Child support question

[livie1205]

So, why hasn't he been to the dentist in two years?


Yes. You would let your step son go without You were the one that refused to buy this child shoes. You broke my heart when I read that thread. You said you didn’t have the money. You were REFUSING to buy this child shoes because you were "broke".

You posted this on 7/18/2008::



And then on 8/11/2008 you posted how sweet your DH was because……





So, twenty some odd days later, you guys have money to upgrade your trip, but not for shoes for your husband’s son? It breaks my heart to see these kids get stuck in the middle like this. It is pathetic.

Here is some advice:: Do not make babies if you don’t want to support them. As a parent, you should be FIGHTING to give your child EVERYTHING he or she needs. Don’t worry about what the other parent is or is not doing. Worry about your child.

I don’t want to pick on anyone, but I think people forget how they treat their step children because they are caught up in the moment. They want to prove to the ex husband or wife that they have “done their part”.

This is all so very sad

also you sound bitter....do you have a ex that remarried?My stepson would pick to be here with me during the week any day before going somewhere that no one pays alot of attention to him.If you do not know the history you should keep nasty comments to yourself...oh and by the way those ap upgrades include my stepson also....he cant wait to go...have a great day sweetie

 

[hentob]

also you sound bitter....do you have a ex that remarried?

Nope. No ex’s in our family. I am glad you decided to break down and buy the shoes. Good for you! You made the right decision


Excuse me if I sounded bitter I have witnessed so many children get the “yucky end of the stick” in divorces. It happens day after day. A power struggle over “who buys our child shoes” makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry if it seemed I was picking on you, but it upset me to hear you say “we would not let him go without”, when in fact you were going to do just that. I remembered you specifically because it was a sad thread.

...have a great day sweetie

Thank you. I will It is so nice outside and I am sitting here with a Corona and the laptop, while the children swim DH is firing up the grill and our dinner guests will be here at 4pm. Doesn’t get any better than this

 

[Rebelmom67]

Nope. No ex’s in our family. I am glad you decided to break down and buy the shoes. Good for you! You made the right decision


Excuse me if I sounded bitter I have witnessed so many children get the “yucky end of the stick” in divorces. It happens day after day. A power struggle over “who buys our child shoes” makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry if it seemed I was picking on you, but it upset me to hear you say “we would not let him go without”, when in fact you were going to do just that. I remembered you specifically because it was a sad thread.




Thank you. I will It is so nice outside and I am sitting here with a Corona and the laptop, while the children swim DH is firing up the grill and our dinner guests will be here at 4pm. Doesn’t get any better than this

Maybe, that Corona is what is making you rail on this poor woman. You keep going off and talking about "the poor baby didn't have shoes, they wouldn't buy shoes". Last time I checked, football shoes were not a necessity. You tried to inject much more drama into this thread, THEN you went and hunted down this woman's old posts!

I think you need to get off the computer and watch your kids.

 

[sunnyday123]

No, I was the one married before. My husband was never married before he met me and has no kids except the ones we have together. Why do you ask? I think what's fair is fair, that's all.

it just sounded like something that would come from someone who didn't want to pay for "someone elses kid." I just have a hard time with the Dad's that celebrate the 18th birthday because they don't have to help with the child anymore. That's usually when they need it-school supplies, tuition...etc.

Trust me, it's probably a safe bet that no one, if anyone, here can live off child support and see it as a "gravy train".

 

[livie1205]

Nope. No ex’s in our family. I am glad you decided to break down and buy the shoes. Good for you! You made the right decision





Thank you. I will It is so nice outside and I am sitting here with a Corona and the laptop, while the children swim DH is firing up the grill and our dinner guests will be here at 4pm. Doesn’t get any better than this

wow how did I know there would be no sorrys for that massive misread? hummm for the life of me I cant even see where someone could take from that that my child has not seen a dentist in 2 years...just because that deadbeat mom does not pay for doesnt mean he doesnt get it...we pay for all his support...and its ok because he is here with us! It is amazing how this topic gets so nasty, it must be some people can not see how their little angels can love otr be loved by their step parent..guess what, to bad.My stepson loves me I have no question,we take good care of him but we should NOT have to support his mother who does not even live in the same town...she can get a 2nd job for all I care!Every family is not the same and people should not make not so smart judgements of others...maybe its the beer?

 

[C.Ann]

I've been on both sides of the coin.. My late DH had 5 children from his 1st marriage - I had 3.. My ex paid child support whenever he felt like it (which wasn't often..) I would take him back to court and they would give him a slap on the wrist (pay $5 extra each week on the arrears).. He would pay for a few weeks and stop again.. Meanwhile, my DH paid child support for his 5 children faithfully every week - while trying to support mine as well..

When his oldest turned 18 (and was no longer in school) his ex didn't report it so DH just continued to pay until she was 21.. He "could" have gone to court and gotten out of it, but he chose not to.. With the remaining 4, she reported to the court when they turned 18 (if they were not in college) and the child support payments were suspended..

It wasn't easy - he was basically supporting 8 kids on a salary that wasn't very big - but we just made do.. That's what being a parent is all about..

