Child support question

[musclemouse]

My dh pays child support in MN to a woman who has been trying to find loopholes to continue the child support. The kid turned 18 in July. He quit high school this past January. They found out that they can continue child support if he goes to secondary school. So they found out that an online high school qualifies as secondary school - enough to continue child support. BUT he is only going half time (which means he's ordered to pay until he turns 20) according to the county and the state says he's going full time. ALSO he may be attending college away from home but we don't know how to get information stating that he is since he college won't give out info. We need to get an attorney but I think there are ways to go about getting info without doing so. We just can't afford an attorney and we are at a complete loss. The amount of money we pay is astronomical! You would think he was a celebrity with the amount that he pays.

Anyone have any suggestions? Please.

Thank you

 

[spima3]

My sympathies. My friend's DH was in the same boat. His daughter quit college and never told them and wasn't even living with the mother. When they found out, through a family friend, they tried to have support cut off. The mom made the daughter re-register for college and all the girl did was provide a course schedule, and they were still on hook for child support.
She supposedly only went sporadically and, of course, the college wouldn't provide any info. The burden of proof was on them, yet they couldn't prove anything.
They ended up paying for a few more years. The daughter never got a degree.
My advice is to get a lawyer who really has an understanding of the complexities in these matters. The custodial parent seems to have the advantage.

 

[smfritz03]

Is there any laws you can post on MN child support?

I'm unclear #1, how an online high school can qualify as a secondary since school, since secondary is anything above and beyond a high school diploma?
And how can he attend college right now if he's in this online high school?

I am in a similar situation as far as the amount of child support my dh pays, and here, it continues to age 21 or emancipation. Sucks because if you come from a married family, they aren't required to support you anymore after age 18, but the law has determined it will be age 21 if the parents are divorced. How far is that?

My suggestion is to contact an attorney and set up an initial visit. Talk about your concerns and see what suggestions the attorney may have. You can always go pro-se after you hear the steps he/she would've taken if you were a client. If you decide to stay with the attorney, I would have your attorney request the repayment back of obtaining that attorney because they are the ones that forced you to get one to have the child support situation treated fairly and that there may be fraud on their end.

Good luck! I feel for you and I hope it works out best for you!

 

[LanaJae]

If he had stayed in a physical high school, would he be graduating in May/June 2009? If so, you will have a difficult time trying to accomplish anything until after that date.

The general standard here is age 18 or high school graduation, which ever is later. The counties follow what was written in divorce and/or custody orders.

I know some areas have online high school classes that may be part of an alternative education plan, and it is possible for him to be attending college classes free, because he's a senior, through PSEO. The college classes count towards high school graduation and a degree, but the school districts don't allow them to continue if they aren't attending/passing.

If he was supposed to graduate in 2008, I would be filing immediately with the county to review child support. You can do this yourself and the forms are available online: http://www.mncourts.gov/default.aspx?page=513&category=100

You can also request to participate in any hearing via telephone rather than traveling to Minnesota.

 

[twinklebug]

My dh pays child support in MN to a woman who has been trying to find loopholes to continue the child support. The kid turned 18 in July. He quit high school this past January. They found out that they can continue child support if he goes to secondary school. So they found out that an online high school qualifies as secondary school - enough to continue child support. BUT he is only going half time (which means he's ordered to pay until he turns 20) according to the county and the state says he's going full time. ALSO he may be attending college away from home but we don't know how to get information stating that he is since he college won't give out info. We need to get an attorney but I think there are ways to go about getting info without doing so. We just can't afford an attorney and we are at a complete loss. The amount of money we pay is astronomical! You would think he was a celebrity with the amount that he pays.

Anyone have any suggestions? Please.

Thank you

There's got to be more to this story... I highly doubt it's just about child support.

Why did the boy drop out of school? Why is he attending 1/2 time online? Does he have a job to help support his family? Please give us the whole picture if you want help from us to figure out what to do about your pocket being drained supporting a child your DH fathered.

I might be unpopular, but my thought is all children must go to school and must be supported while doing so and will even go as far as to say 2 years of college or technical education past the standard 12 grades needs to be instituted as a base. Dropping out at 18? That's a recipe for financial failure unless they have a successful family business to step into or are lucky beyond belief. I don't even understand the families that permit this behavior

Does your DH call & talk with his kid at all? Tell him to get on the phone with him and whip him back to school. It shouldn't be about the money. What it should be about is the child's future. Yeesh.

