom at the age of 16 is VERY active in her FAITH-Maybe some do not understand such but she was not "forced" into any decision I could write all night on the things she does to display her faith Her mother left when she was young therefore her father raised her YES he met a lady whom is now her step mom yet she knows the trials of life and were taught them very young APOLOGIES to those who may find it grotesque yet I found it tear jerking when she posted the pic of her ring on FB so excited to announce such a step in her faith

I've known many people who were VERY active in their faith. But, I don't know when they made the decision to have sex - and neither will you.

 

[chobie]

Here are my thoughts. While I would not buy my dd a purity ring, I will promote abstinence. I am not an active Christian and I did have sex before marriage. I thought you had to try it out before you committed. I also had a lot of bad sex before marriage. When my cousin got married, she was a virgin. I was shocked and asked her how she knows they will be compatible and what if it is really bad? She responded, "How will I know, since he will be my only one." That really sunk in and it is very true. Another thing that is true for me anyhow, is that sex before marriage was often awkward, I didn't fully love them and didn't fully feel comfortable with them, so I didn't really enjoy it. Heck, sex with my husband before marriage wasn't as good as it is now. Maybe that is not the case for everyone, but I think love & comfort has a lot more to do with enjoyment then people give it credit. I really hope my dd waits until she is married and I have never talked to anyone who has waited, that regretted it. I have talked to MANY people who regretted having sex before though.

I guess that's one way of looking at it -- if you never have good sex you won't miss it!

Not something I would want for myself or my daughter, but ymmv.

 

[luvsJack]

I guess that's one way of looking at it -- if you never have good sex you won't miss it!

Not something I would want for myself or my daughter, but ymmv.

Now see what i want for my daughter is to never have to regret who she is with for her first time. If she loves the man enough to marry him, then that will not happen.

 

[Sabeking]

Wow! I'm flattered. I always thought I was a celebrity in my own mind, but you've brought that fantasy to real life. I have a stalker!

Was it going through my past posts, or my posts on this thread that you missed where I said "However, to each his own" regarding the purity ring?

Have a blessed day now.

I'm a stalker because your posts are so memorable; too funny!
I won't respond again so you don't think I'm stalking you. I'll just go "live my life" you have a blessed day too!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This thread has got me laughing thinking of so many jokes that are not Dis appropriate. That aside- all this talk of "daughters" remaining pure etc. What about the boys? Do they get to run buckwild while the girls sit home reading bibles? No Mom going out and buying a purity ring for their son? No Valentine present for their son? (BTW- EEEEEWWWWW!!! on that) Why all the emphasis on the girls? It just seems to scream the old stereotype that it is great to sow your oats if you are a boy but if you are a girl then you are a tramp etc. YMMV.

 

[allison443]

Now see what i want for my daughter is to never have to regret who she is with for her first time. If she loves the man enough to marry him, then that will not happen.

I want my dds to have long, happy marriages with the right person and no divorce. Like I have, all my siblings have, my dh's siblings have, our parents have, and most of our friends have. If they have sex with their partner before they get married that's okay with me as long as its in a committed serious mature relationship.
If they love the person enough to make a reasoned decision to have sex with him, I don't think they will regret it.

 

[ashley0139]

This thread has got me laughing thinking of so many jokes that are not Dis appropriate. That aside- all this talk of "daughters" remaining pure etc. What about the boys? Do they get to run buckwild while the girls sit home reading bibles? No Mom going out and buying a purity ring for their son? No Valentine present for their son? (BTW- EEEEEWWWWW!!! on that) Why all the emphasis on the girls? It just seems to scream the old stereotype that it is great to sow your oats if you are a boy but if you are a girl then you are a tramp etc. YMMV.

Yep.

 

[allison443]

This thread has got me laughing thinking of so many jokes that are not Dis appropriate. That aside- all this talk of "daughters" remaining pure etc. What about the boys? Do they get to run buckwild while the girls sit home reading bibles? No Mom going out and buying a purity ring for their son? No Valentine present for their son? (BTW- EEEEEWWWWW!!! on that) Why all the emphasis on the girls? It just seems to scream the old stereotype that it is great to sow your oats if you are a boy but if you are a girl then you are a tramp etc. YMMV.

