Daughter may not go to the prom.(long)

[vetrik]

I skipped my senior prom, and I never regretted it.

I dated the same boy through high school, but we were "on a break" the week my junior prom tickets went on sale. We got back together after only a few days, but by that point I had already bought tickets with a male friend of mine as my "date" since I didn't know what was going to happen with my boyfriend. I ended up going with my friend, but I missed my boyfriend all night. When the senior prom came around the next year, my boyfriend was in Army boot camp - there was no way he could be there!

I decided I wouldn't have a good time without him there since the junior prom had been so bad, so instead on prom night, I got together with a female friend of mine who was also skipping prom, and we had a great time together. We watched movies, ate junk food, wore comfortable clothes. It was much better than the prom! However, I would have gone if my boyfriend had been there to go with me.

 

[Abbie]

My older daughter "stalked" a boy for a few weeks before her junior prom but he didn't get the hint. She chose not to go alone and was okay with it but a little sad. So that night, we went out for a girly-night of shopping and dinner. And of course the silly salesclerk (a hs girl) took one look at my daughter's t-shirt (that identified her high school) and said "umm....isn't tonight your prom??!" in such a horror-filled voice that she would be shopping instead of at the prom. We just laughed it off but it was obnoxious! But my daughter survived and yours will too. (And the clueless boy finally noticed her a few weeks later and they are still together now, five years later)

On the other hand, my younger daughter went in a group last year that included quite a few singles, so your daughter in all likelihood wouldn't be the only one going stag, if she really wants to go.

I'd be more unhappy that her college boyfriend won't consider doing something for her happiness. My high school boyfriend was two years ahead of me and when he went off to college, I don't think it even occurred to him to NOT accompany me to my junior and senior proms. We're still together 32 years later, so I guess it "took".

 

[Micca]

I always thought high school and anything related to it was WAY overrated.
I never went to any proms, dances, high school reunions, etc.

 

[ZPT1022]

Gotta love Senior Cut Day. The year I was a Senior the Principal had an assembly with all Seniors and told us if we cut school on Senior Cut day we'd be banned from Graduation. "There is NO SENIOR CUT DAY THIS YEAR" Yeah ok whatever... We weren't ASKING for the day off - that's the point lady - we're TAKING the day off

I told my father - who was a bit of a rebel in his past and he told me to cut anyway and we'll just see what happens. Turns out - I wasn't alone - more than 3/4 of my class also ignored the Principal and called in "sick" that day


Amazingly enough - we all still had our ceremony.

My mother was totally uptight about EVERYTHING and she still called me out from school for Senior Skip Day!!


As for the prom, I went to both of mine. Junior, I had bought tickets and my boyfriend cheated on me so I ended up bringing a childhood friend. He was a super nice guy and I think our moms were more into it than we were but it was still fun. Had some issues with the people we were in a limo with but I learned my lesson for the next year.

Senior prom I attended with my then boyfriend, now DH. We drove in our own car, no limo, no friends. MUCH BETTER THAT WAY!!! The prom was okay, don't remember too much (and no, I wasn't drunk). We went out to a 3 am movie with a bunch of people afterwards. Much more laid back senior year and a lot more fun too. We still have the picture hanging in the hallway.

Oh, our junior year, DH got roped into going with a girl whose sister was friends with his sister. He had a mostly miserable time. She was just horrendous. He regrets going to that one

 

[mickeyfan2]

In high school I felt that proms were over rated and skipped mine. I have never regreted that decision. I still think proms are over rated.

 

[LukenDC]

I did not go to my prom and did not miss it one bit, despite my mother's promises that I would regret it for the rest of my life.

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

She may want to rethink a guy that isnt interested in taking her to a once in a lifetime event. I know its his birthday, but come on he can celebrate that another night.

That was the 1st thing that popped into my head too.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'm curious what the percentage of people who actually go to their proms is. At my school it was probably about 40%. Very few of the people I hung out with went.

At my school only 1/7 kids went to the prom. Nobody I hung with went.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i almost wasn't going to go to my prom. i didn't have a date for the longest time. i wasn't one of the "popular" kids, so it wasn't that easy for me to get a date like it was for all of them. i had actually said since my Freshman year that i probably wasn't going to go to my prom. a few months beforehand one of my best guy friends asked me to go with him and i did.

of course, THAT almost backfired too. he got a girlfriend the week before prom and she wanted to go to prom with him, instead. i called him up and flipped out on him telling him he promised that we would go together and we were supposed to be friends, how could he do this to me. we got kicked out of the limo because he took the money back because he thought him and his gf were going to go together. anyway, after making him cry and him breaking up with the girl(i swear i didn't mean for that to happen, i just wanted to go to prom w/him) he ended up still going to prom with me.

i was glad i went tho. i didn't even really see him most of the night. he was busy getting wasted with some friends in the parking lot, and i danced with his best friend most of the night! but i still had a good time!

 

[fan_of_small_world]

OK, I realize that I'm in the complete minority here, but I actually had a lot of fun at my proms. I was on the planning committee as a junior (I went to a smallish school, so we had a combined prom that the junior class planned) and attended with my then-boyfriend. As a senior I went with a guy I was friends with. Both times we went as part of a large group of friends and did the whole limo, fancy dinner, then prom thing. I had a blast. Pretty much all of my friends went, so I would have been very disappointed had I not gone. Scarred for life, no; sad, sure.

As for your DD, hopefully she can find a group of friends to go with. And as for her BF, it sounds like he has higher priorities than his relationship with her. Obviously I don't know him or your DD, but on paper it doesn't sound like he's being very nice to her.

 

[KimAshton]

I went to my senior prom alone and I am so glad I did. My friend's date even danced with me. I was just glad to be there spending time with my friends and classmates that I didn't care.