 

[NVDisMom]

There's got to be more to this story... I highly doubt it's just about child support.

Why did the boy drop out of school? Why is he attending 1/2 time online? Does he have a job to help support his family? Please give us the whole picture if you want help from us to figure out what to do about your pocket being drained supporting a child your DH fathered.

I might be unpopular, but my thought is all children must go to school and must be supported while doing so and will even go as far as to say 2 years of college or technical education past the standard 12 grades needs to be instituted as a base. Dropping out at 18? That's a recipe for financial failure unless they have a successful family business to step into or are lucky beyond belief. I don't even understand the families that permit this behavior

Does your DH call & talk with his kid at all? Tell him to get on the phone with him and whip him back to school. It shouldn't be about the money. What it should be about is the child's future. Yeesh.

Take it easy! You do not know the whole story around this situation. There could be any number of extenuating circumstances involved here. Fathers do not always choose to have broken relationships with their children, sometimes they are caused by a hate filled mother. So be careful where you throw flames.

While I understand the basis for your beliefs, I disagree. The law only requires that a child be supported until he is 18 when the family is intact. It is unfair to require a noncustodial parent to continue to be subjected to child support beyond that 18th birthday. The money does not go to the child, it goes to the custodial parent. When a child emancipates at 18, there is no longer an issue of custody. The financial burden is no longer the parents' unless they choose to continue to bear it. Child support beyond the 18th birthday is a form of punishment and inappropriate.

As for an 18yo not finshing his eduaction...nobody can force him to finish. Encourage, yes, but not force. He is an adult and is seen by the courts as old enough to make his own decisions. He is going to have to accept the consequences of those decisions.

To the OP. I would contact a lawyer for a free consultation, seek as review of the child support order. I believe most states have guidelines for review requests every couple of years or based on change of circumstances. The young man no longer in traditional school and being of legal age is definitely a change in circumstances. Perhaps seeking the assistance of a fathers' advocacy group will be of help too. Good luck

 

[Kidnurse]

I too will be of the unpopular type around here because kids (even 18 years old) require financial help while in school. My own father did the whole deal of not paying me or my mother a dime for any of my costs of living after the day I turned 18 even though I was a fulltime student in college working 3 parttime jobs. You said that the child *yes I think 18 year olds are kids* quit school and is now trying to go back parttime online? Obviously there are some issues going on now, so wouldn't this be kind of poor timing to say "Hey son, I know life is rough but I can't help ya out right now." Being a parent and helping your child doesn't stop once they hit the magical age of 18.

As far as the college not giving out information to the parents, that's how it should be. One would HOPE that a child and parent would have a strong enough relationship that the child would relay the appropriate information to the parent. If all you want to do is find out if the child is enrolled, go online and use the university's people search feature. If the child isn't enrolled or has failed, then they won't have a record of that person being a current student.


Regarding the high child support payments you discussed, why are they so high? The states base those requirements on agreements between the two parents involved and other factors such as income. The noncustodial parent is pretty much only required to fund a portion of food, water, shelter. No extracurricular activities or entertainment type of expenses are taken into account when these numbers are figured. Heck, my own father only had to pay my mother $100/month and he made a very good salary.

I'm not trying to sound so down, but please try to think fo the other side. This "other woman" is raising a child alone who has apparently made some wrong choices and is in need of redirection. She's having a hard time with all of this too I'm sure.
Good luck with your stepson.

 

[newtodis]

I agree that there's probably more to the story that OP may or may not feel comfortable sharing.

If the child's 18 (I think that most 18 year olds are NOT mature enough to be considered an adult) and you're still going to pay support, put it into an educational account or something of that nature instead of to the other parent-see if that's an option.

I'd also request a review of the amount paid. If possible, request the costs of current schooling and cost of living for the child. Maybe this will help you to get an idea of what he's spending (or the other parent's spending) to live. You may not agree, and should certainly voice concerns with the amounts if you have them, since there's obviously something going on if the child dropped out of school.