I agree, other than the Jonas Brothers I don't think anyone has posted about knowing in real life a boy who has a purity ring. Even the poster who is very much in favor of abstinence and purity rings stated her husband wasn't a virgin when they got married. Yet he is the right person for her and she has a very happy marriage. To me that says if you get hung up on having to be pure and marrying someone "pure" you could miss out on a great relationship with the right person. I did appreciate that poster being very honest and explaining her beliefs.

 

[Colleen27]

Watched this thread since op I'm aware when the thread began it was for "opinion" tho I'm guessing op would like the vulgar took out Yes we ALL know what a purity ieromise ring stands for yet if op felt she was mature beyond age and would be disrespectful to the "idea" soon I imagine they wouldn't ask for opinions-My 2 cents I have 2boys so my "adopted" daughter will be the one receiving I believe they should be mature enough to truly understand the concept therefore less likely to disrespect the idea Not "just a ring" We are very close to a father who purchased 1 for his daughter(16) Valentines I can faithfully say she will keep her promise to both her earthly father and the one she worships!!

I'm not even sure which part of this creeps me out more - the idea of a father choosing to give his daughter a virtual chastity belt for a romantic holiday, or the premise that boys on't need this lesson/symbol/reminder. It all smacks of women-as-property and the old double standard that girls who have sex are ****s while boys who do are studs.

Now see what i want for my daughter is to never have to regret who she is with for her first time. If she loves the man enough to marry him, then that will not happen.

I don't think that's a given. Plenty of women come to regret an ill-advised marriage, particularly a marriage rushed into in the throes of young lust. And plenty of women don't regret their first even if they don't go on to marry him.

 

[luvsJack]

I want my dds to have long, happy marriages with the right person and no divorce. Like I have, all my siblings have, my dh's siblings have, our parents have, and most of our friends have. If they have sex with their partner before they get married that's okay with me as long as its in a committed serious mature relationship.
If they love the person enough to make a reasoned decision to have sex with him, I don't think they will regret it.

And that is a wonderful thing for you to want and i want the same for Dd. Sex before marriage or no sex before marriage isnt going to be what makes that happen.

Regret may come though if immaturity makes them mistake other feelings for love. Not being with someone with her same values may cause regret.

 

[Hrhpd]

But what if it is what your CHILDREN want? Why would you discourage that?

Personally, I don't know of anyone in my circle of friends who do the whole purity ring thing. But they do talk openly and honestly with their children about sex and they encourage abstinence. I encourage it with my own sons, one of whom is a 17 year old with a girlfriend. But- not only is it something that I want for him, but more importantly, it is something he wants for himself! In no way would I ever EVER encourage him to go against what he strongly believes in! That is just dumb- I'm sorry!

My child is 23. In a committed relationship with the same person for over 3 years. Both college students.

They have decided to wait to marry till after they are out of school (grad school) and to have sex till after marriage.

While I respect their decision, they are aware that I think they are crazy. Yes, I am one of "those" who strongly believes that you should make sure you are compatible in ALL areas before making a lifetime commitment.

And knowing how threads evolve, this post is probably out of context by now, but I haven't had the time to read all 16 pages. So my apologies for that.

 

[LiveYourLife]

I'm a stalker because your posts are so memorable; too funny!
I won't respond again so you don't think I'm stalking you. I'll just go "live my life" you have a blessed day too!

Even BETTER!!! I'm infamous now!!! Please don't go.....my ego will die a long, slow death without you Drip. Drip. Drip. (that is sarcasm).

OP, I'm glad you've come up with a solution for your DD. It has been interesting and enlightening reading all of the very different (no one more right or wrong than the next) opinions, thoughts, experiences on this topic.

 

[LiveYourLife]

My child is 23. In a committed relationship with the same person for over 3 years. Both college students.

They have decided to wait to marry till after they are out of school (grad school) and to have sex till after marriage.

While I respect their decision, they are aware that I think they are crazy. Yes, I am one of "those" who strongly believes that you should make sure you are compatible in ALL areas before making a lifetime commitment.

And knowing how threads evolve, this post is probably out of context by now, but I haven't had the time to read all 16 pages. So my apologies for that.

I agree with you. But beware, I got thumped on the head by a bible upthread for posting my thoughts that are similar to yours, so duuuuuuuuuck!!! And don't say I didn't warn you!