 

[livie1205]

Maybe, that Corona is what is making you rail on this poor woman. You keep going off and talking about "the poor baby didn't have shoes, they wouldn't buy shoes". Last time I checked, football shoes were not a necessity. You tried to inject much more drama into this thread, THEN you went and hunted down this woman's old posts!

I think you need to get off the computer and watch your kids.

swimming right? no football shoes are not a have to have, not when he was not doing well at school...and that money was waisted because we had to take him out yesterday...but hey at least he got the shoes right? also the same week he had a filling we paid 200.00 for all together....with insurance it would have been 50.00 ....we pay EVERYTHING else she at least should pay the dental... oh well the wicked stepmom never wins...its all about the little green monster...

 

[hentob]

Maybe, that Corona is what is making you rail on this poor woman. You keep going off and talking about "the poor baby didn't have shoes, they wouldn't buy shoes". Last time I checked, football shoes were not a necessity. You tried to inject much more drama into this thread, THEN you went and hunted down this woman's old posts!

I think you need to get off the computer and watch your kids.

One Corona, dear. One. And my children are just fine

Drama? Perhaps. Again, I am looking at this from a neutral point of view. I am trying to make a statement on how the children are the ones that get hurt when they are resented and the power struggles start between the bio mom and dad.

That is all.

To the OP--Put yourself in your step son's shoes. He has not had his father in his life for how long? Don't begrudge him child support just because he is not in a traditional school.

 

[hentob]

It wasn't easy - he was basically supporting 8 kids on a salary that wasn't very big - but we just made do.. That's what being a parent is all about..

Wow! Eight kids Your late DH was a great man

 

[C.Ann]

Wow! Eight kids Your late DH was a great man

-------------------

Yes he was - and as far as he was concerned, my kids were his kids.. Never treated them one bit differently and went way above and beyond the call of a steparent..

 

[phragmipedium]

I work for the DOJ in the Division of Child Support, and I politely suggest that you not seek your advice on the Dis, but instead by going to an attorney, or asking general program-related questions in a local child support office - they cannot give you legal advice, but they can explain the state guidelines. Laws vary from state to state about how long support is required and under what circumstances. You'll get more accurate and pertinent information this way.

 

[hentob]

-------------------

Yes he was - and as far as he was concerned, my kids were his kids.. Never treated them one bit differently and went way above and beyond the call of a steparent..

Beautiful

 

[livie1205]

One Corona, dear. One. And my children are just fine

Drama? Perhaps. Again, I am looking at this from a neutral point of view. I am trying to make a statement on how the children are the ones that get hurt when they are resented and the power struggles start between the bio mom and dad.

That is all.

To the OP--Put yourself in your step son's shoes. He has not had his father in his life for how long? Don't begrudge him child support just because he is not in a traditional school.

you were NOT making a statement you were attacking and making a judgement on what you THOUGHT my actions were....you did not read the post all the way and make a comment that was untrue...try this a politicians apoligy "mistakes were made" you were wrong face it.. AND to throw up the fact we upgraded our family vacation a MONTH and a few paychecks later....reaching....oh and do not let your heart break for my stepson he is very well spoiled and taken care of.. by his father and I.

 

[Took]

-------------------

Yes he was - and as far as he was concerned, my kids were his kids.. Never treated them one bit differently and went way above and beyond the call of a steparent..

C.Ann, you've ceratinly got a keeper! My dh is the same type of guy (though we have only one child together and no others) and would behave in just that way. I'm always happy to hear about responsible fathers. I hope all his children realize they've got a great dad.

took

 

[C.Ann]

C.Ann, you've ceratinly got a keeper! My dh is the same type of guy (though we have only one child together and no others) and would behave in just that way. I'm always happy to hear about responsible fathers. I hope all his children realize they've got a great dad.

took

-----------------------------

He's deceased now.. Passed away in January of 2005..

But yes - everyone who ever met him knew what a great man he was..

 

[TomLovesBecky]

it just sounded like something that would come from someone who didn't want to pay for "someone elses kid." I just have a hard time with the Dad's that celebrate the 18th birthday because they don't have to help with the child anymore. That's usually when they need it-school supplies, tuition...etc.

Trust me, it's probably a safe bet that no one, if anyone, here can live off child support and see it as a "gravy train".

Let me clear up some things. I know for sure that the VAST majority of custodial parents (usually moms) receiving child support are NOT getting tons of money, even if the support is paid every month, on time. Please--it is usually barely enough to cover the very basics, and that's when the order is "generous". I was talking ONLY about the poster on this thread that said it was a celebrity-type sum of money. Maybe she is exaggerating, well honestly it seems like that is definitely the case after someone else posted other things she had written in the past, because no one paying thousands per month in CS for one kid is going to be too broke to buy a pair of shoes, sorry. (Yeah I know she will probably come back and yell at me, oh well.) Also I NEVER said that parents should just automatically cut their kids off 100% at 18. What I did say is that the mother is NOT entitled to child support when there is no longer a child. 18 is an adult, whether people like it or not, think they are mature or not, etc. Would it be nice for a parent to continue to support a child who is truly in school to get a college education? Well yes, it would. However, the poster who started this thread said the kid wasn't really in school and that the LARGE sum of money was the motivation for the mom trying to figure out some way to keep the support coming until age 20. I just don't think the mom should get ANY money after 18, and if the kid is irresponsible with money the dad should consider paying the money directly to the school to make sure that's what it's going for. Maybe the poster IS just bitter and dislikes the stepson, ex-wife, etc. But it still remains that he is 18 and not in school so I don't think SHE should continue to get a dime in support. The son obviously needs support both financial and emotional, and I hope the dad steps up and provides that as much as possible and reasonable.

