Cost of taking DDs friend on vacation. Is this fair? Update post #110

[mrsklamc]

I think it's fair to ask them to cover airfare and DL ticket (and have her bring spending money), but I would pay for the food.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

We’re planning a 10-day trip to Los Angeles next summer, which includes 4-5 days at DL. DD wants to invite a friend to come along. Both DD and friend will be 14 y/o at the time of the trip.

We cannot afford to pay the entire cost for the friend, and her parents have tentatively agreed to the trip, depending on the cost.

I’m thinking airfare (approx. $250), cost of DL tickets, and maybe $200-$300 for food. Total cost about $700-$800. Nothing for lodging because one additional person does not increase my costs.

We’re planning on a couple of tours, additional sightseeing, and a couple of “nice” dinners. I don’t know the specifics yet, so I plan to absorb the additional expense into my budget. Her parents can give her whatever they feel is appropriate for souvenirs.

Does that sound fair?

I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs.

I think it's fair. We sent 14 y.o. DD to WDW with our neighbors for Spring Break and they drove. They took several extra kids, and no one expected them to absorb the costs. They drove, stayed at the grandparents house, and ate some meals there. They had one ADR per day. We were asked to pay for our kids' park tickets, plus meals in the park and of course spending money for anything they wanted to buy. After paying for DD's ticket, I sent her with $700 for the 12 days. She came home with almost $400 of it! The grandparents had TIW, and covered the tips most days, and a couple of the meals.

The only thing that I think can be iffy is the food. When you sit down at a restaurant, are you asking her to give you cash? pay separately? I think it can get a little awkward since she will be the only non-member of the family. I did go on a similar trip when I was 15 and my friend was an only child. The only thing I was asked to pay for was my park ticket.

 

[csmommy]

I would never allow anyone to spend that type of money on my child!

One or two meals to cover, sure, but an entire vacation, no way. I think the way you are going about it is fair & that is what I would want you to do if you were taking my DD with you.

 

[mdsd8700]

I would never allow anyone to spend that type of money on my child!

One or two meals to cover, sure, but an entire vacation, no way. I think the way you are going about it is fair & that is what I would want you to do if you were taking my DD with you.

This is a similar sentiment to our situation and ours is kind of similar to the OP as well. We are going for a quick 4 night trip in November. We own DVC so the cost for the room has been prepaid so no out pocket cost there. Since it is a short 4 day trip we were going to let the kids each bring their best friend. However I discussed it with both sets of parents before letting any of the kids know. We offered to pay for everything but the airfare. Based on the fact we always fly SW meaning if we purchased the tickets and one of the kids had to cancel we couldn't use the credit. It can only be used by the person holding the reservation. Both families were thrilled we invited their children but wouldn't let us pay for so much even though we offered, they didn't feel right about it. So they are paying for the airfare and the park tickets. We are paying for food and all enterainment/activities. Very generous of the friend's parents and I know that not everyone is able to do so. I think that your idea is very fair OP, but agree you should discuss with the parents first and set the particulars and once everything is worked out, then let the kids know. We are thrill about our upcoming trip, being in Disney with all the Holiday's decorations and being able to share it with others.

Good Luck!

 

[englishteacha]

When I was a kid we took friends on vacation with us a couple of times. We didn't go to Disney, though. Both times my parents paid lodging (camping or hotel), transportation because we were driving, and food (mom cooked) and my friend's family paid for tickets to theme parks and souvenirs.

I was invited by a friend to go to Disney. I would have had to pay my theme park tickets, airfare, souvenirs and food. The cost for that one trip for me cost the same as a week's vacation for our family. I appreciated being asked but it wasn't financially feasible.

 

[we3peas]

Why not invite her for only the time you will be spending at DL? I know having another non family member around for a length of time gets my family out of whack. We have our moments and can't really be ourselves if hosting someone. So I would invite her for only the time period at DL, and enjoy the rest w/o her.