 

[luvsJack]

I'm not even sure which part of this creeps me out more - the idea of a father choosing to give his daughter a virtual chastity belt for a romantic holiday, or the premise that boys on't need this lesson/symbol/reminder. It all smacks of women-as-property and the old double standard that girls who have sex are ****s while boys who do are studs.

I don't think that's a given. Plenty of women come to regret an ill-advised marriage, particularly a marriage rushed into in the throes of young lust. And plenty of women don't regret their first even if they don't go on to marry him.

I can only speak for our belief system and it would cause regret. That's not to say that other women would feel the same way. Everyone has different values and beliefs in the matter.

Dh is my second marriage. As bad as the first one was, i can't say that i regret it. Another person might. Everyone feels differently about things from rheor past.

And for heavens sakes the man did not her a chastity belt. He gave her something the girl obviously felt strongly about. The father cannot make the ring meaningful only the girl can do that.

 

[Hrhpd]

I am a Christian and believe sex should be something that happens within the context of marriage.

That said, I strongly dislike the whole "purity ring" thing and although I would be happy my kids felt strongly like I do, I would discourage the ring.

In my experience, it is often the most overtly pious who are covertly living quite differently than they proclaim. I believe this kind of example to be detrimental, rather than inspirational. I'd rather my kids not get caught up in a fad, but make their decisions based on their own beliefs and faith.

I want them to want to make decisions each day out of the core of who they are, not based on outward reminders. And, most importantly, I want them to experience grace, not guilt, if they fall short.

I also have a creepy association with some the way some churches do these purity rings, involving ceremonies etc.

Love, love, love your post.

 

[allison443]

And that is a wonderful thing for you to want and i want the same for Dd. Sex before marriage or no sex before marriage isnt going to be what makes that happen.

Regret may come though if immaturity makes them mistake other feelings for love. Not being with someone with her same values may cause regret.

You said if she loves someone enough to marry them, she won't regret it. But marrying the wrong person can cause regret too...and divorce. I am less concerned with whether my dds have sex with their serious, long term partner before marriage, and more concerned with them picking the right person, having a mature serious relationship etc.

Also you have older sons, right? Did they have purity rings and was abstinence expected of them? Just curious (I don't have boys!)

 

[luvsJack]

This thread has got me laughing thinking of so many jokes that are not Dis appropriate. That aside- all this talk of "daughters" remaining pure etc. What about the boys? Do they get to run buckwild while the girls sit home reading bibles? No Mom going out and buying a purity ring for their son? No Valentine present for their son? (BTW- EEEEEWWWWW!!! on that) Why all the emphasis on the girls? It just seems to scream the old stereotype that it is great to sow your oats if you are a boy but if you are a girl then you are a tramp etc. YMMV.

Boys wear the rings too. The emphasis is not on girls . My friend that attends the church i mentioned earlier gave rings to boys , girls, men and women. our church talks about the promise behind the ring to all of our youth not just the girls.

 

[luvsJack]

You said if she loves someone enough to marry them, she won't regret it. But marrying the wrong person can cause regret too...and divorce. I am less concerned with whether my dds have sex with their serious, long term partner before marriage, and more concerned with them picking the right person, having a mature serious relationship etc.

Also you have older sons, right? Did they have purity rings and was abstinence expected of them? Just curious (I don't have boys!)

I was a different person when my sons were young. Sadly I did not bring them up in church. they did attend and both joined the church but I wasn't as involved myself as i should have been. I was young and bought into the "well they will do it anyway". So while we did talk about good choices and being careful, abstinence wasn't stressed as much as i wish it had been.

So while yes they were raised differently it wasn't because i believe in different values for girls and boys. My biggest wish for Dd is that she meet someone with the same values she has.

 

[2disneyboys]

I agree, other than the Jonas Brothers I don't think anyone has posted about knowing in real life a boy who has a purity ring. Even the poster who is very much in favor of abstinence and purity rings stated her husband wasn't a virgin when they got married. Yet he is the right person for her and she has a very happy marriage. To me that says if you get hung up on having to be pure and marrying someone "pure" you could miss out on a great relationship with the right person. I did appreciate that poster being very honest and explaining her beliefs.

My DH "waited" for me & it's my hope that my 2 boys will wait as well. If they want a ring when the are older, then it's a discussion we are open to.