I feel so bad for her. I hope everything works out.

 

[RayaniFoxmur]

I didn't go to my junior prom, my mom took me to Les Miserables instead!

My senior prom consisted of finally finding a date (I didn't date in high school much) and then him getting suspended 3 days before the prom. If you weren't in school on Friday, you didn't go to prom. So there I was with no date. I was devastated!

But I'll tell you what. I still had the time of my life with friends. Maybe not AS much during prom since I didn't have someone to dance with during slow dances (though the most popular boy in school who I had grown up with ran up to me and drug me in the middle of the floor. Sang Don't Want To Miss A Thing to me while we dance. The other girls HATED me for this! ) but after prom with my friends was the most fun I had had in a long time.

She needs to still go. Even if it's with a friend or two. But if she doesn't go? It's still not the end of the world. Sometimes I don't think I would have missed out at all had I of not gone. Just missed out on a lot of stress and worry I already didn't need

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm in the "she should find a new boyfriend" catagory.

No....the world won't end if she doesn't go to her prom...I went to 4 of them and the actual "proms" weren't all that great, but the getting dressed up, going out to a nice dinner...that was fun and I'm glad I did it.

 

[Caradana]

All I know is, a boyfriend of even minimal quality would take her and concentrate on impressing her friends with his fun, charismatic, genteel attitude.

She should cut him loose. If he loved her, he'd move heaven and earth to make her happy ... that's how quality men are.

 

[mandy200587]

I went solo to my senior prom and I had the best time of my life. All my friends had dates and now we look back and we say we had more fun dancing with each other and just being seniors. I would say about 2/3 of our class went maybe. Prom is for seniors only unless you are invited by a senior that's the only way to go. Go have fun, be with your friends and head to Ihop for some pancakes after prom and don't wear heels.

 

[va32h]

Did anyone watch Deal or No Deal tonight? One of the contestants made a big deal about missing her prom, and they made the show her prom. Half the "case girls" said they missed their proms, too.

I never went to a prom. Thought it was a waste of money, and still do. If my daughters want to go, I won't stop them, but we won't be spending $500 on dresses or limos, or any of that, either.

OP, does your daughter really want to go? If she has missed so much school that she feels awkward just being around her fellow students, I guess I have to wonder why she wants to go to the prom all that badly.

There's nothing stopping anyone from getting dressed up and going out for a nice dinner any night of the week - whether it is for a prom or for say....a birthday.

I don't think there is anything horrible about a 21 year old man who doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of teenagers all night.

 

[lorimc]

I attended three proms. One my junior year and two my Senior (bf attended a different school, so I scored some extra "dress mileage! ). At my HS, ONLY juniors and seniors could attend the Prom. No sophs or frosh, even if they were dating an upperclassmen. The reason my school did this is that the Prom was the junior class gift to the graduating class. The juniors would start fundraising when 10th grade year ended and raised enough dough to pay for EVERYTHING. No tickets to buy or anything. We would ask the Seniors what theme, colors, locations, food, etc... they wanted and did our best to accommodate their wishes. In return for the hard work, the Juniors got to attend. In return, it was something to look forward to in HS and I think that most kids at my HS attended the prom because of the restrictions when they were 9th and 10th graders excluded them and now it was "their turn" to exercise an upperclassmen privilege.

Attendance and attitude about the prom might have been seemed more blase if everyone had been able to go when 14/15 and the whole "been there, done that" might have been the thinking by the time Senior year and the prom rolled around.

I had a great time at the proms, danced with others guys and girls and I think I would have felt like I missed out on *cheese alert* what I feel is a sort of rite of passage for American high schoolers. To me, they were fun, carefree nights that can be few and far between when you are an "adult". It is just a completely different kind of fun than you are able to have as an adult and can never be recaptured.

So, OP, I said all that to say this: If your DD think she might even feel she is missing out, encourage her to go, dateless or not. If she gets to the prom and it is totally lame-o, then she could decide to leave. However, she may get there and have a swingin' time!

Slightly OT-OP, did you go to prom? Inquiring minds want to know!

 

[disykat]

\
I don't think there is anything horrible about a 21 year old man who doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of teenagers all night.

I agree. Frankly, I'd be a little worried if he was happy about it.

I'm curious if OP went to the prom too. I think my mom might have been a little disappointed I didn't go to mine, but I didn't care. She had three kids, none of whom went to their proms. She was prom queen at hers and one visit our grandmother showed us her crown that was up in the attic. We used to think that was hilarious and teased her about it - we didn't see it as something positive that had happened to her.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

I don't think there is anything horrible about a 21 year old man who doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of teenagers all night.

I re-read the OP's posts in this thread, and I don't see where she mentions the BF's age. Even if he is 21, though, if he's dating a girl in high school, then is already "hanging around" with a teenager.

I think the real point is that if he's her boyfriend, he should want to make her happy. If she'd like him to go with her to the prom, surely he could set aside his lack of interest in it for her sake. Even when we were dating in college, I didn't always want to do the same things as my BF (now DH), and he didn't always want to do what I want. But we did them anyway because we enjoyed making each other happy. We're still doing that!

 

[ozarkmom]

Okay appreciate everyone's opinions and there are alot of different ones out there. My dd has actually flip flopped alot on whether she wants to go or not. For several months I've told her that if she wants to go to either see if some of her girlfriends want to go together or get a guy friend to go with. She had a very expensive dress last year and paid to have her hair and makeup done just to stay at the prom for about 30 minutes then she came home changed and went bowling! So actually I'm not too concerned about her skipping this year. I know that her bf would go if she really insisted but like I said she's been very wishy washy about it. She has to be at the high school today and tomorrow for testing she may have a better feel after that about whether she wants to go or not. Oh and I was one of those that went to 4 proms and didn't have a good time at any of them.