 

[sunnyday123]

-------------------

Yes he was - and as far as he was concerned, my kids were his kids.. Never treated them one bit differently and went way above and beyond the call of a steparent..

he deserves another how lucky you are to have had someone like this in your and your childrens lives.

 

[livie1205]

Let me clear up some things. I know for sure that the VAST majority of custodial parents (usually moms) receiving child support are NOT getting tons of money, even if the support is paid every month, on time. Please--it is usually barely enough to cover the very basics, and that's when the order is "generous". I was talking ONLY about the poster on this thread that said it was a celebrity-type sum of money. Maybe she is exaggerating, well honestly it seems like that is definitely the case after someone else posted other things she had written in the past, because no one paying thousands per month in CS for one kid is going to be too broke to buy a pair of shoes, sorry. (Yeah I know she will probably come back and yell at me, oh well.) Also I NEVER said that parents should just automatically cut their kids off 100% at 18. What I did say is that the mother is NOT entitled to child support when there is no longer a child. 18 is an adult, whether people like it or not, think they are mature or not, etc. Would it be nice for a parent to continue to support a child who is truly in school to get a college education? Well yes, it would. However, the poster who started this thread said the kid wasn't really in school and that the LARGE sum of money was the motivation for the mom trying to figure out some way to keep the support coming until age 20. I just don't think the mom should get ANY money after 18, and if the kid is irresponsible with money the dad should consider paying the money directly to the school to make sure that's what it's going for. Maybe the poster IS just bitter and dislikes the stepson, ex-wife, etc. But it still remains that he is 18 and not in school so I don't think SHE should continue to get a dime in support. The son obviously needs support both financial and emotional, and I hope the dad steps up and provides that as much as possible and reasonable.

you are getting a few people mixed up...I was the one that posted that I did not feel we had to buy the shoes at that time...we did not want him to play because of his grades (as guess what?had to pull him out because of school) and we had a tight week because of extra bills (had to pay for dentist since ex did not keep court ordered insurance) But a week after that we got him the shoes because his mom would not. but we are NOT paying thousands in child support...never said we were ...said we are paying for daycare child is NOT using because he stays with me!why should we pay that? he is not going to daycare....and to add to that...HE LIVES WITH US.Does not matter,we are not going to have to pay it after this month after filing for reduction...

 

[luvsJack]

Haven't read the whole thread, but, for what its worth, wanted to throw in my 2 cents. When my sons turned 18 and graduated from high school their child support would have stopped. Because they were going to college and they had extra expences that I felt their father should help with I went to court and had the support extended until they graduated or turned 23. It wasn't for the full amount of child support but for a percentage of it for each son. Also, the money went straight into a checking account each son. It was there for thier use. If your step-son is enrolled and is attending online classes, then there would be expences for his education and his father should help with those. If the problem is not wanting the boy's mother to have the money, then do it the way we did. The child has the money he needs to get his education and its not going to the mother (although I am sure she is feeding and clothing him while he is taking these classes)

If they are saying he is going to school online, it very well could be for real and be a accredited school. I attend community college classes online and have a co-worker that is working on her doctrate taking online classes-both are through accrediated colleges. For us, its a way to earn our degrees and still be able to work but online classes are also the answer in other situations. My younger ds has a lot of trouble sitting through classes. His activity level, low attention span and the fact that he just plain works better at his own pace makes online classes perfect for him. This may or may not be the case with your step-son, but it just may be what he needs to finish high school; and as long as he gets his diploma or GED--thats what counts isn't it?

 

[MrsPete]

I too will be of the unpopular type around here because kids (even 18 years old) require financial help while in school. My own father did the whole deal of not paying me or my mother a dime for any of my costs of living after the day I turned 18 even though I was a fulltime student in college working 3 parttime jobs. You said that the child *yes I think 18 year olds are kids* quit school and is now trying to go back parttime online? Obviously there are some issues going on now, so wouldn't this be kind of poor timing to say "Hey son, I know life is rough but I can't help ya out right now." Being a parent and helping your child doesn't stop once they hit the magical age of 18.

I agree that it's only right to help your just-turned 18 year old ease into the world of adulthood, and I agree that it's right to help your children while they're college students . . . but there's another issue at hand here: the OP isn't sure that the child in question is attending school at all. IF one of my children chose to drop out of school, you can be I WOULD NOT pay their expenses while they sit around and do nothing.

The real question is whether the child is attending school and progressing towards a degree.