Cost of taking DDs friend on vacation. Is this fair? Update post #110

[piperdown]

We’re planning a 10-day trip to Los Angeles next summer, which includes 4-5 days at DL. DD wants to invite a friend to come along. Both DD and friend will be 14 y/o at the time of the trip.

We cannot afford to pay the entire cost for the friend, and her parents have tentatively agreed to the trip, depending on the cost.

I’m thinking airfare (approx. $250), cost of DL tickets, and maybe $200-$300 for food. Total cost about $700-$800. Nothing for lodging because one additional person does not increase my costs.

We’re planning on a couple of tours, additional sightseeing, and a couple of “nice” dinners. I don’t know the specifics yet, so I plan to absorb the additional expense into my budget. Her parents can give her whatever they feel is appropriate for souvenirs.

Does that sound fair?

I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

That sounds perfectly reasonable, although I would find it hard to find enough to do to spend 4-5 days at Disneyland. I think that your offer is generous and that it would be unreasonable to expect you to pay for the friend's airfare and food costs.

 

[Darcy03231]

I would just make sure you talk to the parents first before you say anything to the girls. Honestly, there's no way I would spend that much for one member of our family to go somewhere. I'm sure you don't want to put the parents in the position of being the "bad guy" if they can't/don't want to spend over $1,000 on a vacation for one member of their family.

 

[java]

Hmm I would either ask for airfare and ticket costs instead. Food is a hard one to rationalize. I would hope they would send her with spending money. Clearly laying out what you WILL pay for will be a big help.

So saying I'll cover lodging and say tickets to DL can you cover her Airfare and food may go over better than, it'll be $800.

I wouldn't let my 14 year old go on vacation for $800 with another family. Now if she had a job and wanted to spend her own money then we would discuss it. But vacations are family time for us. And that $800 is $800 less for our family trip.

Good luck.

 

[8gr8mouseketeers]

I think it sounds fair as well. If it were me, I would probably take care of her food though. And we would definately not find it hard to spend 5 days at Disneyland. We have many times and 5 is at the shorter end of our trips. Have fun!!

 

[pyrxtc]

I would ask for maybe airfare and tickets. If you invite her, you should be prepared to cover the cost of her food. If she were at your house, you wold pay for all of her food correct ?

 

[KelliLee702]

I always put myself in the other person's shoes when it comes to things like this.
I think what you've suggested sounds very reasonable.
Previous poster commented "wouldn't send one family member on trip for that much" but I think each family is different.
For example, my DS is going on a trip with his School Marching Band that will cost us $1200. This is not a required trip. We weighed the pros and cons and decided it is a trip worth budgeting for.

I do agree to work it out with the other parents first then approach the girls.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[rvchat]

Ten days is a lot of time and expense to take someone else's child. I'd tell the parents first what you need, show them breakdown

flight --
tickets --

tell them you'll pay for the rest but ime, this will be $$$$. Would be more realiistic if it were 5 days or so.

 

[kirstenb1]

It sounds like a lot for food. If I charged for food, I'd make it a really nominal amount like 50-100. We have friends who have one dd. They always invite a friend along on trips, because it honestly gives her someone to play with so it helps them too. They cover the friend's costs. However, they also have a big budget, so it's nothing to them. Anyway, I think the airfare and tix are fair game, but the food, maybe not so much.

 

[MissUndastood]

If I were not in a position to pay for everything, I would not extend an invitation.

 

[Mama Who]

I would find it awkward to not pay for her food. I'd ask for airfare and ticket money and make her responsible for all her own incidental shopping, but cover her meals.

 

[mantaz]

I have been that friend invited on a trip to WDW. Actually, it started to be lots of trips with them. My parents let me go and paid for my food and souvieners.. My BFF's parents have a Vacation Club timeshare. It started out that each room was given 2 length of stay park hoppers for WDW. Then Vacation Club did away with it and my parents paid for my ticket, air fair and food. Flying was so much easier than driving. I think that if the parents are ok with the trip, then work out a budget with them. And I can find PLENTY to do at DL in 4-5 days. DH and I went almost 10 yrs ago and there was still plenty to do back then in the week that we stayed. There's more to do now! Also, a food budget, my BFF and I would split a meal. If they like the same things, it's a huge money saver. No need to waste any food!