She's 14 she can fly on her own, and you can pick her up at the airport for that portion of the trip.

 

[JusbKoz]

I agree also with what most people are saying on here...parents pay for airplane tickets,park tickets and spending money. I would pay for food.
If you asked my child to go I would think this was more than generous. I would look at as an opportunity for her and if I couldn't pay for her way would still be grateful and decline the trip for her. Like the other posters said I would handle this between parents and try to leave the kids out as much as possible. It is a very kind gesture.Have fun! I have done 8 days at Disneyland found plenty of things to do for those 8 days and loved every minute of it!

 

[disprincessatheart]

When I was in 8th grade my parents got a timeshare in Orlando. The next 3 years my sister and i each took a bf on vacation with us. Their families did not do big vacations, and both were the younger sibling, so no other kid left home to be jealous! Their families paid airfare and tickets (actually my sister and I paid for our OWN tickets out since by then we both had part time jobs). Both sets of parents sent their kids with plenty of spending money to pay for anything else. When we were in the parks, if we split up, the friends would buy their own food. When we did ts my parents paid or just asked each of the girls for $10 out of their food budgets. They both always went home with plenty of cash. My senior year we did the same but since my sister was out of the house, I took 3 friends.

 

[FoundMyPrince]

I would cover food and ask the parents to cover air fare and tickets. Why food? I wouldn't want to deal with split tickets for a ten day vacation. Air fare and tickets could all be paid for before the trip.

 

[punkin]

I would cover food and ask the parents to cover air fare and tickets. Why food? I wouldn't want to deal with split tickets for a ten day vacation. Air fare and tickets could all be paid for before the trip.

Yes. This is the way I would do it.

 

[caribear]

I think your plan is a fair one. The friend would pay for her own airfare, park tickets...and maybe a set amount per day for food ($20?) and then you would absorb the rest of the food cost (if any). If you are going away for 10 days then the food cost can really add up...even for 1 person....and I think it is fair for the friend to pay.

I would also definitely mention it to the parents before the child. If my DD was asked to go on a trip with her BFF....and then I later found out is was a price that I could not afford....my DD would be heartbroken.

 

[ancestry]

I'm going through a similar situation. We *might* be taking a trip to Disney over spring break but we won't know until about a month out if we can go or not. If we go we will have to drive because of the last minute nature of the trip. [Our spring break is not spring break time at Disney for some reason this year.]

Anyways if this does happen and if DS16 is able to go, one of his friends would like to come with us. Now our situation is different because the friend asked us if he could come. He is like a second son to me and calls me mom as his own mom isn't really in his life much.

In our situation I told him he could come if he pays for his tickets and food but I'm waffling back and forth about what is fair regarding the hotel. Our travel expenses (driving/gas/tolls) would be the same whether or not he comes so I don't expect him to contribute to those. However depending on which members of my family come (don't know who will and who won't yet) having him along might cause us to have to book a second room or require us to stay at a deluxe (he might end up being the 5th person). This could be a huge additional expense. If he is person #4 then I don't expect him to contribute to the hotel but if he is person #5 and we need a different hotel room because of him then I'm not sure what should happen.

His father is fairly comfortable financially. Our household has to penny pinch much more than they do. So I'm not willing to put us in an uncomfortable financial situation when I know they aren't struggling financially. Despite this they don't do much as a family so I know this trip to Disney would mean alot to this teenager.

I can tell you I will not cover his food. As a hockey player he can put away some serious food! I've seen him eat $20 worth of McDonalds food in one sitting (and he isn't overweight).

Point of the story -- you aren't alone.

 

[piperdown]

I think your plan is a fair one. The friend would pay for her own airfare, park tickets...and maybe a set amount per day for food ($20?) and then you would absorb the rest of the food cost (if any). If you are going away for 10 days then the food cost can really add up...even for 1 person....and I think it is fair for the friend to pay.

I would also definitely mention it to the parents before the child. If my DD was asked to go on a trip with her BFF....and then I later found out is was a price that I could not afford....my DD would be heartbroken.