I don't have a lot of experience-I'm married to my baby daddy but my parents were divorced when I was in the 5th grade. It was the best thing for my family-looking back on the situation-but at the time was very hard to understand as a child. I was left to raise myself and younger brother, spent time in foster care, was evicted from the house I lived in with my mom, had the ultimate wicked stepmother when I lived with my dad for three years, I could go on and on. Needless to say, my dad did not earn the privildge of walking me down the aisle at my wedding-it was the first time he'd seen his 9 month old grandson (who's now 4) and he still has to see my almost 2 year old son. My mother and I are not close at all either but she made an attempt once I had my kids. Not saying it's easy on either end but I know now that I gave my children the opprotunity to know their grandparents and form their own opinions and don't have to feel bad about any of their interactions.

Sorry for the sidetrack...this is a hot topic for me totally. I fully agree that if you're up for making a baby you're up for taking care of it 100%. I also feel that there are many trying to scam the system and don't spend the money on their kids like they should be. The kids should always come first in these situations and sometimes that's the one point the parents forget.

Anyways, done rambling now. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

PS- We moved from MI to SC earlier this year and were just back for a visit last month!

 

[hentob]

The kid turned 18 in July.

The kid? Do you mean your step son?

Surely your husband would beg, borrow and steal to provide for his teenager. Right?


What route has your husband taken to make sure his son stays in school and gets a good education? How else is your husband helping his child other than financially?

I wish you all luck. Raising a child is not always easy

 

[Tricia819]

I have many friends whose parents would pay for college as long as the student provided them with their report card at the end of the year. If they failed they had to pay their own way until their grades came up. I would question whether or not this child is even getting the money or if the ex-wife is spending it all on her own expenses?

 

[allison443]

We just can't afford an attorney and we are at a complete loss. The amount of money we pay is astronomical! You would think he was a celebrity with the amount that he pays.

He pays that much? I read that P. Diddy pays like $35,000 a month. In our state child support is based on a percentage of income-isn't that the case in most states? So someone would only pay a lot if they had a high income.
But you say you cannot afford a lawyer.

I think other posters gave good suggestions about looking up stuff on line.

 

[Traveliz]

Not all schools have their student lists available for public viewing.

I know where my child goes to college and I know my way around their website and I don't see where I would be able to find it.

In addition a former neighbor works at a college out of state and I tried to locate him on the college website and it was not the easiest thing to do - and he was even faculty!

Liz

 

[allison443]

The kid turned 18 in July. He quit high school this past January. They found out that they can continue child support if he goes to secondary school. So they found out that an online high school qualifies as secondary school - enough to continue child support. BUT he is only going half time (which means he's ordered to pay until he turns 20) according to the county and the state says he's going full time. ALSO he may be attending college away from home but we don't know how to get information stating that he is since he college won't give out info.

This sounds like your husband's son was actually proven by the state or county to be attending the online high school (whether it's half or full time) so he is still in high school and child support must continue. I guess if that is the law-what can you do about it?
Why do you suspect the child is in college-how would he have gotten into college if he hasn't finished high school?

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Take it easy! You do not know the whole story around this situation. There could be any number of extenuating circumstances involved here. Fathers do not always choose to have broken relationships with their children, sometimes they are caused by a hate filled mother. So be careful where you throw flames.

While I understand the basis for your beliefs, I disagree. The law only requires that a child be supported until he is 18 when the family is intact. It is unfair to require a noncustodial parent to continue to be subjected to child support beyond that 18th birthday. The money does not go to the child, it goes to the custodial parent. When a child emancipates at 18, there is no longer an issue of custody. The financial burden is no longer the parents' unless they choose to continue to bear it. Child support beyond the 18th birthday is a form of punishment and inappropriate.

As for an 18yo not finshing his eduaction...nobody can force him to finish. Encourage, yes, but not force. He is an adult and is seen by the courts as old enough to make his own decisions. He is going to have to accept the consequences of those decisions.

To the OP. I would contact a lawyer for a free consultation, seek as review of the child support order. I believe most states have guidelines for review requests every couple of years or based on change of circumstances. The young man no longer in traditional school and being of legal age is definitely a change in circumstances. Perhaps seeking the assistance of a fathers' advocacy group will be of help too. Good luck

Great post.