 

[Pigeon]

I agree with the pp who said to make sure you talk it over and come to some agreement with the parents before you bring this up to the child. No way would I spend that much money to send my kid on vacation with another family.

I also agree that it would be better to ask them to pay for tickets and airfare because it's easier to separate out the costs than it is for food.

I don't think the amount you are mentioning for food is too much. If you are eating mostly out and the kid is 14, that adds up fast. I just think it's easier to say here's the cost of the tickets than to try to figure out the food.

 

[MAGGIED]

We have taken friends of our children before with us and we have had them pay their own airfare, tickets and meal plan if we plan on doing one... or a small budget amount for meals a day like $20. We always ask the parents before we mention it to the kids.... we have not had a problem taking anyone before... if there is something special that we plan we pick up the tab... like a fancy dinner or boat rental, etc....

 

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

We are inviting DD's friend to WDW and will offer to pay everything, but since you can't do that, I'd pay for her food. I'm guessing you will be deciding where you eat, so it doesn't seem fair to ask her to pay for her food if you are choosing the restaurants. If you decide on a character breakfast, for example, she doesn't really have any choice but to pay for that - she can't choose to order something small to save her money.

 

[Shmily1]

DD20 has a BFF that has been on vacation with us many times and DD has been with them many times. Her mom and I have a mutual understanding that we pay for our own children. I paid for DD to go on a cruise and other placeswith them and gave her money to spend and they have paid for BFF to go with us to WDW many times! We just understand that's our responsibility and we agree to it.

 

[robinb]

We’re planning a 10-day trip to Los Angeles next summer, which includes 4-5 days at DL. DD wants to invite a friend to come along. Both DD and friend will be 14 y/o at the time of the trip.

We cannot afford to pay the entire cost for the friend, and her parents have tentatively agreed to the trip, depending on the cost.

I’m thinking airfare (approx. $250), cost of DL tickets, and maybe $200-$300 for food. Total cost about $700-$800. Nothing for lodging because one additional person does not increase my costs.

We’re planning on a couple of tours, additional sightseeing, and a couple of “nice” dinners. I don’t know the specifics yet, so I plan to absorb the additional expense into my budget. Her parents can give her whatever they feel is appropriate for souvenirs.

Does that sound fair?

I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs.

We brought my DD's friend with us to WDW in August 2009. We paid for her park tickets and her food and her parents paid for her airfare, spending money and they also drove us 90 miles to/from the airport.

I guess my only comment is that it seems that you want the girl's parents to pay for just about everything and leave almost no expense for you to bear. I think there is a happy medium between paying for everything and expecting your DD's friend's family to pay for everything. I would probably offer to pay for all the food in addition to the extra tours and things you are planning. Speaking of extra tours, I LOVED the LaBrea Tar Pits in LA. Very cool!

 

[Bob NC]

If I were not in a position to pay for everything, I would not extend an invitation.

I know you must have read the original post.

How in the world did you miss THIS:

"I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs."

 

[Green Tea]

That sounds really expensive to me. I might ask the family to pay for her airline ticket, but I think the rest needs to be your cost.

 

[dzorn]

We’re planning a 10-day trip to Los Angeles next summer, which includes 4-5 days at DL. DD wants to invite a friend to come along. Both DD and friend will be 14 y/o at the time of the trip.

We cannot afford to pay the entire cost for the friend, and her parents have tentatively agreed to the trip, depending on the cost.

I’m thinking airfare (approx. $250), cost of DL tickets, and maybe $200-$300 for food. Total cost about $700-$800. Nothing for lodging because one additional person does not increase my costs.

We’re planning on a couple of tours, additional sightseeing, and a couple of “nice” dinners. I don’t know the specifics yet, so I plan to absorb the additional expense into my budget. Her parents can give her whatever they feel is appropriate for souvenirs.

Does that sound fair?

I realize that some will feel that if you can’t completely pay for the costs of the friend, then you shouldn’t invite them. While I understand that sentiment, I’m looking for responses from those who do agree with the concept of having the friend’s parents pay at least part of the costs.

I think I would leave food out if possible or only plan on the lowest amount. I would not mention it to either girl until you ask and work out arrangements with the parent, just in case it does not work out.

Denise in MI