OP here...

Thank you for all the responses!! I wanted to mention that the food costs was the one thing that I was unsure about.

caribear...When I posted the $100-$200 estimate, I was thinking $10-$20 a day for 10 days.

As far as talking to the parents before the child. Well, the kids are the ones who came up with this idea. I've already had to be the "bad guy" by being the voice of reason. I've told DD that I am open to the idea, BUT not to get their hopes up because there are many things to be discussed and decided.

The reason I posted this thread is that I need to talk to the other parents soon because the girls are getting excited and making touring plans, even though I've warned them not to do this because it may lead to disappointment. Teenage girls....

I think I'm leaning toward asking for airfare and tickets. If they mention food costs, then we'll discuss a cost per day...maybe $10-$15 a day. If we end up covering the food costs, then I'll just plan less expensive meals.

I plan on calling this evening.

 

[happygirl]

If I couldn't afford to pay for her I wouldn't invite her.

 

[mdsd8700]

OP here...

Thank you for all the responses!! I wanted to mention that the food costs was the one thing that I was unsure about.

caribear...When I posted the $100-$200 estimate, I was thinking $10-$20 a day for 10 days.

As far as talking to the parents before the child. Well, the kids are the ones who came up with this idea. I've already had to be the "bad guy" by being the voice of reason. I've told DD that I am open to the idea, BUT not to get their hopes up because there are many things to be discussed and decided.

The reason I posted this thread is that I need to talk to the other parents soon because the girls are getting excited and making touring plans, even though I've warned them not to do this because it may lead to disappointment. Teenage girls....

I think I'm leaning toward asking for airfare and tickets. If they mention food costs, then we'll discuss a cost per day...maybe $10-$15 a day. If we end up covering the food costs, then I'll just plan less expensive meals.

I plan on calling this evening.

Based on the fact the girls came up with the idea, I do hope it really works out, although you were good to tell them not to get their hopes up, but I am sure that is hard for them to do.

Good luck with the phone call and I hope all goes well! Keep us posted.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

We’re planning a 10-day trip to Los Angeles next summer, which includes 4-5 days at DL. DD wants to invite a friend to come along. Both DD and friend will be 14 y/o at the time of the trip.

We cannot afford to pay the entire cost for the friend, and her parents have tentatively agreed to the trip, depending on the cost.

I’m thinking airfare (approx. $250), cost of DL tickets, and maybe $200-$300 for food. Total cost about $700-$800. Nothing for lodging because one additional person does not increase my costs.

We’re planning on a couple of tours, additional sightseeing, and a couple of “nice” dinners. I don’t know the specifics yet, so I plan to absorb the additional expense into my budget. Her parents can give her whatever they feel is appropriate for souvenirs.

Does that sound fair?

I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs.

Sounds completely fair to me!! When I was a kid, we did several trips with friends of mine. They paid for their stuff, tickets, food, souviners. (We drove, so no plane tickets) We did mostly counter service meals, so they just paid for what they wanted to eat, it wasnt ackward at all. Both friends were THRILLED to be INCLUDED in our family vacation. Neither the friends or their parents seemed to have a problem paying for their own food.

Hopefully this all works out for you!!!

 

[fortwildernessishome]

If I couldn't afford to pay for her I wouldn't invite her.

Read the first post again.................she was quite clear that she wasnt asking for your opinion...............must be a slow day for you......

 

[CTdiznymom]

No opinion here on the finances. Just a friendly reminder to cover the bases if your guest should require any medical attention.

 

[averysmom]

I think it is reasonable for them to pay for her tickets and her airfare, but I would cover her food. I also think any souvies, etc., should be paid by her.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

If I couldn't afford to pay for her I wouldn't invite her.

She did not invite the friend. Her daughter and the friend came up with the idea. In this case, I think it is only fair that if the fOP agrees to allow her to join them, then the friend's parents should help pay.