OP - an attorney will be the best route to find out your DH's legal obligations regarding financially supporting his child.

Good luck. We are constantly being dragged back to court by DH's greedy ex who does everything she can to keep DH from seeing his children. We communicate all financial matters thru attorneys now. I swear I could write a book at this point so I do feel your pain. DH's ex is a master at manipulating the court system and the law to her advantage. I would caution you about posting topics like this on the DIS though - it tends to bring out some harsh criticism and you will be made to look like the greedy one instead of the ex-wife.

Get an attorney. Find out your obligations and fulfill them.

 

[DVCajun]

I think you're getting different opinions depending on which side of the situation the responders are on. If they're the recipient of child support, they're more likely to respond in favor of the mother receiving the support. If they're paying child support, they're more likely to empathize with your situation.

My opinion is that you should at least get advice from an attorney who is familiar with the laws in both states (assuming the child is in another state). You don't have to retain an attorney long-term-- just sit down with them once to find out your rights and obligations. It will be worth the investment, long-term.

Good luck.

 

[Lucky4me]

Child support is based on income. The only way he'd be paying a high amount is if he earned a high amount. If he doesn't, time to go back to court and request a reduction. If he does, that child came first and that child until he is 21, should be getting financial support. I'd just suck it up for the next three years and be happy knowing your dh fufilled his financial obligation as this boys Father to the best of his ability.

 

[robsmom]

DH's #1 financial priority should be to his first born child. There obviously is a lot to this story but assuming that he knew he had a child when he married you and had more children, the first child comes first. I think he should try to go visit in person, talk to his son and see what is really going on with him. If the money is going to the mother and his son is not benefitting from this, he needs to fight this is court and get the money to his child or pay schools directly. If his son is living in the mother's house and she is truly supporting him while he getting more education, he should continue to support his son. I hear the argument that the law lets you stop supporting a child at 18 if you are married. Are you planning on kicking your kids out of the house on their 18th birthday and providing no help to get settled or no educational support? Is this how you want your husband to treat your kids? If not, why should his oldest child be treated any differently. I will get flamed, but for the record, I am not divorced or receiving any kind of child support.

 

[disneyjunkie]

OP, I see that you have 2 children. Will you and your husband continue to support them once they turn 18?

 

[heartsy77]

Great post.

OP - an attorney will be the best route to find out your DH's legal obligations regarding financially supporting his child.

Good luck. We are constantly being dragged back to court by DH's greedy ex who does everything she can to keep DH from seeing his children. We communicate all financial matters their attorneys now. I swear I could write a book at this point so I do feel your pain. DH's ex is a master at manipulating the court system and the law to her advantage. I would caution you about posting topics like this on the DIS though - it tends to bring out some harsh criticism and you will be made to look like the greedy one instead of the ex-wife.

Get an attorney. Find out your obligations and fulfill them.

Well put! I have been biting my tongue about this post because my DH pays child support and the his ex wife is a drama queen hell bent on making us pay all she can. I learned after a few times not to post on the DIS board about this; it is too much of an inflammatory topic and people can be really hateful when they think you are a horrible step parent that only cares about money.

 

[hentob]

I think you're getting different opinions depending on which side of the situation the responders are on. If they're the recipient of child support, they're more likely to respond in favor of the mother receiving the support. If they're paying child support, they're more likely to empathize with your situation.

Good point.


I am happily married with three children. So , I always side with the child I think it is sad when people resent the child (“the kid”) for whatever reason. The child did not ask to be born into this situation.

It breaks my heart to see fathers wishing away their child’s youth. They can’t wait until they turn 18 so they don’t have to shell out any more money for their own flesh and blood. They go on and create new families and the child from the previous relationship is now looked upon as a money sucker

I know that there are varying degrees of this scenario, and I am NOT accusing the OP of being in this kind of situation I think I was rubbed the wrong way by the callous reference of the child….”The kid”.

May God bless that “kid”. He doesn’t even live in the same state as his father. And, according to the OP, the mom seems a bit whacky. So, who does this “kid” have to look up to? I would be more concerned with why my step son quit school. It seems as if he is off to a rough start in life.

Again, my heart goes with the child